I am an unconsoleable wretch. I am 15,500km from home, parted from my beloved on this day when we should be together. This is our 30th wedding anniversary, we’ve known each other now for 45 years (we had a long engagement), and I’m in Melbourne, Australia, while she’s in Morris, Minnesota.
I sigh. I have a bottle of wine here I’ll be drinking alone. Because of the time difference, she’ll be sleeping while I’m awake and vice versa. We’ll celebrate when I get back on Sunday.
Until then, all I can say is that thirty years is not enough.
Oh, and any rascals who might be sniffing about the finest lady around while I’m away might want to recall the story of Penelope and Odysseus: you won’t be getting anywhere, and I will be back.
Congratulations PZ & Trophy Wife on such an anniversary. It is a wonderous thing when we find that person that we were always meant to be with. Some of us never do but it doesn’t prevent me from seeing the beauty and romance in it.
I wouldn’t recommend taking the same route home as Odysseus.
Oh sure…… she’ll be sleeping.
Whatever helps you get through the day, PZ
:D
i don’t believe you. atheists are horrible moralless and sex obsessed hedonists who screw everything that moves (and some things that don’t) and who don’t understand the sanctity of marriage.
Happy Monkey for 30 years PZ :-)
May the next 30 be everything you could ever need and I hope that’s a good bottle of Australian wine your drinking.
BTW give the tech drones at science blogs a good swift kick in the posterior for me please, I have to request a reset of my password EVERY time I try to log in to post and its getting tiresome, its not like I’m changing the password every time to something obscure.
I don’t believe you. We’re trying to destroy marriage, remember? Why would we talk about it so much if it wasn’t sanctified!?
Bad jokes aside, you’ll have a better tomorrow, PZ.
Just remember the bit about the bed and the olive tree, or there might be unpleasant consequences.
P.S. Why yes, I am rather anal-retentive, how can you tell?
Happy anniversary, PZ and Trophy Wife! May your next thirty years be as happy and loving as the last.
Do you know what makes a great anniversary gift? Cheesecake! :-D Congratulations PZ and Trophy Wife™, here’s to a another 30+ years.
You’re still in Melbourne. Sheesh. If I’d known I would’ve invited you to a few beers to stop you feeling down. Oh well, you’ll be heading to Canberra soon….
Happy Monkey and happy Aniversary.
yes
You’re a soft touch old man.
But… but that’s impossible. The babble says that only True BeleeversTM can have long term stable relationships.
This can only mean one thing. PZ’s a closet theist!
Happy anniversary, PZ & TW! May our squid overlords smile upon your union for many more decades.
In honour of your special day, we just had an earthquake in Southern California.
Happy Anniversary, PZ and TW! May you celebrate many more together.
God really does have crappy aim, doesn’t he
Happy anniversary to PZ and the TW. Hope you are able to spend the rest of them together.
Congrats! That’s longer then me. As in my life. Sheesh.
If you’re still around Melbourne town on Thursday PZ you’re welcome to come out to Uni of Melb and we’ll cheer you up :) (Can you tell I’m still a bit cut at not being able to make it to anything you’ve been at so far? You should really just enjoy your last few days of holidays, ignore me)
The rest of you Melbourne bums the UMSS are putting on a response info/discussion session on Thursday to counter the recent spate of Creationists handing out Comfort’s pathetic attempt at undermining Darwin/Atheism/Rationality at many of the local universities. Anyone can come along and have fun picking apart the Creationist movement!
Happy anniversary to you and the trophy wife P.Z!! All the best :)
PS. If I were in Minnesota, I’d be sniffing around…
PPS I live in Scotland. Who’s that lovely Scottish girl in the photo? Can I have her number? :D
Congratulations. You ought to share your secret for how to avoid teh gayism destroying your marriage, since that’s apparently such a threat.
Happy anniversary to you and to the Trophy Wife! May there be many more happy years to come.
Sounds a bit like the script for Ladyhawke. Do you turn into a wolf at night and the Trophy wife a Hawke by day?
Happy anniversary and wishes for many more.
Oh man!! I got snagged by the snagger for not saying Darn instead of that banned work I used! Ha! Didn’t even pay attention. Sigh.
Oh well. I STILL wish you the best on your anniversary!
JC
… word, not work.
Need
More
Coffee.
… and just in case that banned post never makes it – Cowcakes, you so beat me to that.
JC
Hi PZ – Happy Anniversary! You make sure you bring the TW something nice back from Oz for her anniversary! I’m recommending a nice, traditional Kangaroo Scrotum coin-purse…
I’m pretty sure 30 years is Scrotum…
Paper, Wood, Crystal, Silver, Scrotum
yeah
I didn’t realise anyone else had seen that film. (I always wanted that bishop to play prior Robert in Cadfael.)
