You know nothing, PZ Myers.


I took this test to see which Game of Thrones character I was, and it told me I was Jon Snow. Nooo! He’s so bland!

But then I read this tally of every single death on the HBO show, and it turns out that he’s the third most deadly killer, after Bronn and Sandor. How does he find the time? He has to spend hours every morning just curling his hair!

I’m seeing a lot of GoT stuff appearing on the interwebs right now, because apparently the season premiere is tomorrow. I won’t be watching it. I appreciate the fact that it is a complex story being told with great production values, but I burned out on the books — I don’t think they are going anywhere, and that the series is just a lovely money churn for George R.R. Martin — and I’ve only seen enough of the HBO show to know I don’t want to get sucked into it.

The rest of you, have fun. I’m going to sit here in the corner, sulkily curling my hair.


  1. Seven of Mine: Shrieking Feminist Harpy says

    I got Daenerys Targaryen:

    You are kind, honourable and ambitious, but you’re still finding your feet. You think the world could be a better place, and you’re determined to help it get there. You also have a bit of a thing for dragons.

    I can live with it.

  2. The Mellow Monkey says

    I’m Melisandre.

    You are passionate and fierce. You can sometimes be a bit of a mystery to your friends, family and colleagues. But you know what you want (even if no one else does) and you’ll make damn sure you get it too.

    Whelp. Time to burn the non-believers.

  3. Artor says

    Apparently, I’m Bronn. A competent asshole? I’d like to think I’m more competent & less asshole, but what should I expect from a brief internet survey?

  4. twas brillig (stevem) says

    Me too!!! Daenerys Targeryen.
    sigh sqeee sigh.
    I guess that’s why she is one of my favorite characters in the HBO.
    Tyrion is my 2nd fav, maybe due to NJ commonality with Dinklage.
    But like PZ I never got into ASOIAF, the books seemed to be just a rambling scene-after-scene of some tweeked version of European History. The HBO version is (?)tolerable(?) cuz I like to see people perform, being a onetime stage hand techie for a performance group in college.

  5. chigau (違う) says

    I have not read the books nor watched the TV show but I am
    Tyrion Lannister

    You are witty, warm and clever, but you sometimes struggle when things don’t go your way. You could go a long way, if you had faith in your abilities. You also love a glass (or three) of wine at the end of a hard week.

    The first comment informs me that this character is a c*nt.

  6. shala says

    I’m Littlefinger.

    “You are wise, wily and ambitious. You have many friends and acquaintances and you’re not afraid of calling on them for favours. You’re also a true romantic who’d do pretty much anything [including, erm, murder] for love.”

    I didn’t even realize I had such a network to call on!

  7. blf says

    I am a “Daenerys Targaryen”. I haven’t the faintest idea what or who that is (I know nothing about this show, other than seeing a handful of incomprehensible video clips on the ‘Net). I might as well be a “Belugaroyle Feeyonkwz the Cheesewelder”, which at least has an honorific.

  8. Donnie says

    PZ, stop censoring GoT by not reading or watching it! I agree, like the Wheel of Time, Game of Thrones is a wandering mess and cash cow for the author.

    I stopped WoT at book 7 in ’99 (?) having started book 1 in ’88 (?). After book 4 of GoT, I saw it going the same direction and stopped.

    Appreciate the deep backstories, but close out minor plots within a book or two and major plot within 3(?) Books.

  9. Jackson says

    I don’t think they are going anywhere, and that the series is just a lovely money churn for George R.R. Martin — and I’ve only seen enough of the HBO show to know I don’t want to get sucked into it.

    From what I’ve read the show will catch up and pass the books this season. Martin told the show developers what the end game of the books looked like before season 1 of the show began.

  10. says

    I quit reading because each new book took so long to publish I had to re-read the story. It takes him Years. It’s wonderful, though. When he finishes, it will be a masterpiece. I’ve never watched the series. Partly because my nose is straight up. But mostly because I don’t have HBO.

  11. ck, the Irate Lump says

    Arya Stark, apparently. I’m definitely not an adrenaline seeker, though, so I don’t know where that came from.

