Exorcism is a booming business


Hard to believe, but this medieval nonsense is still going on. Poland has more than 100 professional exorcists, and they recently met in a conference.

Congress participants argued that demonology lessons should be treated more seriously in seminaries and that ordinary people, too, would benefit from knowing more about exorcisms. During the congress, the priests discussed the main causes of possession by demons such as occult, esoteric beliefs like magic, eastern meditation and homeopathy.

Oooh, demonology lessons. Those should be good. Don’t forget to take them seriously when some geezer tells you that your wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are the work of the minor demon Booglebegonzapootie.

I do appreciate that they’re updating the list of demons to include the ones drawn to homeopathy. I wonder if you get rid of them with a fully succussed 100C dilution of holy water?

Comments

  1. Alverant says

    Demonology lessons? Sounds like an idea for a panel at a science fiction convention. At least there everyone knows it’s fake.

  2. nigelTheBold says

    I wonder if you get rid of them with a fully succussed 100C dilution of holy water?

    There is only one holy water: Arrogant Bastard (which has a demon on the label). If you diluted it to homeopathic proportions, it’d still taste better than Budweiser.

  3. www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1754096792 says

    I have a dog in this fight.

    I’m a Science teacher at a fundamentalist Xtian private school – in Louisiana. I’m (literally) a card-carrying atheist and have made no qualms about tearing apart the curriculum (Apologia – wow, what a pile of pseudoscience tripe!) to the point where I was given free reign and was able to choose my own.

    The trick was in making my science class so hands-on and lab intensive that the kids were on MY side. I don’t just teach in an “open your books to page 326” manner – I prefer the “See if you can figure this out” method of things. My students (really! honest!) love my class. I have parents at the back of the classroom EVERY DAY to “audit” – initially to make sure I wasn’t spreadin’ no godlessness, now because they’re learning more about science than they ever did when they were students.

    The biggest difference for me I suppose was that I didn’t NEED the job. “Fine, fire me” has always been my response to critisim.

    I guess I sold out.

  4. Givesgoodemail says

    Booglebegonzapootie.
    Just don’t say his name out loud three times in a row.

    Seriously, you’ve got to know that somewhere in the Vatican a bunch of old bishops and cardinals get together occasionally over a glass of wine and snicker about exorcism.

  5. David Marjanović says

    Well, “so far, Poland is still not lost”, as the national anthem says.

    I guess I sold out.

    Huh? I congratulate you on your success with students and parents and superiors… did you comment on the wrong thread or something?

  6. Chris says

    If you believe in an invisible friend, nothing seems to be too far out of this world. Like daemons and magic.

    No wonder they were so pissed about “Harry Potter” …

    But WTF does meditation have to do with fairy tales?

  7. David Marjanović says

    But WTF does meditation have to do with fairy tales?

    Wrong religion.

    They specified “eastern meditation”. Christian meditation (exercitiae and the like) are OK…

  8. Mr T says

    your wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are the work of the minor demon Booglebegonzapootie

    Ah, that must be the problem. I’ve been summoning the wrong demon.

  9. Chris says

    Ah, yes. Because it’s based in reality. Of course that would make it fishy in Christian eyes.

  10. Legion says

    PZ! We TAKE OFFENSE at your implied demonization of… well… demons. We demand an APOLOGY and a new camera!

    BTW, Booglebegonzapootie is responsible for dirty thoughts about Eva Mendez, not Scarlett Johansson!

    Geeeesh!

  11. Mike Wagner says

    Only sort of off-topic :) But a must-see for all Pharyngulites.

    It’s a spoof of Still Alive, regarding religion being taught in schools as science.

  12. Steven Dunlap says

    This is definitely comic and funny (I laughed too). Sad to say it would be a bit more humorous if these idiots did not pose a danger to innocent people. (Although I am very wary of wikipedia, the following at least looks reasonably well documented) see: Anneliese Michel – the basis for the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

  13. Larry says

    Magic and homeopathy, eh?

    I guess things in the ol’ exorcism biz have gone downhill since that movie back in the 70s and these guys will take work anywhere they can get it. They’re still dreaming, however, of that encounter with the Big Guy so they can get an option on primo Hollywood movie deal with several cheesy sequels.

  14. truthspeaker says

    But Karen Armstrong assures us that when people talk about demons, they don’t mean literal demons, they are using it as a metaphor for an indescribable transcendence.

    Right, Ms. Armstrong? We atheists are completely mischaracterizing Christianity aren’t we? There aren’t actual Catholic priests claiming that meditation leads to demon possesion, are there?

