A musical interlude, courtesy of Owl Mirror, on the Hugos


This is a guest post by Owl Mirror. I refuse to be blamed!

Inspired by the title of Philip
Sandifer’s essay
, I felt compelled to filk.

No rights reserved. For pity’s sake, I left quite a few lines
unchanged from the original. I deeply apologize to Leonard Cohen, who
probably has no idea what this is all about.

“First we take their rockets”, to the tune of “First we take
Manhattan”, by Leonard Cohen

They sentenced me to Less-Than-“No Award”-dom
For trying to game the system from within
I’m coming now, I’ll show them “No Award”-dom
First we take their rockets​¹, then we bite their shins

I am guided by a voice from out of Heaven
I’m guided by my hatred of their sins
I’m guided by the beauty of our weapons
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins

I’d really like to vote your ticket, baby
I love your malice and your trolling and your sword​²
But you see that crowd there moving into Worldcon?
I told you, I told you, told you, I was only bored

Ah you loved me as a loser, but now you’re worried that I just might win
You know the way to stop me, but you don’t have the discipline
How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins

I don’t like this social justice, mister
And I don’t like those people dark of skin
Don’t need rights for wife or girl or sister
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins

I’d really like to vote your ticket, baby

And I thank you for those items that you sent me
The ballot and the little rocket pins​³
I practiced every night, now I’m ready
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins

I am guided

Ah remember me, I used to live for music​⁴
Remember me, my mouse​⁵ was full of win
Well it’s Judgement Day and everybody’s losing
First we take their rockets, then we bite their shins


Notes:

1: The physical form of the Hugo award looks something like this (the
base is different each year):

realhugo

More info here.

2: Flaming phallic sword.

3: Every Hugo nominee receives a little rocket pin; one per
nomination, as best I can tell. John C. Wright will thus receive 5. It
would perhaps be appropriate if they were accompanied by as many as
necessary to come to 30 pieces of silver

4: Psykosonik, it says there.

5: Yes, the mouse that goes to 11 18…!!

Comments

  1. Al Dente says

    Very good, Owl Mirror.

    I’d forgotten about the 18 button mouse. The linked reviews said that it worked but remembering what each button did was the hard part of using it.

  2. says

    Can I nominate this for a Hugo?

    Yes. In 2016, this would be eligible as a Related Work, or if performed, a Dramatic Presentation (Short Form).

  3. tuibguy says

    The Rabid Puppies must have absolutely hated Star Trek in all it’s generations. They did a lot of social justice shows in addition to flitting around the galaxy at Warp 10.

  4. Francisco Bacopa says

    I hope that everyone who does not know the original song will immediately listen to both the Jennifer Warnes/Stevie Ray Vaughan version, which was released first, and the gritty Leonard Cohen version. The REM cover isn’t so good, though.

    It’s so much more fun to read this post if you know the tune.

  5. Phillip Hallam-Baker says

    I very much like the idea. But there was also someone who suggested a crashed rocket. And that got me thinking about the rather phalic rocket crashed into a valey between two hills in distinctly homo-erotic fashion.

    Of course such a rocket would probably catch fire.

  6. frog says

    Brilliant! Kudos to Owl Mirror!

    I LOLed in the third footnote with the reference to 30 pieces of silver. Appropriate for the target, certainly.

  7. says

    I distinctly remember, back in the bad old days when TV shows were first nominated for
    Best Dramatic Presentation at the Hugos that “No Award” won over several Star Trek episodes and we, rabid Trekkies that we were, wanted to know what the rankings were under No Award because we *knew* that the votes were rigged by the old-timers who disliked Star Trek just because it was on TV. We craved knowing, back in the days when that kind of info was not freely available, where the Star Trek episodes fell in the rankings. We were all sure that our favorite episode *must* have come in immediately after the dreaded No Award.

  8. rq says

    For some reason, I really loved the bit about biting shins.
    Genius, Owl Mirror.
    *wild standing applause* (as opposed to the domestic kind)

  9. says

    Best Dramatic Presentation at the Hugos that “No Award” won over several Star Trek episodes

    No Award never won the Best Dramatic Presentation Hugo during Star Trek’s run. The Menagerie won the award from the series’ first season, and City on the Edge of Forever won from its second season. 2001: A Space Odyssey won over any Star Trek episode from the show’s third season.