I’d let the Digital Cuttlefish know that pick-up artists are writing poetry. Or is that “poetry”?
I am totally unsurprised that PUAs are all Vogons.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
I’d let the Digital Cuttlefish know that pick-up artists are writing poetry. Or is that “poetry”?
I am totally unsurprised that PUAs are all Vogons.
Thanks, Pzed. I just lost half my brain.
Oh.
Wait.
I majored in liberal arts.
Never mind.
Ah, if only their own intestines _would_ strangle them….
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Except if we had eyes like bees and other members of the insect family, cats, dogs, cattle, bats, okapi and hedgehogs too,
We’d see them in a different hue.
I think I’m getting the hang of this.
The very notion that this PUA … stuff… in any way put you in mind of me, makes me feel dirty.
Also, why is the concept of meter so impossible for some people?
I am, uh, bound up in an inhibited rose of a moment of speechlessness…or something.
Cuttlefish @4: I suspect it is because they spend so little time talking out loud to actual people that they’ve lost all perception of rhythm in speech.
Dear Mr. Myearshertz:
Please be advised that, unless you retract the scurrilous attack on Vogon poetry, we will be forced to sue you in the Vogon High Court and, should you lose, you will be required to listen to 12,000 years of our best poetry.
As you well know Vogon poetry is only the third worst in the Universe. Indeed, since you have uncovered this trove of … writing … it is now arguably only the fourth worst.
Please take this letter in the spirit that it is written, namely as a dire threat that only an insane being would ignore.
Sincerely yours,
The Vogon Poetry Society
I think Krusty the Klown summarizes my reaction perfectly here.
Reminds me of this post by Dana Hunter. See last picture.
I went to the link and tried to find the poetry but could not find any just some odd fragments stuck together with crap
@9 that illustrates that marriage is essentially a legal contract concerning property and has little to do with love.
uncle frogy
Actually I quite liked it. I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective.
@ Cuttlefish
Pah! Keep your f*ckin metric system, no one’s gonna force any self-respecting PUA to stop measuring their lonely wangs in inches!
(…is what I imagine they might say…)
This one is particularly revealing:
Says it all, really. The peculiar thing is that they don’t have the sense to be embarrassed to share their ponderings with the world.
I said it on the Mammoth thread and I’ll say it here: I really wonder how many of them are clinical narcissists.
Somebody ought to do a study.
I’ve personally had great success in courtship with reciting the eloquent verses of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings:
The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay.
They rotted.
They turned Around occasionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool’s mire.
They also smelt a great deal.
Serenade these verses in song to the tune of Anarchy in the UK. Works like a charm to win the swooning pathologist’s heart.
Cuttlefish @4,
You take your fancy metric system back to Yur-rope!
I find it interesting how difficult it seems to be to create bad poetry on purpose. All examples I’ve seen were at least one order of magnitude better than this. Also, you can’t come up with “These strange saga’s father the Magnificent”. Nonsense like this is beyond the capabilities of a rationally-thinking purpose-driven mind. Only random processes, maybe guided by a flawed understanding of language, could generate something like this. It’s almost horse_ebooks-esque.
The regular Mammotheers are killing me with invented PUA poetry in the comments. I think my favourite so far is this corruption of one of Wordsworth’s best known works: I wandered lonely as a cock
I want to call this stuff “broetry”, heh.
Roses are red
Violets are not
I have seen poetry
This here is rot
(I hope saying “rot” won’t be interpreted as “a threat.”)
The curtains are red
The carpet’s turned pink…
I dyed my hair
At the kitchen sink.
@ 20.
In someone’s blood?
It’s probably still not legal to murder someone who murders poetry, even this badly.
Angels who guard you
While you drive
Usually retire
At 65
Burma Shave
Thank Valen. And here I thought I was the worst poet on the planet. Thank you Mr. Myers for restoring my self esteem.
[This time, on the right thread.]
Seems kinda related so I’ll put this here. Jonny Scaramanga on bad religious T-shirt puns.
Just beautiful. One of Frost’s, isn’t it?
I believe you misspelled the word “virgins” in your last sentence.
#26 epicurus
No. Fuck that bullshit.
rietpluim:
Ford Prefect stares at you in disbelief.
I’m only a lurker, and way late to the party at that, but my sense of justice forces me out of lurkation because it seems wrong, just wrong, that no one has yet acknowledged John Pieret’s (@7) fine contribution to this thread.