Happy 30.014th anniversary Paul&Mary! May there be many many more.
Hmm, Odysseus eh? Well, top marks for devotion, but hardly a model of connubial fidelity during his peregrinations…
Poor PZ. All us Australians appreciate the sacrifice you made by coming down here. Very Christlike, as usual.
But shurely as a noted fish biologist you know that emotions are all just chemical reactions in the brain. You can usually dilute the annoying ones with ethanol.
*hugs*
Let’s raise a glass for the Trophy Wife on Saturday!
I don’t mean to be picky, but did you mean “inconsolable”?
Also, remind her to keep the bow ready.
One wonders just who is tying our professorial Odysseus to the mast in an effort to keep him away from the Sirens?
Happy anniversary!
We made quite a fuss when my parents reached their sixtieth anniversary. Fortunately, they did it before my sixtieth birthday, demonstrating that what people say about me is technically untrue.
You’re halfway there now, PZ. Congratulations! And may the next thirty be even better than the first thirty.
Congratulations PZ! I’ll be getting married this year and also hope so spend many long years with my very own TW.
I’m sure you’ll enjoy Sunday all the more as a result of being away today :)
С годовщиной, ПЗ и жена-трофей
Happy d@mn anniversary, PZ!
PZ! You’re not an unconsoleable wretch! You took the time to remember your long lived togetherness and time to even post about it! I think that is awesome.
My wife and I have an anniversary coming up on the 13th of next month. We will have been married 9 years! To me, it still seems like the 1st year. I love her so much, if she ever leaves me, I’m going with her. =)
Take care & Happy Anniversary!
@infinitelife_ (twitter)
String up the bow for slaying those pesky suitors, and make it up to her, big guy.
PZ & TW – Many happy returns…
So THAT explains the flood of news stories about massive traffic jams in Minnesota.
Congrats Ma and Pa Myers. A song for you:
All of us young’uns can only imagine what it feels like to be married for so long.
Happy anniversary to PZ and his woman.
@ Charlie Foxtrot
And when you rub it, it turns into a suitcase.
/try the veal
So you’re comparing yourself to Odysseus, planning on flying back from Australia…
Is this setting up the sequel to Lost?
Happy anniversary PZ and TW.
My dad likes to say, “Yeah, I’ve have 40 fantastic years with that woman. The other twenty weren’t so bad either.”
Happy 30th! Send her an email or something that doesn’t require her to be awake :)
Many congratulations.
My sympathies to the Trophy Wife … for your not being there, of course!
My wife and I have the same anniversary as PZ and the Trophy Wife!! That makes our anniversary today all the more exciting.
Congrats. I hope my marriage lasts as long.
I also hope I can remember when our anniversary is. Some time in August, I think.
Congratz to you and your wife! May you have many more.
Many years ago my wife and I spent our first anniversary apart. I was in also in Australia at the time (she was in Japan). The celebration was still sweet when we met up again two weeks later.
Congratulations. I can just about remember my 30th wedding anniversary, so my memory is better than I thought :o)
Sili – Surely you are joking? Even now, my entire family, when faced with nearly any obstacle of any sort in the way will say “Walk on the LEFT side!”
And come on! Broderick’s line at the beginning of the movie is priceless:
“… not unlike escaping mother’s womb. God. What a memory.”
JC
Congratulations PZ! Hope she brought in the ice fishing hut for you… the weather has been getting pretty nice in Minnesota don’t cha kno…
How’s her weaving coming along?
Happy 30th though!
Happy anniversary, Professor Myers.
Aw, happy anniversary, PZ and Trophy Wife! I hope your next 30+ years are even happier!
Happy Anniversary to you and the TW! I hope my marriage is always as wonderful as yours!!!
This can only mean one thing. PZ’s a closet theist!
As a rational being, he worships Trophy Wife.
CONGRATS!
To you both.
Happy anniversary, PZ & TW!!!!
I hope Mr. Endor waxes so romantic about me when we hit the 30 year mark. I guess I’ll have to keep him happy for the next 25 years. . .
A happy anniversary to you PZ. And enjoy the latest SMBC theater.
PZ,I am assuming you are planning to make it up to Mary for missing the anniversary.
Here is to hoping that Mary finds it to be worthwhile.
Well then, Happy Anniversary to you and the Trophy Wife™!
That’s not atheists, just me.
Congratulations on 30 years of wedded bliss.
Cheers.
Many congrats to you both!
