Me and my cyberpistol

Thomas Foley of Virginia is nuts. This is the delegate to the Republican National Convention who has called for increased security. Why? Because he has an irrational fear of us.

On Friday the Catholic League reported that Thomas E. Foley, a Virginia delegate to the Republican National Convention (RNC) in Minneapolis has asked that increased security be considered for the event in light of Myers’ threat to acquire and desecrate the Eucharist.

“I just felt security at the Republican National Convention ought to look at him and his followers,” Foley told CNA in a phone interview on Wednesday morning. He reported that he had not received an update about his request.

Voicing his concerns about Myers, Foley said: “What I think he has done, he’s loaded a cyberpistol and he’s cocked it and he’s left it on the table. He may have set something in motion that no one can stop. It was irresponsible, a hell of a thing to do.”

Foley explained that he thought Myers should not be able to incite such acts with “impunity,” saying that he was especially disturbed by the comments posted on Myers’ blog. He said it was “eye-opening” to read the people who supported Myers’ action. Even at his age of 63, Foley said, he had never “personally encountered such bigotry.”

He also objected to Myers’ recent description of Catholic League President Bill Donohue as “braying,” which Foley, a self-described Irish Catholic, claimed was “a great insult for the Irish.”

Foley said he believes Myers was telling his readers to acquire a consecrated Host at Mass, which Foley thought would result in disruptions.

“What’s he telling them to do? Consecrated Hosts are not just lying around,” he said to CNA, noting that the only other possible way to secure a Host would be to accost a priest, nun, or layman taking the Sacrament to the sick. Even E-bay, Foley emphasized, has prevented the sale of consecrated Hosts.

Wait, what? I’m armed with a cyberpistol? Is that what we atheist brigands use to rob trucks trundling down the tubes of the internet?

I had no idea that “braying” was especially insulting to the Irish. I’m sure it’s a word that is used with great frequency in reference to Bill Donohue, though. No ethnic slur was intended, since I was unaware of any association (and still am) — it’s really just intended to highlight Donohue’s personal attributes as an ass.

I’m baffled by the last paragraph, though. If the crackers aren’t just lying around, how come people are having such an easy time getting them? The people who’ve sent them to me haven’t mentioned having to disrupt anything. And if their availability is so limited, why is he calling for increased security at the RNC? Do Republicans get Christ Crackers on registration, or something?

This is precisely the kind of deranged hysteria we have to protest against, I’m afraid.

I get email — special cracker edition!

You asked for it, I deliver. Here’s a good chunk of the opposition email that I’ve received in the last two days; not quite all of it, though, since I got bored and a lot of it has just been going straight into the trash. I’ve tried to cut out most of the identifying names and so forth, but if I missed a few…tough.

Trust me, it’s very tiresome to read.

[Read more…]

Ground your irony meters before reading

Paul Verhoeven is making a movie that claims Mary, the mother of Jesus, was raped by a Roman soldier. There is no historical evidence for Jesus, let alone the nature of his conception, so this is pure fictional speculation, from a director known more for over-the-top, superficial flamboyance than historical accuracy — expect a crotch shot of Mary, and lots of silicon breasts in the shower scene.

But of course Bill Donohue is outraged.

“Here we go again with idle speculation grounded in absolutely nothing,” Donohue told FOXNews.com. “He has no empirical evidence to support his claim, which is why they say ‘may have.'”

Hmmm. A lack of empirical evidence and a grounding in mere speculation has never stopped the Catholic church before…

A Christmas Carol

Hank Fox sent me the link to this lovely little ditty. I don’t know why he didn’t forward it to Bill O’Reilly or Bill Donohue.

I hope you have headphones if you try to listen to this in a public place. And do try to avoid singing along.

On that appeal to you sentimental bastards, let me mention another thing: a webblogger in this holiday season in difficult straits. It’s going to get uglier still in the future, I suspect, since this collapsing housing bubble is going to hurt a lot of people in real estate, finance, property management, etc. Kevin Hayden of the American Street is in that position — if anyone can help him out, please do.

