I’m glad someone is finding clever ways to point out the hypocrisy of Republican efforts to invade the privacy of women.
To protest a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound before having an abortion, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D-Fairfax) on Monday attached an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.
What? No lecture about their manly responsibilities, no waiting period, no efforts to redirect these men looking for Viagra towards ineffective treatments? This is hardly fair. But it is a good first step.
Unfortunately, that first step ended in a Republican pratfall.
The Republican-controlled senate narrowly rejected the amendment Monday by a vote of 21 to 19, but passed the mandatory ultrasound bill in a voice vote. A similar bill in Texas, which physicians say has caused a "bureaucratic nightmare," is currently being challenged in court.
Darn. Did no one think to mention to the Republicans that this bill would support the life-styles of a multitude of cardiologists and proctologists? It’s also morally right: every artificial erection should be complemented by an anal injection.
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RFW
31 January 2012 at 11:37 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
That’s pretty funny. Straight men HATE having their prostate poked.
Brownian
31 January 2012 at 11:47 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Oh? Do we?
procyon
31 January 2012 at 12:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Way to go Janet! I live in her district. As a bonus, I don’t suffer from erectile dysfunction.
RW Ahrens
31 January 2012 at 12:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I do.
Of course, I could just be weird. I’ve been accused of being a bit strange before, by my kids, my dog, my cat.
Sorry, but I’ve never quite gotten used to it.
chigau (違う)
31 January 2012 at 12:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Brownian
I’ve never thought of you as The Straight Man, I figured you were the funny one.
greg1466
31 January 2012 at 12:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Shouldn’t they also be required to get spousal consent?
procyon
31 January 2012 at 12:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Maybe wear a warning label across their zipper?
Pierce R. Butler
31 January 2012 at 12:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Republican politicians can endure prostate probing as well as the rest of us – it’s having to take the stick out first that bothers them.
raven
31 January 2012 at 12:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sure. And to be fair:
1. They should have to listen to some questionably sane, barely literate christofascist loon preach at them about how, when, and with whom it is permissable to have sex with for a few hours.
2. Don’t forget the waiting period. They should have to wait 2 days before getting the prescription.
3. And of course, only 2 doctors in the entire state of Virginia will be allowed to prescribe Viagra. They will, of course, be located as far from the main population centers as possible, at the end of long gravel roads.
4. Pharmacists will have the absolute right to not fill prescriptions based on their own whims and priests and ministers opinions.
Beatrice, anormalement indécente
31 January 2012 at 12:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
They really should be more careful about putting sticks there. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
FilthyHuman
31 January 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Are you sure about that?
shouldbeworking
31 January 2012 at 1:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Well, I’m glad that they voted down the amendment. If it passed, some men might not be able to procreate and that is the sole purpose of sex. Every sperm is endowed certain inalienable rights….
whheydt
31 January 2012 at 1:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
She could have included a glucose tolerance test as well…
–W. H. Heydt
Old Used Programmer
Synfandel
31 January 2012 at 1:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The Santorum solution: men with erectile dysfunction should “make the best of a bad situation“, because their wilted willy is “still a gift from God, even if given in a broken way.”
illdoittomorrow
31 January 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Raven, @9,
Sex for a few hours? I think you mean preach for a few hours, and then sex for a few seconds… ;-)
davidw
31 January 2012 at 2:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Now, if MEN got pregnant…
Brownian
31 January 2012 at 3:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“Goodnight, Gracie.”
(Truth be told, I’m the slapstick one.)
Synfandel
31 January 2012 at 3:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
…they’d be women. Or perhaps hermaphrodites.
feralboy12
31 January 2012 at 3:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I could have told Sen. Howell that a bill with such an amendment would never pass. Not in Bob Dole’s America.
dianne
31 January 2012 at 3:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.
Actually, it’s not a bad idea-the tests, that is, not the amendment which would undoubtedly be a bureaucratic nightmare. I’d want a cardiac stress test on any man I was planning to prescribe ED meds for-some of them are dangerous in heart disease and a rectal exam to rule out secondary causes of ED seems obvious. Maybe men should be required to get a transrectal ultrasound before getting ED meds for the harassment value.
Rich Woods
31 January 2012 at 3:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@raven #9:
Gravel? Consider yourself lucky to have gravel. When I were a lad I had to walk 26 hours a day through snow and up t’muddy road to fetch my daily dose, and be glad to have me arse whipped in thanks.
niftyatheist
31 January 2012 at 3:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I am waiting for the day that all male-controlled contraceptives are placed behind a wall of medical bureaucracy like female-controlled contraceptives currently are. No more condoms sold over the counter. That only encourages the kind of wanton fornication that all gods-fearing men know is prohibited by the babble!
Men should have to see a doctor at least once per year for a full medical exam, including a rectal probing and various other invasive exams. Then, as long as he complies with this coerced exam, he can have a prescription for one year (no more) for the contraceptive the doctor decides he is allowed to have.
Brownian
31 January 2012 at 4:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Okay. I get it now. My family doctor worked out of a teaching clinic. Lots of residents. I’ve had so many fingers in my ass and cupping my nuts that the RCMP checks my perineum first when they need to ID a print.
To those of you whose full medicals come without a Happy Meal toy—you don’t know what you’re missing.
DLC
31 January 2012 at 4:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
So, let me get this straight. It’s fine and dandy to invade a woman’s bedroom (or her physician’s consulting room), but damn you to hell and back if you dare invade the board room with your fucking government Regulations! Down with Big Government!
Moggie
31 January 2012 at 5:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
DLC, I didn’t realise they were planning to conduct rectal exams in board rooms. But I suppose it makes sense to do it where the concentration of assholes is greatest.
Brownian
31 January 2012 at 5:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You know how skilled athletes feint with the ball or puck or shuttlecock (maybe it happens) as if they’ve lost control and it’s about to veer off out of bounds and then slam! right into the net or onto the ground and it’s beautiful?
That joke was like one of those things, Moggie.
Brownian
31 January 2012 at 5:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Small enough to drown it in the bathtub along with the concept of women as people, as the saying goes.
mxh
31 January 2012 at 6:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The next bill is even worse:
This doesn’t just make the woman to go through hell, but it forces a baby to live through hours to weeks of excruciating pain or discomfort before dying a terrible death. Only a psychopath would vote for this bill… it has nothing to do with being pro-life.
eddyline
31 January 2012 at 8:07 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
If Newt gets in office again, true justice would consist of passing a law that made Viagra illegal, and men would have to stiffen up with a coat hanger
Deen
1 February 2012 at 3:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
That’s the party of smaller government and less bureaucracy for you.
quoderatdemonstrandum
1 February 2012 at 7:24 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Deen @ 30
No, silly, “small government” is for corporates, rich people, white people, christian churches, polluters, lobbyists, political donors and arms manufacturers.
Women, LGBT people, ethnic minorities and the poor get full on, maximally intrusive, “Big Government” bureaucracy and enforcement regulating every aspect of their sex lives, voter registration, health care etc. . .
Ms. Daisy Cutter, Feral Fembeast
1 February 2012 at 8:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Synfandel:
Uh, the term you’re looking for is trans men.
Brownian:
That taint funny.
erikagillian
2 February 2012 at 4:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
What I didn’t realize about these ultrasounds is they aren’t the classic pregnancy style. Because what they’re looking for is so infinitesimal they can’t go through from the top. And what they use looks remarkably like a dildo.
So what these men are mandating isn’t an unremarkable medical procedure but actually forcing someone to have a plastic dildo shoved in their vagina, you know, without their consent.
Not that knowing this would probably bother a lot of republicans, as the woman has had sex before what does one more violation matter.