Biology Rises to Crush Physics

Biologists such as  myself are used to the scorn of physicists. We’re the dumbass science, because if we were smarter, we’d obviously be working on the far superior science of physics. So when biology takes a strike back, I can’t help but smile a little.

The Large Hadron Collider, a 17-mile superconducting machine designed to smash protons together at close to the speed of light, went offline overnight. Engineers investigating the mishap found the charred remains of a furry creature near a gnawed-through power cable.

Although they had not conducted a thorough analysis of the remains, Marsollier says they believe the creature was “a weasel, probably.”

These sorts of mishaps are not unheard of, says Marsollier. The LHC is located outside of Geneva. “We are in the countryside, and of course we have wild animals everywhere.” There have been previous incidents, including one in 2009, when a bird is believed to have dropped a baguette onto critical electrical systems.

A 7 billion dollar particle collider, thwarted by a weasel and a baguette.

It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe.

Knowing weasels, I wouldn’t rule it out.


  1. jcsscj says

    How as a physicist you can be sure that the results of the experiments are correct if they can be tempered with that easily by little animals. We have the same problem with the our heater. Suddenly the temperature is not getting that high anymore, because some little animals have been at it.

  2. says

    It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe.

    They are trying to stop scientists from making a black hole.
    It’d make a great pixar movie… Especially the dramatic climax when the ghost of Nikko Tinbergen tells the baguette-bombing skywalker bird “trust your instincts”…

  3. Rob Grigjanis says

    Huh. The memo I got said we had to totally ignore biologists, nod condescendingly to chemists, and save our scorn for geo’physicists’. Anyway, electricity 1 weasels 0.

  4. Johnny Vector says

    In honor of this glorious achievement, I suggest everyone pull out your copy of Weasels Ripped My Flesh and pop it on the ol’ turntable.

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