More words from JREF » « Anti-feminist logic

Make yourself useful, minions!

What good are minions, lackeys, and lickspittles if you fail to bring me this ring?

This Sevan Biçakçi ring is made in 24-karat gold and sterling silver with more than 3,000 hand-set multicolored diamonds, 164 hand-set seed pearls, and one South Sea baroque pearl.

This Sevan Biçakçi ring is made in 24-karat gold and sterling silver with more than 3,000 hand-set multicolored diamonds, 164 hand-set seed pearls, and one South Sea baroque pearl.

Seriously, Horde, if you cannot deliver this entirely appropriate treasure to my hand within the next 24 hours, you will have to consider yourselves total failures in your role as stooges and sycophants.

More words from JREF » « Anti-feminist logic

Comments

  1. says

    Wait, I hope some of those arms are hinged, otherwise it will interfere with my ability to make a fist. How can one be a good tyrannical overlord if your jewelry prevents you from pounding the table with your fist?

  3. Jackie says

    If you’d like one of those made of pipe cleaners and pony beads, PZ, I may be able to help you out. Otherwise, I’ll just be over here coping with my abysmal failure.

    Sorry to let you down, Great Poopyhead Overlord.

  9. says

    How can one be a good tyrannical overlord if your jewelry prevents you from pounding the table with your fist?

    What kind of overlord are you? Silly, the ring goes on the opposite hand from your iron gauntlet. That’s one you use to pound the table.

  10. =8)-DX says

    How can one be a good tyrannical overlord if your jewelry prevents you from pounding the table with your fist?

    Having been brought up in the UK (and personally shaken the hand of monarchy!) I can assure you that in this day and age a light and limp-wristed wave is all that is expected. Any fist-pounding and they’d probably turn you into a republic.

  12. Sastra says

    Seriously, Horde, if you cannot deliver this entirely appropriate treasure to my hand within the next 24 hours, you will have to consider yourselves total failures in your role as stooges and sycophants.

    Well, to be fair “total failure” would only be a problem for our status as sycophants. The role of “stooge” is perfectly consistent with failure.

    So you will still find yourself surrounded by stooges, regardless.

  14. says

    I think you may need to upgrade your stable of sycophants, PZ. Include a few billionaires so that we can properly honor you.

    In the meantime, back to stooge status.

    BTW, I think there might be a way to construct that Overlord hand ornament with flexible parts.

  16. doubter says

    I’m afraid the piece is unavailable. It was specially commissioned by a Mr. Marsh of Innsmouth, Massachussetts for his reclusive wife. It reportedly reminds her of the “old country”.

  18. LicoriceAllsort says

    Doh, breezed through comments too quickly and was scooped by Jackie in #3. I can supply googly eyes.

  20. steve78b says

    I forgot…. Am I a minion or lackey or a lickspittle?

    I wanted to be a lumberjack……..

    Steve in the area formerly known as the Oklahoma National Forest

  21. chigau (違う) says

    I just realized…
    ‘yourself’ is singular, ‘minions’ is plural.
    We really are a sockmindhivepuppet.

  22. blf says

    That won’t fit on any of yer tentacles or eye-stalks, and will melt in yer fiery breath (or upon application of the lasers). Also, it’s not water-resistant to any useful depth.

  30. carlie says

    I wondered how much it was valued at, but only found this, which says

    In fact, some of the rings have no price upon completion as he deems them simply invaluable. “I don’t put any limits on the materials I use,” he said. “I use what matches with my character.”

  31. Pierce R. Butler says

    How can one be a good tyrannical overlord if your jewelry prevents you from pounding the table with your fist?

    Simple: you pound your minions with your fist.

    *runs & hides*

  35. Gregory Greenwood says

    Seriously, Horde, if you cannot deliver this entirely appropriate treasure to my hand within the next 24 hours, you will have to consider yourselves total failures in your role as stooges and sycophants.

    Thy will be done, master…

    Yeeesssss…that’s what I need. Minions, bring me a billionaire! Make that two!

    I thought our usual diet was roasted babies, but I imagine we could squeeze a billionaire or two in. Now, where did I leave my tenderising mallet…?

    Wait, I hope some of those arms are hinged, otherwise it will interfere with my ability to make a fist. How can one be a good tyrannical overlord if your jewelry prevents you from pounding the table with your fist?

    never forget that you re the highest order of tyrannical overlord who rules your vast internet domain with charisma, guile, and the ruthless application of the dreaded cyberpistol – when you require a table to be pounded for dramatic effect, you have people to do that for you. Why risk your own hands and your glorious new cephalopod ring of office, so clearly meant for higher things?*

    ——————————————————————————————————————————————–

    * I have been practicing my minion toadying. I now have my level five sycophant certificate framed and mounted on my cell wall.

  36. george gonzalez says

    Yeah, it might look nice, but consider how it’s clumsier than five years growth of fingernails at one of those liberal Atheist nightly orgies.

  37. Rich Woods says

    @Gregory Greenwood #35:

    I now have my level five sycophant certificate framed and mounted on my cell wall.

    Your cell? YOUR cell? Since you have clearly failed to recognise who actually owns the accommodation to which you are currently allocated, I’m confiscating that level five certificate and will auction it to the most sycophantic bunch of PZ grovellers I can find.

  38. Ichthyic says

    It was specially commissioned by a Mr. Marsh of Innsmouth, Massachussetts for his reclusive wife. It reportedly reminds her of the “old country”.

    win.

  40. Ichthyic says

    Am I a minion or lackey or a lickspittle?

    who cares? all that matters is who is first to get eaten.

  41. frankb says

    That ring reminded me a little bit of a brittle star. But brittle stars have obviously had three legs cut off.

  43. Menyambal says

    I see a hinge right above the wrist. I assume that is what the two joints in that arm accomplish, if each one rotates a bit. It’s still going to bind. But really, it isn’t supposed to be for activewear.

    Dang, it is beautiful.

  44. FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!) says

    Aye, aye, Captain, my Captain!

    I be ready to Explore, Rescue and Protect!

    Er…. wait. This isn’t the Octopod.

    Sorry, wrong audition.

  45. ck says

    Well, I suppose that makes the offering I was going to propose look a little lacking. Stuffed animals don’t quite compare to that much diamonds, pearls, gold and silver.

  46. giabread . says

    I admit I don’t actually like the pearl on top at all. It’s just too big to be elegant.

  47. kenbakermn says

    Oh sure, give the lackies and lickspittles all the opportunities. What about us toadies? Are you an anti-toadite?

  48. essjay says

    I agree with giabread above at 46. My first impression of the ring/bracelet was that it represented a spider carrying an egg sac, not an octopus. The baroque pearl doesn’t seem appropriate to represent the body/head of an octopus. It is too large; it should be smooth, not irregular in shape; it contrasts too much with the legs: it should be approximately the same color and texture of the legs, not glaringly white. That said, it is beautiful and ingenious. Because of the flaws stated above, however, I really think that it is not appropriate as an adornment for our lord and master, Professor Poopyhead. Something of greater perfection is required.