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Nov 01 2012

How is a black man like a parking space?

Because all the good ones are taken or gay!

Wait… I think I screwed that joke up. Speaking of things that are screwed up, here’s a thing:

Extremist Christian and Bishop Earl Walker Jackson may believe gays are ‘sick’, but he has admitted he thinks they have stolen ‘all the nice looking black men.’ He made these comments while in an interview with Peter LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality, Right Wing Watch reports.

Jackson said: ‘Their minds are perverted, they’re frankly very sick people psychologically, mentally and emotionally and they see everything through the lens of homosexuality. When they talk about love they’re not talking about love, they’re talking about homosexual sex. So they can’t see clearly.’

Once again… a whole lot to unpack in even just this snippet of a statement.

Mr. Jackson seems to believe either that a) good-looking black men are all gay, or b) that black men are so sexually flexible that they can be “bewitched” away from strict heterosexuality by gay men who are intentionally picking* “the nice looking ones”. Either interpretation is weird enough to beggar belief. In either case, Mr. Jackson is insulting straight black men by saying that they’re not particularly ‘nice-looking’, or at least not ‘nice-looking’ enough to warrant homoerotic interference at the hands of the man-stealing gay cabal. He further insults straight black women by pretty much saying they’re not sexually appealing enough to prevent ‘their men’ from getting homo-poached. And of course he insults pretty much every single gay person on the planet, but something tells me that was intentional.

Here’s the reality. The only black men being ‘stolen’ by homosexuality are gay black men. And they’re not being ‘stolen’ by (other) gay men, they’re simply more likely to be in a position to make their own decisions without fear of public and widespread condemnation (if there are even more ‘out’ gay black men around, a claim which Mr. Jackson of course does not back up with anything like evidence). And the phrase “lens of homosexuality”… where have we heard that kind of language before? Ah yes, from Paul “gay sex is like heroin” Cameron. And in the vein of Mr. Cameron’s extremism and clear internal struggles, we’ve got to ask what is going on in Mr. Jackson’s mind if all of the black men he finds “nice-looking” turn out to be gay?

Oh but wait, there’s more:

He also warned that gay rights advocates have an “authoritarian, totalitarian spirit” and seek to put anyone who disagrees with them in jail. Jackson even claimed that supporters of gay rights “want to destroy” their largely Christian opponents but will ultimately have to “stand before Him in judgment for their rebellion.”

(snip)

“They’ve got to transform the culture in order to make their lifestyles fully acceptable to everyone. I used two words to describe what they’re trying to do: authoritarian and totalitarian, and I believe that. I believe that they are of a mindset that says we want to destroy in any way we need to anyone who dares oppose this agenda, that’s a very, very dangerous approach. They don’t just say tolerate us and you may think we’re wrong and that’s okay; no, it’s not okay for you to even think that or to believe that even if you do so because of sincerely held religious beliefs, you better either change your beliefs or prepare to suffer persecution and that’s just where they’re coming from.”

Well ain’t that the pot calling the kettle gay…

Remember all those times when people were brutally beaten to death for not supporting gay equality? Remember all those politicians who rose to prominence by vowing to outlaw heterosexual marriage? All those preachers and faux-psychologists who started up “straight re-education camps” so that they could “pray in the gay”? All those sincere believing homophobes who were bullied by their parents and their classmates to the point of suicide? All those prominent gayvangelical ministers who condemned heterosexuality from their pulipts as… hmm, I’m short on hateful language here. Help me out, somebody?:

“…a horrible sin, it poisons culture, it destroys families, it destroys societies; it brings the judgment of God unlike very few things that we can think of.”

Ah, thank you. Who was the horrible authoritarian anti-straight bigot who said that? Oh, my mistake. That’s a quote from Mr. Jackson about homosexuality.

You remember all those things, right? No? Well Mr. Jackson does, because he lives in a parallel universe where it’s always opposite day and straight people are a tiny minority facing rampant persecution from Big Gay and “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood is the national anthem of the Gaynited Gaytes of Gaymerica. And yet it’s gay people who see everything through a “lens of homosexuality”, right?

One more quote:

Look, they claim that we hate them and there is nothing we can do to persuade them otherwise because if you don’t go along with what they want to do they’re going to label you as a hater. But if they could see into our hearts and see the love of God that we have for them and the desire to see them set free they’d have a whole new picture but they simply can’t see it because they’re spiritually darkened.

