Quantcast

«

»

Dec 21 2011

Why do women masturbate?

Because it’s fun.

(Since everyone was misreading the title on this article, I figured I’d answer the question.)

54 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    cholten99

    And if this post had gone out it a couple of week’s time it could have made the “best of 2012″ lists, shucks ;-).

  2. 2
    StarStorm

    That does seem like the obvious answer, doesn’t it?

    Because, you know, it is.

  3. 3
    Part-Time Insomniac

    Well, because it feels great. Orgasms rock.

  4. 4
    Eurasian magpie

    Because it’s fun

    Except when it’s more like hoggling.

  5. 5
    Wes

    What’s with all the anti-abortion ads showing up at FTB today?

  6. 6
    subbie

    “How” would be a much more interesting article, especially if it included visual aids.

    Might as well include one on men, too. I mean, be fair.

  7. 7
    John Morales

    Oh, I thought it was medically-recommended to relieve female hysteria.

    <ducks>

  8. 8
    heatherdalgleish

    Preach, brother, preach! :-D

  9. 9
  10. 10
    carlie

    Now that’s a question with an easy answer!

  11. 11
    magistramarla

    Because “practice makes perfect”?

  12. 12
    Daz, when the wind's called Mariah I know a hawk from a handsaw

    I actually misread it as ‘mensurate.’

    And I can’t think of a punch-line. Ho-hum.

  13. 13
    feralboy12

    I was thinking “because they can.”
    Killed By Fish

  14. 14
    a3kr0n

    Female masturbation is a peculiar phenomenon that women go through on a roughly monthly constant cycle, and it’s not immediately obvious from an evolutionary standpoint why they do it.

  15. 15
    Rey Fox

    Next in Science For Nearsighted Blog Readers: Why do women masticate?

  16. 16
    Geral

    Why do men masturbate??

  17. 17
    alysonmiers

    Because there’s no point in having a clitoris if you don’t give it some exercise.

  18. 18
    SallyStrange

    I dunno (well, I know why I masturbate), but it seems like a good time to post this: a video of a woman’s brain as she achieves orgasm via masturbation. Makes all the synapses light up like an ostentatious Christmas light display on a McMansion.

  19. 19
    PZ Myers

    Why do men masturbate??

    Because if they don’t, their testicles explode.

  20. 20
    Luc

    The evopsychos are going to get upset when they learn this isn’t an adaptation for something.

  21. 21
    littlejohn

    Ouch! My testicle just exploded! Better get to work saving the one I have left.

  22. 22
    Daz, when the wind's called Mariah I know a hawk from a handsaw

    “The Exploded Testicles.” Anyone fancy forming a punk band…?

  23. 23
    razzlefrog

    Hey, hey, hey! Listen here, Old Man Myers! I need to see me some Princeton studies and Institute of Medicine research data comprehensively cited before I can safely conclude women think overwhelming waves of fantastic pleasure are “fun”!

    Pseudoscientific charlatan! :)

  24. 24
    etcetera

    Wheeeeeeee!!!!

  25. 25
    David Marjanović

    Because if they don’t, their testicles explode.

    Not for a few months.

  26. 26
    Akira MacKenzie

    Oooooh my testicles explode with delight!

  27. 27
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

  28. 28
    Ms. Daisy Cutter, General Manager for the Cleveland Steamers

    There’s an ad RIGHT above this post for Rand Paul, talking about abortion, and the photo shows him with his head bowed like the smarmy “good chreeestyyunnnn” that he is. Really not conducive to rubbing one out.

  29. 29
    faehnrich

    I thought you said mensurate.

  30. 30
    feralboy12

    No, testicles don’t explode. They do, however, swell up, turn blue, and drop off like overripe plums.
    Not that I would really know, of course. That’s just what I’ve heard. But it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
    Killed By Fish

  31. 31
    interrobang

    Why do women masturbate? Why not? :)

    As a matter of fact, I’m stroking my pussy right now! (She’s 9 pounds of clingy tortoiseshell affection, and she’s draped over my front with her little paws around my neck and her head on my shoulder, purring up a storm…tee hee!)

  32. 32
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ interrobang : Awww. I’ve got a tortoiseshell cat too.

