Penis goes in, penis goes out. You can’t explain that!


Bill O’Reilly is god’s puppet — he isn’t even responsible for his own actions. He settled a sexual harassment suit for $32 million, and he’s mad at god for making him…do something. It’s not clear what.

You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him. I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at him.

If they could literally kill me, they would, we didn’t kill him, so we’ve got to kill him again.

If I die tomorrow and I get an opportunity, I’ll say, ‘Why’d you guys work me over like that? Didn’t [you] know my children were going to be punished? And they’re innocent.’ But then I think about people who have it much, much rougher than me. And you know, I’m a big mouth. I’m a target. They’re not targets.

So they came back with another bunch of garbage. I talked to them this time just to see the devil that I was dealing with. And I truly believe that these people at the New York Times are out to hurt people with whom they disagree. They don’t want me in the marketplace. That’s what this is all about.

So he’s mad at god, and wishes “stuff” didn’t happen. What stuff? That he harassed women? Or that the NY Times exposed that he harassed women? That he harassed Lis Wiehl, or that the case against him was so strong he had to cough up $32 million? Is he acknowledging that he is guilty, when he makes the point that his children are innocent? Is it god who makes his children declare that they don’t want to live with him anymore?

Who are the “you guys” he’s blaming for working him over? Since he’s going to be meeting them after he dies, I assume he means the administration in heaven. Or is he talking about the ghosts of NY Times reporters and editors? Wouldn’t that imply he’s going to meet them in hell?

The only thing we can definitely extract from that mess of a statement is that Bill O’Reilly doesn’t consider himself accountable for his own behavior, and is reduced to blaming god. I suggest that the only possible recourse he has now is to sue his god. He’s got deep pockets, he ought to be able to get a substantial settlement out of it.

Comments

  1. A Masked Avenger says

    He’s like Job, I tell you! Like Job! Just as God sent the Sabeans to kill Job’s children, so also he sent lying bitchez to lie about Billo, who is also one of God’s favorites. And just as Job scraped at his boils with broken pottery to assuage the itching, so too did Billo pay off those lying bitchez with dollars, yay until the thiry-second million, but his itching was not assuaged. And so, just as Job poured out his complaint to his three friends, so too did Billo pour out his complaint unto his three million followers on the Internet. And it was so.

  2. Owlmirror says

    Bill O’Reilly: You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him. I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at him.

    Job: The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.

    And O’Reilly’s children are still alive, and he still has a huge amount of wealth left to him, unlike poor Job.

    Hm.

  3. Holms says

    You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him. I wish I had more protection.

    And yet, you can bet he is against easy availability of contraception.

    But seriously, God seems to have provided plenty of wherewithal for BillO’s use, bailing himself out of legal trouble after legal trouble.

  4. mastmaker says

    Isn’t HIS god the one that punishes the children (and descendants) of Adam to THIS day because he took a bite out of a frigging apple? Why does he bring up ‘innocent’ children AT ALL?

  5. Akira MacKenzie says

    I didn’t think believers were allowed to be angry at god. I know O’Reilly’s religious delusions are the Cat-lick flavor, but isn’t his disgrace and all a part of his deity’s ultimately benevolent will? You should feel happy and blessed to be a pawn in his incomprehensible-to-mere-mortal-minds game, not resentful. Accept your fate like a good Christian!

  6. zibble says

    He’s complaining about how these revelations will affect his children, who he probably hasn’t even seen in God knows how long.

    I can’t even imagine how someone could be this pathological, and this warped, severely fucked up man was *the* voice of conservatism during the Bush years.

  7. Owlmirror says

    (of course, Job was ” blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil”)

    @zibble:

    He’s complaining about how these revelations will affect his children, who he probably hasn’t even seen in God knows how long.

    The 2nd link says that his children do not want to see him, especially his 17-year-old daughter, not because of his philandering, but because he dragged their mother down the stairs by her neck.

  8. says

    It’s like those Christians who blame natural disasters on God punishing that part of the world for LGTB+ people, feminists, abortion access, etc. Yet when they get hit with disasters, somehow that same God isn’t punishing them for some sin.

  9. says

    You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I’m mad at him. I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you.

    He’s going to be more upset that the theory of chemical sexual assault wasn’t in time for him to claim that it really, truly wasn’t his fault, no.

  10. says

    Well done billo. You’re figuratively a Disney villian come to life. “It’s not my fault if in God’s plan he made the devil so much stronger than a man…”

  11. johnlee says

    I am astonished that an innocent person would pay out 32 million dollars to settle a sexual harassment case that had nothing to it.

