It won’t be because Charlie Kirk zealots showed up at my door and wreaked their misplaced vengeance on me — it’s much more likely that I will have been raptured.
On June 17, 2025, a South African pastor shared his vision of the Rapture on the “I’ve Been Through The Most” Podcast. In the viral YouTube video of the podcast, Pastor Joshua Mhlakela made claims that he saw Jesus returning to Earth on the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which begins at sundown on Monday, Sept 22 this year.
“The rapture is upon us, whether you are ready or not,” Mhlakela said. “I saw Jesus sitting on his throne, and I could hear him very loud and clear saying, ‘I am coming soon.’”
“He said to me on the 23rd and 24th of September 2025, ‘I will come back to the Earth.’”
As we all know, the random rantings of an obscure pastor who claims to have witnessed Jesus always come true. I’m not sure what timezone he’s talking about, so I’m just going to take off all my clothes and hang out on the deck until I soar up into the heavens, leaving all the bad people behind.
I’m sorry if you don’t get selected and I’m abandoning you all to the ravening mobs of angry, deluded Christians (who will not be raptured, obviously.)
I wish you a Happy Rapture.
Wait, if Jesus is coming here, why are the Christians leaving? That kind of disrespect has to sting, even on the other cheek.
Honestly, if loud mouthed apostate Xians would leave the Earth that would be wonderful.
Bunch cock teasers they are. Every year or two, some preacher predicts the rapture, and every time, nada, zip, nothing! I got this champagne waiting for 30 years now. It’s probably already gone bad.
Good riddance to bad rubbich. Rapture the fuck away.
I used to be bemused until I realised it was purely an USAnian conceit, with a specific origin: cf
https://tms.edu/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/tmsj13e.pdf
(TL;DR — 1830s, John Nelson Darby; dispensational premillennialism)
Um, PZ, I’m not sure you’re rapture-able. Like most of us, you’ll probably be left on earth to experience the tribulations…at least that’s what I think is in store for most of us face after the rapture.
The fundie xians have killed me dozens of times by now.
The Rapture seems to happen every year or two.
Every single time the Afterlife has ended up looking a lot like my former life. I even have the same cats.
The Rapture is so boring, I’ve ceased to pay much attention to it.
Oooh, getting close to filling my rapture survivor card!
http://imgur.com/ZCWNj
Personally, when I meet one of those I love to pretend Rapture already happened in 2021. (Or 2012) and I (the atheist sinner that I am) am one of those Left Behind. Its funny to look at them as their panic grows.
“We’re living in the end times. Wait, you didn’t understand that you were left behind too?”
Be seeing you!
jo1strom @ #9 — I’m going to remember that line should I meet one of THEM. Not very likely, but it could happen.
I still remember a panel from the early 1970’s Spire Christian comic book inadvisedly referring to it as, erm, “The Great Snatch!!!”*
;-)
*Spire Christian Comics’ 1974 adaptation of Hal Lindsey’s ‘There’s A New World Coming’ (1973) Art by Al Hartley
Over a billion saved. Only 144,000 taken in the Rapture.
Feeling lucky?
(OT) Embryo research!
“How Did Hands Evolve? Look to Your Anus, a New Study Suggests. – The New York Times”
.https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/17/science/evolution-crispr-hands.html
From the list of fialed raptures here by Adam Lee – Daylight Atheist :
https://freethoughtblogs.com/daylight/2025/09/22/failed-rapture-prophecies-2025-edition/
I recall some from back in the 1980’s FWIW. There was even a book 88 reasons why the Rapture willbe in 1988 or such;like I vaguely recalland recall seeing quoted by Slacktivist..
“From the list of [failed] raptures” is fraught, the implication being that there may non-failed raptures.
But yes, the very concept is silly. Point being it’s minuscule in the context of Christianity
And chronogeolocated to the USA.
Which is… Left Behind.
Wikipedia list of dates predicted for apocalyptic events
Wikipedia page of unfulfilled Christian religious predictions
Ecce bozo
When I’m raptured I’m taking a ham sandwich with me.
See also, Matthew 24:36 says, “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
When people are raptured they leave their clothes behind, including their dirty underwear. Gross.
(OT)
Anton Petrov :
“Not Animal, Not Plant: Strange Organism That Survived All Extinctions (Euglenids)”
.https://youtube.com/watch?v=5MqTxI6ZZqQ
Everyone I know is still here so, pretty much checks out.
I’m still here? Maybe the Rapture will happen later, or tomorrow, because I’m sure God wouldn’t leave me behind.
Don’t blame America! Darby was English. The doctrine was promoted by an Irish cult, the Plymouth Brethren, which spread to the US, which, admittedly, is fertile ground for all kinds of lunacy.
We have a nest of the Brethren locally, here in Minnesota, and they are gradually buying up all the businesses in town, and already have an undue influence on the city council and school board.
The Rapture happened years ago. But the only people raptured were a family of five from Cleveland and their dog. He was a very good dog after all.
@ ^ PZ Myers : Yup. There’s a Plymouth Brethren cult here in Oz too that was recently the subject of an episode of Four Corners here – Escaping the religious ‘cult’ tied to big business (50 mins long) if folks want to see it. WARNING : Sexual assualt , Suicide references.
The Rapture nonsense is silly but the nasty cults promoting that crap and brain-washing their followers into believing them are toxic and horribly serious.
According to that illustration, neither the obese nor the pudgy will get to fly into the sky.
Sorry, USA…
Good news, the Internet in Heaven is just as good as it was on Earth.
Here you go PZ, you’ll be safe:
https://claytoonz.com/2025/09/23/trump-rapture/
While I despise the rtwingnut xtian terrorists destroying the united states, according to most of his comments, John Morales seems to have an overriding, unreasoning, and sometimes inaccurate fixation of hatred of the united states.
Oooh! When I was looking up information about Philp Henry Gosse, I found out that he was a member of the Plymouth Brethren.
Do you know that the Plymouth Brethren had a Tunbridge-Wells schism?
Clothes are overrated. Save your knees the unnecessary extra bends to put them on, and keep them off. It just so happens you have a better than the already good reason to do that right about now. :)
@Owlmirror #31:
As in ‘Disgusted of’?
We’re half way through Rosh Hashanah. I assume that good Christians are being taken up all over the world. God probably does it over a couple of days so St. Peter has time to process everybody. Do we know who will be in charge once the Trump administration and the Christians in congress are taken up? Perhaps they’re just going to wing it.
The very same.
I wonder if “Disgusted” was a member of the Plymouth Brethren?