Super Bowl Chili

one large white onion, chopped
fuckeloade of diced garlic
three pounds of course-ground beef, sirloin + chuck mix
two cans of Goya beans, one pink, one red
olive oil
half cup rye or whisky
one bottle porter
five dried guajillo chiles
five dried ancho chiles
three dried chipotle chiles
ten dried arbol chiles
two teaspoons cumin
two teaspoons coriander
two teaspoons oregano
two teaspoons black pepper
two bay leaves
two large cans crushed san marzano tomatoes
diced white onions and grated Spring Brook Farm Vermont Tarentaise, for garnish


Here’s the chiles. Remove the stems and seeds from the guajillos, anchos, and chipotles. Remove the stems from the arbols. You can keep as many or as few of the seeds from the arbols as you want, as they contain much of their heat (the other chiles are very mild). Rinse all the chiles off in cold water, and then reconstitute them in a pot with a few cups of boiled water after turning off the heat, stirring occasionally for about a half hour.


Here’s the meat, porter, and rye. The butcher was so pleased with his sirloin + chuck mix, that he popped a chunk of the raw ground meat in his mouth while he was weighing it out!


Sautee the onions and garlic with the cumin, coriander, oregano, and black pepper in plenty of olive oil until the onions and garlic are really soft and starting to caramelize.


Put all the reconstituted chiles and plenty of the chile tea into the blender and blend the living fucke out of itte.


Add the meat to the pot, turn the heat to high, and sautee the meat until it is browned nicely.


Deglaze with the rye and porter.


Add the blended chiles and bring to a boil.


Add the tomatoes and the bay leaves, salt to taste (taking account of the planned reduction in volume while cooking), bring to a boil, and then turn down to a low-medium simmer. Depending on how liquidy it is at this point, you should decide whether to cover the pot or not. This batch was pretty liquidy, so I simmered with the lid off so that it would reduce and thicken nicely. Continue to simmer with occasional stirring for at least two hours, and preferably more. Mine simmered for about four hours.


About one hour before you are ready to eat, add the beans, draining all of the bean juice first. Continue to simmer until you are ready to eat. This picture is after it’s done and ready to eat. Add salt if needed.


Serve in a bowl, garnishing with onion and tarentaise. This fucken shittee was motherfucken delicioso!!!!


  1. says

    For anyone who read the above recipe…

    I had the pleasure, nay, the honor of watching the Super Bowl with the Mr. and Mrs. Physioprof, and can personally attest that the chili was through the roof. Really different, really good and I really I recommend it.

    And just for the record for those who follow the Comrade… the F-Bombs throughout the evening came in at a mere forty three. (I had sixteen and Mrs. Physio had none.)


  2. Alverant says

    Is the whisky/rye necessary? I have the porter and I have rum, but I don’t think rum will taste too good in the chili. I’d like to try this recipe sometime and when I do I’ll replace one of the red beans with black beans.

    How well would this work in a slow cooker?

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