Fucke Kale

There are lots of fucken green vegetables, and they all are much fucken better than kale. I’d rather eat rapino, escarole, spinach, collard greens, or anything other kale. Fucke kale and the goddamn kale mafia trying to push that swill on unsuspecting diners.


  1. Cuttlefish says

    Kale grows well in my garden. Spinach does not, nor chard, nor a fucketonne of other things. If I want greens, I can buy them or cut my own kale. So I cut my own. And, thanks to Physioproffe, I have a kick-asse risotto I make with this kale (or rather, a family of risottos, with different sets of featured ingredients). I’ve tried these recipes with other greens, but cuttlefamilia prefers the kale versions… as do I.

    If I want greens from my own garden, I pretty much am looking at kale. But damn, kale from my garden, harvested ten minutes ago, beats the fucke out of store-bought whatever-the-fucke-else I would use in any recipe. (I have no doubt that these others would be equally or more delicious if I were to harvest them from my garden–alas, the woodchuck already did.)

    But since the rest of you can’t have my fresh kale, go ahead and try all sorts of other things! See what I care!

  2. chigau (違う) says

    I never even heard of kale while growing up.
    Later I was aware of it as a decorative plant.
    I was quite surprised to learn that it is food.
    I have also heard that people eat goutweed.

  3. Onamission5 says

    I ate the aforementioned meat department tray garnish back in the 90’s once. My friend was adamant that it was delicious and if I liked greens, which I really do, I would love kale. Chewy, chewy, gritty, bitter kale. Hurk. I hear people make chips of the stuff and have convinced themselves it doesn’t taste like brontosaurus spit.
    I have tried to like kale. Not very hard, mind. I do not like kale. I will happily have my chard, my beet green risotto (it’s pink!), my mustard greens, my collards, and if I can’t find anything better, fine, spinach. Baby kale, even. But veiny tough roughage I can live without. Ditto radicchio and frisee. Why bitter food why.

  4. quixote says

    About those chips: they really are, or can be, delicious.

    Mix salt to taste and lemon juice, say two lemons’ worth. Add in about an equal amount of olive oil.

    Tear kale leaves into smallish bits, discarding the midrib (or use it in soup) since it really is too tough for anyone but goats. Toss this with the lemon-olive oil-salt mix.

    Lay out in a single layer on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Bake in a preheated 350F oven. After about 5 minutes on the first side, turn the bits of leaf over and bake on the other side. Once they’re crispy, they’re done.

    And — this is the big secret — eat the second they’re out of the oven. But don’t burn yourself. They become uncrispy very quickly.

    I know. You’re thinking “That’s way too much trouble for kale.” But it really is absolutely delicious this way. Well worth it. Really. Try it.

  5. Raucous Indignation says

    I concur. I love greens. But not kale. It’s disgusting. Even the less kale-like kale varieties. Dirty nasty hipsters for kale have ruined everything.

  6. fusilier says

    Pick it YOUNG and saute it lightly. Same for Swiss chard and baby spinach. Boiling old and tough parts until you think they ought to be OK is … well … just wrong.


    James 2:24

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