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Is Black Slavery a Myth?

Note to commenters, critics, crazies, and Christians:
The following document is meant as humor, satire, and just plain foolishness.
It is consciously created fiction.
No rational person could think such things, could they?
But then there has been big time criticism of a wonderful billboard erected by Ernest Perce, Pennsylvania State Director for American Atheists
that tries to show that the bible is pro-slavery.
No kidding. See:

http://www.thegrio.com/news/atheist-groups-slavery-billboard-offends-african-americans.php

Hopefully, this explanation will keep the villagers from coming after me with pitchforks and torches.

(Note to Editor: All of the spelling herein is quite intentional;
it, and the rich vocabulary, is adapted from that of certain Holocaust Deniers. Edwin)

 

Is Black Slavery a Myth?

Noted historian Dr. Felix von Krautschimer has determined that the notion taught in history classes that black slavery once existed in the American South is a myth. “Yankee liberals invented the whole lying thing,” Krautschimer said at a recent talk at the Moore Centre for Clear Thinking in Sperm Bank, Georgia where he presented his controversiant antecaesarian artatype. .

The conundrumian revisional theory has aroused some obliquity against its creator from the usual suspects. But the Reverent Guilder Smelt, of the Mail Me More Money Miracle Mission Movement’s “7 M s Club,” conversely said Krautschimer is a “great American” who has “corrected bad history,” claiming “the detractors are just in it for the money and are in cahoots with evilness people and scum who like to agitate against those who love God and recognize the fallacy of the hyperbola.”

According to Rev. Smelt, “They have faked the evidence, going far enough to build fake chains and cabins and stuff along the river to make it look like there was something that we know wasn’t and couldn’t have been.”

It is expected that the controversy will not be settled early, in that schools have invested a lot of money in textbooks that make it look like white people once owned black people.

However, given the fact that science books are soon to be changed to conform to other more revealed truths, it has been proposed that perhaps just one textbook would do that covered all things students really need to know.

“We don’t need revised books,” said Smelt. “We need a reborn book. We need a whole new textbook that tells the truth for once.”

Stay tuned.

Edwin.

Comments

  1. says

    Yes, I can’t imagine why anyone might be annoyed that a bunch of white people who can’t usually be fucked to care about the problems that non-white people face, might take issue that SUDDENLY racist crap is a problem… when theists do it and atheists can score points. on them

    Seriously dude, it’s not that Christians didn’t support slavery. It’s that atheists have got no right ignoring non-white people until it’s time to say “OH RELIGION IS RACIST”. Then suddenly we exist, and aren’t those theists terrible people? You wonder why folks aren’t on board with this?

  2. says

    I think the billboard is fair, but I think you’re straw-manning the objections here. In the minds of the people offended, this is along the lines of PETA’s “Holocaust on Your Plate” campaign. Disadvantaged groups don’t like having their oppression appropriated to push someone else’s issue.

  3. unbound says

    Sadly, the warning at the beginning is actually needed. Considering the other statements of stupidity that are made consistently, it really isn’t a stretch to think that there is some idiot that would actually make this claim.

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