Sep 21 2012

Friday Cephalopod: Ruining tentacle porn for everybody

Categories:

Cephalopods, Organisms

Yeah, sorry, but at the vertex of all those slimy tentacular columns lies this hard, knife-edged, pointy, shiny, muscular beak.

(via Naturetrek)

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23 comments

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1

Ragutis

21 September 2012 at 4:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Google “castration fetish”. Actually, probably better not to.
2

Akira MacKenzie

21 September 2012 at 4:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Humboldt squid?
3

Brownian

21 September 2012 at 4:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Usul has called a big one!
4

Rutee Katreya

21 September 2012 at 5:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

It’s true, tentacle porn is ruined forever by being impossible. Also, you will never have an attractive man show up at your doorstep with a pizza you can fuck for. If you have a masochism fetish, your boss will never be a good dom. Porn is RUINED FOREVER.
5

Rodney Nelson

21 September 2012 at 5:17 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Porn is RUINED FOREVER.

Not furry porn. Nothing could ruin that.
6

RhubarbTheBear

21 September 2012 at 5:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Why can’t these be my college years? None of my profs ever, ever, EVER mentioned anything remotely resembling “tentacle porn”. Then again, I was a music ed major. Go figure.
7

Brownian

21 September 2012 at 5:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Also, you will never have an attractive man show up at your doorstep with a pizza you can fuck for.

How much demand do you think there is for such a service?

[Starts typing up a resignation letter and thinking about possible sources for ~~seed~~—eww, bad choice of words—start-up money.]
8

Brownian

21 September 2012 at 5:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Why can’t these be my college years? None of my profs ever, ever, EVER mentioned anything remotely resembling “tentacle porn”. Then again, I was a music ed major. Go figure.

Your education never covered the wah-wah pedal?
9

feralboy12

21 September 2012 at 5:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Your education never covered the wah-wah pedal?

If Rhubarb’s music ed major was anything like my music theory/comp studies, the focus was on the classical and romantic eras. They didn’t have “wa-wa” pedals back then.
My profs did, however, talk at length about pulling out organ stops. I’m still trying to figure out how that works.
10

Brownian

21 September 2012 at 5:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

My profs did, however, talk at length about pulling out organ stops. I’m still trying to figure out how that works.

It doesn’t. Use a contraceptive in conjunction with a latex condom for best results.
11

busterggi

21 September 2012 at 6:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The origin of vanina dentata.
12

A. R

21 September 2012 at 7:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

As I’ve always said, this is clearly torture porn.
13

Artor

21 September 2012 at 7:57 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Hey PZ, what gives? You drop a squicky squid beak in our laps and don’t tell us anything about it? I read there’s some weirdness involved in how you attach nature’s hardest organic material to gelatinous squid muscles, and scientists are trying to figure out details. Can you elaborate?
14

jamesskaar

21 September 2012 at 8:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

artor, maybe it’s that there’s tendons, they attach to tough stuff, the muscles would be attached to them, they’d use the jaw end edges of the beaks as fulcrums, instead of needing bone.
15

chigau (違わない)

21 September 2012 at 11:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

~~Artor~~ Grasshopper.
That is up to you.
16

Dhorvath, OM

22 September 2012 at 1:52 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Feature, not bug.
17

pentatomid

22 September 2012 at 4:21 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

That reminds me. I should have a cuttlefish beak lying around here somewhere… I kept it after dissecting one in college a couple of years back.
18

Sili

22 September 2012 at 4:25 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I read there’s some weirdness involved in how you attach nature’s hardest organic material to gelatinous squid muscles, and scientists are trying to figure out details. Can you elaborate?

He’s already done so.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2006/06/21/cephalopod-gnashers/
19

JohnnieCanuck

22 September 2012 at 4:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Actually there’s another article which I can’t locate now that showed how the beak doesn’t rip itself out of the octopus’ tissues. There is a graduated change in firmness of the structures.
20

andrewriding

22 September 2012 at 4:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I don’t recall tentacle porn ever having much to do with the base of the tentacles so much as the tips… has it changed much since I last felt curious about the subject?
21

mos1

22 September 2012 at 6:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

This thread *so* needs a trigger warning.
22

Old At Heart

23 September 2012 at 11:50 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Clearly you’re not watching the recent stuff. Yes, the old stuff does involve that, but some of the more recent stuff relies mostly on the outside edges of the tentacles, not the beak itself. Many, in fact, acknowledge that such a thing is there and is helpful to clitoral manipulation in “clean” scenes and for gouging and/or eating in “guro” ones. Don’t worry, these are just cartoons.

Yes, clearly ecchi cartoon octopi are far more delicate and precise in their movements than real ones, but its idealized.

Or are you now against idealized octopi and squid in porn? Do you demand they use amateur specimens instead of these adonic and beautiful prehensile-limned beasts? Just because a little photoshop was used?
23

Azkyroth, Former Growing Toaster Oven

24 September 2012 at 3:34 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Do Not Taunt Rule 34.

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