For the War on Christmas.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Here’s what CNN says about The Golden Compass:

Culture: A star-studded, big-budget fantasy film released for Christmastime features religion as the villain. Hollywood is collaborating with a militant atheist British children’s book author to indoctrinate children.

Gregg Easterbrook (you already know to expect drooling idiocy) babbles without comprehension. Bill Donohue, of course, thinks it is a plot to corrupt children.

Get real. This movie isn’t going to convert anyone to atheism. It’s a fantasy story. It’s got witches and talking bears in it. It’s going to generate about as many new atheists as Tolkien’s Middle Earth trilogy generated converts to worship of Eru and the Ainur. It has the nicely appreciated sop to secular interest that the author is an atheist who has no respect for Christian mythology, but this is not a propaganda film — it’s entertainment. If your child’s beliefs can be shattered by a CGI polar bear on a movie screen, you’ve got bigger problems than this one film.

I’m going to go see The Golden Compass this weekend. If it’s a philosophical tract rather than an adventure story, I’m not going to enjoy it much.

And those of you who are upset that religion is one of the villains in this movie — get used to it. Religion is a villain in real life, too.

Miscellaneous inanities

The godless seem to be making some people desperate and angry and worried — the stupid arguments have just been flooding in, and I’ve had to exercise some restraint, or every day would be a day for yet another long “religiots are nuts” post. So I’ve saved them up and will throw them out with fairly short commentary here. You’ll see what I mean: bad arguments and pious indignation seem to be the only fuel they’re running on right now.

[Read more…]

Kathy Griffin is my new hero

We won’t get to hear Kathy Griffin’s Emmy award speech — it’s being censored. Here’s what she said:

In her speech, Griffin said that “a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus.”

She went on to hold up her Emmy, make an off-color remark about Christ and proclaim, “This award is my god now!”

The off-color remark was to say, “Suck it, Jesus.”

I thought it was funny. If I ever win an Emmy (do you have to be on TV to win that, or something?), I hope to remember to say something similar. It is, of course, ridiculous to censor someone for denying the influence of an invisible phantasm, but I guess the usual suspects got huffy. You know who I mean: the Indignant Sour Prune of the Airwaves, Bill Donohue.

The comedian’s remarks were condemned Monday by Catholic League President Bill Donohue, who called them a “vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech.”

Hate speech? Who did she hate? She laughed at an old superstition, mocking the habit of celebrities giving credit to an omnipotent ghost for nudging a shiny statuette their way. If Donohue were serious about his religion, he ought to be more upset at the trivialization of the Lord of the Cosmos into the guy who hands out trinkets.

The Colorado threats and the despicable slander of the DI

Recall those threats made against evolutionary biologists at the University of Colorado at Boulder? You can read the text of some of them at the Panda’s Thumb now. This is clearly the work of a deranged Christian cultist and creationist kook. We at the Panda’s Thumb also know who the author was, since he didn’t conceal his identity in the letters, and have tracked down his website, and yeah, he’s one of those wacky creationists and a fervent convert to Christianity from Judaism (we are not linking to that information until the police or other sources confirm it).

[Read more…]

My sweet lord

Bill Donohue is hopping mad again — he’s got another wild hare up his butt and is fuming over another insult to his very Catholic sensibilities:

Catholic League head Bill Donohue called it “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever”.

i-6dba47246b306059ed140df5c23a4fa1-chocolate_jesus.jpg

The latest affront is a life-size sculpture of a naked man on a cross, made out of 200 pounds of chocolate, on display in New York just in time for Easter.

Come on, Bill, get over it. Shouldn’t Abu Ghraib have been “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever”? How about the injustice of our war in the Iraq? What about the ongoing denial of civil rights to homosexuals? There are a lot of horrors in the world that might prompt a good Christian man to unleash his righteous fury, but a giant chocolate Jesus really isn’t one of them.

Besides, the only real dilemma here is which piece you’re going to start nibbling on first.

i-8dbaf1c23ffa9315dca7742737b6aafd-choco_jesus.jpg

Aww, somebody already ate the big bunny ears!