Oh, joy


Yet another wacky far-right conservative has announced his candidacy for president: Rick Santorum. It’s becoming a crowded field in opposition to the Democrats.

He is facing heavy competition for those voters this year from rivals like Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, former Gov. Mike Huckabee of Arkansas and the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson.

I don’t think it’s a good thing for the Republic that one side of our two party system is promoting a circus full of clowns.


  1. Nick Gotts says

    And God’s told each and every one of them he’s going to be President. Sadistic sense of humour, that guy.

  2. anteprepro says

    Do they already have Trump in this?

    Add in Palin and Herman Cain for extra fun. And then if you want to get really absurd, see if Limbaugh or Sean Hannity wanna give politics a go, since right-wing punditry is indistinguishable from right-wing polticking anyway.

    The tragic part is that Ben Carson is perhaps the most serious, reasonable, “intellectual” person in the crowd. And he does have a chance.

    Carson’s sudden popularity among conservatives led to him being invited as a featured speaker at the 2013 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). He tied for seventh place in the Washington Times/CPAC 2013 Straw Poll with 4% of the 3,000 ballots cast.[54][55] In the 2014 CPAC straw poll, he came in third place with 9% of the vote, behind senators Ted Cruz of Texas (with 11%) and Rand Paul of Kentucky (31%).[56]

    Carson had a strong showing in the polls at the 2013 and 2014 Values Voter Summits: in 2013, he tied with former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum for second place with 13%, behind Ted Cruz’s 42%. In 2014, he took 20% of the Values Voter Summit vote to Cruz’s 25% and came in first place for the vice presidential poll.[57][58]

    I can imagine a narrative getting spun that winds up with him becoming a frontrunner. He is a Tea Partier in the Tea Party’s eyes, and moderate Republican in everyone else’s. It’s….strange.


    he former neurosurgeon, author, and possible Republican presidential candidate once compared women who get abortions to dog-abuser Michael Vick, blamed the decline and fall of the Roman Empire on gay marriage, and concluded that believing in evolution was like thinking that “a hurricane blowing through a junkyard could somehow assemble a fully equipped and flight-ready 747.”

    But in his writings and public remarks, he has also voiced views on hot-button issues—immigration, foreign policy, gun control—that place him well outside the tea-party mainstream. He once embraced a universal catastrophic health care plan, and some of his other past positions—gasp!—sound downright liberal

    More on Carson:

  3. leerudolph says

    And God’s told each and every one of them he’s going to be President. Sadistic sense of humour, that guy.

    Hey, if good (male) Mormons can each qualify for their own entire planets, surely these guys can each qualify for their own Presidency. It’s a big galaxy out there!

  4. Pierce R. Butler says

    The Republican cup klown kar overfloweth:

    Bush, Carson, Christie, Cruz, Fiorina, Graham, Huckabee, Jindal, Kasich, Pataki, Paul, Perry, Rubio, Santorum, Walker: all are currently running. Add Donald Trump, former Maryland Gov. Bob Ehrlich and former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore, and we’ve got 18 candidates.

  5. john says

    After enough clowns pile into the ideological mini car on the right I have a hard time telling them apart. Its just a blur of color and shitty driving. What do you folks think of Senator Bernie Sanders bid?

  6. themann1086 says

    As a Pennsylvanian, I am so sorry for my state’s role in Santorum’s political existence. One of my happiest memories was helping him lose his Senate seat in the biggest defeat for a sitting incumbent. That was a good day.

  7. Amphiox says

    Of what republic do you speak?

    Don’t mean to be cynical, but the nation in question hasn’t been a functioning republic for a very long time….

  8. busterggi says

    And no matter who wins he (cause it won’t be a woman) still won’t be ‘conservative’ enough after losing the general election.

  9. raven says

    Satanorum doesn’t want to be president. He wants to be a New Dark Age Pope.

    He has a long track record of saying crazy things that put most people on edge, attacking higher education, birth control, and so on.

    In a recent interview, he even mentioned that he is going to tone down the really dumb stuff. And since then he has…spouted more of the same. Guy is a warped sociopath.

