Nintendo ought to sue for defamation


Stormy Daniels’ tell-all book tells me a heck of a lot more than I want to know.

Trump’s bodyguard invites Daniels to dinner, which turns out to be an invitation to Trump’s penthouse, she writes, in a description of alleged events that Daniels has disclosed previously but which in the book are rendered with new and lurid detail. She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

Thoughts, in no particular order:

  • Ick. TMI.

  • Who cares? Penis shape is not a criterion for a good or bad president.

  • I hate to break the news to you guys, but every man’s penis is a weird-looking thing.

  • I’ll never be able to unsee this.

  • Toad is cute & cheerful, and not how I’d metaphorically describe any part of the president’s anatomy.

  • I’d rather have President Toad.

Comments

  1. Richard Smith says

    I’d rather have President Toad

    Well, at least when it comes to leaders like Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin, you’ve got President Toady…

  2. Marissa van Eck says

    Could be worse. At least it didn’t have that annoyingly high voice, or tell her “Sorry Princess, but your lover is in another castle.”

  3. Ragutis says

    What does “Yeti pubes” mean? Snowy white? Extremely long and dense? Cold? Mythical?

    As for the fact that all penises are weird looking comment: As a bearer of one, I’d say true, but, this woman has seen an above average number of penises and seems to describe this particular one (I can’t believe I’m commenting on Presidential peen) as standing out. But still, let’s not harp on it and make more men feel more insecure about their wangs (porn does enough of that). We don’t need unnecessary pecker plastic surgery becoming trendy like vaginoplasty and labiaplasty.

  4. gijoel says

    I still don’t understand why anyone would want to sleep with him. I’d like to think that it’s not about money, but then I read crap like this. I feel sorry for his wife, she has to put up with crap like this coming out every day.

  5. whywhywhy says

    #7

    I feel sorry for his wife

    Why? She knew what she was getting with Trump and made the deal. I don’t blame her for the choice but I certainly don’t feel sorry for her. She could get out of the marriage. Probably lose all money and access to the lifestyle she is accustomed. It would also be a hell of a custody fight for Barron, but she would have an excellent chance of winning custody. She has choices, why feel sorry for her.

    Unless, you are implying that she doesn’t know what Donald’s penus is like.

  6. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    Ms. Daniels may be pioneering a new genre of erotica, in which the art is to be found in the creative descriptions of REALLY BAD SEX.

    Rule 34 would suggest there is already a site.

  7. a_ray_in_dilbert_space says

    Doubting Thomas@6
    Thanks for that warning. Now, no matter what I am not going to open that “emergency preparedness” text on Thursday.

  8. Ragutis says

    gijoel

    18 September 2018 at 3:01 pm

    I still don’t understand why anyone would want to sleep with him. I’d like to think that it’s not about money, but then I read crap like this. I feel sorry for his wife, she has to put up with crap like this coming out every day.

    Its partly his money and the access/power it gives him plus the fact that supposedly, in person, he can be quite charming and charismatic. Some of his mistresses found one more interesting while others fell for the other. His entire career has been built on schmoozing and bullshitting. A rich guy talking someone into bed isn’t exactly breaking news. And, frankly, Trump was a somebody for a while. Charlie Sheen was dating one of the most popular adult actresses of the moment before he imploded. If say, Elon Musk walks up to one of the current “IT” adult actresses at a trade or awards show and says “Wanna grab a drink?”, few, if any, are going to say “Fuck off. Your hyperspeed subway is stupid and you have no idea what’s actually involved in a manned voyage to Mars.”.

    As for feeling sorry for his wives… I do, but after Ivana, it should have been pretty clear what they were signing up for. That doesn’t mean they enjoy the public embarrassment or the character they’re forced to play. If Melania sticks around a year after Trump loses his office (whatever way it goes down), I’ll be amazed. The humiliation she’s having to endure… I hope its a BIG payday and that she can get Barron well away from daddy and into the counseling he’ll need.

