You’ve got to love technology »« Ark Park? What Ark Park?

Comments

  1. cholten99 says

    And if this post had gone out it a couple of week’s time it could have made the “best of 2012″ lists, shucks ;-).

  2. subbie says

    “How” would be a much more interesting article, especially if it included visual aids.

    Might as well include one on men, too. I mean, be fair.

  3. says

    Female masturbation is a peculiar phenomenon that women go through on a roughly monthly constant cycle, and it’s not immediately obvious from an evolutionary standpoint why they do it.

  4. razzlefrog says

    Hey, hey, hey! Listen here, Old Man Myers! I need to see me some Princeton studies and Institute of Medicine research data comprehensively cited before I can safely conclude women think overwhelming waves of fantastic pleasure are “fun”!

    Pseudoscientific charlatan! :)

  5. StevoR says

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

  6. Ms. Daisy Cutter says

    There’s an ad RIGHT above this post for Rand Paul, talking about abortion, and the photo shows him with his head bowed like the smarmy “good chreeestyyunnnn” that he is. Really not conducive to rubbing one out.

  7. says

    No, testicles don’t explode. They do, however, swell up, turn blue, and drop off like overripe plums.
    Not that I would really know, of course. That’s just what I’ve heard. But it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
    Killed By Fish

  8. interrobang says

    Why do women masturbate? Why not? :)

    As a matter of fact, I’m stroking my pussy right now! (She’s 9 pounds of clingy tortoiseshell affection, and she’s draped over my front with her little paws around my neck and her head on my shoulder, purring up a storm…tee hee!)

  9. StevoR says

    @ ^ interrobang : Awww. I’ve got a tortoiseshell cat too.

    Nothing quite like a happy purring pussy is there?

    @ 27. D’oh! I breifly forgot the word ‘micturate’ which would have been better alliteration~wise.

  10. doktorzoom says

    @ 32: I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?

  11. Daniel Schealler says

    @StevoR #27

    Tut.

    You wasted a perfectly good opportunity to use the word ‘defenstrate’.

  12. Brother Ogvorbis, OM: Reading Comprehension Fail Warning! says

    You wasted a perfectly good opportunity to use the word ‘defenstrate’.

    Oh, go throw it out the window!

  13. Ragutis says

    Next in Science For Nearsighted Blog Readers: Why do women masticate?

    Because …

    Well, they…

    Um …

    Shit.

    Y’know, Vagina dentata quips are harder to come up with than one would think.

  14. Azuma Hazuki says

    @33

    Damn straight you do. That rug really tied the room together :(

    As to the topic question: because it feels wonderful, and because it’s sex with someone I love!

  15. magistramarla says

    Interrobang @31,
    I’ve got you beat – I’m petting two pussies at once – one is a huge flame-point Siamese and the other is a Maine Coon. While I’m petting them they are grooming each other. Does this mean that we have an orgy going on?

  16. Azkyroth says

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

    That sounds very difficult to coordinate but I don’t see why it’d be impossible for a man, unless you believe the old saw about it being literally impossible to pee with an erection.

  17. says

    We masturbate because YAY. I mean, really, no having to make sure anyone else has a good time, no concentration, just pure oxytocin sex candy? How is that not awesome?

  18. crocswsocks says

    Women masturbate because I am not around all the time.
    (ducks to avoid cyber-blows of trolls who cannot take a joke)

  19. says

    StevoR @ 27:

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

    I remember being told by a teacher in sex-ed that it’s impossible for a man to urinate while having an erection. I know from personal experience that that is wrong.

    Thought I’d share that with you. :P

  20. says

    The question is one of evolutionary psychology, and thus requires an absolutely ludicrous answer based on wildly inaccurate accounts of human history and bizarre equivocations.

    Therefore, I propose that in this context, the vagina represents a cave. In human prehistory, entering one’s own cave would have been symbolic of a return to safety, free from predation by saber-toothed tigers. Repeatedly rubbing the entrance to a cave-substitute is an exaggerated form of this impulse.

  21. lijdare says

    I can tell you what my 95 year old mother told me one morning a couple of years ago (and just months before she died). She said she just had to masturbate, the pressure she felt needed to be relieved. And no she wasn’t describing moments from her earlier life; she was describing that very morning.

  22. StevoR says

    @scottjordan & # Azkyroth :

    Um, well I know but we’re talking more than just micturation here – simultaneous ejaculation and micturation is impossible I’m pretty sure. Not that I’m a biological expertor have ever tried it mind you!

    PS. Tried to post this before – but it hasn’t seemed to appear. Sorry if it ends up as a double post.

  23. says

    Best thread ever!!!

    I just want to say how much more enjoyable it is when you don’t think the cosmic fairy is watching and disapproving