  12. Matthew Herron says

    Why, God? Why didn’t you give me self control and respect for my fellow human beings?

  13. gjpetch says

    “If they could literally kill me, they would, we didn’t kill him, so we’ve got to kill him again.”
    I’m having trouble parsing that sentence.

  14. chigau (違う) says

    gjpetch #18
    Maybe TheDonald® could help you with that.
    *hurr*hurr*hurr*
    or possibly
    *wink*wink*nudge*nudge*

  15. cnocspeireag says

    ‘ I suggest that the only possible recourse he has now is to sue his god’. Seems likely to succeed, after all, where would god find a lawyer?

  16. raven says

    I can’t even imagine how someone could be this pathological, and this warped, severely fucked up man was *the* voice of conservatism during the Bush years.

    You need a better imagination.

    The current voice of conservatism is Donald Trump, assorted white racists, Nazis, with a few xian fascists like Roy Moore thrown in the mix.
    Bill O’Reilly is just pathetically sexually warped.
    The current leaders are actively malevolent.

    O’Reilly ruins lives by the dozens. The GOPers ruin lives by the millions.

  17. Ogvorbis: Swimming without a parachute. says

    A coworker just pointed out that, after all the money he has paid out to cover up/settle the harassment lawsuits, he would think to himself, Self, I really need to stop doing this. I then pointed out that O’Reilly probably figures that, well, since 99% of the women he has sexually harassed haven’t brought a lawsuit, the odds are in his favour?

  18. mamba says

    God DID have his back…he’s not sitting in jail being sexually harassed repeatedly, is he?

    Come to think of it, sounds more like Satan had his back…God loves these ironic punishments for clear sins!

    Why can’t Bill just say “I screwed up”. Or if not capable, OWN your sexual harassment!

    But to go and blame God for not punishing those who exposed your sleaziness? Sheesh…I know God doesn’t respect women, but you’re supposed to be better than that!

  19. rietpluim says

    Oh look how critical and independent I am! I dare even be angry with God!! He’d better apologize!!!

  20. Just an Organic Regular Expression says

    Nobody else commenting on this peculiar sentence?

    If they could literally kill me, they would, we didn’t kill him, so we’ve got to kill him again.

    I think he’s comparing himself to Christ and saying that he’s being crucified, or suffering in Christ’s place.

  21. Pierce R. Butler says

    So, Bill, why did this god person assign women subservient roles and then give them free will?

  22. Dark Jaguar says

    If I understand the mind of the fundamentalist correctly, he’s mad that god didn’t protect him sufficiently from the consequences of his actions, which he personally thinks are “blown way out of proportion” by a “witch hunt” media. He’s all for personal responsibility, except when it comes to himself. Don’t worry though, he’ll be fine. He’s rich.

  23. Dark Jaguar says

    [quote]So, Bill, why did this god person assign women subservient roles and then give them free will?[/quote]

    I think I can field this one in the terrible ways of my past indoctrination. It’s because his faith states we’re ALL subservient. Obedience is the prime duty of all sentient beings, because we can’t be trusted with our own free will, which was given to us primarily as a moral test to see if we would choose to obey if given the chance to do otherwise. I mean, if god’s plan is perfect, any disobedience is the most foolish possible choice a person could make, because it would always work out worse than the perfect plan. This is the christian answer to “why is there evil?”, it’s our fault. God wants us to CHOOSE to worship it, because otherwise it’s just not any fun, because, I dunno, god got bored with all the free will lacking angel robots before us or something.

    Fundamentally, the reasoning for women to be subservient to men in their faith is “because He said so”. That’s literally it. Do it because god says so, because the point was always obedience, nothing else. I’ve actually heard pastors in the past preach when questioned about some of the more mundane rules in the bible about what clothing can be made out of that not even god actually cares about the details of the rules, it’s just to see if we can play the game. Add onto this that to the average believer, this life is some tiny pittance of an infinite existence, and it’s no wonder cries of how tragic and horrific the consequences of their rules are fall on deaf ears. What difference does some small thing like dying in labor matter when your eternal soul is at stake? It’s common among a number of lifelong atheists to state that “oh, in reality none of them REALLY believe in the afterlife”, but from my personal experience back when I was a believer, yes, yes they literally do believe in it just as surely as I believe in the ground under my feet.

    That was a lot to say that Bill has crafted a bulletproof shield of beliefs that protect him from accepting his own guilt in anything. Also, he writes a lot of books about killing presidents. I don’t know where that comes from.