We are privileged to witness something in our generation that will change the world, a series of legal events of awesome import.
Step 1. Humorless organization lacking in creativity builds humor site called FunnyJunk by aggregating webcomics. Not their own creations, of course; they just harvest them off the web without their creators’ permission.
Douchebag Level: Throbbing.
Step 2. One of the victims of this theft of intellectual property, The Oatmeal, complains.
Response Level: Reasonable
Step 3. FunnyJunk hires a lawyer, Charles Carreon.
Douchebag Level: Expectant.
Step 4. Carreon demands that The Oatmeal take down its complaint, and also pay FunnyJunk $20,000.
Douchebag Level: Boiling.
Step 5. The Oatmeal launches Operation BearLove Good, Cancer Bad. Not only won’t The Oatmeal pay up, but it’s going to raise the money and donate it to the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society. Almost $200,000 is raised.
Response Level: Epic
Step 6. Carreon expands his lawsuit against The Oatmeal to include the National Wildlife Federation and the American Cancer Society. He’s suing charities to harass a web cartoonist!
Douchebag Level: OFF THE SCALE
You do realize what this means, don’t you? Suddenly, lawyer jokes are obsolete, and ordinary shysters look angelic next to Mr Carreon. All the lawyer jokes will have to be changed to Carreon jokes. Lawyers everywhere will at last be able to defend themselves with the simple words, “At least I’m not Charles Carreon,” and we’ll all stagger back at the enormity of the gulf between “lawyer” and “Carreon” and say, “No, no, you’re not — I think I love you, you sweet person, you.”
Either that, or all the lawyers will see Carreon as a new standard of douchebaggery, and they’ll rise to meet it by, for instance, including baby-punching in their billable hours.
Also, the homophonic properties of Mr Carreon’s name are perfect.