Uh-oh. The word is out. Being an atheist evolutionist means all the porn you could want and being surrounded by big bags of money.
Good thing he left off the orgies. If people know about the orgies, we’d never get any peace.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
“Being an atheist evolutionist means all the porn you could want and being surrounded by big bags of money.”
I fail to see how this is any different from being a televangelist…
What is he reading, some kind of a text book on porn? Because I’ve never seen any porn magazine with a cover like that.
“Good thing he left off the orgies. If people know about the orgies, we’d never get any peace.”
I tell you, if my significant other ever found out about those atheist orgies, I’d be in quite the pickle. Oh well, I could always just buy her agreement with one of my big bags of money.
But we don’t. We’re constantly being disturbed by someone wanting to geCENSORED with the ferret.
Bob
Did any of you happen to look around the website and read the other cartoons?
This person is seriously disturbed. Seriously under educated. And frankly the poster boy for delusion.
Yeah, Uber, I was just about to say that I just read his other cartoons, and man, they couldn’t be less funny. All he does is take a creationist talking point, and draw a stupid-looking character saying it.
“I fail to see how this is any different from being a televangelist…”
the difference is the televangelist isn’t willing to share his porn stash.
Like “Your’ Inner Fish” showed; scientists get such luxuries from us tax payers as dome tents on Arctic islands. Then there is how PZ keeps on bragging about his caviar and Champagne lifestyle. There should be a word for this “Prosperity Science”; Charles Darwin loves you and wants to make you rich.
Notice the “favored races” highlighted on the Origins there. This ignorance is appearing in a lot of creationist claptrap, now, and also in an editorial by Tony Campolo (Wm. Clinton’s spiritual advisor, so it is claimed).
The longer Expelled trailer also scans over the title of Origins starting at the bottom where “races” shows up, in an obvious attempt to dishonestly taint that book with racial ideas which do not appear in the book–or in its title, for anyone brighter than, say, Kevin Miller or Walt Ruloff.
Anyway, just thought I’d mention that the cartoon follows the same ignorance as Expelled and the ignorant Campolo.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
PZ, sssh, if you talk too much about the orgies, other people might get interested. We’ve got to be careful about keeping the blood pure and the faith righteous.
/lol
That site is hilarious. Read the writings. He has a bit in there about trying to convert some Mormons which is so drenched in irony that it should be considered a treatment for anemia.
It’s not that theists don’t have their kind of porn, but it’s a bit more subtle…
http://peloton69.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/jesus.jpg
Hang on just a bloody minute. We get orgies?
Why wasn’t I informed during the orientation? Is this in the information pack? And where are my bags of cash?
That’s because you haven’t denied the true god…Mithras.
#12: Subtle or not, it must be awesome because I can’t access it from my work computer.
I’ve been an atheist “evilutionist” for a while now, and I’ve never gotten bags of either porn or money. What am I doing wrong? Is there someone I should be contacting to get these bags delivered to my house? Is there a shipping fee involved?
Sorry, but my brain shorted out around the second panel:
“God’s invisible qualities… have been clearly seen…”
I know, I know, craziness quoted from the original source, but shouldn’t someone explain what ‘invisible’ means?
That said, the ‘PORN’ book (you know, like “BEER”-brand beer?) was awesome.
So, god does not believe in atheists. Does that mean since I, a rabid atheist, exist, that god necessarily does not exist?
Excuse me while I swim in my sea of cash like some Scrooge McDuck pondering the point.
Seems I’ve come to the right place.
Pastor Dan’s kinda cute. I’d make some (private) porn with him.
What a Nuckolhead!
I love this bit (from another part)
“The Bible says there are one of two places a person will go after they die: heaven or hell. However, you may say, “I do not believe in hell!” The intensity by which one believes something does not change the truth of something. For instance, if I believed really, really hard that I could defy gravity by my mere mental power; would my sincere belief change the law of gravity? Of course not! If I sincerely believed that gravity was a hoax, and jumped out of a Boeing 747, I would not live too long… One’s fervor in belief does not change truth and reality. God’s word says that all lawbreakers will have their place in the lake of fire, which is the second death (Revelation 21:8). Hell is forever (Revelation 20:10). This is because our punishment needs to be eternal, because the sin is against an eternal God.”
My irony gland hurts
“It’s not that theists don’t have their kind of porn, but it’s a bit more subtle…”
Pffffffffffffffffft. Thanks for that visual haffax. Now I have to wipe the coffee off my screen.
Big bags of money?