  10. johnharshman says

    Santorum’s candidacy is a frothy mixture of optimism and delusion. Nothing else to say; really, I just wanted to be the first to use “frothy mixture” in a comment.

  11. says

    The Duggars backed Rick Santorum during the 2012 campaign. Now even they have ditched him. They are backing another clown, Huckabee.

  12. says

    Chuck Laudner, Iowa right-winger and rich guy who drove Santorum around Iowa in 2012 in the “Chuck Truckl,” has ditched Rick. Laudner now supports Donald Trump.

  13. says

    Former Iowa Secretary of State Matt Schultz supported Santorum before, but now he backs Ted Cruz. Schultz is infamous for restricting the vote under false pretenses: he claimed that his voter restriction measures were to combat voter fraud. There was no voter fraud to combat.

    The clown car of Republican candidates for president is fueled by the sludge from pools of people like Matt Schultz.

    […] He spent more than $250,000 to fund a full-time investigator tasked with uncovering voter fraud. The investigator produced only six successful prosecutions during two years on the job. […]

    Schultz paid for that investigator with funds provided by the federal government’s Help America Vote Act, a 2002 law intended to make access to the ballot easier, not more restrictive. In 2013, the state auditor’s office sent a letter to Schultz suggesting that he may have been misusing those federal funds […] and the auditor recommended that Schultz come up with a plan to repay the funds.

    Schultz took other steps to restrict voting. Shortly before the 2012 election, he tried to purge state voter rolls of more than 3,500 people who he claimed were illegal voters after his office checked their names against national immigration databases and supposedly determined they weren’t citizens. […]

    Schultz framed his voter fraud fight as a necessary step for Republicans who want to enact conservative policy. “There are a whole lot of issues that we care about, abortion, gay marriage, a whole lot of social issues that we care deeply about,” […]

    Cruz’s views on voter ID don’t seem far off from Schultz’s. […] Cruz introduced an amendment that would have allowed states to require “proof of citizenship” photo ID laws. That same summer, Cruz applauded the Supreme Court’s decision to strike down key parts of the Voting Rights Act, a decision that has opened the floodgates for voter-suppression laws across the country.

    By snatching Schultz away from Santorum, Cruz has boosted his appeal to Iowa social conservatives […]


    Sounds like a good match for Ted Cruz.

  14. drst says

    And yet he will probably be treated by the media as a more legitimate candidate than Bernie Sanders. Oy.

  15. Larry says

    There is a megaderp load of weapons-grade crazy in the that Kar. If they keep packing them in there, either things are going to scrunch down to a singularity from which no intelligence can ever escape or spontaneous fission will occur, igniting a firestorm of fundamentalism hatred, bigotry, and anti-intellectualism, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Jerry Falwell lumbered over the planet like the dinosaur.

    Let’s watch…

  16. anteprepro says


    Good god, look at how depressing this list is. The furry fuckwit Trump, the frothy Santorum, the Randian Paul, Union-buster Jackhole Walker, Tea Party Animals Rubio and Cruz, Chris Corruption Christie, Ben Carson aka Egnor 2.0, Bush of the Everglades, Bobby Jindal the Hovindian, and Rick “Pray for Rain” Perry.

    And those are just the recognizable names. There’s Dale Christensen, religious family man, entrepreneur, and business professor who wants to eliminate welfare and subsidies and thinks government is best when guided by “divine wisdom”. Skip Andrews, who is pro-pot but anti-abortion! How novel! Michael Bickelmeyer, who in their brief summary, is described as follows:

    He has a very dim view of terrorists and drug traffickers – in fact, he wants to deploy weapons to fry them from orbit.

    The people who wrote that aren’t criticizing or mocking Republicans, by the way. Let that sink in.

    Kerry Bowers, ex-police officer, ex-military, ex-businessman, who wants to deport immigrants and spokesperson for a group advocating “Fair Tax”, which would replace all taxes with a 30% sales tax, which would obviously fuck over poor people.

