Motherfucken Braising And Spanish Squid Rice


four-to-five pound pork butt
three large dried ancho chiles
one large dried chipotle chile
three large dried arbol chiles
one large onion, chopped
six large cloves garlic, chopped
juice of half a large lime
juice of half a large tangerine
one tablespoon sugar
kosher salt or sel gris
olive oil
two bay leaves
two tsp dried oregano
two tsp ground coriander
two tsp ground cumin
one twelve-ounce bottle Modelo Negra beer

Remove the stems and seeds from all the chiles, boil some water, turn off the heat, submerge the chiles in the water, cover, and allow to steep for a half hour, with occasional gentle stirring.

Start sauteeing the onions, garlic, oregano, cumin, coriander, and bay leaves in olive oil.

Remove the reconstituted chiles from the water, and reserve the chile water.

Place the chiles, a half cup of chile water, the sugar, and citrus juice in a blender and blend the fucke out of the shitte, adding some more chile water as necessary to blend into a smooth paste/puree.

Liberally salt the butt, and coat it well with the chile paste.

When the onions and garlic are nicely softened and just starting to caramelize, pour in the beer and bring to a boil.

Put the butt into the pot, add the remaining chile paste if any is left, baste the butt with the beery oniony broth, cover, and braise in a 350 degree bottom-heat oven for three to four hours, until the pork is fork tender all the way through. Every thirty minutes, baste the butt with the braising liquid to keep it moist, and turn it over every hour.

When it’s done, remove the butt from the braising liquid, cover it with aluminum foil, and allow it to rest while you finish making the squid rice. By the time the pork is finished, there will be almost no aqueous phase left in the braising pan, and there will mostly just be rendered pork fat and the chiles, onion, and garlic as a kind of paste. If you want, this paste can be removed from the pork fat and used as the base for a sauce, for example by mixing it with some white wine and chicken broth and reducing a bit. I didn’t bother with this.


four or five cleaned squids
one cup spanish “bomba” rice
six large garlic cloves, diced
one serious pinch of saffron
one quart fish stock
salt and pepper
olive oil
half cup dry white wine

Cut the squid into rings and tentacle pieces.

This is the bomba rice we used. It says “Maximum Edendi”, which I think means “Totally Fucken Awesome” in Spanish.

Sautee the garlic on low until it starts to turn golden, adding a liberal amount of fresh-ground black pepper.

Toss in the squid, and turn the heat down to the lowest possible setting. You are going to slowly cook the squid and garlic for about forty-five minutes, stirring occasionally.

Here is what the squid looks like when it’s just about done, starting to brown a little bit and caramelize.

Add the wine and saffron, crushing it in your fingers as you add it, and reduce until all the alcohol is gone.

Add the rice and stir for a minute or two.

Add the quart of fish stock, and bring to a medium simmer. Allow to simmer with the lid off until pretty much all the liquid is gone, without stirring.

It should take about twenty minutes if your flame is at the proper level. If it is taking a lot longer to cook in/reduce off the liquid, then your flame is not high enough.

I served the pork with tomatillo salsa and the squid rice as a side dish. This pork would obviously make an outstanding taco, burrito, enchilada, or tamale filling.


  1. Each and every says

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  2. Aquaria says

    Oh, so you made fucking carnitas.

    Y que diablos… Gueros!

    That’s not carnitas. Real carnitas are always–always–cooked in lard. The ingredients are wrong, too. Real carnitas, you salt the meat and then throw it into the lard with some orange slices–peel on. Sliced orange makes the meat super moist, and gives it a great color and flavor, too. Sometimes, cilantro –or– cumin is thrown in. But that’s it. Nothing more. The rest of the flavor is supposed to come from garnishes, like salsa.

    This is a seasoned pork roast dish. So is pulled pork. That doesn’t make either of them carnitas.

    And, no, the Spanish squid rice isn’t half-assed paella. It’s arroz con calamares, a classic Spanish home cooking dish.


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