The only big bags of money I anticipate are the ones that I hand over in paying off student loans I’ve accumulated while jettisoning most of my life in pursuit of actually figuring out the some answers to a few good questions. Seriously, anyone who thinks that “evilutionists” get big bags of money has never actually met one.
Aside from mycologists, I mean. Everybody knows they’re the rock stars of biology with tons of high-paying job prospects. That’s why I’m doing it. All those mycological millionaires… I want IN, baby!
The porn is pretty good, though. There’s nothing I like better than a nice set of sterigmata.
kevin @ 7: Well put!
haffax: Holy crap, is that a real Christian product? If so, that image has to be placed on a long, long list of probably unintentional but really graphic naughty images that the fundies always seem to produce (e.g. Ray Comfort and the banana). There’s something really Freudian going on in their heads, it seems…
@ haffax #12
What is that? Please? I see it, but what is it?
Did anyone catch the bio on the front page and how he claims that no one can refute his claims? Anyone want to take him up on that? I doubt he’d acknowledge it anyway, but hey…
And his artwork: it does suck. It isn’t horrible, but it’s not the least bit professional, in my sophomore-art-student-opinion.
Nah, the orgies are in there too.
Romans 1:24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.
Cartoon’s just silly.
I mean, who keeps their bags of money in the living room, piled up around their armchair? You could trip over ’em, there…
I keep the bills loose-leaf in a huge indoor swimming pool. Where I roll in ’em. With the $2,000/night escorts.
You forgot the Trophy Wife&trade and the shiny sports car. Plus, there’s all that cavorting and canoodling with the swimsuit models in that den of sin and inequity that is metropolitan Morris, MN.
Ok, i get the whole hating on darwin thing, but pasteur? WTF? God likes spoiled milk?
http://www.danspulpit.com/pastuers_first_attempt.html
#22
This makes no rational or otherwise sense at all:
The punishment must be eternal because God is eternal?
What would that matter as the sin is still finite? How would his duration have anything to do with the duration of the sin?
Infantile…and nuts.
I like this one, which implies that the holocaust was Darwin’s fault:
http://www.danspulpit.com/races.html
We even have an instruction guide: The Book of Vice: Naughty Things and How to Do Them
It’s a shame old danny boy doesn’t have a comments section on there.
Don @ 26: “What is that? Please? I see it, but what is it?”
With apologies to Cloverfield, here’s a hint: “I saw it! It’s alive! It’s huge!”
Pasteur set up a demonstration that refuted the popular assumption of “spontaneous generation” which had no “abiogenesis” in the opinion.
So began the “canning” of food and the “pasteurization” process of interrupting the designs of microorganisms on your milk.
The last panel makes atheism look so enticing. Siting watching TV with your feet up on bags of money (Unless there is nothing on TV). Shouldn’t the last panel show the guy burning in hell or in some kind of torment because of the empty lifestyle.
Oh oh ouch. I just went through a few of the other cartoons.
ouch ouch ouch
it burns.
http://www.danspulpit.com/carbon_dating.html
Instead of calling ourselves atheists, we should call ourselves the Lazies.
Too lazy to believe in god.
Too lazy to take over the world, and obviously too lazy to do all those things our complete lack of morals allow us to do.
I got that off the richard dawkins site. i would love to reference the author but i don’t know their name off hand.
Yet another twit who’ll get his comeuppance when he’s reincarnated as a caddisfly for his failure to recognise the supremity of Vishnu.
Have fun dodging those pike, retard.
You seem to be unaware of some basic legal principles. Everybody knows that anyone sentenced by a judge serves for as long as the judge lives. That’s why we set all the murderers and rapists free when the judges who sentence them die. A “life sentence” refers not to the lifespan of the convict but to that of the judge passing sentence.
Sheesh, don’t you atheists know anything?
This is the full text of the premise which begins the cartoon, and from which this particular bigot himself begins. And it’s largely Platonism, a “pagan philosophy” which found its way into a Jewish cult now called Christianity, which in its pure form is very nearly anti-science (Aristotle is the one who believed in observation, at least in biology).
I don’t mean to rag on Paul, either, since his anti-science attitude was becoming popular in the Roman Empire at the time, though he didn’t help anything in that respect. The point is that by now we know that his words “the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen,” not only sound like eastern paradox, they are nonsensical and worthless today (unless you enjoy that sort of thing as literature and “poetry”). We do not look around and understand the “invisible things,” or try to get at them by disputation and dialectic as Socrates strove to do. We have to get out there and actually observe what we can to understand the earth and the universe.