    Dummett, religious homophobe who thinks that the Constitution isn’t a “living document” and that the federal government should be drastically reduced in size. Mark Everson, former head of IRS, who says immigration is route for Radical Islam to enter the country, and wants to eliminate the IRS for half the country, somehow. Carly Fiorina, CEO of Hewlett-Packard, homophobe, climate denialist, anti-abortion. Chris Hill, pilot, supporter of Teh Gunz but actually not that bad in other areas. http://2016.republican-candidates.org/Hill/

    Michael Kinlaw, Tea Party idiot with no credentials who is running as just an Average Joe (The Plumber). Oh, and he has 10,000 followers on Twitter!!! Dennis Michael Lynch, media personality, put himself in between the Cliven Bundy bunch and the Ebil Menz with Gunz from the Gubmint. Also, wants a border fence and hates him some Obamacare. George Pataki, former governor of NY, already talked about as being comparable to Mitt Romney and John McCain (i.e. TOO LIBERAL OMFG). Michael Petyo, businessman who thinks corporations should pay little to no tax, and supporter of everyone having guns so that they can overthrow the government if required. And Brian Russell, businessman who opposes Big Gubmint and thinks the issues with the Healthcare website is the Most Serious Fucking Business Ever.

    The GOP really likes to specialize in asshole MBAs who think that they can run into the White House and run the whole country like it was just a bigger version of fucking McDonald’s.

  17. eeyore says

    Democrats have not lived lives sufficiently pleasing to God that he would reward them by making any of the current GOP freaks the actual nominee. Don’t know who it’s going to be, but no one from the current crop. The GOP may be evil but it’s not suicidal.

  18. Usernames! (ᵔᴥᵔ) says

    And God’s billionaire benefactors told each and every one of them he’s going to be President.
    —Nick Gotts (#2)


    They’re only running because they convinced some idiot with too much money to toss it at them. While I’m happy that many, many monied idiots are going to flush their cash, I’m not liking the fact that ONE horse is gonna win this race…and be beholden to one or more of those monied idiots.

  19. gronank says

    You’d think people with money would be smart enough to all agree on a candidate between themselves before-hand. But maybe all those people has already picked Clinton.

  20. says

    The more packed the clown car the better. As John said above, they’re a blur. Goody, that means to differentiate themselves they will go further and further to the right. So far to the right that when one of them gets nominated they will be worse than radioactive in the general election.

    The biggest advantage we have is they don’t get that the majority of voters are not amused by their loony bin froth.

  21. johnharshman says

    I just googled “Santorum” and I’m happy to report that the number one result is a reference to the frothy mixture definition. Rick Santorum himself is only the number two result. For now.

  22. llewelly says

    How many of these people actually intend to win, and how many plan on doing what Huckabee has done since 2008, and using campaigning as grifting mechanism, without ever really trying to win?

  23. says

    Palin will never declare her candidacy because she has no intention of running (and losing). However, count on her being a tease and waltzing up to the campaign well for several buckets of money from her favorite dupes and a few more minutes of fame.

  24. says

    You guys are such Debbie Downers! I can hardly contain my glee about this endlessly frothing font of blog fodder. Well, at least until the Rethug primary.

    Although if he actually wins the primary? We are sooooo fuuuuccckkkked.

  25. Ragutis says

    How many of these people actually intend to win, and how many plan on doing what Huckabee has done since 2008, and using campaigning as grifting mechanism, without ever really trying to win?

    Just my $0.02 :

    Some certainly are in it to simply raise their visibility and thus raise their speaking fees or book advances. Other than Huckabee and perpetual attention whore Trump; Kasich, Fiorino, and Jindal come to mind. Others are running for VP (Pataki, Graham). Left you’ve got a couple of legitimate candidates with the backing and ties to make a serious run (Bush III, Walker, maybe Rubio) and some delusional maroons whose Palinesque hubris has convinced them that they could be America’s Savior (Santorum, Cruz, Carson). Paul’s a wildcard. He’s in it for real, but I don’t know how far he’ll be able to get. The rest are all jumping him already. Which, I guess, might mean that he worries them and the conservative establishment in general the most.