  12. Pierce R. Butler says

    … I burned out on the books — I don’t think they are going anywhere…

    I reached that conclusion after two chapters of the first book. The one advantage gained by having read lots of schlock is an ability to identify schlock.

  13. says

    PZ @ 13:


    Doom, doom, doom.

    That’s who I got. Meaningless to me, I haven’t read the books or seen the show.

  14. says

    Daenerys Tagaryen, apparently. Dunno, I don’t really want to be queen, and dragons are quite the handful. I do like being unharmed by fire, though, and I do like long lists of titles…

  15. Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought says

    Tyrion Lannister

    You are witty, warm and clever, but you sometimes struggle when things don’t go your way. You could go a long way, if you had faith in your abilities. You also love a glass (or three) of wine at the end of a hard week.

    That’s not even completely wrong. Weird.

  16. Die Anyway says

    Hmmm… I got Cersei Lannister. I know nothing about the show so don’t know if I should be proud or embarassed, but from the associated picture it appears that I need to let my hair grow quite a bit.

  17. Gregory Greenwood says

    It seems I am yet another Daenerys Targaryen ( a popular chocie among Pharyngulites, or so it seems). The dragons would be nice (apart from their tendency to incinerate livestock and children), and near immunity to fire could come in handy. Somehow I get the sneaking suspicion Ihat I will ever look as good in a dress as Emilia Clarke, however. Curse my ungainly ankels…

  18. Gregory Greenwood says

    PZ Myers @ 13;

    Uh-oh. Mary took the test, and apparently, I am married to…


    Doom, doom, doom.

    Sooo… probably best to skip the wild boar then…?

  19. ambassadorfromverdammt says

    Another Jon Snow. I don’t need to spend so much time on hair curling now, since the uppermost part just needs polish.

  20. gmcard says

    Fuck any website that requires temporarily whitelisting Javascripts from more than 5 other domains.

  21. brett says

    Hey, I’m Daenerys Targaryen!

    In any case, we’ll give you a heads up on whether Winds of Winter is any good when it comes out. It should hopefully be a big improvement over the past two (which I liked, but I see your point). Those were tainted by the whole “failed 5-year time-skip” thing that he then had to go back and re-write over, plus the explosion in the POV cast. People complain that he’s ruthless in killing characters – honestly, he could probably stand to kill a few more and get the POV count back down. He was up to 22 POV characters in those two books combined, not counting the Prologue and Epilogue Characters.

  22. iiandyiiii says

    I don’t buy that GRRM is dragging this out for the money — he’s already got more than he knows what to do with, apparently literally, considering the various purchases and properties he’s blogged about (like the original Robby the Robot, the local historical movie theatre, and an old bowling alley he’s turning into a museum or something). I think he’s just a deliberate, slow writer who may have expanded the story scope a bit more than he realized in the first few books.

  23. Larry says

    Arya Stark, here. Independent and resourceful and a bit of a risk taker. And I even have my own list of names…

  24. brett says


    Same here. If he was dragging it out, he could just schedule more convention appearances, write more novellas and Wild Cards stuff, and pen another episode for the TV series. He just takes a long time to write stuff in the series, especially compared to some other fantasy authors (Brandon Sanderson is a machine).

  25. jetboy says

    Huh, also Arya Stark. I’ve only watched like four eps of that show, didn’t much care for it. I did like that character though, what I saw of her. I thought I’d wind up a Lannister.

  26. What a Maroon, oblivious says

    Another Daenerys Targaryen here. I could handle that.

    I wasn’t going to get into the show or the books, but then one night when I was bored in a hotel room I stumbled across the episode where Joffrey is poisoned and after that I had to find out what led up to it.

  27. itinerant says

    Another Jon Snow – my direwolf (ok, yorkiepoo) is always ready to defend me, and plenty of people say I know nothing, so it fits….
    Martin could definitely do in more characters – he’s a bit too fond of his world and doesn’t want to let go, it seems…

  28. Sili says

    I liked it better back when you wrote about science.