  15. Jeeves says

    Pity the Catholic Church didn’t perform a little Paedorcism, it would have saved more children from pain and suffering than any latin incantation ever could.

  16. Sara says

    I do appreciate that they’re updating the list of demons to include the ones drawn to homeopathy.

    List of demons – where did they get these names? Is there a bible of demonology? Do they ask the demon? “Hello, My name is Sara, and yours is?”

  17. Mu says

    PZ didn’t pay attention in catechism class, you can’t dilute holy water. One drop into a swimming pool, pool of holy water. One drop in the sewer, sewer full… holy shit, not going there.

  18. Mike Wagner says

    It would be interesting to sit in on the conference and see exactly what they talk about.

    “Better living though superstition with Father Benelli”

    “Simulating Incubi and Succubi for Sexual Exploitation with Cardinal Uxbridge”

  19. Janine, Mistress Of Foul Mouth Abuse, OM says

    Any wicked thoughts I may have about Scarlett Johansson is because she fucked up a bunch of Tom Waits song. GGGGRRRRRRRR!

    It is so good to see that JP II had such a positive influence on his home country.

  20. Ewan R says

    I concur that seminarys should treat exorcism more seriously (thus making them look all the more batshit crazy when they get out) and that ordinary people too would benefit from a more in depth perspective on the church’s beliefs on exorcism (again taking the batshit crazy angle)

    It truly sounds like these guys are evangelical atheist infiltrators.

  21. or-mabinogi says

    My warlock in World of Warcraft specialized in the demonology talent tree. Is that what they’re talking about? Maybe they need gaming tips.

  22. Holytape says

    No, no, no, Booglebegonzapootie gives you the urge to watch Keven Costner movies and promotes tooth decay. Jolozeestien gives you unholy thoughts about Scarlett Johansson and causes cow licks. Get your minor demons straight. They are not to be trifled with. They have awesome minor power.
    A extreme minor and ancient demon.

  23. masksoferis says

    Okay, so we find a long abandoned alley and lure all exorcists we can find to one end of it — just give me lots of red paint and something I can use as horns; I’ll run ululating naked past a couple and they’re bound to give chase — and lure enough homeopaths to the other end of the alley — oh I don’t know, dress someone as the Galactic Inoculator-Man, from the dread planet Mercury, maybe — and then like lumps of matter and antimatter, though rather of stupidity and inanity, they annihilate each other.

    Repeat long enough, and eventually we’re rid of Benedict and McCarthy both.

    No, probably wouldn’t work, but the image is so very pleasing.

  24. Knockgoats says

    BTW, Booglebegonzapootie is responsible for dirty thoughts about Eva Mendez, not Scarlett Johansson! – Legion

    And I thought hyper-specialisation in science had gone too far!

  25. przemelek says

    Poor me, I live in Poland….
    I’m atheist so probably I qualify to be a demon for such people… Where I should hide? ;-)

  26. Thebear says

    @ Kockgoats:

    According to Martin Luther and pals there are 2 665 866 746 664 of the little buggers. With that level of competition one must expect a certain level of specialisation…

  27. Abdul Alhazred says

    Exorcism is as much part of the Christian religion as anything else Jesus did (according to the New Testament).

    Is it really all that more irrational than the rest of it?

  28. Darren Garrison says

    Okay, how many Polish priests DOES it take to screw in a…, uh, I mean exorcise a demon?

  29. Sastra says

    The funny thing here is that traditional religions will sometimes join with us to fight against pseudoscience and New Age nonsense — except of course that they’re not fighting with us at all, even when we’re on the same political side. They’re against homeopathy, astral projection, astrology, and woo in general because that sort of magic conflicts with their own sort of magic. There’s not a skeptical bone in them. So, as far as we’re concerned, there’s not much to choose between many New Age, and mainstream religions.

    This really surprised some local New Agers, who assumed that as an atheist I would of course be all in favor of alternative medicine and alien abduction-style beliefs. They knew I didn’t like the ‘Religious Right,’ and thought that I didn’t like them for the reason they didn’t like them: they were being “judgmental” and telling people they were wrong. A freethinker lets in all beliefs, cherishes them all, embraces and approves of them all. Or so they assumed. It didn’t seem to occur to them that there would be a conflict with science, and a secular humanist cares about such conflict, and no, we can not just redefine science around each individual, and what they think is good enough.

