The gods may have already heeded my prayers


Get your incense burning and prayer wheels spinning, everyone! Think really hard! Rush Limbaugh has terminal lung cancer, and is expected to die. Thoughts & Prayers time! Nothing more. He thinks they really work.

Limbaugh said his embrace of religion has helped him cope with the uncertainty cancer brings. After his update generated expressions of support, he thanked well-wishers via Twitter, saying, “Thank you so much for your overwhelming encouragement, support, and prayers out there. They absolutely work! Fear not, I plan to hang around a long time to continue to annoy the left.”

So many questions…what religion has he embraced? I would have thought openly adopting Satan as your Lord and Master when you’re about to die would be unwise, unless maybe he tried selling his soul for more longevity. He wouldn’t have gotten much, though, since his soul was already fully owned by Satan, but desperation leads to desperate measures.

Do you think the inevitable death of Limbaugh would be the sacrifice that would appease the fickle demons of 2020? Or do they demand a human sacrifice?

Comments

  1. foolishleader says

    I am pretty sure it is not Satanism, If Satan exists there is no way he would want to be associated with Limbaugh.

  2. anchor says

    But one might pray for proper accommodations in that hot place.

    The room by the giant bellows that keeps the fire extra hot sounds comfy.

  3. Snarki, child of Loki says

    “the inevitable death of Limbaugh would be the sacrifice that would appease the fickle demons of 2020? Or do they demand a human sacrifice?”

    I see what you did there. Bravo.

  4. stroppy says

    You just know when he finally kicks it, the worst that pundits will say of him will be that he was “controversial,” not that he was patient zero for much of the evil that has metastasized throughout our society.

    Rush, probably won’t make much of a difference now that the damage is done, but good riddance anyway to you, and here’s hoping to all of your filthy spawn.

  5. Akira MacKenzie says

    Limbaugh said his embrace of religion…

    What? I listened to Rush when I was a stupid teenager/college student. He was always praising “God.” He was always giving support for the Christian Right, its leaders, and their causes. Now that he’s close to dying, he says he’s finally come to Jesus?

    FUCK HIM!

  6. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    There is only one goddess worth prayers. All thanks to Karma, Goddess of Retribution. She has been quite active this unprecedented (ahhh, un-presidented) year of 2020, funny how convergences occur.
    #FlushRush is throwing the sympathy card to encourage donations to his cancer treatements straight into his pocket and the pocket of our Presidouche.
    — excuse me for going wilggley

  7. Ed Seedhouse says

    I think it might be best for one to praise Satan loudly so as to curry favour with what looks at the moment likely to be the winning side…

  8. PaulBC says

    I read this story and didn’t even see how it was news. His cancer was already far progressed when news came out in earlier February. I suppose it is a confirmation of what many people had guessed. I was not expecting him to last this long.

    I am temporarily changing my stance from “Is he dead yet?” to “Offering hopes and prayers that he is alive and conscious to see a Democratic landslide on November 3.” After that, he can get back to the important work of shuffling off his mortal coil.

  9. birgerjohansson says

    I am reminded of the science fiction novel in Iain Banks* “Culture” series, where the personalities of the dead are uploaded into a digital hell.

    *Another victim of cancer, but actually missed. Like Gilda Radner, Pryor et al.

  10. birgerjohansson says

    BTW, Rush was supposed to be the antichrist, but was too lazy and sedentary to get the job done once he realised it was much easier to just coast as a grifter.

  11. unclefrogy says

    I told a friend about that news and she asked if I was happy about it. I did not want to start an argument just then so I did not say much.
    I do not really know if I feel good about it though I heard in my mind the old song “I be glad when you’re dead you rascal you”. I still struggle with self criticism
    I do have zero sympathy how ever. I just don’t f’n care!
    uncle frogy

  12. cartomancer says

    The bit that stood out most to me was that he chose to sum up his long and inglorious career as “annoying the left”.

