Kung Pao Chicken

one and a half pound chicken
1 tbsp corenwijn (or sherry or rye or some rich flavored fucken booze)
1 tbsp corn starch
fresh ground black pepper
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
1 tbsp corenwijn
2 tsp cornstarch
3 tbsp chicken stock
one can sliced water chestnuts
one can sliced bamboo shoots
some sliced scallions
a fuckeloade each diced ginger and garlic
light olive oil
some peanutes
some dried arbol chiles
half pound dried soba noodles


Whisk 1 tbsp corenwijn, 1 tbsp cornstarch, salt, and pepper together, and then marinate the chicken (diced) in it for at least 30 minutes.


Whisk together 2 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar, 1 tbsp corenwijn, 2 tsp cornstarch, and three tbsp chicken stock and set aside. This is the finishing sauce.


These are the vegetable components: one can sliced water chestnuts, one can sliced bamboo shoots, some sliced scallions, and a fuckeloade each diced ginger and garlic.


Sautee peanuts and dried hot arbol chiles in light olive oil until they are toasty, then reserve.


Sautee the garlic and ginger in the oil from the satueeing of the peanuts and peppers until they are getting soft.


Throw in the chicken and sautee until it is just singed on the outside.


Throw in the nuts, peppers, and other vegetables (EXCEPT THE SCALLIONS), and continue to sautee.


Throw in the scallions, sautee briefly, and then deglaze with a nice splash of motherfucken corenwijn.


While the shitte is cooking, boil the soba, and drain it.


Give it another quick whisk, add the finishing sauce, and sautee until it thickens uppe and the shitte looks tasty.


Put some goddamn noodles in bowls and spoon some fucken shittee on top. Then eat itte!!


  1. Chebag says

    Also, “sauté” simply does not do justice to cooking in a wok! Wokke the fucke out of that shitte!!!!! (And that shitteasse frenchified thing you are using is not wok. Fmmfs, a wok will run you all of $15, cheapskate)

  2. blindrobin says

    As this dish in it’s best incarnations is only Chinese-ish and not intended to be anything more than that what’s with all the grousing about equipment, ingredients and method?

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