And herein lies the bright shiny silver lining of the cloud of falsehoods that emanates forth from Mr. Jackson’s face-hole like a frankenstorm of bullshit: people do see the “love of God” as evinced by him and his cohort. It’s perhaps never been more evident than it is now. And when the “love of God” means getting branded as mentally and emotionally sick, inviting the judgment of a vengeful deity, and responsible for the destruction of society, simply for trying to live as everyone else does and love who you choose openly and without fear, they start to ask the obvious question “how does he know that?” Then they start to pull back the curtain and see that the Great and Powerful God is actually just a frightened, angry little man, frantically pulling levers and bemoaning the loss of all the “nice-looking” men.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: there’s no way that anything an atheist says or does to undermine religion can even come close to the damage it does to itself.

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*I almost wrote ‘cream-skimming’ there.

25 comments

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  1. 1
    sharoncrawford

    >>he thinks they have stolen ‘all the nice looking black men.’ <<

    Could he steal one for me, please?

    "Pray in the gay"

    I think you mean Pray away the gay. (Don't think either one works, actually.)

  2. 2
    Crommunist

    No, I meant “pray in the gay”, because this is the kind of thing that happens on Mr. Jackson’s bizarro-world. All of the straight boys and girls who are sent to anti-Bible camps to have their straightness fixed. It’s a thing! I saw it in a dream once.

  3. 3
    Miriam, Professional Fun-Ruiner

    I’m getting so confused. I thought being gay was A Choice. How is it that gays are Stealing Teh Black Menz if being gay is A Choice? I think he meant to say that black men are Choosing to be gay.

    On a more serious note, I’m so happy this post was posted in the category “crapitalism.”

  4. 4
    jamessweet

    black men are so sexually flexible that they can be “bewitched” away from strict heterosexuality by gay men who are intentionally picking* “the nice looking ones”.

    You know, like you, I am skeptical of the meme that “gay haters are all just closet cases”… but I really wonder when people in the Religious Right talk about how everybody is just being tempted away to being gay because it’s so awesome. It all just makes too much perfect sense if you imagine that the speaker is gay, but denying it to hirself. If you think you are straight, but you find yourself aroused by the idea of homosexual sex, then you might presume that other “fellow heterosexuals” feel the same way… that everybody is resisting the temptation to have mind-blowing gay sex.

  5. 5
    Rutee Katreya

    Oh but wait, there’s more:

    He makes Julien fries?

    “They’ve got to transform the culture in order to make their lifestyles fully acceptable to everyone. I used two words to describe what they’re trying to do: authoritarian and totalitarian, and I believe that. I believe that they are of a mindset that says we want to destroy in any way we need to anyone who dares oppose this agenda, that’s a very, very dangerous approach. They don’t just say tolerate us and you may think we’re wrong and that’s okay; no, it’s not okay for you to even think that or to believe that even if you do so because of sincerely held religious beliefs, you better either change your beliefs or.”

    Damn. But no, it’s not sufficient for you assholes to ‘tolerate’ us. We’re not done until you accept us as equals, Sincerely held bunkum or not. I have no fear you’ll be persecuted for being a bigotted asshole though. That doesn’t really happen.

  6. 6
    Rutee Katreya

    You know, like you, I am skeptical of the meme that “gay haters are all just closet cases”… but I really wonder when people in the Religious Right talk about how everybody is just being tempted away to being gay because it’s so awesome.

    Yeah, following the example of a spectacular friend, I prefer ‘allegedly straight’ when people pull the “MY OWN GENDER IS SO HOT BUT I SOLDIER THROUGH BECAUSE RELIGION/EVOPSYCHE/WHATEVER”. It’s flatly untrue that all heterosexists are deep in the closet, but there’s a few where that’s actually plausible or accurate.

  7. 7
    penasquito

    1. ‘homo-poach’ is my new favorite verb.

    2. “*I almost wrote ‘cream-skimming’ there.” CLOSE ONE.

  8. 8
    fredericksparks

    Well, this stolen good looking black gay man really appreciates the compliment

  9. 9
    Crommunist

    DISCLAIMER: I’ve met fredericksparks in person. He does indeed look very nice.

  10. 10
    Argle Bargle

    He also warned that gay rights advocates have an “authoritarian, totalitarian spirit” and seek to put anyone who disagrees with them in jail.

    That is some strong projection on Jackson’s part.

  11. 11
    Pierce R. Butler

    So, when I see an available parking space, I can safely assume it’s hetero, and won’t, like, try to fool around with my exhaust pipe?

    You can’t imagine what a relief it is to learn this!

  12. 12
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    This is a terrible insult to all the hetero men who have been imprisoned or castrated by the gay hegemony. It’s time to put and end to the homonormative bigotry and free the straight man.

  13. 13
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    It all just makes too much perfect sense if you imagine that the speaker is gay, but denying it to hirself. If you think you are straight, but you find yourself aroused by the idea of homosexual sex, then you might presume that other “fellow heterosexuals” feel the same way… that everybody is resisting the temptation to have mind-blowing gay sex.

    Or, if you’re A) bisexual and B) misogynistic. Awesome sex with no icky women involved – EWW NO THAT’S AGAINST GOD’S WILL!

    (I wonder how this dialogue will change in 8000 years when people become aware that male bisexuality exists.)

  14. 14
    Francisco Bacopa

    I don’t think parking places go to prison. Stupid laws and selective enforcement have taken a good chunk of the black men who likely would have turned out all right.

    While I don’t believe that ALL the dudes railing about the supposed “homo-poaching” are closet cases, there certainly have been a few that were found to swing that way.

    Seriously, I’ve heard preachers talking like almost all of us would go totally gay if we weren’t forced into strict heterosexuality.

  15. 15
    ck

    I think most of them are probably deeply repressed people, and have some element to their personality that they’re deeply horrified by (sexual or otherwise), and feel the need to police everyone else’s behavior since they know how hard it is. It’s sort of akin to some former alcoholics who feel obligated to fix everyone else’s addictions, real or not, regardless of whether the person they’re trying to fix wants it or not.

  16. 16
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Speaking as a male bisexual, I’m gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Any guy who says that sex with men is just so mind-blowingly better than sex with women that any man who isn’t actively prevented from having it will go mansex exclusively is not really bi to any meaningful extent. That guy is gay, gay, gay.

  17. 17
    Daniel Schealler

    I’m coming around to the opinion that Kinsey 1-2s are far more common than people realize because cultural expectations regarding sexuality and gender roles pushes them into professing and practising a Kinsey 0 sexual lifestyle that they find satisfying enough that they can go with it and still be sexually satisfied.

  18. 18
    Suido

    You know what phrase is starting to piss me off? ‘Sincerely held beliefs.’

    I rarely, if ever, have seen it attached to anything that isn’t a)objectionable or b) ludicrous.

    Sure, a demonstration of honesty can be persuasive, but it just strikes me as a version of protesting too much – any genuinely sincere person shouldn’t feel the need to announce their sincerity.

  19. 19
    No Light

    DEMON be GONE-AH from the SOUL of this poor SINNER!

    Nope. It’s fixed stronger than RuPaul’s tuck.

    See, you’ve been gaywitched by the gayhanced gaythoritarian powers of FrederickGAYSparks.

  20. 20
    Anthony K

    Since no one else has said it yet, this straight man* would like it noted for the record that Crommunist is very a handsome man indeed.

    *No poacho. I understand there are little doohickeys you can buy that will let you poach something in the microwave in minutes. This depravity knows no bounds…

  21. 21
    Crommunist

    I dunno about “very handsome”, but yeah the brotha’s got game.

    Left undiscussed here is perhaps the fact that the overlap between “nice” and “gay” is the absence of the kind of swaggering machismo and objectification of women that is shoved into the definition of male heterosexuality. Put another way, if a guy isn’t constantly a threat or a jerk, maybe he starts to look more appealing, and then *bingo*, he turns out to be gay.

    Which isn’t to say that all straight men are grabby assholes, but at a population level there may be a correlation.

  22. 22
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    Yar, despite the uncertainty or mild protest from the Crommunist, I think you are right.

    But Ian continues with a very good observation/speculation.

  23. 23
    composer99

    Welcome to the Gaynited Gaytes of Gaymerica – complete with their very own C.I.Gay.

  24. 24
    Mal Adapted

    I can’t bring myself to listen to that interview. Did he really say something like “good-looking black men are all gay”?

  25. 25
    Holms

    - Article starts with an intentionally failed joke…
    - Which leads to a note that the joke got screwed up…
    - DID SOMEONE SAY SCREWED UP?! SHIT GUYS THAT REMINDS ME OF THIS INTERVIEW!

    *article intro complete*

    So the entire point of the intro was that you fucked it deliberately just to provide a tie-in of sorts to the subject proper. You need to pursue a new career writing article tie-ins and segues for ‘current affairs’ type shows, they love that labyrinthine stuff.

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