Seven-Chile Beef Tacos

three pound boneless trimmed beef shoulder (also called “clod”)
three dried ancho chiles
three dried chipotle chiles
two dried anaheim chiles
two dried california chiles
two dried guajillo chiles
three long red chiles (dunno what they’re called but they’re not real hot)
one habanero chile
fucketonne of garlic
one tsp coriander
one tsp oregano
one tsp paprika
one tsp cumin
two bay leaves
some fresh-grated nutmeg
fresh-ground black pepper
two cups veal stock
one cup dry white wine
quarter cup Templeton’s rye
two teaspoons sugar
four medium tomatoes
one half medium white onion
three long green chiles (these are the same as the red ones only before they ripen to red)
fresh corn tortillas (from here)
queso fresco

Here’s the chiles for the braising liquid.

Stem and seed them and reconstitute the dried ones by steeping for one half hour in boiled water after turning the heat off.

Blending the motherloving fucke out of the reconstituted chiles, the fresh chiles, a fucketonne of garlic cloves (I used fourteen decent-sized cloves), a pinch of salt, the juice of one lime, and one cup of the chile steeping liquid.

Herbs and spices.

Make the braising liquid by adding the stock, rye, wine, herbs/spices, sugar, and fuckeblended chile sauce to your pot.

Bring the shitte to a boil.

Check out this beautiful fucken beef shoulder.

Put the fucker in the braising pot, cover, and turn down the heat to a low simmer. Stir/baste/turn every half hour or so while it braises, salting to taste after it has cooked for about an hour (be really careful with salt, as you are going to reduce the shitte out of the braising liquid later). It will take a long time (4+ hours), so patiently braise the fucke out of it until it is just about falling apart and is tender all the way through.

These are the ingredients for the pico di gallo. Make this shitte well ahead of the beef being done and put in the fridge, as the flavors really meld together nicely with time.

Dice the tomatoes and half the onion; seed, stem, and dice the chiles; chop some cilantro. Sprinkle on a little salt and black pepper and then mix it together.

The fucker’s done!

Take the meat out, turn up the heat a lot, and start reducing the shitte out of the braising liquid, while you break up the meat. There is likely to be a core piece of gelatinous connective tissue (see left) that you won’t want to eat.

Reduce the shitte out of the braising liquid until it is getting nice and thick, and adjust the salt if needed.

Add the shredded meat back to the sauce, stir well to incorporate, and turn off the heat. If you let the shitte rest overnight in the fridge, the meat soaks up more and more of the sauce, and it’s even better the next day. Not surprisingly, I got no fucken patience for that!


Warm the tortillas, first put on some cabbage, and then dollop the meat.

Garnish the fucke out of it and EAT!


  1. Shplane says

    Why do you keep making all this amazing food and then not share it? This is some of the cruelest behavior I’ve ever seen.


  2. Kate from Iowa says

    So fucketonne of garlic=14 cloves, is that an official measurement?

    You know, I think I may have a fucketonne of roasted garlic in my freezer right now. Hrmmm…I may need to get my hands on a duck sometime soon…

  3. tajparis says

    Fucktonne is a relative measurement.

    i.e. If you are making 40 cloves and a chicken, then 40 cloves of garlic is nominal not a fucktonne.

  4. geocatherder says

    Apropos of nothing in this post, I just tried a sip of Jameson… er, I meant motherfucken Jameson… for the first time. Mmmm. Tonight will be a gay cocktail night…

  5. Namnezia says

    Not bad! Looks like you made “puntas de filete” and turned them into tacos.

  6. physioprof says

    Not bad! Looks like you made “puntas de filete” and turned them into tacos.

    Dude, every time one of my recipes reminds you of some kind of shitte you may have had before, it doesn’t mean I tried to make that shitte, but either failed or turned it into something else. Unless I specifically say so, all of the recipes I employ are invented by me.

    Obviously, there is inspiration from existing techniques and dishes, but I make these recipes up myself. I’ve never in my life heard of “puntas de filete”, never seen a recipe for whatever the fucke thatte is, and certainly didn’t “turn it into” anything else.

    When you go to a Picasso exhibit, do you say to your companions, “Not bad! Looks tried to make a Monet, but turned it into a Pisarro.”?

  7. Namnezia says

    Ah well, if you haven’t had “Puntas de Filete” you must try them! I think you’d find them delicious. Kinda like the time you mixed in guacamole into your risotto…

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