Paul has some excuse. Nuckols is a self-made idiot spouting the ancient “wisdom” that led to the “dark ages.”
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
O’mgosh, that cartoon reminded me — I, too, have forgotten to dust my Bible. If I’m going to display it prominently on its own special stand in the living room, like a good atheist, the least I can do is make sure I don’t let the spiders on the ceiling use it as a trampoline.
That’s what Dianetics is for.
Well this
shouldn’t be a surprise but it explains a lot.
Is there someone I should be contacting to get these bags delivered to my house?
That really ticks me off too. Hard-working academics in all fields desperately scrabbling around for a few dollars in grants to continue their research, most of which (a) contributes to the pool of human knowledge and (b) improves the human condition, while Oral fucking Roberts has a private plane, Benny Hinn lives in a $2M mansion, Robert Tilton, Pat Robertson, Billy Graham, and the rest of the prosperity christianists are ripping people off and rolling in cash. Then to top it off, make accusations about the evil Darwinist/climate change/whatever researchers in a conspiracy to fund their lavish lifestyles. The projection and the irony and the bullshit are painful.
How much money does the DI have? AiG? Any of the megachurches? How much money does the average university chemistry department have? How about the football coach? This is so fucked.
So he illustrates this with a picture of a guy reading The Big Book of Porn?
This will be a great surprise to anybody who was under the impression that porn was about “degrading their bodies without one another.”
Porn. You’ve been doing it wrong.
http://www.danspulpit.com/the_Son.html
I am converted. Sadly, I know believers that try to use this sort of play on word bullshit to make points.
Uber:
Actually, the magnitude of the sin does go to infinity at one point, but it’s an integrable sin-gularity.
Not an atheist but I get it:-)
haha, a few originals out here today.
I wanted to go to the local orgy, but Mrs FMC said I didn’t have anything nice to wear. :-(
The scientist looks really startled by what he sees when he’s looking at the (ever-so-helpfully-labeled) porn mag. Must be a chemist.
Apparently Firefox doesn’t believe in his site because it wouldn’t load, I had to open it in IE.
I’ve been a good evilutionist atheist, where are my sacks of money? Seriously, what in that is supposed to convince me to not be an atheist? I get porn, tv, comfy chair, and sacks of money (still looking for those), and you want me to trade that for reading the bible and sitting on uncomfortable pews on Sunday morning when I could be sleeping? Doesn’t seem like a fair trade.
I swear to FSM that I have spent 10 minutes trying to get how he connects atheism with porn and cash and how anyone ( xtain ) can read this cartoon and not think the need to be an atheist.
Atheist + porn = cash. Hmmmmm a new algebraic algorhythm??
OW!
firemancarl: “Atheist + porn = cash. Hmmmmm a new algebraic algorhythm??”
Well, I can see how a life in porn = cash, but the atheism part seems neither necessary nor sufficient for a truckload of dollars. Methinks our cartoonist has his facts confused…
#38: Exactly. I’m trying to figure out how this cartoon is supposed to be negative. Dude looks happy… the only message I’m getting from it is “ignore your Bible and start raking in the cash”.
Don’t you just love when creationists do our work for us?
http://www.danspulpit.com/optics.html
From the bio of this scribbler:
“My creation science cartoons … have received much flak form angry atheists and evolutionists. I find it funny that they never debate the facts I bring up, but will criticize the my humor, artwork, and intelligence.”
And while I know that not all homeschoolers are religious nutjobs, the nutjobs are the overwhelming majority. This one graduated homeschool in 2004 and then went on to TEACH other homeschool kids. He also “officially launched the series in my Dad’s creation science textbook for his homeschool students.”
Yup, that’s right, these cartoons are curriculum.
Damn it. I sold my soul to the Atheist Conspiracy and all I got was a lousy Richard Dawkins coffee mug. I want my damn porn and sacks of money now or I blow the lid off the Darwinist Secret Agenda.
Yikes. Now my brainmeats hurt.
One of my minor quibbles with creo fundies; they set their kids up to fail. I see it all the time.
This homeschooled moron has already failed. All he seems to know how to do is rant and rave about Jesus like any other street corner loser. And pass his ignorance on to others.
We live in a technological, complicated, fast moving world. So what is he going to do when the ignorance racket doesn’t pay off? Can’t even get a job digging ditches anymore. It is all done with machinery, often as not operated by an illegal immigrant.
*sigh* If only it were possible to withhold the fruits of rational inquiry from these assclowns. They’d go extinct in a few generations.
