two and a half pounds coarse-ground chuck
two and a half large cans crushed san marzanos
one bottle modelo negra beer
one large splash rye
five dried anaheim (or ancho or guajillo) chiles
three dried chipotle chiles
seven dried arbol chiles
one chopped medium white onion
eight large chopped garlic cloves
one teaspoon cumin
one teaspoon coriander
one teaspoon oregano
one teaspoon black pepper
two bay leaves
olive oil
one can Goya pink beans
baking potatoes
grated cheese
chopped red onion

Start by putting a small pot of water (two or three cups) on to boil, and then remove the stems and seeds of the dried chiles. The arbols are the only ones that add heat, so add more and/or keep some seeds in if you want the shitte hotter. This exact recipe is pretty mild. When the water comes to a boil, turn off the heat and put the chiles in and steep for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Sautee the white onion with the cumin, pepper, coriander, and oregano until starting to turn translucent. Then add the garlic, and continue to sautee until completely softened, almost carmelized.

Add the meat, turn the heat way up, and sautee until the meat is browned and almost all of the liquid it exudes has reduced away.

Strain the reconstituted chiles out of the water, and retain the steeping liquid.

Put the chiles and about one to one and a half cups of the steeping liquid in the blender, and blend the living fucke out of it.

Add the beer and a generous splash of rye. Take a few nice swigs of rye, as needed. Reduce until all the EtOH is gone.

Add the chile paste, and stir well to incorporate and reduce a bit.

Add the tomatoes, bring back to a boil, turn the heat down to the lowest setting, cover, and simmer the fucke out of the shitte, stirring every half hour or as needed to prevent sticking/burning on the bottom.

After you have simmered the fucke out of itte for at least two hours or so, and the meat is fully tender, add the can of pink beans (after draining and discarding the bean juice), stir well, and continue to simmer for another forty-five minutes or so while you bake some potatoes.

Put a half baked potato on the dish, ladle on a generous quantity of chili, and top it with chopped red onion and grated cheese. This is Spring Brook Farm tarentaise from Vermont. EATTE!!!!!


  1. blindrobin says

    Texican pedant chili cook off judgement hat firmly in place. With no doubt a delicious ‘chili like’ recipe but technically not ‘chili’.

  2. says

    Surely you mean “half of a fully baked potato” rather than a “half baked potato?”

    I agree with blindrobin. Too many tomatoes, not enough dried chiles, but good enough for a Superbowl party.

  3. Charles Sullivan says

    I just had to see if some Texas chili purist would leave a comment. And one did. haha!!

  4. jolo5309 says

    I just had to see if some Texas chili purist would leave a comment. And one did. haha!!

    Don’t they always? Texas style chili has no beans, but that is just a regional variant.

    The wiki for chili mentions that it can contain beans, although it does mention that beans are controversial.

  5. RW Ahrens says

    Actually, the Texas debate over chili includes the bean argument, full fledged and full throated. Some think beans are an integral part of chili, others (the correct side) says it doesn’t.

    For myself, I don’t put beer in mine (nothing wrong with it tho), but I do put a good double shot of single malt scotch in both the chili and the cook. (It just seems to taste better that way…)

    I will also delight the crowd with a fine and very amusing little poem (NOT of my devising, but it will be attributed properly):


    by Jack Prelutsky

    When Tillie ate the chili,
    She erupted from her seat,
    She gulped a quart of water,
    And fled screaming down the street,
    She coughed, she wheezed, she sputtered,
    She ran totally amok,
    She set a new world record
    As she raced around the block.

    Tillie’s mouth was full of fire,
    Tillie’s eyes were red with tears,
    She was smoking from her nostrils,
    She was steaming from her ears,
    She cooled off an hour later,
    Showing perfect self-control
    As she said, “What tasty chili,
    I should like another bowl.”

  6. Aquaria says

    Actually, the Texas debate over chili includes the bean argument, full fledged and full throated. Some think beans are an integral part of chili, others (the correct side) says it doesn’t.

    The debate has been over in Texas, for more than 100 years.

    Here’s a recipe from one of the San Antonio Chili Queens (the people who made chili famous):

    #1 Original San Antonio Chili

    From the research library of the Institute of Texan Cultures comes this chili queen recipe (slightly updated for shopping convenience).

    2 lbs beef shoulder, cut into ½-inch cubes

    1 lb pork shoulder, cut into ½-inch cubes

    ¼ cup suet

    ¼ cup pork fat

    3 medium-sized onions, chopped

    6 garlic cloves, minced

    1-quart water

    4 acho [sic: should be ancho] chiles

    1 serrano chile

    6 dried red chiles

    1 Tablespoon comino seeds, freshly ground

    2 tablespoons Mexican oregano

    Salt to taste

    Place lightly floured beef and pork cubes in with suet and pork fat in heavy chili pot and cook quickly, stirring often. Add onions and garlic and cook until they are tender and limp. Add water to mixture and simmer slowly while preparing chiles. Remove stems and seeds from chile and chop very finely. Grind chiles in molcajete [Mexican mortar and pestle–a traditional guero one will do] and add oregano with salt to mixture. Simmer another 2 hours. Remove suet casing and skim off some fat. Never cook frijoles with chilies and meat. Serve as separate dish.

    No tomatoes.

    No beans.

    Real chili.

    Beans go on the side. That’s how the Chili Queens did it, and if anybody knew chili, they did.

  7. says

    So far my batch is a bit sweet and tart. I haven’t added the beer or rye yet. I also don’t have rye so I’m thinking about whiskey.

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