    That’s rather telling. Not “standing up for what is right” or “standing up for what I believed in” but “annoying the left”. He seems to think that his role in life was to attack and undermine the people trying to make the world a better place for the benefit of his corporate paymasters. Which it was, of course, but you might at least expect him to believe his own spin.

    Oh well, ho-hum. My thoughts are with the cancer at this difficult time.

  13. Numenaster, whose eyes are up here says

    My comment is the same as one of my coworkers made about the Manchurian Cantaloupe: “I tested negative for sympathy.”

  14. PaulBC says

    Plenty of people have done more good and much less harm, had shorter lives, died of something they didn’t bring upon themselves, weren’t hypocrites who bragged about smoking smuggled Cuban cigars while attacking people as communists, and died without nearly as much recourse to medical treatments.

    So in short, screw him. What I “want” does not affect the outcome, and if “thoughts and prayers” worked, he’s got more of those from his gullible radio audience than most people I care about can muster.

    I can’t say it’ll make me happy either. It’s just one more distraction to get out of the way. His removal from the public sphere is an obvious benefit though.

  15. says

    @#1, foolishleader:

    I am pretty sure it is not Satanism, If Satan exists there is no way he would want to be associated with Limbaugh.

    Okay, so: let’s assume that the modern Christian version of Satan — a purely evil, superhuman being who hates god, has significant control over the material world, and wants to turn all humans against god — actually exists.

    Such a being would clearly attempt to take over any “true” church, because that would cut off humans from the only “real” contact with god. Being superhumanly intelligent and able to control worldly events, Satan would necessarily succeed in doing so within a few generations. Therefore: there is no “true” church in existence. The closer to being “true” a church began, the more thoroughly it will be taken over by minions of Satan.

    But that would not be enough. Even if you consider that a whole religion — including all the factions and branches and schisms — is “close enough” for Satan to have to take them all over, that would still mean that a maximum of about one third of the world’s religions would be under Satan’s control, rather than a majority. Clearly, in order to consolidate control of humanity, Satan would continue to infiltrate religions, even ones which bore no resemblance to the “real” one, in order to prevent accidental enlightenment. Having supernatural control over the material world and superhuman intelligence, this would not be difficult — even if leaders could resist temptation, they could be assassinated by “natural” causes until a Satan-controlled candidate gained control.

    Therefore: it is safe to assume that if the Christian Satan actually exists, all religions are secretly Satanism.

  16. davidc1 says

    @18 The author of a Biography of Victoria Wood had a bit in The Independent today about the writing of the biography .Don’t know if you Americans have heard about her ,well loved and respected comedian ,song writer ,playwright ,and actress .
    Died in the dreaded year 2016 .
    Compare her to the poor excuse for a human being lush limbaugh .

  17. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    I believe Elvis Costello had a song on his 1989 album Spike that would sum up my feelings on this news. Something about the dirt…

  18. Marissa van Eck says

    Good. It’s only fair that after using those lungs to pollute the airways and minds of America for decades, they are involved in his death. I hope he suffers.

  19. Ridana says

    9) There is only one goddess worth prayers. All thanks to Karma, Goddess of Retribution.
    10) all hail Tpyo: changing “wiggly” to “wilggley”

    Apparently Tpyo and Karma are in league…

    The only deity who ever answered my prayers was Asphalta:
    Hail Asphalta, full of grace!
    Please show me a parking space!

    When I owned a car she never failed me, no matter how full the lot. She was so reliable in fact, that it made me start to question the nature of the universe. :)

  20. A. Feesh says

    My favorite reaction to the updated news of his still pending demise was the gif of Ted Knight from Caddyshack, “Well? We’re waiting!”

  21. opus says

    I would prefer that he live to see tRump in handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit, but if he can’t hang around I won’t be upset.

  22. rrutis1 says

    So many great jokes at Limblow’s expense! Thanks, everyone for making me laugh today…it’s been a rough week!

    My only regret is that because of COVID I won’t be able to attend his funeral service and cackle the whole way through

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