So sorry to hear about the (temporary) isolation. I’m sure you and TW will make up for it when you get home.
In the meantime, here’s something that might just make you smile.
My wife’s grandparents celebrated their 72cd anniversary just a couple of weeks ago.They’re still mobile and in good health in their 90’s. So here’s to you and Mary, I hope you both are healthy and happy for your many anniversaries to come.
Congratulations to you and the Trophy Wife. I wish you many more happy years together!
Many congrats to you and the missus!
BTW, I found that a really nice Opal (because it’s Australia, after all) piece of jewelry can make a nice “Sorry I wasn’t there.” statement.
Happy anniversary, PZ&TW :)
Even if you get to celebrate it a bit late.
:-S Now that’s a threat. Was that specifically included to annoy the Colgate Twins?
“I’ll be back.”
– Terminator
:-}
Who knew PZed had such a soft side?
Warmest felicitations of the day to you and the Trophy Wife, and hopes for 30 more years!
Many congratulations to the both of yah!
And now I’ll never, EVER be able to read Homer without envisioning Odessyus speaking in an Austrian accent…thanks for that….
Drown you hiraeth in a carton of Boag’s Draught, PZ.
http://www.boags.com.au/
That Pure stuff I haven’t tasted, but guess it will make do too.
Congratulations old chap; the Lady Bridget & I are coming up on our 30th as well – and I’m only just 50. I think I was the only second year undergrad that was married; seems like a really bad idea but somehow it keeps on working.
Congratulations! May there be another happy 45!
I have the impression that black pearls can be had at reasonable prices in Oz, as well as opals.
Or maybe she’d like a pet galah… OK, no.
Meanwhile, may you enjoy today in anticipation, and enjoy the homecoming celebration too. Happy anniversary, and many more to you both!
Happy Anniversary, PZ and TW!
Maybe this will make the Trophy Wife feel better about you down there knocking back a bottle of wine.
Joking aside. Congrats on years 30/45. My wife and I just celebrated 25/27 and I’m amazed how lucky I’ve been these last 27 years.
Yeah, like, who hasn’t seen Ladyhawke? It’s got Ferris Bueller and Klang from Help!, and lots of beautifully-shot raptor footage, and also, if there was a god, it’d be Michelle Pfeiffer circa 1985.
PZ in Melbourne; TW in Morris.
Hate to say this, but I think we have a winner.
Sorry, TW. Try again next year.
(Happy Anniversary anyway.)
Note to PZ: Next time, take TW with you. Just a suggestion.
MikeM
Congratulations to you and the TW, here’s to another 30!
Be rational, Professor: “30 years” is a combination of an arbitrary number system with an accidental orbital period, so it means nothing!
And I’m sure the Trophy Wife would agree…
I don’t think Odysseus got rid of the suitors with irate blog posts. You may be in for trouble at home.
But seriously: congratulations.
Congratulations to you and the TW, here’s to another 30!
Aaaw. Happy Anniversary, PZ & Trophy Wife. I hope you have many more happy years ahead of you.
We just had our 31st anniversary on the 11th. :)
Sorry for the DP.
Congratulations.
Many couples “blessed by the holy spirit” are lucky to make it to 30 months.
Took me a second to realize this wasn’t a reference to dinosaurs.
Took me a second to realize this wasn’t a reference to… ummm… never mind… move along; nothing to see here… <blush>
Here´s to you and the TW, PZ.
Psychodigger
Must you go there, Bill? It’s an anniversary for FSM’s sake. Seriously, some people’s children…
Happy Anniversary PZM and M(TW)M!
30 years married to the same woman and Godless?
See, if you’d been a prominent believer by now you’d have been caught throwing creamcakes at a naked whore (who tempted you), done crystal meth, fucked an oiled rent boy several ways up despite being straight and being born again (again) as your wife ‘stood by you’.
They do know how to live these believers.
Happy wedding anniversary for when you get back into the arms of Trophy Wife.
Happy Anniversary.
May you spend many more together in health and happiness.
Brownian:
What, you don’t think it’s relevant? <BeatificallyInnocentSmile>
The beauty part of a comment like that is that “some people’s children” will be blissfully unaware of the implication (unless, of course, they’re worldly enough not to be shocked by it); you, I note for the record, seem to have had no difficulty in apprehending my general drift. ;^)
Happy Anniversary to both!
I have the impression that black pearls can be had at reasonable prices in Oz, as well as opals. – Ron Sullivan
According to a revoltingly materialistic site that I won’t link to, the 30th is the pearl anniversary – so if not quite a cephalopod, you could give her something molluscoidal, PZ!
