BREAKING NEWS FLASH! Young People Of Today Are Worst EVER!!!11!11!!

Those damn kids with their funny clothes and “rock and roll” jungle music and pierced ears and tattoos who think they are so damn special are RUINING EVERYTHING by watching teevee and communicating with each other on that damnfangled “Internet” with their “friends”. IT IS THE WORST EPIDEMIC OF HORRIBLENESS EVER, DWARFING THE BLACK PLAGUE, SMALLPOX, MALARIA, AND THE GREAT FLU EPIDEMIC OF 1918. Oh, and Obama totally suckes and is the worst president ever, also too!


  1. sailor1031 says

    Reminds me of my old man! Everything was better when he was young too! I guess Doctor Ableblow, or whatever his fukken name is , is feeling both old AND jealous!

  2. =8)-DX says

    “That’s why young people are higher on drugs than ever, drunker than ever, smoking more, tattooed more, pierced more and having more and more and more sex, earlier and earlier and earlier, raising babies before they can do it well, because it makes them feel special, for a while.”

    If you manage all that, you get kudos from me, a cookie and an official badass badge (I mean just take raising babies before you can do it well – you’re shit with kids, but you STILL manage to raise them – all the while having copious amounts of pot, alcohol, sex and tatoos? Respect dude, respect).

    I’d feel fuckin’ special if I managed all that at once.

  3. wilsim says

    I’ve noticed that the millennial (i’m gen x, born in 1976) kids in my area (northwest Oregon) seem to be more compassionate and understanding of their fellow human beings. They seem to me to be more inquisitive, less violent, and to lack most of the gendered stereotypes that plagued my generation – for example, I see young males with fingernails painted, and young women with shaved heads, and other things.

    Is this because of no leaded gasoline and wall paint? Or did we actually do something right? IDK

    But I do know that I am definitely not worried about the future generations too much.

    @machineintelligence – I always heard “get off my driveway”, I lived right next to a ritzy neighborhood in my formative years, and many, many of my neighbors had those lovely multicolored decorative stone driveways that get really slick when wet, so my friends and I would go slide on them or other things :)

  4. ruminant says

    Sure!. Being the author a psychiatrist at Fox News Medical Team one can be reassured that the opinion is safe, scientifically tested and so on.

  5. Crudely Wrott says

    I am not impressed by shaven heads or sub dermal ink or angry music. So I avoid those things as I am able to do so. The idiots with the megawatt subwoofers in their cars who insist on parking next door on weekends included. I must endure it or go elsewhere. Sometimes I do go elsewhere.

    My hair is uncut, my skin is clean and I chose to listen to music that soothes. But . . .

    . . . I do remember my parents’ reaction when I put Jimi Hendrix on the family hi-fi for the first time. I remember their reaction when I started combing my hair forward over my forehead for the first time and I remember how I was taken by my parents to the police station the day that Ma found my stash while cleaning my room (bless her sweet heart) and the detective pumped me for names. (I didn’t give him any and inwardly delighted as his face went through shades of red.) I remember how most adults reacted to what I did as an adolescent, as a teenager, trembling on the cusp of adulthood. I also remember this . . .

    . . . That in the end, I was forgiven, embraced and loved. My folks, and their contemporaries, almost without exception, watched as I grew up and became a fairly normal, reasonably productive, mostly well adjusted human being. They accepted me as an adult once I became an adult. For my youth they forgave me. For their wisdom and kindness I will always love them. That is the beauty of it all.

    They rest in their graves now and when I recall those youth infested days I am more likely to smile than to grimace. Having myself raised two girls to adulthood and having inflicted on them something like the impositions inflicted on me as a child and finding them to have become fairly normal, reasonably productive and mostly well adjusted human beings I am not particularly concerned about rebellious youth any more.

    But still, some of the shit kids these days think is cool and serves as a way to demonstrate their individuality and autonomy looks suspiciously like imitation and mimicry. Some things never change. ;^>

  6. says

    “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
    — Socrates (via Plato)

    Also I’d like to mention that several things he mentions are demonstrably false: kids today are actually smoking less, doing drugs less, drinking less, having less sex and delaying it longer, and having fewer babies than just about any time in the last 50 years. Piercings and tattoos are more common so he’s right about the two things on the list that have the least possible negative consequences.

  7. naturalcynic says

    Boomer here, wistfully thinking of past indiscretions. Some fuddy-duddies are just jealous because they fukked up their youth with toeing the party line.

  8. Rip Steakface says

    I do remember my parents’ reaction when I put Jimi Hendrix on the family hi-fi for the first time.

    I realize you already recognize this, but Jimi Hendrix was simply the equivalent of our angry music in your day. All that’s happened in the intervening 40 years has been a constant arms race in rock music to play faster, louder, and heavier, with variations on this idea leading to an explosion of genres – from punk and its barebones DIY simplicity and accessibility; to metal and its oppressive atmosphere, displays of technical wizardry (most of the time… black metal is a common exception) and dedication to the almighty riff.

    As for hip-hop, you can thank funk and R&B for its rise and prominence. Those old funk guys held the groove up above all else, and this eventually led to people spitting lyrics over these same grooves as a means of expression. From there, artistic evolution took its course, sometimes resulting in idiotic dance music (see: Black Eyed Peas), sometimes resulting in social consciousness and true brilliance (see: conscious/political hip-hop).

    I get sick of nostalgia. All that the nostalgic indicate to my generation is that we’re not good enough, that we’re undeserving, that they did everything the best and that we shouldn’t even try to live up to that standard. Fuck that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *