May 04 2012

I’m a Little Snowflake Child

Among the absurdities embraced by some of the Fundangelical persuasion, perhaps none is more delightful than their project to have people “adopt” frozen embryos, which they are please to call “snowflake children.” No kidding.

This could bring about the highest ends of the Fundangelical movement–lots of children without the need for the sinful act of sex. Just like the BVM. Well, sorta like the BVM.

Anyhow, to aid in this most worthy of efforts, I present herewith my suggested commercial, which can be sung to the tune of “I’m a Little Teapot.” If you don’t know it, ask your parents.

Here is the blasphemy:

I’m a Little Snowflake Child

I ‘m a little sinless snowflake child
A godly girl can have me without being wild;
Please be my mommy and make me smile
Virgin birth a darling little snowflake child.

Edwin Kagin (c)


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  1. 1
    ursa major

    Ooo’s and Aww’s over the darling snow flake children is just one more example of how far beyond humor, satire, mockery much of the fundy/evangelical right is.

    Someday in the distant future historians will refuse to believe these people really existed and that for reasons beyond all imagination we just made up the existence of the religious right as part of some vast practical joke on our descendants.

  2. 2

    I’m a little teapot, short and stout
    This is my handle, and this is my…
    …other handle???

    Oh fuck, I’m the sugar bowl!

  3. 3

    I call them “Snow White Children.”

    They don’t suffer from the skin-pigment defect so prominent among many REAL kids who need adopting.

    1. 3.1
      WMDKitty -- Survivor

      And what’s gonna happen when a sprog born to one of these couples turns up disabled? I’m not talking about issues of resources for things like medical care and such — inability to provide care is a legit reason to surrender the child. Assuming the family has adequate resources, or can obtain assistance, to provide care for the child, what’s gonna happen to the poor sprog whose only “crime” was being born “imperfect”? Will the family accept hir as xe is?

      It just pisses me off when people refuse to adopt a child for no reason other than the child isn’t “perfect” — whether it’s a disability, the “wrong” skin color, “too old”, or “but the kid has issues…” Those shallow fucks are the sort of folks who shouldn’t be adopting anyway.


  4. 4
    1. 4.1
      not quite atheist but getting there

      BVM = Blessed Virgin Mary.

  5. 5

    Oh. My. God. REAL virgin births! I completely forgot we actually had the technology for that. Ideally though you’d have to either get some God-sperm or a successfully produce a haploid egg that thinks it’s fertilised to go the full Jesus.

  6. 6

    This is funnier than PETA trying to officially rename fish to ‘sea kittens’.

  7. 7

    ummm I can’t seem to make the melody match the meter.

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