Actually, those darned Christian cartoonists have already blown the lid on our tentacle-beast orgies.
I’d click around his archives, but poor attempts at humor really make me sad (and people with such contempt for anyone smarter than them make me even sadder), and I’d have to see that big huge graphic of his face every time a page loaded. Unless you’re Kirsten Dunst, don’t do that.
Hey, check this boy’s site out. His ‘editorials’ reveal an ignornance on par with this type: he confuses the big bang with the theory of evolution, etc.
It’s always a good idea, no matter how nauseating, to read through this stuff in order to get a good idea of how really stupid they’re getting.
I’ve been dealing with them for 47 years and I am astonished that they are, as a group, actually getting dumber.
I used to be able to discourse with the rank and file believer about some substantial arguments over rather deep issues about religion, philosophy, etc. Our disagreements could be civil and each of us would benefit from the other’s point of view.
Now, the average believer is nothing better than a pinhead mouthing the stupid ravings of pseudo ‘scientists’ who wouldn’t know a fact if it bit them on the ass.
When I question an average believer about the most basic tenets of their religious sect or even the bible itself, they are clueless. And they are getting dumber about science, as well.
It’s as if they are spending all their time learning how to fight the ‘evils’ of science rather than learning their own faith.
Perhaps they’ll get so stupid about their own faith they’ll eventually forget what the hell was so important about it, anyway.
One can only hope.
#34 – I bought that book over Christmas; it was great.
I haven’t been invited to any orgies yet. Does that mean I’m not a real evolutionary biologist? If so, can I get some kind of compensation from my graduate school for the fake degree?
The comic’s link of atheism = porn+cash makes about as much sense as the gnomes’ business plan of underpants = profit.
“Damn it. I sold my soul to the Atheist Conspiracy and all I got was a lousy Richard Dawkins coffee mug. I want my damn porn and sacks of money now or I blow the lid off the Darwinist Secret Agenda.”
Take it easy man, your shipment of porn and sacks of money is on its way.
Gnnnnnrgggggg….. GAH! I browsed the “comics” on Dan’s Pulpit. What an steaming pile of smug, insipid, ill-educated crap! Links like these need a NSFSB tag.
What I really liked was the last panel, where the guy is watching the nature program on TV instead of looking at the beautiful nature in the big picture window behind the TV. Two things wrong with that:
1) The atheists I know passionately love nature;
2) Nobody — not even an evil, foolish atheist — would set up their TV in front of a window. It would make it unwatchable.
And I’m vastly entertained by the porn book titled “Porn” and the bags of money with the dollar signs on them. Especially the latter. Did those ever really exist, or is it one of those things like the poor person wearing a barrel and the spherical black bomb that only exists in cartoons?
I was going to ask why the evil, foolish atheist would have a giant bible on an end table in his living room. But then I remembered that I have a giant bible on an end table in my living room. Comes in handy for arguments with theists. So never mind.
He finds it funny that those who comment about his cartoons is that they wont debate ideas but comment on his humor, artwork and intelligence? I’m guessing they read more than one cartoon, it followed a simple progression:
“Hmmm, what does he say here? [raised eyebrow]”
“They can’t all be that bad …”
“Okay, maybe one more…”
“Wow, what a fucking no talent idiot…”
I went through that progression in 4 cartoons flat, sound about par for the course?
By tomorrow morning, I will have forgotten about this little joker.
Ooh, I totally need that “No God Allowed Here!” sign for my lab.
God Does Not Believe in Atheists
Reminds me of the Godling’s Glossary:
Atheist, n. God’s way of mocking the faithful.
I’ve seen this guys work before…glad he has more. It takes a certain degree of humor impairment to think that Darwin’s mom finding a lost sausage “missing link” pun is amusing enough to make a whole strip out of. He apparently thinks of cartooning as not a creative pursuit that might make some people laugh, but more of a propaganda tool.
Oh, and speaking of the GG (#73), check out ‘E’ and ‘R’ while you’re there.
Mike(#24)
DAMN! I KNEW I should have kept dating that mycologist. Stupid me…but how was I to know he was going to end up with all the science money? He wasn’t even an atheist…
ALWAYS date a mycologist if you can. They’re really fungis.
[Ba-dum-boom]
Atheist orgies? It’s hard enough getting you characters out of your clothes. You are so convinced nobody’s watching you when you’re all alone you’ve developed this obsession with privacy. Usually takes 3 beers or two wine coolers to suppress your inhibitions and stiffen your resolve.
