And now, a word from the Illinois Patriarchy Institute


These guys are always flooding my mailbox with their hand-wringing screeds about the gays and the trans and the non-god-fearing Americans, and lately they’ve been particularly wound up. Why? Because Chick-fil-A Betrays Principles and Faithful Customers. If you can’t trust a soulless giant capitalist chicken-killing and meat-processing restaurant to bash the gays, what are you going to do?

In a stunning act of betrayal, Chick-fil-A’s charitable foundation, the Chick-fil-A Foundation, has announced it will no longer donate to the Salvation Army, Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA), or Paul Anderson Youth Home (PAYH). Though Chick-fil-A has not publicly acknowledged the reason for its betrayal, everyone knows what it is. Chick-fil-A is attempting to curry favor with the “LGBTQ+” community that is shredding our social fabric. This policy shift constitutes a cowardly betrayal of Chick-fil-A’s Christian ethos and its Christian customers who have stood by Chick-fil-A through all its trials at the hands of legions of supporters of sexual deviance. #LoveofMoney

Broods of vipers identifying as apostles of justice, equality, tolerance, diversity, inclusivity, and compassion have been protesting and maligning Chick-fil-A since 2012 when Dan Truett Cathy, chairman and chief executive officer, made some public statements in an interview with the Baptist Press supporting true marriage and opposing the legal recognition of homosexual unions as marriages. After homosexuals got wind of Cathy’s theologically orthodox and unremarkable statements, some part of hell broke loose and raged against Chick-fil-A. Fortunately for Cathy and Chick-fil-A, Christians turned out en masse all across the country to show their support with their time and money for Cathy’s stand for truth.

Wow. I haven’t been called a brood of vipers in days, and usually it’s by angry atheists on an anti-SJW crusade. It’s good to see a Christian organization returning to its roots and its heritage of hatred, and the True Meaning of the words of the Bible.

They should have waited, though. Don’t you worry, Chick-fil-A still hates those non-Christian sexual deviants!

Chick-fil-A says it will now focus its charitable efforts in three areas: education, homelessness, and hunger. But when asked more specifically, it did not go so far as to say that it will no longer donate to organizations that oppose LGBTQ rights.

“No organization will be excluded from future consideration–faith-based or non-faith-based,” Chick-fil-A President and COO Tim Tassopoulos said in a statement to VICE.

See? The door is still open for a policy of bigotry. You just have to cater to their desire for dollars, as Jesus would expect you to do. This change is only motivated by money, as they see all those potential customers walking by their doors on the way to Popeye’s Chicken. That’s really all this is, a cautious ploy to expand their customer base in the face of competition.

Despite attempts to move away from politics, the company has been unable to shake its homophobic reputation. Just last month, Chick-fil-A was forced to close its very first location in the U.K. after only eight days following protests and pressure from groups promoting LGBTQ rights.

Disclosure: I can’t claim to have boycotted Chick-fil-A, because I’ve never eaten there, never been tempted even before they revealed their bigotry. And now I don’t eat there because of the vegetarian thing.

I have eaten at Popeye’s, decades ago, and it was really good. I guess if I had to break down and eat a dead bird, I’d prefer to go there anyway, no matter what openly Christian Chick-fil-A said to make amends. Although I really doubt that Popeye’s management is full of secularists and atheists.

Comments

  1. brucej says

    “nest of vipers”?? Anyone with a passing knowledge of you knows you’re a ‘clutter of spiders’ ! (had to look it up 8-)

  2. says

    Do they know that you can be cis and hetero and still support LGBQ rights? We finally have a Chik-fil-A here in Portland, but I already know where to find the best fried chicken in town so I don’t care. BTW that would be the Reel-Em-In Tavern.

  3. Ragutis says

    Chick-fil-A says it will now focus its charitable efforts in three areas: education, homelessness, and hunger.

    That doesn’t sound very Christian at all (especially the education bit). I don’t remember Jesus saying anything about the destitute amid all his rantings against the queers. Oh. Wait. Reverse that.

    Gov. Chuckleberry called it “tragic”. But he’s giddy that Trump gave Netanyahu permission to raze the Palestinian territories and build condos. (I wonder if there’s a hotel deal in the works?)

