Oh, you just have to love a new quack and cult leader — they come up with the wackiest stuff, and people fall for it.
Serge Benhayon, a former tennis coach from Maroubra, has up to 1000, mainly female, devotees to his movement, Universal Medicine, based in the hills outside Lismore on the north coast of NSW.
Mr Benhayon told The Sun-Herald he had no medical qualifications but stood by the effectiveness of his treatments, including “esoteric breast massage” – administered only by women – and “chakra-puncture”. His daughter, Natalie, 22, claims to be able to talk to women’s ovaries – for $70 an hour.
I can talk to women’s ovaries, too! Also their kidneys and uvulas and hippocampi and elbows. I can also chat up a pair of breasts, if you’d like (they understand the language of motorboats). You should only get the big bucks if they answer, though.
Esoteric breast massage sounds fun, but chakra-puncture…no thanks, that sounds agonizing.
He’s drafted a whole lot of professional women with no understanding of medicine or science to buy into this nonsense, and make recommendations that funnel public health care money directly into Benhayon’s pocket. And of course there’s the New Age jargon everywhere, substituting for evidence.
Ms Greenaway offers “esoteric connective tissue therapy”, a technique created by Mr Benhayon. It promises to improve energy flow by “allowing the pulse of the lymphatic system to symbiotically correspond with the body’s own ensheathing web”.
You know, the lymphatic system doesn’t have a pulse, and symbiotic doesn’t mean what she seems to think it means. They also claim to do “craniosacral massage” and to measure a “craniosacral pulse”, which just tells me they’re obsessed with heads up asses.
It’s disgraceful nonsense, but Benhayon has an answer to charges that he’s a charismatic con-artist.
“A handful of people say what we have here is a cult. What if I can bring 2000 people to say it’s not?”
<pictures 2000 people in robes standing glassy-eyed and chanting “we are not a cult”>