    Nothing quite like a happy purring pussy is there?

    @ 27. D’oh! I breifly forgot the word ‘micturate’ which would have been better alliteration~wise.

  33. 33
    doktorzoom

    @ 32: I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?

  34. 34
    Daniel Schealler

    @StevoR #27

    Tut.

    You wasted a perfectly good opportunity to use the word ‘defenstrate’.

  35. 35
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    You wasted a perfectly good opportunity to use the word ‘defenstrate’.

    Oh, go throw it out the window!

  36. 36
    Benjamin "Derp" Geiger

    Women masturbate?

    I demand photographic evidence. (Video evidence would be even better.)

    </juvenile>

  37. 37
    Ragutis

    Next in Science For Nearsighted Blog Readers: Why do women masticate?

    Because …

    Well, they…

    Um …

    Shit.

    Y’know, Vagina dentata quips are harder to come up with than one would think.

  38. 38
    doktorzoom

    Oh, go throw it out the window!

    Like this?

  39. 39
    Azuma Hazuki

    @33

    Damn straight you do. That rug really tied the room together :(

    As to the topic question: because it feels wonderful, and because it’s sex with someone I love!

  40. 40
    ronsullivan

    Only for the interviews, I swear.

  41. 41
    magistramarla

    Interrobang @31,
    I’ve got you beat – I’m petting two pussies at once – one is a huge flame-point Siamese and the other is a Maine Coon. While I’m petting them they are grooming each other. Does this mean that we have an orgy going on?

  42. 42
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

    That sounds very difficult to coordinate but I don’t see why it’d be impossible for a man, unless you believe the old saw about it being literally impossible to pee with an erection.

  43. 43
    matthewbannerman

    Because if they don’t, their testicles explode.

    True story.

  44. 44
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Tss, tss tss
    Not even 50 posts and it’s already again all about the menz
    ;)

  45. 45
    mouthyb, Vagina McTits

    We masturbate because YAY. I mean, really, no having to make sure anyone else has a good time, no concentration, just pure oxytocin sex candy? How is that not awesome?

  46. 46
    crocswsocks

    Women masturbate because I am not around all the time.
    (ducks to avoid cyber-blows of trolls who cannot take a joke)

  47. 47
    scottjordan

    StevoR @ 27:

    Qu. What can women do that men can’t? (Childbirth aside.)

    A. Simultaneously masticate, masturbate, urinate and defecate.

    If, of course, they want to.

    (Sorry.)

    I remember being told by a teacher in sex-ed that it’s impossible for a man to urinate while having an erection. I know from personal experience that that is wrong.

    Thought I’d share that with you. :P

  48. 48
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Well, we also masturbate to make a political statement.
    Take THAT, Ratzinger et al.!

  49. 49
    hyperdeath

    The question is one of evolutionary psychology, and thus requires an absolutely ludicrous answer based on wildly inaccurate accounts of human history and bizarre equivocations.

    Therefore, I propose that in this context, the vagina represents a cave. In human prehistory, entering one’s own cave would have been symbolic of a return to safety, free from predation by saber-toothed tigers. Repeatedly rubbing the entrance to a cave-substitute is an exaggerated form of this impulse.

  50. 50
    lijdare

    I can tell you what my 95 year old mother told me one morning a couple of years ago (and just months before she died). She said she just had to masturbate, the pressure she felt needed to be relieved. And no she wasn’t describing moments from her earlier life; she was describing that very morning.

  51. 51
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    What keeps Ernest Borgnine young

    warning, HuffPo

  52. 52
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @scottjordan & # Azkyroth :

    Um, well I know but we’re talking more than just micturation here – simultaneous ejaculation and micturation is impossible I’m pretty sure. Not that I’m a biological expertor have ever tried it mind you!

    PS. Tried to post this before – but it hasn’t seemed to appear. Sorry if it ends up as a double post.

  53. 53
    ladyh42

    Best thread ever!!!

    I just want to say how much more enjoyable it is when you don’t think the cosmic fairy is watching and disapproving

  54. 54
    Evader, the parasite-infested branch on the evolutionary tree

    ^^

    PZ nailed it. Best answer to a question I’ve seen for a long time!

    Women do it better.

Comments have been disabled.