Oh no, I’m home alone

On Halloween. My wife is at work tonight, and she has abandoned me to do all the handing out of treats and to be the recipient of all the tricks. I sure hope I don’t get any anonymous phone calls where I’m asked what my favorite scary movie is.

If you hear screams, come rescue me.


  1. drsteve says

    Where is the cat and what has it been it up to? If you don’t have an immediate, reassuring answer to those questions, that’s when I’d start to worry:

  2. Akira MacKenzie says

    I hate it when Halloween falls on a weeknight. I WOULD be spending all day watching my favorite spooky movies, but not only do I have to work they’re making me work “mandatory overtime” tonight to add insult to injury.

  3. hemidactylus says

    What if you start getting calls from inside the house? Or figure out a really tall man at the local mortuary is shrinking corpses to become slaves in another dimension? Mind those brain sucking silver balls. Or while watching TV, you notice a well appear on the screen and what appears to be a disheveled Japanese woman crawling out toward you. Or you go to sleep and find yourself walking around an old boiler room in a dream and hear metal scraping on metal? So many possibilities.

    I suggest to stay awake you marathon all the V/H/S movies except the very crappy third one.

  4. hemidactylus says

    Yeah after watching “The Glitch” from V/H/S I quickly realized traps are ineffective against truly diabolical and unstoppable adversaries.


    Warning this one is far more graphic:

    This ain’t Home Alone … oh wait given PZ’s OP it is. Traps don’t work against unstoppable glitches. One of the more disturbing things I’ve seen aside from The Audition, but PZ needn’t worry about that scenario.

  5. wzrd1 says

    Just don’t use nails in the traps, too easy to remove. Use screws, totally leaves the evil “victim” screwed.
    And one gets some use out of those dried up old paint cans. And that old bowling ball, using a modestly scaled up tennis ball cannon.
    And some left over bell wire, hooked to the generator from that old nukwe-ar wessels. Works great on that old metal stool.

  6. wzrd1 says

    Looks like my deterrent worked. Got a mat out, labeled “Totally not a trap door”, while looking exactly like a trap door.
    There is a benefit to being near the trash chute…

  7. hemidactylus says

    wzrd1 @9
    If you’re lucky you come up against Wile E Coyote, notorious for repeatedly own-goaling himself. But usually it’s the victims who do so:

    In Vacancy I would have weaponized broken mirrors strapped to lamp stands and stuff and I soon got to the point I wanted them to die quickly to end the stupid movie. Luke Wilson was not the godfather we loved from Old School.

  8. hemidactylus says

    The one where the guy gets an eye implant and freaky ghosts like clone of Ron Jeremy (who ruins everything good) show up to mess up his life was on my mind with the cataract surgeries. The death cult segment is indescribable. Too much going on. The zombie segment was awesome:

  9. robro says

    Too late now, but you could have set up a projector outside and displayed pictures on your house of spiders trapping and eating small animals, or wasps eating cockroaches from the inside, and other truly gruesome but completely natural things. Maybe next year.

  10. StevoR says

    @ 12. Silentbob : Unless they like spiders too – in which case I guess you’ll have something to bond over.

  11. says

    I got a phone call last night, in the middle of the feeding frenzy at my door. A voice asked, “What’s your favorite scary movie?”

    It wasn’t that frightening, because it was my granddaughter calling, and she laughed hysterically after asking it.

  12. birgerjohansson says

    The Horror! The horror!
    “Boris Johnson’s nastiness shines through at covid inquiry”
    -If a bona fide cannibal (that was politically competent) had been prime minister, Britain would have seen thousands of lives saved.

  13. says

    PZ, O.K., that’s the third scary halloween article you’ve posted.
    By the way, my halloween costume was a thing of murderous, unspeakable horror: a human being!
    And, my favorite scary horror movies are any of the biblical movies with charlton heston.

  14. wzrd1 says

    @PZ, my response would’ve been “Debbie Does Dallas”, leaving things for her parents to explain.
    Yeah, I’m a total dick at times.
    The rest of the time, I’m the totality of genitalia.
    But, I do always make the funniest of faces.

    Second scariest movie, Apollo 13. Watched that one live.
    One of the greatest failures in human history!

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