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Oct 19 2011

So apparently bribes are in order

I didn’t get the memo. This is odd, because there are a good 20-odd memos that the authors at FTB send back and forth each day (for example, yesterday’s involved a discussion of cruel childhood nicknames, and which type of porn pays more money – very crucial stuff). I didn’t realize that blog arch-rivals colleagues and valued friends Dana Hunter over at In Tequila es Verdad and the dastardly and conniving forthright and plain-spoken JT Eberhard at WWJTD would begin BRIBING their readers to shell out cash to their illegal money-laundering outfits Donors Choose campaigns.

Dana shamelessly promises the following:

So. Incentives. I shall give thee incentives, because this is something we should all do together.

1. I’ll write a short story for the highest donor. You can even choose the subject, if you like, and you’ll get a paper copy complete with autograph, if you wish. You’ll have to give me until the end of the year, because I’m stupid enough to try NaNo this November, but I’ll have it written and sent to you in January. Yes, I will haul my arse to the hated post office just for you.

2. The second-highest donor will get a personally-collected hand sample. That’s right! I’ll post a list of places I’m going this summer (once I know what they are!), and you tell me what hunk o’ beautiful geology you want me to package up and mail to you.

3. I’ll match 4 (count them, 4) donations of $50. So you $50 folk get to double your money! Don’t let that stop you from donating more, of course! And if you guys manage to fund these projects before I can whip my credit card out, you can each pick a project of your own for me to donate to.

4. Starving Students Offer: Those of you too strapped for cash to manage more than small donations can still get a little something! Send me an email telling me what you’re studying, why you chose your major, and why you donated, and I’ll showcase you guys on the site. Plus, I’ll write a poem for the person whose note makes me punch the air and shout, “Yes! Science can haz future!” Same caveats apply as the short story deal.

5. I’ve also got some super-snazzy Mount St. Helens posters, so all who have donated to any of our projects and want their names in for that have a chance at winning one of Mother Earth’s great works of art. Yahoo knows me as dhunterauthor.

While the cunning JT vows to bestow his own gifts:

I’ll also give some incentives above and beyond general altruism (and the fact that you probably want non-crappy music to put on your ipods in the future). If we hit $2,000, I will produce a karaoke video of singing nothing but Nsync songs all night. I’ll even learn some of the dances.

If you donate $50, I’ll let you pick a song for me to record (if I don’t know it, I’ll learn it).

If you donate $500, I will write a song about you and record it.

Well, the gauntlet has been thrown down! I know that my readers are above such petty attempts at bribery, because you are moral and altruistic people (did I forget to mention really good-looking?). However, I also know that if a bribe is offered, you wouldn’t be so rude as to turn it down. After all, you might hurt the briber’s feelings. So here’s the deal. I don’t have a lot of stuff to give you, but I can do this. The three highest donors will receive signed copies of the CROWN EP record, as well as some pretty fancy CROWN swag. The top donor will also receive an advance copy of our debut full-length record (recording starts in January). If that top donor pledges more than $75, I will harangue the other guys into learning and performing a song of that Donor’s Choice (see what I did there)?

Dig deep, Cromrades! You wouldn’t want to get beaten by a flippin’ geologist and a musician two worthy and respectable adversaries, would you?

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6 comments

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  1. 1
    Jason Thibeault

    I’m giving out “Honorary Canadian” titles. Which gets you beaten up in some quarters.

  2. 2
    Avicenna

    Not in Europe! We like canadians!

  3. 3
    aspidoscelis

    People have to pay not to become Honorary Canadians, right? :-)

  4. 4
    Crommunist

    Don’t make me drive down the coast and come find you, aspidoscelis! Seriously – please don’t. I don’t have a car. It would be a very difficult trip.

  5. 5
    Kiwi Sauce

    I’ve had to open a ticket on the website as it’s not letting me make a payment. :(

  6. 6
    Kiwi Sauce

    Yay, the payment worked this time. :) Your challenge has been accepted. Bwahahahaha.

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