  9. Matrim says

    @8, whywhywhy

    Why? She knew what she was getting with Trump and made the deal. I don’t blame her for the choice but I certainly don’t feel sorry for her. She could get out of the marriage. Probably lose all money and access to the lifestyle she is accustomed. It would also be a hell of a custody fight for Barron, but she would have an excellent chance of winning custody. She has choices, why feel sorry for her.

    I don’t really think she did know what she was getting into. I mean, she knew the basics, but I don’t think she actually thought he was going to end up President of the United States (hell, it’s clear from his reaction on election night that HE didn’t actually think he was going to end up president). Now if she wanted to leave, she wouldn’t just be leaving a vindictive well-connected asshole, she’s be leaving the single most politically powerful individual on the planet. Plus it’s a lot harder to get out of an unhealthy relationship that it is to get into one. I’m not exactly overflowing with sympathy for her, but I understand.

  10. jrkrideau says

    Penis shape is not a criterion for a good or bad president.

    What else explains his “unusual” behaviour?

  11. hotspurphd says

    Reminds me of an episode in one of Joseph Wambaugh’s police novels, of a guy nicknamed “tuna can Charlie” who left pictures of his penis under the windshield of cars. It was two inches long and three inches wide. Wambaugh says in a note at the beginning that many of the episodes in the book were based on real events.

  12. hotspurphd says

    It was actually Tuna Can Tommy in “The Glitter Dome”.

    The Ferret reached inside and found four self-photographed portraits in cowboys boots, hat and mask.

    The Ferret cried, “Out of freaking sight!”

    “Those are real ostrich boots,” Tuna Can Tommy said proudly.

    The Weasel, who was writing in his notebook, mumbled, “You wear five-hundred-dollar ostrich, I wear thirty-dollar shit kickers. There’s gotta be a moral somewheres.”

    “It ain’t your boots, masked man!” the Ferret cried to Tuna Can Tommy. “Now I know how you got your nickname!”

    “What nickname? I always sign the picture Tommy.”

    “The vice cops didn’t show us your Polaroids. Now I know why they call you Tuna Can Tommy!”

    “Do they call me that? Oh, that’s mean!” He looked as though he might start crying again. “I can’t help the way I’m built!”

    The Weasel stopped making notes about Flameout Farrell and Lloyd the alleged coke dealer and took the pictures from the Ferret.

    “My God!” the Weasel cried. “Your putz! It’s nearly three inches in diameter!”

    But, alas, it was less than two inches in length. It was shaped exactly like a tuna can.

  13. John Morales says

    I dunno, better faint praise than outright mockery.

    His penis is described as “not freakishly small”.
    He was not impotent in 2006.

    PS

    Who cares?

    Those who don’t care don’t write about it, do they?

  14. graham2 says

    An unintended side effect of flooding the media with all this puerile trivia will be to transform Trump into a figure of ridicule (yeah, I know). Its probably more damaging than any objective fact-based assessment could ever be. Anyway, Im just loving it: size of his hands, shape of his penis. Just for once media trivialization is doing a great job.

  15. vole says

    Transforming a bad guy into a figure of ridicule is not necessarily a good thing. It can lead to people underestimating the badness. Here in the UK, this happened with Idi Amin, who became a figure of fun, mainly as a result of some brilliant parodies by Alan Coren. Years later, many of us were taken aback to discover how many people Amin had killed.

  16. John Morales says

    vole:

    Transforming a bad guy into a figure of ridicule is not necessarily a good thing.

    Nor are they mutually-incompatible, as you have noted… so, too late to warn, here.

    And IMO he’s not “bad”, as in “evil”, he’s just entitled and enabled because he’s an useful idiot figurehead, someone in his dotage.

  17. Nemo says

    Don’t the vast majority of human penises look like mushrooms? There must be some subtle distinction here I’m not getting.

    @John Morales #23: Trump’s relentless self-interest and lack of empathy meet my definition of evil. Don’t be confused by the fact that he’s also too dumb to know what his self-interest is half the time.

    He may have been more articulate when he was younger, but he was always a bully, a creep, and tasteless.

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