Uh-oh. I’m in big trouble now — I’ve been ratted out to the governor. My nefarious schemes will certainly be foiled now! Here is the revealing letter; I’ve added a few comments in red to it.
Dear Governor Pawlenty
I am an alumnus of the University of Minnesota, having received my Ph.D. in Zoology in 1954 [We’ve gotten better since then].
I have for some time been concerned about the behavior of Paul Zachary Myers, Associate Professor of Biology at the Morris campus of the University. His rabid attacks on our most treasured institutions [What? The Discovery Institute?] give me great concern both for the University and for the citizens of the State of Minnesota [Since, as we all know, criticizing anything puts people in peril]. I have written to the Provost and received neither acknowledgement nor reply [I wonder why?]. I complained to the Board of Regents and received a reply from the Chancellor of the Morris campus supporting Myers’ right to say what he wants [I have heard of this custom, called “freedom of speech”]. Minnesota has become a center for Universal Atheism [I wish!] largely due to the pervasive influence of this man [Moi? Feel the power!] and his hundreds of devoted followers [Minnesota: population 5,200,000. Followers: hundreds. Yet we conquer!]. It shows in the presence of another foul mouthed atheist, Al Franken [I saw him campaign: he pointed out his Jewish religious beliefs frequently], poised to become a member of Congress [I wish, again…latest results show Coleman clinging to a slim lead]. I want you to know my feelings with the hope that you might use your influence as Governor and ex-officio member of the Board of Regents to expose and counter [How?], as I have and continue to do, Myers’ corrosive influence which I believe extends far beyond the borders of the State of Minnesota [My tentacles reach far]. It is especially important now that we have elected a man to the Presidency with extremely uncertain purposes [Delusional paranoid speaking there]. I see the future of the Republic to be in grave jeopardy [If Obama is Palpatine, do I get to be Darth Vader?].
John A. Davison [Retired crackpot], Professor Emeritus of Biology
If I suddenly disappear after this, look for me in the dungeons below the Capitol in St Paul.