Kudos to the Trophy WifeTM for being patience.
off topic:
Crancky uncle ratzi to visit England and the Scottland.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100316/ap_on_re_eu/eu_britain_pope_s_visit
Happy Anniversary to you both! I’m sure your belated celebration will be lovely–and I endorse a gift of Pearls for the 30th. Mr.Dr. Danio and I will celebrate lucky 13 this July in a tropical location to be determined shortly. Hooray for Atheist Luuuuuvvvv.
Well, that is my mutant power. If there’s a connotation of that sort anywhere to be found, I will see it immediately. But since we’re on the subject, I hope you’ll appreciated the photography on this site: http://www.dpchallenge.com.
Congratulations PZ and TW!! Many more anniversaries!
PZ — you mean you didn’t bring TW with you? I had to turn down a network install in Hawai’i because I couldn’t bring Shadow-spouse (only 20 years’ married).
Cowcakes @22: PZ would turn into a squid.
I really think that PZ would update the arsenal — a crossbow at least to deal with the suitors.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Robert Ingersoll’s 1877 speech “The Liberty of Man, woman and Child”
http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/liberty_of_all.html:
“You had better be the emperor of one loving and tender heart, and she the empress of yours, than to be king of the world. The man who has really won the love of one good woman in this world, I do not care if he dies in the ditch a beggar, his life has been a success.”
So you’ve known the love of your life since you were 8 years old. congrats on meeting your soulmate so young! Doesn’t happen to enough of us.
As for this comment:
Now that is what I call a statement of real affection!
Ha! You will never get past the isle of the Harpies!
I wish I had something better with which to console you, PZ, but here’s a somewhat maudlin video you can send your sweetie: “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?”
And to take the edge off the maudlin, here’s the news that the guy who last year called retiring Supreme Court justice a “goat-f–ing child molester” has now been hired by CNN as part of their Kneel Down And Worship Even Incredibly Lame-Ass Republicans program.
Here’s a bit of nostalgia from Ken Ham’s favorite TV show:
Broanian said
Oh dang. For half a tick there, I thought you were talking about this site. I have a few entries over there, even finished “close to the top” on one or two. I am getting there – again.
Y’all have to tell me what you think of that 10th place entry… I dunno – it seems kind of strangely appropriate for this thread … somehow…
JC
Hm, I wonder if PZ actually read the Odyssey.
Bringing up Odysseus, who was having a randy old time with Calypso (and less with Circe) for many of the years he was away, doesn’t seem like the best way to please the wife who was left home.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p
Happy Anniversary, PZ.
On a more depressing note, the wonderful Catherine Denevy has her regular column up on the Age website today: http://tiny.cc/7uLTx
The comments are even worse than usual, and someone accuses Taslima Nasrin of lying to sell more books.
Well we appreciate your dedication in missing your anniversary to be at the convention!
It was wonderful!
Happy Anniversary to you and TW!
Cheers
kazzaqld
Best wishes and Congratulations PZ and Trophy Wife. Wow, 30 rotations around the local star. Very cool.
Keep writing, we’re all looking forward to the result.
TW must be a very special lady to let you go half way round the world without her & miss your 30th.
Happy Anniversary to you both!
:-D
But it’s a specifically Styrian accent, with the specifically Styrian -or- most notably.
How could you have known the Trophy Wife(tm) for 45 years? Didn’t she only turn 29 on her last birthday?!!?
Obviously they met in HEAVEN before being born, duh!!
Happy anniversary!
and now we know why PZ was fooling around with Chloe.
Happy Anniversary, you two! You’re halfway there!
Steve
BruceJ | March 16, 2010 12:32 PM:
PZ mentions Odysseus while in Australia, and then you imagine Odysseus speaking as if he was from Austria?
You know, I’ve been reading this blog since 2004, but there are times when I think I’ll never understand its denizens.
@ Glendavidson 105-
Did you see what he did to that painting?
Happy anniversary PZ and TW! You’ve been married 12 years longer than I’ve been alive.
As a pedant to spoil the otherwise nice sentiments, the word is, “inconsolable”. Sorry but you normally are so accurate and write once only so fluently!
@116: it’s because of the “I’ll be back”, which is of course the constant tagline of Arnie. That’s Austrian-accented film star/governor of California Arnie, of course, not Abbie Smith’s dog.
It’s hardly relevant anyway, since we established when they filmed Troy (hawk, spit) that Odysseus has a Yorkshire accent.
Congrats PZ! And a toast to yourself and the Trophy Wife, may the best of your past be the worst of your future.
Huzzah for you PZ and Mary! May you have 30 more.