My new New Year’s Tradition

Dear Blue-dog Democrat:

I’m writing to you regarding the email that just dinged into my box this morning, December 31, 2014, offering me one last chance to contribute to your honorable organization, which I infer by the subject line, “Stephen, it’s your last chance!” will no longer be available for donations after today. First and foremost, thanks for thinking of me! Truth is most people don’t. As a struggling, middle-aged single man who lost my job and was then laid off in successive waves of outsourcing and downsizing right in the middle of recovering from a heart attack and corrective surgery, it’s good to know that someone is finally thinking of me and the millions of other struggling former Middle Class Americans who have generously given you their hard-earned time and money for years.

While sending mass emails to raise money so that more mass emails asking for more money can be sent will no doubt pay off someday, I wonder if there might be a more direct, immediate way to bring both your own considerable political power and those precious donated resources to bear on long time loyal supporters like me who find ourselves in increasingly desperate circumstances.

Despite repeated email solicitations sent by you and your peers, the millions of dollars raised by those efforts, and the promises they implied, the social safety net continues to erode, ordinary wages remain stagnant, funding for injured veterans and front-line teachers continues to languish, obstacles continue to be placed between life saving healthcare and patients in need at every turn, and jobs paying a living wage continue to be elusive. During this same period, according to various media reports, you enjoy a generous salary, a substantial expense account, free office space with free parking, free staff both in DC and your home district, one of the best pension plans left in America, and 24/7 Cadillac healthcare on the we the people’s tab. In addition your family and circle of friends are thought to own several luxury and vacation homes and profitable businesses with a net-worth easily in excess of five million dollars.

What exactly are you or your associates going to do with my small year end donation that you haven’t done in the past with others? My concern is that despite an impressive public relations campaign and inspirational statements of understanding about what we the ordinary voters are going through, despite thoughtful, kind words from your mouth into the nearest microphone about what must be done, as best I know, you personally or the groups you are proudly affiliated with as a leader have avoided publicly committing to voting for badly needed financial regulatory reform, expanded unemployment benefits, snap benefits, job training and student loan relief legislation, and a vast array of other important no-brainer items that would help thousands of struggling families in your various spheres of official and unofficial influence along with millions of hard working people across the nation almost overnight.

During this same time, though, you along with your closest ideological brothers and sisters in arms have voiced strong support both formally and informally for tax cuts for rich individuals and wealthy Fortune 500 corporations, increased government oversight and seizures in the war on drugs and the war on terror, and special direct subsidies for the largest, wealthiest energy and banking companies on Earth.

Again, I appreciate you thinking of me and providing the chance to send you a check before fiscal 2014 draws to a close, especially since this is the last chance to ever donate! But in all honesty, it just seems odd that you would be asking people like me for more money in this year or any other given the track record to date. The question then must be raised: are you and your political peers just not very good at your jobs, or is it possible you have no intention whatsoever of delivering results even in the rare event when you have the political bargaining power or hold the required majorities to do so?

I’d like to give you all the benefit of the doubt. One way you can help me therein would be to just step up and send me a small stipend, about what you or your chief of staff might pay for a no frills plane ticket and a round of golf at any of the country clubs you reportedly frequent, so that I can pay my overdue electric and Internet bills this month, some basic food, maybe with enough left over to pay the full uninsured price of one of my more expensive monthly prescriptions. I wouldn’t normally bother you with this, it’s just that I might not be able to receive future email solicitations or stay alive without this assistance and, frankly, as a long time paying customer, I feel I’ve earned it fair and square.

If that’s agreeable to you, I can accept payment at Darksydothemoon-at-aol by Paypal. If you’re new to online payment methods, I can also provide you a private snail mail address. Or, if you are low on petty cash right now, in lieu of payment, rest assured my proven skill as a free lance writer and new media political activist are at your full disposal as a dedicated employee 24/7 in 2015!

Here’s wishing you a Happy New Year!

Steven Andrew AKA DarkSyde


  1. says

    I always thought it’d be fun to start an organization with the premise that “if you give me a fraction of the money you’d spend on advertising [whatever] to me, I will buy your product.” For a political party, same idea: “don’t waste your money on TV ads – send me a check attached to a letter explaining your platform and I will read it.”

  2. says

    Just did a little research. Coca-cola spends $600m in advertising in the US. If they send me $1 a year they can reduce their ad budget by 1/320-millionth. Because I’m already going to drink their products. For a small surcharge, say $5, I will promise to only stock coca-cola products in my house. Then they can save even more money by firing all their marketing weasels. If I did similar deals with a dozen or two companies (clothes, groceries, etc) and maybe contacted a few organizations like Mastercard that they could stop wasting money mailing me ads and give me $.05 cents in return for my guarantee not to ever be their customer — think how much mail and crap we could collectively save!

    (I have no interest in starting another business. It just makes the capitalists richer)

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