Understanding the full implications of life after death—and most theists don’t get it ether, means losing your inhibitions in that department (hopefully to be replaced by discretion, since boning in the park tends to upset some witnesses).
What implications? Dead people are watching you. No matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, dead people are watching you. Your long deceased Aunt Edna, some 10 year old who just died of leukemia down the street, Father Murphy are all watching as you and the Misses commit wild monkey sex, and reviewing your performance.
Kid: My little brother knows more about foreplay, and he’s four.
Thousands of generations of dead people are watching everything you do, and boy do they have things to say to you when you croak. Accept it, get used to it, and stop letting your privacy fetish ruin your orgies. Pork in front of witnesses, you’re doing it already.
But seriously…
Had a look at the cartoon in question. The writing is self-important crap. The art? I have seen worse art in professionally published comic strips. But, I’m not prone to basing my conclusions on some clowns statements or deeds. Dan is a horrid dweeb and a good cartoonist.
Being willing to acknowledge the bad in the good, and the good in the bad, is the surest sign of emotional maturity.
Did the woman in the cartoon Captain Sunshine linked to remind anyone of Asian American Reporter Trish Takanawa from Family Guy? I wouldn’t think Dan is supposed to be watching that show.
Money for being a non believer? Yeah, right. I’m still waiting for the zillions I’m supposed to be making off of Google Adsense on my blog.
Ok, I’m not a scientist but I am an atheist. And personally, I can’t wait to get up in the morning and go pillaging and raping (this is after making breakfast, doing dishes, housework, playing games with the grandkids, writing out a bill or two and cooking dinner and reading these hysterically funny comments). That’s got to be worth a bag or two, don’t you think?
Speaking of bad creationist cartoons…
http://www.answersingenesis.org/CreationWise/Cartoons/CWtrueTest.gif
Oh my. I think the circular reasoning might have permanently damaged my brain.
Yes, God’s Word is true because God’s Word says it’s true. An oldie but a goodie.
It’s a darn shame God’s Word doesn’t say that God’s Word is false. I can just imagine whole armies of fundies melting down like Norman in I, Mudd:
#77 Carlie:
That was in really spore taste. How could you do that? You must not have mushroom left for morels after all that atheism, do you?
I am a atheist and totally believe in evolution and with the dollar in the crapper I sure could use some of these bags of money I am supposed to get, as far as the porn goes where Ilive I get very good channel from France after midnight
Well…at least there’s a tiny piece of truth on his page:
“The problem though, is that they are so blinded and misguided. They think they are doing this for God, but really they are doing it for their father the devil. “
Hey!
I’m sure us chemists are not seeing the kind of atheist orgy love mycologists are, but to suggest that we are unfamiliar with pornography…well, that hurts.
It’s not like we’re physicists. Or mathematicians…
That was in really spore taste. How could you do that? You must not have mushroom left for morels after all that atheism, do you?
[runs to grab Ainsworth & Bisby off the shelf and try to come up with a witty comeback]
Ameoba to jellyfish to fish-with-legs (what’s that??) to Dimetrodon to bird to monkey to man. That’s evolution for you!!! The only thing missing is a short explanation of why some birds lost their feathers and beaks, stopped flying and became monkeys. Otherwise it’s… Well, it’s Dan Nuckles. Though the guy is pretty obscure (not to mention untalented) I can now cite not less than 3 of his comics : this series, “Cration Wise” and “After Eden”. Now, a question open to scientific inquiry is: which of those is the most inane?
Also, to me, the morality of this silly strip is : Scientists, stop worshipping your car!
That does seem to be a common affliction among fundies, doesn’t it? Afraid of a little dissent? Aren’t they backed by an omnipotent being? What are they afraid of?
Also, to me, the morality of this silly strip is : Scientists, stop worshipping your car!
Which is funny, because I don’t think I’ve ever known a scientist whose car is less than 5 years old. 10-14 is more the average.
[still thumbing through A&B]
bags of money with the dollar signs on them…Did those ever really exist, or is it one of those things like the poor person wearing a barrel and the spherical black bomb that only exists in cartoons?
Pushing Daisies had one, earlier this season (one of the characters won it). One of the many small details that help make that show Teh Hawesome.
Michael X @#59:
How about this?: if you want to homeschool your (or anyone’s) kids, you’re welcome to do so, if you can demonstrate that you’re doing at least as good a job as the public schools in your area.
If parents want to homeschool their kids because the public schools suck, that’s fine. If they want to homeschool them to keep their children ignorant of 19th and 20th century science, that’s not so fine.