    Sidenote: Chick-fil-A is pretty damn tasty for junk food. A chicken biscuit or two was my go to hangover cure Saturday mornings when I worked at a mall. (Sundays I went to the bagel place and got an onion bagel with cream cheese and slice of tomato) And those waffle fries rocked. Maybe it’s all shit now. Most chains’ food starts to suffer after a few years of popularity, but it used to be good. I too stopped going after all this bigoted BS became public. As for Popeye”s… They’ve got some good chicken, but people are killing each other over their sandwiches. Literally… killing. I’ll pass until the mania fades.

  4. says

    Popeyes is really delicious. I’d never gotten into fried chicken until late in life (last year) and my reaction was “how did I miss this?!” I’ve got catch up to do.

  5. waydude says

    I only see Chik fil a in the airports at work, and there’s always a long line. So, I decided to try it one day to see what the fuss was all about.
    I don’t get it, soggy chicken patty stuck in between two flaccid pieces of white bread that comes slightly damp and a couple pickles. Like, seriously, just two little pickles. I found the chicken(spicy) to be rather mild and unflavorful unless you count kinda salty. OVerall the experience reminded me of a microwave chicken sandwich.
    Popeyes is allright, I only get the spicy tenders and eat veggies I pack with it instead of their overly carby options

  6. brucegee1962 says

    They must have a pretty amazing PR department if they managed to get both atheists and fundies mad at them with the same announcement.

  7. Pierce R. Butler says

    When will Chick-fil-A offer a fried shredded social fabric sandwich?

    A friend pointed out to me some years ago that, given the irregular placement of letters on its signage, Popeyes reads “Pope Yes”. Now you won’t be able to unsee it either – nyahh nyahh!

  8. Howard Brazee says

    I liked Chick-fil-A, but have been boycotting them for years now. There are more Popeyes (no apostrophe) now, and I like the spicy chicken, and love it if I luck out and get biscuits fresh out of the oven.

    My how-to-live values work very well with What Would Jesus Do, as long as I put being a steward of the planet and future generations first. Of course, the Bible describes Jesus’ values as very, very different from the values of the American Religious Right’s spokesmen’s values. But having those values and demanding that my politicians have those values won’t make the American Religious Right happy. It will still feel that it’s being attacked by those who want everybody else to have more.

  9. aziraphale says

    “theologically orthodox and unremarkable statements”

    No, these statements are revisionist and soft-centered. Everyone knows the only thing to do with sexual deviants is stone them to death.

  10. Ridana says

    You had me going for a minute until I checked to link. I thought there really was a group called the Illinois Patriarchy Institute. A decade ago I would’ve recognized your rebranding at once, but not only does it no longer seem unlikely, I’m kinda surprised there isn’t one.

  11. wzrd1 says

    @5, had both. Our children briefly worked at chick-fill-not, enjoyed Popeye’s chicken, but still prefer preparing my own burned bird meat.
    Comparison, cheap chicken, rather bland, cheap chicken slightly less bland via black pepper, claiming some Cajun bullshit.

    Personally, I prefer a masala garam derived recipe, as there are as many recipes of that as there are families in India and well, my tastes vary nearly daily, as far as spicing goes.
    Annoyingly, I have to watch hotter spices, other than high levels of ginger, due to damage from GERD, which is annoying, so occasionally, I’ll allow such abuse for flavor.
    But, have to shift my wife to anything other, as she blisters at fairly low levels of OC – badly.

    Chick-fil-none has the opinion, overall, that spices are salt and pepper, poopeye’s, a bit of cayenne pepper, barely present.

