Fucke Hannukah

Hannukah or however you fucken speel thatte shitte in english can go fucke itself just as much as motherfucken christmas. Fucken candles and dreydels make me want to slit my own throat and those goddamn fucken songs are just as fucken bad as the motherfucken christmas ones. Their only redeeming quality is that there aren’t nearly as many of them, and there are many fewer fucken jews than fucken christians, so they aren’t playing the goddamn fucken hannukah song swill 24/7 non-stop everywhere you fucken go.

Although I do like a nice golden latke with sour cream, washed down with a healthy snifter of shlivovitz.


  1. Sheila says

    Agreed! The beauty of Hannukuh is that nobody around here (central Oklahoma) celbrates it so I am not inundated with the Hannukuh kerap. Although it would be a relief from the Jeebus birfieday shiate.

  2. Blue Duck says

    Thinking of songs…last night I was reading thru a LOOONG thread on balloon-juice about readers’ most hated Christmas songs. And boy, there are so many.

    One song that came up in the thread a few times was “Dominick the Donkey”. I had never even heard of it. So, unfortunately I let curiousity get the better of me & looked it up on youtube…. SHUDDER. So here is my one bit of advice for December – never, ever listen to Dominick the Donkey. It is a song so vile, so dreadful, that it makes songs like Little Drummer Boy and that one of dogs yapping Jingle Bells seem like fine art. Really. That song could shatter glass, I swear.

    “Dreidle made of clay” is Mozart by comparison also.

  3. mirax says

    You are fucking joking right? Apart from some parts of the US and maybe Israel, Hanukka is mercifully dead everywhere else. Whereas bloody fucking xmas and its fucking sickening music is everywere. Even in countries where the majority of the people arent xtians. Malls, airports, public libraries, museums, bus-stations in bloody fucking Asia (hongkong, tokyo, singapore) – all hanging up reindeer and decking the halls with bloody fucken boughs of holly. Xmas is shite.

  4. Art says

    That … and Jews perform a great public service by keeping the Chinese restaurants open so the rest of humanity, Jews, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, and atheist alike have something and somewhere they can eat outside the stereotypical Christmas fare and setting. If the said Chinese restaurant has a bar it also serves as a quiet place to go that is far away from the demands of family. But for the yeoman labors of our Chinese and Jewish neighbors there would be far more violence.

    In the true spirit of humanity and progress I raise a glass to our Chinese and Jewish friends. I salute you. Now… how about some Dim-Sum and a beer.

  5. Anat says

    As an Israeli I know plenty of Hanukkah songs, including a pro-Atheist song by Z’ev. Its end translates as ‘No miracle happened to us, we found no oil vat, we hewed the rock till we bled, and there was light.’ My daughter’s favorite though is another one that is also popular among Israeli anti-religious coercion activists ‘We have come to drive darkness away’. That said, Hanukkah is a weird holiday to celebrate as an atheist. It is a celebration religious fanatics winning the right to force their religion on whatever territory they managed to take control over.

  6. BinJabreel says

    I remember a Jewish kid in my Hebrew class expounding on his gelt conspiracy theory.

    He said that, in his experience, most of the gelt was made of terrible, terrible chocolate, so it was a means of subconsciously training the kids to want to accumulate as much gold as possible, while not wanting to consume any of it.

    I was never sure of how serious he was or not.

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