In case you’ve been wondering who to blame…

The American Patriarchy Association has all the answers! The list of causes for the recent theater shooting is long and predictable.

  • We aren’t sufficiently afraid of god

  • We aren’t afraid enough of hell

  • The ACLU

  • Godless public schools

  • Liberals

  • Movies

  • The Internet

  • Gays

  • Lesbians

  • Professors

  • Liberal churches

Mankind is shaking its fist at the authority of God! And God will not be silent when he’s mocked!

So he’ll scramble the brains of a random person and have him go out and murder something less than a hundred entirely random people who are only united in a common interest in Batman movies. He doesn’t seem to have a very coherent or comprehensible way of enforcing his desires.

Hey! They left one out! Maybe god just hates Batman.