  26. some bastard on the internet says

    I’m actually a bit worried about this: with eighteen candidates already, it’s making me wonder if all that density is approaching singularity levels.

    I’m not really looking forward to potentially dealing with a stupid black-hole, the regular ones are scary enough!

  27. DLC says

    Does Santorum still return the same Google result it used to ?
    Just think, 20 or so potential candidates, each with their own personal Billionaire. A couple more presidential cycles like this and the Billionaires will get tired of it and quit ? Or will they finally have what they want, a President who will shrink the federal government so small that it can be drowned in the bathtub ?

  28. anteprepro says

    re: Googling Santorum.

    This is the first result I get: http://thinkprogress.org/election/2015/05/27/3658823/santorum-lesser-known-hits/
    Second result is “campaign for ‘santorum’ neologism” wiki page.
    Third result is a Mother Jones article about whether Santorum will suffer from a “frothy google problem”
    Fourth result is Rick Santorum for President website.
    Fifth result is the Spreading Santorum blog.

    A lot of the relevant articles on the front page of search results are very recent, from the last day or so. Which is strange to me. Guess I don’t know how Google ranks things any more.

  29. grumpyoldfart says

    Don’t laugh too loud. It’s less than ten years since your mob was led by a clown named Bush.

  30. says

    Ahh, the GOP primary, otherwise known as the loony bin tee-ball. Everyone gets to swing the bat and cross home plate, even if they miss the ball. IIRC, the rebublican intellectuals know the tea party clown car show is pretty damaging for their general election chances. I guess they also know fracturing the right (say if they pushed the tea partiers out) would be worse and they just pray they get somebody nominated that isn’t completely nuts. What a legacy GWB has left in his wake.

  31. John Horstman says

    @anteprepro #30: If you’re logged in, Google is picking up tracking cookies, and/or Google is using IP-address-based geolocation, they will customize your results based on profiles linked to those factors (their individual profile for you if you’re logged in). Using private browsing (no cookies or login) on a university network in Milwaukee, WI, I get (first 10 items in order):
    *the Wiki page for the neologism campaign
    *an “In the news” cutaway box for Google news search
    *that ThinkProgress piece
    *that Mother Jones piece
    *the Spreading Santorum blog
    *Rick Santorum for President
    *NY Times article on his 2016 announcement
    *”5 Things You Should Know About Rick Santorum” from NPR
    *a FiveThirtyEight piece on Santorum as an indicator for the GOP primary field
    *a Rolling Stone piece titled “Obama and the Cult of College: Why Rick Santorum Had a Point” from 2012

  32. anteprepro says

    John Horstman: Fascinating. That might be important info for me to keep in mind in the future (I think I have listed top Google results to half-assedly “prove” some point before, so that half-assed point would become a quarter-assed point with this new knowledge).

    Looks like you got similar results though. (Not sure whether I was logged in or not).

  33. David Marjanović says

    Google disappoints me:
    1) Spiegel Online article (in German, 10 hours old) about Santorum having declared his candidacy
    2) “Rick Santorum for President
    http://www.ricksantorum.com/ Rick Santorum is a conservative committed to restoring the American dream for hardworking Americans.”
    3) en.wikipedia: Campaign for “santorum” neologism
    4) de.wikipedia: Rick Santorum
    5) Mother Jones
    6) thinkprogress.org: “Ten Outrageous Ideas Rick Santorum Actually Believes
    7) Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung about Santorum
    8) Spreading Santorum
    9) Spiegel again (21 hours old, different headline)
    10) “260322 likes · 8163 talking about this. Official Facebook page of Rick Santorum. Visit: http://www.patriotvoices.com http://www.echolight.com.”

    The GOP may be evil but it’s not suicidal.

    It’s not intentionally suicidal…

  34. says

    Since this clown car of sociopathic assholes is quite clearly out for blood, here’s an idea: 18-way cage match to the death. Last soulless, ambulatory, lying sack of hell gets to be the Republican candidate. Or dropped into an incinerator, for preference.