Comradde PhysioProffe’s New Bloggeing Project: Ask Your Comradde

I am starting Comradde PhysioProffe’s advice column. So please e-mail your questions about love, life, academia, cooking, how to deal with annoying motherfuckers, or whateverthefucke to, and I’ll answer them here. I am totally qualified for this!

UPDATE: And yo, duh! Itte’s called Ask Your Comradde!!

UPDATE 2: And one other thing: I have spent my life dealing with highly toxic intrusive manipulative boundary-violating family members. So I am totally a motherfucken expert on dealing with that shittio!


  1. Cuttlefish says

    Ok… In my freezer I have 4 kinds of homemade stock–beef, chicken, duck, and lobster. Currently, they are all slated to be wonderful risotto at some point, thanks to your recipes.

    If my non-tenure-track-job depended on me cooking the right thing for the department chair, and possibly a dean, should I go with risotto? If so, what kind? Nothing poisonous, mind you… Or should I cook it for the union rep? Or what?

    (fukkit, if no one else is gonna ask anything….)

  2. K says

    Comradde Physioproffe,

    I have the horrible conditionne known as Irritable Bowelle Syndrome. I am also going into Graduate Schoolle Interviewes, Take Two, after I did notte gette inne last time.

    Last time I had interviewes I had at least one attack at each one, including one where I was rendered unable to eat anything but a small cup of sherbet at a nice Italian restaurant, got uppe in the middle of the night in the shared hotel room in pain, and spent most of the next day getting uppe every 15-30 minutes to go to the restroom and feeling sick which probably looked like a lack of interest. (Bluntly: I get the nervous shittes. With an added dose of pain).

    Whatte do I do to make it clear to the faculty and grad students of the institution where I’m interviewing that, if I cannot ultimately ward off my symptoms with medication no matter how hard I try, I am just sick and not a horrible person?

  3. Trebuchet says

    How do I cure my Comradde Physioproffe Derangement Syndrome? Or should I even try? Also, if you’re ever in the Puget Sound regions, please cook me dinner.

  4. Lithified Detritus says

    K @ 2 –
    Have you investigated a low-FODMAPS diet? Not a cure, but it has made a big difference for a member of my family.
    Unfortunately, it also rules out pretty much all of the Proffe’s recipes.

  5. K says

    Lithified Detritus,

    I’ve managed to identify most of my dietary problems and rule them out. Usually, my IBS is controlled by birth control.

    It flares up in situations that are high stress!

  6. DrugMonkey says

    I emailed some stupid internet advice columnist with a perfectly legit question and he only responded “Dickweede”. What are my next steps?

  7. Chebag says

    Why is it illegal in Georgia for some hillbilly’s to commit incest behind a school? Aren’t they free to do what they like?

  8. mytchondria says

    Dear Ask Your Comradde,
    RE: Cutting off contact with older relatives who are ‘just’ narcassistic and nasty (say you never do enough for them while you are paddling like mad with you, your job and your family).
    What are the four (yeah, limiting you to four) breaking points where you are like ‘fuckke it, I’m out’. Also, pretend you are a guilt ridden Jewish daughter. Also, is there a cocktail that goes well with having this conversation or ensuring your resolve in the matter.

  9. quixote says

    K @2: I’m sure you already know about this, but with an Rx you can get hyoscyamine for IBS. That pretty much stops peristalsis. Not something you’d want to take on a continuous basis, I think, but for those high stress, must-seem-Totally-Perfect, interview situations it might be something to try. (The other thing that stops peristalsis is opium, but that might make you too relaxed in interviews.)

    myt @9: Forget cocktails. They just dilute the active ingredient. Have you tried plenty of straight vodka?

    But mainly: question for our Comradde: Somebody much smarter than me pointed out that the problem with doing nothing is it’s hard to know when you’re done. It’s becoming harder and harder for me to procrastinate on new projects because I have to keep doing nothing about old projects. Help!


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