I would be convinced that I am a vampire


I would never be able to see myself in this mirror! It’s got a built-in camera that only activates the mirror if it detects that you are smiling. I already avoid mirrors, but this one would only deepen my scowl, and here’s how I would react:

Also…Bela Lugosi was a handsome fellow, wasn’t he?

Comments

  1. davidnangle says

    Jesus, will every new product be subsidized by the NSA’s voracious appetite for data? Or is it Amazon’s voracious appetite?

  2. Holms says

    “If you give it to someone, you are gifting them a smile.”

    This is based on the idea that faking a smile makes a person happy. This is not correct.

  3. says

    Thanks. Now I’m annoyed again at the idea that somehow light bouncing off a vampire is magically transformed so that not only doesn’t reflect off mirrors anymore, but you can see the light reflecting off of whatever’s behind the vampire when you look at the mirror. Also this property of the vampire is absorbed by their clothes somehow.

    Look, I enjoy a bunch of science fiction and fantasy. I’m willing to suspend belief somewhat. I will accept that the vampire affects protons that touch it, and the vampire’s clothes – being in close proximity to the vampire – also take on this property. However, this still wouldn’t render the vampire invisible in a mirror. All that means is where the vampire’s reflection would normally be you would see a vampire-shaped blob of whatever it would look like with ambient light still reflecting from that area of the mirror.

    This all goes for photography and vampires too.

    Also? I get what the makers of the mirror are trying to do but it comes with too much baggage in society with women constantly being told to smile, so fuck that shit.

  4. says

    Program alexa to interface with the mirror so you can ask “mirror mirror on the wall, who’s..” pipe it through snapchat and add fairy sparkles… we are almost there.

  5. says

    Tabby Lavalamp:

    Also? I get what the makers of the mirror are trying to do but it comes with too much baggage in society with women constantly being told to smile, so fuck that shit.

    It’s even worse when it comes to cancer patients who happen to be women. Bright-sided by Barbara Ehrenreich has a good look at that.

  6. jazzlet says

    And to cap it all there isn’t even any good evidence a positive attitde makes any difference to cancer survival.

  7. blf says

    The mildly deranged penguin says B. stokpire is a translucent or transparent bat-shaped and -sized undead with the ability to create an image inside your visual system. The image is normally a creature who appears to be a desirable specimen of your own species, which explains why they usually look handsome. Being a glitch, so to speak, in your visual system is why the creature neither casts a shadow nor reflects.

    The image is constructed from the brainwaves all of the members of your own species in the room, and projected into all the visual systems, which is why everyone sees and describes roughly the same creature. Different species see different creatures, albeit precisely how that is accomplished is a puzzle. Also, no-one’s quite worked out how it gets the different perspectives correct — that is, why (e.g.) someone standing behind sees the back whilst someone standing in front sees the front.

    The image is mostly used as distraction so the bat-like undead reality can glide towards the available neck(s) and do its thing. A “bat” turning into someone like yourself is the image forming, and turning back into a “bat” is the image dissolving (check your neck for holes).

    They really don’t like the taste and smell of garlic. Nailing them to the floor — staking them — does keep them from floating around, at least until they can get free. Coffins are simply comfortable, and bright sunlight is avoided as it makes the bat-like undeads easier to spot.

    Holy water, which is obviously just plain water with added mumble-jumble, doesn’t do anything special, nor do rosaries and similar.

    The brainwave-collection and -projection seems similar to the famous Babblefish, leading some to try inserting the “bat” into their ear. That often results in a head explosion, and some speculate it’s how B. stokpire reproduces.

  8. grasshopper says

    Which reminds me, it’s time to replace all my mirrors again — they are looking real old. So are my cousins, for that matter.

  9. unperson says

    Marcus Ranum:
    I’m proud to say that when I saw your “mirror mirror on the wall” quote, the first thing that came to mind was the Blind Guardian song.

  10. robro says

    Haven’t you hear…

    The bats have left the bell tower
    The victims have been bled
    Red velvet lines the black box
    Bela Lugosi’s dead

  11. unclefrogy says

    the modern vampires seem to avoid the christian roots of all of the older stories, they are all servants of the devil and stokers vampire is full of blasphemous action on the part of dracula “drink my blood” like the christ said? so being of the devil does not bother me, that he can’t be seen in a mirror it fits right in. With out the christianity the vampire is just an alien life form of some kind a much lessor being than the devil but more than a man.
    there are a lot of innovative products being introduced lately that I doubt many people have been clamoring for certainly not me, like amazon key just announced the other day

  12. Dark Jaguar says

    Ah, the American cult of happiness. Always be happy, never be sad, sad is ALWAYS evil and bad and happy is the only emotion that matters. Didn’t these people see Inside Out?

  13. cherbear says

    I always thought the reason vampires couldn’t be seen in mirrors is that they have no souls. No soul, no reflection. Not that anyone has one, but the whole capturing souls in a mirror mythos seems to fit.

  14. Curious Digressions says

    I’ve got a serious case of “resting bitch-face”, so the high tech mirror would just be an expensive piece of darkened glass.

    *Obviously* vampires don’t show up in mirrors because back in the day, mirrors were made of silvered glass. Silver is anathema to vampires. Similarly, they didn’t show up in photographs because silver nitrate was used to capture images.

  15. Curious Digressions says

    I’ve got a serious case of “resting bitch-face”, so the high tech mirror would just be an expensive piece of darkened glass.

    *Obviously* vampires don’t show up in mirrors because back in the day, mirrors were made of silvered glass. Silver is anathema to vampires. Similarly, they didn’t show up in photographs because silver nitrate was used to capture images.

  16. unperson says

    Tabby Lavalamp:
    >So chairs have souls?
    Yes. It’s no more absurd than the existence of souls in the first place.

  17. blf says

    And after enough spirits chairs move so you fall over / off them. With enough spirit presence, you tend not be able to climb back onboard. Communication from the dead!

  18. says

    Clearly vampires are invisible.
    They project an illusion into people’s mind of there being somebody visible there.
    That’s how they do the disappearing and transformation acts
    They’re not good enough at it to include mirror images.