The Smuckers theory of god

William Lane Craig is a theologian and an ardent advocate of the idea that if god commands something to be done, then that is good by definition, however appalling it may seem to those of us who do not wear the moral blinders of religion. I have discussed Craig’s views and the criticisms of it before.

Craig calls this the ‘divine command theory’ of god but I think a more appropriate name would be the ‘Smuckers theory’ because of the famous slogan of that food company that went “With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good”. According to Craig, if the label of god is on something, then everything’s fine.

Like so many other theologians, Craig feels obliged to chime in on the Newtown massacre and, being the deep and original thinker that he is, finds an interesting angle.

Got that? He says that this massacre occurring so near Christmas reminds us that Jesus’s birth was also accompanied by a massacre of children by Herod. So the Newtown killings should remind us of that earlier massacre which in turn should remind us of Jesus’s birth, and that should give us hope because Jesus was born to save us from the wickedness of the world, of which the Newtown massacre is but one symptom. So that’s ok, then!

He actually says that the murders remind us of what Christmas is all about.

Craig reminds me of the kind of person that George Orwell spoke about, when he said in his Notes on Nationalism (1945): “One has to belong to the intelligentsia to believe things like that: no ordinary man could be such a fool.”


  1. had3 says

    So…every rape reminds us that Mary had no choice to consent to her impregnation and should remind us to celebrate Jesus. This game sucks.

  2. kraut says

    Does that mean we have to celebrate the mass murderer (his name be forgotten) because his real deed reminds us of the fictional death of the innocents that reminds us of fictional birth and eventual sacrificial fictional death jebus?

    That guy is an unmitigated arsehole. The term intellectual applied to such an idiot paints with a tarry brush all the real intellectuals.

  3. says

    Wouldn’t it make more sense to call it the “fucking asshole theory”? Because that’s what Craig is making himself and his imaginary playmate out to be…

  4. Kevin Dugan says

    And it was a school! Why not remind us of the sacking of the Library of Alexandria and murder of Hypatia by zealous Christians? Or it had walls, why not the sacking of Jericho and murder of all the men, women, children and livestock at the orders of their unchanging loving god? Just another perverse priest USING the murder of children to pander and subvert flocks emotions into reinforcing religious dogma.

    Intelligent? Yes, in a slimy but effective sort of way. Intelligentsia? A wannabe, at most.

  5. sailor1031 says

    So the real message of xmas is that it’s a good thing to murder people because doG? This man is insane.

  6. kraut says

    “This man is insane.”

    Thai is what the pursuit of defending the indefensible (theology and the defense of your chosen supernatural entity) bring you to.

  7. says

    So, God knew that King Herod was going to kill every baby in Bethlehem in order to kill the competing new-born King of the Jews, Jesus. Instead of stopping or killing Herod, he warned Joseph with a dream so that Jesus wouldn’t be killed, thus allowing every single baby in Bethlehem to be murdered.

    Amen, and Merry Christmas, and choose life.

  8. Crudely Wrott says

    The thing that strikes me about Craig’s screed is that never, ever before have I needed a massacre of children to remind me of the meaning of Christmas. My parents and grandparents had that covered through the simple expedient of making sure that all of us children had a wonderful time giving and receiving. No Jesus involved, no bloodshed, no magic. Just love and respect and joy. Sufficient unto the day.

    Thanks, my dear, departed folks. I’ll pass it forward in your memory.
    And Craig is cordially invited to find a short pier on which to take a long hike.

  9. Crudely Wrott says

    Oh, I forgot to mention my version of the Smuckers advertising tag line:
    “With a name like Smuckers, it better be good.” ;^>

  10. smrnda says

    Craig is the typical amoral authoritarian, absolutely incapable of saying anything out of kindness or compassion. I’d argue that Craig doesn’t consider those things to be virtues, since having a sense of these things might prevent us from total obedience.

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