    Why don’t you make your blog solely about stuff that interests me?

  29. says

    I got Daenerys Targaryen, but I don’t watch the show or read the books (there are books or something, right?) so I have no idea who that is.

  30. What a Maroon, oblivious says

    Daenerys Targaryen is probably the closest thing to an SJW in the Game of Thrones universe. At least she goes around freeing slaves.

    BTW, there were several questions on which I equivocated (I could see either hanging out by the fridge or drinking all the wine at a party), so I went back and redid the quiz with the back-up answers, and got Tyrion Lannester. Not a bad second choice.

  31. AtheistPilgrim says

    Bronn, whoever he is, but I do wish I resembled this:
    “You’re the life and soul of a party, a happy-go-lucky type who enjoys the more pleasurable things in life. But that’s not to say you’re afraid of a hard day’s work. The pay just has to be worth your while… “

  32. says

    With so many characters to choose among, they could have found a way to vary the results more. (I’m another Dany.)

    F.O., the word of God (he who changed his name to add another capital R) is that Syrio Forel was last seen alive brandishing a mere practice sword of wood against an entire room of heavily-armed Lannister soldiers, and that even a first sword of Braavos has limits. E’s snuffed it.

  33. Radioactive Elephant says

    Yet another Daenerys Targaryen. I wanted to be Arya though.
    giJoel, we should trade! I wanna be the emotionally disturbed, murderous moppet.

  34. mordred says

    Aaand another John Snow. And like ambassadorfromverdammt my hair care is more polish than curling these days. ;-)

    I never saw the series, I quit the books after a Feast for Crows. I don’t know if GRRM is only milking his cash cow or is really into the story so he will tell every least detail, but after this book I realized I don’t really care what happens to the characters any more. It’s not the length of the books and number of volumes that bothers me, I’m a fast reader and have a good memory for stories, but 99% of the plot seems to be just senseless violence and random death happening to the characters, so why should I continue?

  35. F.O. says

    @Xanthë #49 Yeah, dunno about the book, in the TV show the guards were only 4 and it was like 10 seconds of the greatest swordmanship stunts I have ever seen (and I am a wuxia fan…)
    Are you referring to the book?
    Still, yeah, he’s dead.

  36. twas brillig (stevem) says

    aarrrggghhhh, I have a postulate of why I got assigned Dany as my spirit-guide. One of the questions asked one to pick their favorite song out of a grid of choices. The only one of those I had ever heard of, was “Puff The Magic Dragon”. And the last line of the Dany description (paraphrased) is, “And you really like dragons.” (i.e. “You also have a bit of a thing for dragons.”) That song choice question was the ONLY one that had any relevance to the concept of dragons, ipso facto, QED.
    I suppose I must open myself up to being proven wrong:
    — all you other Dany’s: did you pick “Puff” as your favorite song?
    And also the converse:
    — Who picked “Puff” and was NOT assigned Dany?

    [I just love to ‘reverse engineer’ such devious personality tests, ~twiddle, ~twiddle]

  37. ck, the Irate Lump says

    twas brillig (stevem) wrote:

    Who picked “Puff” and was NOT assigned Dany?

    I picked Puff for the same reason you did, but got Arya Stark.

  38. twas brillig (stevem) says

    re 55:
    Thanks for disproving my simplistic conclusion. Puff –X–> Danyreas.
    I knew I was wrong, I’m perpetually jumping to conclusions based on minimal evidense
    [ __dense, … see what I did there ;-) ]

  39. What a Maroon, oblivious says

    — all you other Dany’s: did you pick “Puff” as your favorite song?

    I picked “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, because I like the song and I like Ella, though I don’t recall hearing her version. (Aside: her version of “Sunshine of your Love” rocks). On the other hand, I said that winter is just another season; I suspect those two choices canceled each other out.

    The second time through I chose “Red Red Wine” and ended up as Tyrion.

  40. Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened says

    Melisandre. How the hell did “Believes in Justice, drinks all the wine, UB40 fan” translate into Meli-bloody-sandre?