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Nov 02 2012

Oh, look, a November surprise

Wait, no, I mean a November fizzle. I’m sure Romney was praying for signs of a dying economy, but instead the October jobs report shows higher than expected employment — 158,000 jobs added. It’s going to take a little effort to spin that into a litany of failure. But I’ll try.

The reason we had a substantial increase in jobs was that Obama’s gay-friendly policies attracted a swarm of natural catastrophes that caused a temporary surge of hiring as good, hardworking Republican heterosexuals were forced to hire illegal immigrants to cope with the devastation.

Also, Satan.


Oh, wait. I just learned that most of the growth was in the health and education sectors. Uh…Obamacare! And evilution!

Also, still Satan.

23 comments

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  1. 1
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Ahhh Satan. That Rascal.

  2. 2
    savagemutt

    They’re just hiring all the Death Panel members.

  3. 3
    Moggie

    Death panels, and indoctrinators.

  4. 4
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    The jobless rate did go up in the month of October, but only because more people entered the workforce. More jobs made, slightly higher jobless rate, all in all a sign that things are getting better!

    Truly a sign that the Democrats are spinning the jobless rates to put Obama in the White House again!

  5. 5
    Nick Gotts

    The jobless rate did go up in the month of October, but only because more people entered the workforce.

    The jobless rate is what Robomormon’s focusing on.

  6. 6
    Aliasalpha

    Presumably they also hired a lot of people to cover up the evidence that obama was responsible for the big hurricane, takes a lot of people to airbrush obamas weather control device out of publicity photos, not to mention painting on a sad face and covering up the dick dastardly style moustache he twirls as baby jesus weeps.

  7. 7
    chigau (違う)

    How do The Geyz fit into this?

  8. 8
    Lynna, OM

    The Antichrist can be very subtle. He makes the jobs report slightly more positive just to trick the gullible into voting for him again.

    At least that’s the spin I’m getting from the mormon email tree. They identified Obama as the Antichrist when he was running for his first term. Nothing dissuades them.

    They keep sending me videos of Janet Porter spewing nonsense. Their encouragement to watch this dreck goes something like this: “Now there is no doubt!” and “No one will be undecided after watching this!”

    And in a way they are right. Watch just one Janet Porter video and you will have no doubt that she and her followers are bugnuts. The video they sent me most recently features Janet Porter giving me her “Top Five Reasons” to vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket. One of those reasons is that Romney will not institute Sharia law in the USA.

  9. 9
    a3kr0n

    The jobs increase was caused by a temporal shift in the quantum continuity. That, and Scotty was able to prevent the warp core breach.

  10. 10
    anteprepro

    Sure, there are more jobs, but did you see all the Republicans in the middle and lower classes who should be millionaires by now? Who should be rolling around in money as we speak but instead have to work at around minimum wage? Who DESERVE to be rich and WILL become rich, because they have the iron resolve to do so, and have been tugging at their bootstraps so very very hard for so long that they should’ve definitely lifted themselves up by now? How do you tell them that Obama has been good for the economy when he has SHATTERED their American Dream of being better than the commonfolk that they are forced to work alongside right now? The only way that they can sleep at night is if Romney is president and he takes away their welfare and gives tax cuts to the rich. That way they will want to become rich even harder and will finally attain their dream through sheer grit and force of will. But aiding and abetting poverty and “punishing” success? That’s not the America that they want to live in.

  11. 11
    Amphiox

    All through the last year, while the employment rate was steadily going down, the right wingers were going on and on about how the numbers don’t count because people were leaving the job market (until the last one when they flat out went into conspiracy ‘the numbers were faked’ looney land). NOW when there is an increase in the number of people entering the job market, they complain about the unemployment rate staying the same.

    The level of dishonest hypocrisy here is breathtaking.

  12. 12
    Tualha

    Satan and quantum.

  13. 13
    robro

    You’ve got an excellent future in spin doctoring, PZ. I can introduce to a friend of the devil who is a friend of mine.

  14. 14
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    chigau:

    How do The Geyz fit into this?

    It’s a tight fit, but with some WD 40, they’ll fit right in.

  15. 15
    =8)-DX

    Odd how I read this news on Reuterts today – there were two articles, one posits this as a win for Obama, the other says Obama may have problems because the jobs aren’t coming in fast enough!

    Reuters – truly fair and balanced, it presupposes the “Or Satan” response of the far right in how reality affects politics.

  16. 16
    Outrage Zombie

    The spin I’ve been hearing is that all those jobs are retail seasonal positions, and therefore do not count because come January all those people will be looking for work again.

  17. 17
    marklahr

    Tony:

    It’s a tight fit, but with some WD 40, they’ll fit right in.

    What!? No self-respecting gheys use WD-40 anymore! Phew! The least you can do is to shell out for a little Preparation H, or maybe even Astroglide!

  18. 18
    Alexander the Good Enough

    FWIW, my take on it all:

    Consider that half of all Americans are of below average intelligence, and that a good many more aren’t much smarter than that, and that nevertheless a lot of these people vote. Worse, while they may be a little dim, these folks are still very well aware that there are a lot of people, the “librul intellektual morans” in particular, that are savagely mocking them and much that they hold sacred (e. g. Colbert, Oliphant, Lewis Black, our gracious host, et many al.). There is very little that will anger and alienate people more than being laughed at. The Republicans have brilliantly positioned themselves to take advantage of these facts and thus have a permanent and highly energized near majority that primarily consists of the easily duped, the humorless and angry, the resentful and hateful, and those who are easily buffaloed by fear, especially fear of change. In turn, the Democrats have become the refuge of the appalled and apoplectic. That’s also why the Republicans have purged their ranks of intellectuals. The seemingly imbecilic statements by their candidates and positions that are “generally opposed to science, rational thinking, and all manifestations of common sense” (to quote Dilbert; I know, I know…) bother them not in the least, indeed those things are pleasing to them. Those “gaffes” make the “lefties” even more crazy upset, and anything or anyone who can do that is just fine with conservatives who seem to be lusting after vengeance on the “smarties.” The right wingers will cut off their own noses to spite everyone’s face. I fear we’ll all reap the whirlwind as a result.

  19. 19
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    Here’s another surprise: George W. Bush is the keynote speaker at a conference on how to hide your money offshore and avoid U.S. taxes. Seriously. You can’t make this shit up.

    We need a Google bomb, folks. Please blog, Tweet, Tumble, and Facebook to tie this to Bush, Republicans, and Romney.

  20. 20
    Ingdigo Jump

    Consider that half of all Americans are of below average intelligence, and that a good many more aren’t much smarter than that, and that nevertheless a lot of these people vote

    Actually they don’t. The US has a dismal voter turn out

  21. 21
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    The Republicans said that the reason the unemployment rate has been going down is because people stopped looking. Now that people are looking, they’re saying that the tiny increase (on an overall downward trend) is a bad thing. They want to have it both ways.

  22. 22
    Alexander the Good Enough

    Markita Lynda—threadrupt:
    The new Richthuglicon motto/battle cry: “Billions for the billionaires, pennies for the penniless!”

    OK Mr. Terrorist, how about “and that nevertheless quite a few too many of these people vote” instead. The US voter turnout is pretty dismal across the board, and considering the choices it’s not all that surprising.

  23. 23
    carbonbasedlifeform

    The jobs increase was caused by a temporal shift in the quantum continuity.

    No, no. It has to do with the Time Cube.

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