Does Alex Jones know something about his good buddy Trump that we don’t?


Suddenly, everything makes sense.


Folks, I have hundreds of articles I see every week about human-animal chimeras with no rights. You talked about people you know in research labs, I’ve talked to them too. You see humanoids, they’re like 80 percent gorilla, 80 percent pig, and they’re talking.

I’m probably more in tune with what goes on in research labs than Alex Jones (but you never know, I don’t have contact with the alien scientists in Area 51), and I guarantee you that there are no pig-gorilla hybrids, talking or otherwise…and with that, Donald Trump vanishes in a puff of logic.

Comments

  1. says

    His guest, “Dr” Grow (he’s a chiropractor and naturopath) is also a nitwit — he wants to ban artificial sweeteners and GMOs, and tries to wedge those demands into Jones’ rant about pig-gorilla people.

  2. davidnangle says

    The 21st century’s leading cause of mental illness is refusing to admit you’re wrong about believing stories made up to be crazier than the last one someone else made up?

  3. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    they’re like 80 percent gorilla, 80 percent pig

    And 160 percent what-the-fuck?

  4. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    re 1:
    disagree about “Dr.” Group. Seemed to me he was mocking the GOP “answer” to the problem insurance companies pose to healthcare.
    To paraphrase:
    “We give billions of tax credits to insurance companie instead of fixing healthcare, then: EO – ban GMOs, EO – ban Sweeteners, EO – ban ____. We have to fix healthcare, not ban isolated aspects.”
    Then again, I’m probly [sic] biased by my view of healthcare, and the GOP proposed “answer” to covfefe [aka coverage]

    Sometimes wackadoodles serve a purpose: getting people to think about the problems the wackies “solve”, or associated problems these wacks fail to consider in their wilda$$ “theories”.
    Maybe Alex Jones…/\-/\-/\-/\-/\ *stop right there!! /\-/\-/\-/\-/\-/\
    ugh
    No, nevermind “InfoWars” as providing an unintended motivation. *ptui

  5. jrkrideau says

    @ 3 UnknownEric the Apostate
    And 160 percent what-the-fuck?

    It’s the rising tide of obesity.

  6. anthrosciguy says

    As an amateur physical scientist, I find the existence of talking pig-gorillas fascinating. As an amateur social scientist, I want to know what they’re talking about. We NEED to hear those conversations. There must be tapes, Alex; do your job and broadcast them.

  7. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    South Park got it right!
    –> Bear-Man-Pig
    FTW!

  8. robro says

    davidnagle @#2 — The #1 cause of mental illness is unknown, but it probably isn’t ignorance, stupidity, or being conned. The reluctance to admit being conned by shills like Jones and Trump is an old problem.

  9. militantagnostic says

    @ 3 UnknownEric the Apostate

    And 160 percent what-the-fuck?

    You are straw-manning Alex Jones*. Some of the chimeras are 80% gorilla and some are 80% pig. This is much less improbable, However, although pigs are smart I doubt an 80% pig chimera would capable of speech.

    *This in itself is a noteworthy accomplishment. I had previously thought it was impossible to create a straw man argument against Alex Jones.

  10. militantagnostic says

    Raucous Indignation@14
    That depends whose Ox-Human chimera is being gored.

  11. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    This in itself is a noteworthy accomplishment. I had previously thought it was impossible to create a straw man argument against Alex Jones.

    Nothing’s impossible if you got pluck, gumption, and song in your heart*.

    *Extra points if the song is by Napalm Death.

  12. cartomancer says

    I’ll assume, for the sake of clarity, that the 80% Gorilla humanoid and the 80% pig humanoid are different animals. But then… don’t we share something like 98% of our DNA with Gorillas and something like 95% with pigs? (yes, I know it’s not that simple, but we’re in the world of the tabloid soundbite here). Wouldn’t those just be, y’know, humans?

    Also, actual chimeras don’t have pig or gorilla in them – it’s lion, goat and serpent. And they breathe fire, though whether from one head or all three nobody has been thoughtful enough to record. According to Hesiod they’re female (hashtag feminism), and if you find yourself attacked by one the approved method of defence is to tie a piece of lead to the end of your spear, which will melt and kill the chimera.

  13. Owlmirror says

    You see humanoids, they’re like 80 percent gorilla, 80 percent pig, and they’re talking.

    And some of them have radio, tv, and/or youtube programs!

    . . . Too easy?

  14. pita says

    There’s a Fullmetal Alchemist joke in here somewhere but I’m too lazy to reach for it.

  15. KG says

    Also, actual chimeras don’t have pig or gorilla in them – it’s lion, goat and serpent. – cartomancer@18, emphasis added

    Now there’s a research project for the aspiring mad scientist!

  16. blf says

    Now there[ (lion, goat and serpent) i]s a research project for the aspiring mad scientist!

    Nah, poopyhead has that basically covered, albeit with kraken and distilled student added to the recipe. However, the process isn’t very efficient — e.g. a white cat and undersea hollowed-out volcanic base both seem to be required — and there are insufficient tentacles and toxic electric suckers. (The mildly deranged penguin points out there is no cheese.) So not only is there space in the existing paradigm for improvements and refinements, an entirely new paradigm seems possible — albeit hair furor already has laid claim to the daleks. (The mildly deranged penguin points out there is still no cheese.)

Leave a Reply