Premature St. Patrick’s Day!!!11!!1!11!!!ELBENTY!!11!

Corned Beef with Mustard Cream Sauce

five-to-six pound uncooked corned beef
five tablespoons pickling spices
one head cabbage, quartered
sixteen little white potatoes
one pound little white onions
fresh-ground black pepper
half cup heavy cream
fucketonne of Colman’s prepared mustard
bunch of dashes of Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce
four tablespoons butter
three tablespoons white flour
finely chopped parsley
splash of Templeton rye
one bottle dry white wine

This is the beautiful corned beef brisket, purchased from our local butcher and sourced from a maker in The Bronx.

Here are the pickling spices. We used McCormick brand, which contains CINNAMON, ALLSPICE, MUSTARD SEED, CORIANDER, BAY LEAVES, GINGER, CHILIES, CLOVES, BLACK PEPPER, MACE, and CARDAMOM.

Boil the beef for one hour in water, and then discard the boiling water.

Clean all the residue out of the pot, and then add two quarts of water, the bottle of white wine, and the sacke of spices, bring to a boil, and then put the beef in, cover, and simmer on medium for fucken hours, until the motherfucker is done. After about two hours, taste the boiling water and salt to taste. You can tell when it’s done, because your big two-prong meat pronger will slide in real easily.

Put the little white boiling onions in boiling water and continue to boil for thirty seconds, and then remove and cool them in tap water. This makes the fuckers easy peasy to peel, and then cut off the top and bottom ends.

When the meat’s nearly done, start making the sauce by melting the butter on medium-low.

Stir in the flour and mix very well to start making the roux. Add a bunch of fresh-ground black pepper.

Cook the roux with constant stirring until it is golden, and then “deglaze” (there should be no glaze in the pan) with a nice big splash of rye, and as soon as the alcohol burns off, add about three cups of the corned beef boiling water, stir well, and then allow to keep simmering on low.

The beef is done, so take it out and cover it in a dish with foil to keep it warm.

Put the onions and potatoes in the remaining boiling water in the pot first, and then the cabbage. Cover and boil on medium high for about ten or fifteen minutes, until all the shitte is nice and tender.

Add a fuckeloade of Colman’s mustard and chopped parsley, stir well, and continue to cook on low.

Add worcestershire sauce to taste, stir, and then salt to taste.

Add the cream, continue to cook with stirring for a few minutes, and then turn off the heat.

Plate, sauce, sprinkle, and HELLZ TO THE MOTHERFUCKEN YEAHH!!!111!1!111!!

After I took this nice picture, I put more sauce on the vegetables, and then also poured a little of the beef boiling water onto them to kind of brothify the sauce for the cabbage, onions, and potatoes.


  1. sithrazer says

    I just threw this together the other day for my aunt, so I’ll share. It’s a super simple chili.

    ingredients: 1-1.5lbs ground beef (more or less for preferred meatiness levels), 1 can chili beans, 1 can kidney beans, 1 can diced tomatoes, 1 can tomato paste (the little tiny can). Spices and seasonings for flavor.

    Brown the beef, drain off the excess grease. Add beef to a pot with the beans, tomatoes and paste. Add about 1/2 a bean can full of water (more or less, depending on how thick you like your chili). Stir everything together in the pot and bring it up to a low boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and let simmer until the kidney beans are nice and soft.

    I added garlic and onion powder (no fresh ones on hand), chili powder, cayenne powder, cumin, black pepper, celery salt (plain table salt would work fine, this was just handy).

    Next time, I’ll make sure to have fresh onion and garlic, and maybe a red or yellow bell pepper.

  2. Timothy (TRiG) says

    Where did this odd notion that corned beef is an Irish food come from?


  3. Yellow Thursday says

    I’m drooling. Seriously.

    I do have a question about the recipe, though. Is 15 minutes long enough to cook the potatoes? Do they get done enough?

  4. ritapita says

    Yellow Thursday: I am salivating as well. This just looks so good.

    Made the pork chili verde last week. Totally kicked ass. Looking forward to trying this one

  5. superfragilistika says

    The dish looks so great. I would serve though a smaller piece of meat and just too little potatoes. Just to optimize taste and health.

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