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Friday Cephalopod: Ruining tentacle porn for everybody

Yeah, sorry, but at the vertex of all those slimy tentacular columns lies this hard, knife-edged, pointy, shiny, muscular beak.

(via Naturetrek)

Comments

  1. says

    It’s true, tentacle porn is ruined forever by being impossible. Also, you will never have an attractive man show up at your doorstep with a pizza you can fuck for. If you have a masochism fetish, your boss will never be a good dom. Porn is RUINED FOREVER.

  2. RhubarbTheBear says

    Why can’t these be my college years? None of my profs ever, ever, EVER mentioned anything remotely resembling “tentacle porn”. Then again, I was a music ed major. Go figure.

  3. Brownian says

    Also, you will never have an attractive man show up at your doorstep with a pizza you can fuck for.

    How much demand do you think there is for such a service?

    [Starts typing up a resignation letter and thinking about possible sources for seed—eww, bad choice of words—start-up money.]

  4. Brownian says

    Why can’t these be my college years? None of my profs ever, ever, EVER mentioned anything remotely resembling “tentacle porn”. Then again, I was a music ed major. Go figure.

    Your education never covered the wah-wah pedal?

  5. says

    Your education never covered the wah-wah pedal?

    If Rhubarb’s music ed major was anything like my music theory/comp studies, the focus was on the classical and romantic eras. They didn’t have “wa-wa” pedals back then.
    My profs did, however, talk at length about pulling out organ stops. I’m still trying to figure out how that works.

  6. Brownian says

    My profs did, however, talk at length about pulling out organ stops. I’m still trying to figure out how that works.

    It doesn’t. Use a contraceptive in conjunction with a latex condom for best results.

  7. Artor says

    Hey PZ, what gives? You drop a squicky squid beak in our laps and don’t tell us anything about it? I read there’s some weirdness involved in how you attach nature’s hardest organic material to gelatinous squid muscles, and scientists are trying to figure out details. Can you elaborate?

  8. says

    artor, maybe it’s that there’s tendons, they attach to tough stuff, the muscles would be attached to them, they’d use the jaw end edges of the beaks as fulcrums, instead of needing bone.

  9. says

    That reminds me. I should have a cuttlefish beak lying around here somewhere… I kept it after dissecting one in college a couple of years back.

  10. JohnnieCanuck says

    Actually there’s another article which I can’t locate now that showed how the beak doesn’t rip itself out of the octopus’ tissues. There is a graduated change in firmness of the structures.

  11. says

    I don’t recall tentacle porn ever having much to do with the base of the tentacles so much as the tips… has it changed much since I last felt curious about the subject?

  12. Old At Heart says

    Clearly you’re not watching the recent stuff. Yes, the old stuff does involve that, but some of the more recent stuff relies mostly on the outside edges of the tentacles, not the beak itself. Many, in fact, acknowledge that such a thing is there and is helpful to clitoral manipulation in “clean” scenes and for gouging and/or eating in “guro” ones. Don’t worry, these are just cartoons.

    Yes, clearly ecchi cartoon octopi are far more delicate and precise in their movements than real ones, but its idealized.

    Or are you now against idealized octopi and squid in porn? Do you demand they use amateur specimens instead of these adonic and beautiful prehensile-limned beasts? Just because a little photoshop was used?