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May 07 2013

Geeks Without God: Crappy Religious Board Game Edition!

Two weekends ago, I went to OmegaCon in Siren, Wisconsin. And by “went”, I mean “was kidnapped and made to go”. There, I played some board games with a whole lot of local board game nerds who frequent the local convention nerdery circuit. Many of these games were fun. The one that Molly and Nick Glover and Tim Wick forced Stephanie, Brianne and I play, though… um… well, that was significantly less so. It was loosely based on the “hit” movie based on the “hit” Christian novel series, Left Behind. “Loose” is definitely the operative word when describing this board game, because it barely qualified as a board game. I shit you not — we played Left Behind: The Movie: The Board Game.

Click the thumbnail below for a fuller experience of the pain we endured for your entertainment. Screen reader users: it’s a picture of the board game. Sorry that you’ll have to make do with the audio descriptions — though really, you’re the lucky ones, with limited exposure to its whargarbl.

leftbehindboardgame

In a desperate effort to make the podcast fun — because the game’s mechanics are unbelievably boring even to someone with a vested interest in proving themselves the best Tribulation Forces fighters and redeeming themselves in the eyes of Yahweh, you know, like me — the Geeks Without God crew helpfully included the following drinking game to accompany the podcast. I need to disclaimer this, though. Unless you’re a bull elephant, you’ll have to drink something piss weak to survive.

Here are the rules (feel free to add your own rules in the comments):

Take a drink every time moonshine soaked cherries are passed out or someone mentions consuming one

Take a drink whenever we make a Ghostbusters reference

Take a drink every time someone mentions game theory

Take a drink every time someone says the game sucks

Take a drink every time someone lands on a Carpathia square

Take a drink every time someone says “Flightplan.”

Take a drink every time we get a question about the bible correct

Take a drink any time someone mentions Omegacon

Seriously, just don’t do it. You’ll die.

Go listen. We played so you never, ever, ever have to.

Though if you really must, it’s fairly cheap.

12 comments

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  1. 1
    YOB - Ye Olde Blacksmith is a Spocktopus cuddler

    I thought about designing a board game based on the bible once.

    Hint: nobody wins.

  2. 2
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Fred Clarke has an excellent online blog series debunking the Left Behind series (of “novels” and more besides.) It can be found here :

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/tag/left-behind/

    and I’d highly recommend it.

  3. 3
    left0ver1under

    “Left behind”? As in a single buttock, not two? No wonder, it’s a “half assed” game.

  4. 4
    PZ Myers

    Yikes, those rules are a path to alcohol poisoning.

    Hey, should we do something like this in the FtB party room at CONvergence? Not the alcohol poisoning part, the weird board game part.

  5. 5
    sinned34

    Though if you really must,

    What? What? Thanks for leaving those of us that really must hanging.

    Forget it, I’m going back to playing Bible Adventures on NES.

  6. 6
    Tim Wick

    I wouldn’t advocate playing this game at the FtB party, PZ, unless you are actively trying to drive people away.

    If that’s your goal, please continue!

    We’ll even donate the game!

  7. 7
    Jason Thibeault

    I was half tempted to ask for the boardgame in some desperate attempt to throw good money after bad, to invest more time into it to make it actually playable and enjoyable, which was why I wanted to get your opinions on modding the game. But I didn’t want to be “that guy” who shows up, eats all your cherries, heckles everything, then asks for free party favors that amount to the only valuables on-site.

    Sinned: I had a brief conversation with Tim about religious video games prior to the podcast. I think I might have to dust off the long-languishing religious video game reviews series.

  8. 8
    busterggi

    Thank you! I’m saving listening to this for my dessert tonight.

  9. 9
    sinned34

    I think I might have to dust off the long-languishing religious video game reviews series.

    I’ll believe it when I see it, mister “I’m too busy to blog now that I’m an American.”

  10. 10
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    Wait. Did they make those spots red and green?

    Way to red-green-colorblind… stupids.

  11. 11
    LykeX

    That really is a crappy game. Half the squares don’t do anything and once the Rapture happens, half of those that remain become ineffective. That’s just poor design.

    This is obviously a half-assed game that some bumpkin hammered out in an afternoon. Give me a weekend and I’m pretty sure I could turn out something better, even while keeping with the bible/Rapture theme. It’s not as if it’s a high standard to beat.

  12. 12
    Jason Thibeault

    sinned34 @5: Weird. I didn’t realize you were talking about my post… I had included the now-visible link, but I think I mangled the HTML such that WordPress decided to remove it entirely instead.

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