    Full disclosure, other than soldier, I was also a chef, advancing to salad chef, electronics technician and overall IT generalist. Hint, as to culinary skills, my sense of smell is nearly non-existent, but I’ve repeatedly tasted food and replicated the recipe for others, who do have a sense of smell. I’ve actually tasted raw spices and figured out their characteristics, once used in a recipe. An example is, some time ago, I was in a spice souq, ran into sumac, one taste, found the missing spice for a fine lentil soup from India, which we both loved.
    Laugh, as part of that experience, a close Arabian friend wanted to know the spice, I told him sumac, not knowing the Arabic name.
    Suffice it to say, a pained expression came across his face, after he asked me what it was, ‘it’s sumac’. After asking about the cause of his distress, well, that statement is very close to an Arabic profanity referring to his mother’s reproductive tract. He was too distressed to explain it, a Bedouin friend did explain.
    After I comprehended the mis-transliteration of phonetics, well, we’re “godparents” for all of his children, because he trusts me to educate them under his faith, despite my deist beliefs.
    Dude nailed me cold. He also understood, education would be purely secular, religious things are within a separate realm, context wise.

    Back to recipes, specific spicing isn’t important, what taste you prefer is critically important, save if you’re preparing for guests.
    Sumac has an earthy flavor, with bitterness. Substitutions are made using lemon juice, which is a mistake, it’s a case of “almost entirely unlike, but not quite” flavor. Those are primary flavors, there are other flavors that English lacks the ability to convey. Those, due to trace metals, some of which I’ve yet to figure out, but selenium, manganese and zinc are present. For whatever else is present, for all that I know, it could be a novel salt of Pu-239. :/

    Circling back to the OT, what is announced and what actually happens are, at times, mutually exclusive. Do look up some nobody named Donald J Trump for a primary example.
    Knowing him, he’d go to Wally Reed, suffering “chest discomfort”, he’d be informed, “You have acute angina”, he’d reply, “Yeah, it is cute, but you’ll not get near her”.
    Yeah, that is how he is in person.
    Both my wife and I met him personally, long before unreality TV became a thing and obviously, long before he entered Imperial Leadership, ahem, “politics”.
    Boor of the party, leaving a tri-state chamber of commerce holiday function the following year with a 90% attrition rate, due to the previous “guest of honor”, who was the boor of the party.
    So, if we ever create an award for boor of the party, social or military, he’d get clusters in platinum.
    We’d pass without notice.
    By intent, we have zero reason to seek the public eye, I have specific reasons to interact and they’re not, overall, pubic opinion or private opinion, but due to performing a job, distant from that idiot.
    Thankfully!
    I fix that which is non-functional. That is what I do, in a complex mixed network environment, I quite enjoy working with people and technology. I’ve also worked with information security and was good at that, notable for many peers, for me it was just following instructions from others, adding some hints.
    Albert Einstein of IT whatever, I am not.
    I simply implement the desired effects, fix the broken few figure out, muddle through the rest of the day like the rest of us.
    Trying to figure me out still?
    I love interacting with people, wherever. I learn on contact, the steeper the learning curve, the better for me.
    I am slightly slowing down, nearing a sixth decade, that doesn’t mean a lot. Challenges excite me and need to be resolved.
    Last position, required a specific platform certification, examined a generalized question pool, went, took the test, never studied dogshit since NT4/Win2000, observed differences in implementation and trends.
    Passed the certification.
    Previously, working in information security, took the required test, also passed, both, single effort.

    So, I’m a fairly bright fella, given half a chance.
    That said, I do have a fair bill of medical problems. I have an EPA mandate to never wear a Speedo. I also have an abdominal aortic dilation, just short of an aneurysm. My thyroid emits levels of thyroid hormone, due to autoimmune attack, to legendary levels.
    Still haven’t figured out how to manage my 401k without fucking someone.
    But, I am a perfect 10 – on the Richter scale. ;)

    Now, kindly stop trying to swat me with a wet trout! It belongs in the morning breakfast pan.

  12. Bruce H says

    I’ve been boycotting Chic-fil-a since I was a teenager in the mid 1980s. I went to the mall on a Sunday and, to my surprise, they were closed. All the other stores in the food court were open. There was a little sign explaining that they closed on Sunday to allow all of their employees time to go to church. I realized right away that Chic-Fil-A is owned by righteous dickwads who like to force their faith on the people they have power over.

    I have had their chicken before that, and on occasion since when other people bought it. It’s okay but not great. Popeye’s is much better and doesn’t come with a dose of holier-than-thou.

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