    And no, this does not make us just like the fundamentalists. There is a huge difference between saying Tarot cards don’t really predict the future, and Tarot cards do predict the future, but they’re of the devil. There are more significant ways to classify beliefs than whether or not you find them threatening because they’re not being supportive of your beliefs.

  30. Antiochus Epiphanes says

    Now, everyone together:

    THE BLOOD OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
    THE BLOOD OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

    Good. Now we will be hearing from Father Karras about a case that took place in Georgetown in the 1970s…

  31. Roestigraben says

    So the exorcists and homeopaths are now at each other’s throats? Excellent…now on to instigate birthers vs. psychics, ufologists vs. snake-handlers and climate change deniers vs. astrologers.

  32. daveau says

    Well, as long as they are professional exorcists. This sort of thing is too important to leave to amateurs.

  33. RickR says

    *sigh* I’ve been begging Legion to possess me for years now. But they’ve been a right bastard and have ignored my pleas. All I wanted was a little group play.

    Fuck you, Legion, you rude shits, you.

  34. Legion says

    RickR:

    I’ve been begging Legion to possess me for years now. But they’ve been a right bastard and have ignored my pleas.

    Did you submit form TPS-666?

    Well duh.

    And don’t forget the new cover sheet.

  35. Peter G. says

    I’d love to see a Field Guide to Demons. I suspect ,however, that it would look a lot like a collection of Pokemon cards.

  36. Tronzu says

    Oh, for fuck sake, never thought that I would see Demonologists outside King’s Bounty.

    Too bad they don’t look as cool.

  37. Glen Davidson says

    Teach the controversy, of course.

    The atheistic fiction of “brain” belongs in the dustbin, along with all other religious-metaphysical materialistic beliefs. What have brains ever done?

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

  38. Legion says

    RickR,

    We checked your order and see that you did file the requested forms, but you only sent us 665 copies, when our 23,572 page Request for Possession guide clearly specifies 666 copies.

    We regret to inform you that this is our busy season and we have a number of televangelists, politicians, and school board members who are in line ahead of you.

    Perhaps you’d be interested in our weekly specials. We have:

    1. A pissing in public demon…
    2. A Speaking in Tongues at the worst possible moment demon…
    3. A combo evolution/Climate Change denial demon.

    Let us know if you’re interested, and whether you’d like to put it on the same credit card.

    Cheers,
    Asmodaeus

  39. raven says

    Not sure why Poland is relevant.

    Exorcisms are alive, well, and common in the USA.

    The Catholics have their traditional presence. The fundies are big into possession and exorcisms as well.

    There are 600 according to this article. The real number is undoubtedly much higher.

    google capture:

    Exorcisms become big business in ArizonaNov 30, 2006 … An estimated 600 non-Catholic groups are now performing exorcisms, allegedly ridding people of their demons.
    http://www.religionnewsblog.com/…/exorcisms-become-big-business-in-arizona – Cached – Similar

    No, I’m not going to read that article.

  40. raven says

    Bob Larson – Exorcist
    http://www.boblarson.- org Bob is an expert on exorcism, the supernatural, and spiritual warfare

    For anyone who needs an exorcism. If you put a few words in google, you can find dozens easily in the USA.

    I did that and now feel like I better exorcize my computer. Time for a Norton sweep.

  41. Aquaria says

    Man, if what you guys think of Scarlett Johansen is the work of a mere minor demon, I can only imagine that I get a Master Demon for what I think of Matsumoto Jun.

    I’m in serious trouble here, folks. I think only Joey the Rat can save me now.

    Hm…

    I think I’d rather have the demon possession, thanks.

  42. Rick Miller says

    From what I’ve read about various attempts at “exorcism”, it’s a DANGEROUS practice in which the victim is sometimes MURDERED. Not a laughing matter.

    Belief in demons and exorcism will undoubtedly also foster belief in sorcery and witchcraft, and the Roman Catholic Church would only stand to profit by instigating witch-hunts.

  43. Robin J says

    Careful – if you hire an exorcist and don’t pay the bill, your house could get repossessed.

  44. Gregory Greenwood says

    Don’t forget to take them seriously when some geezer tells you that your wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are the work of the minor demon Booglebegonzapootie.

    I wish to raise a point of order. My wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are entirely my own (lurid, depraved soul that I am), and are in no way influenced by this Booglebegonzapootie chap. I am above his pay grade anyway. Further enhancing the wickedness of the aforementioned thoughts would require a hotshot Greater Demon at least. If we are not talking Baal, Mephisto or Bealzebub I do not want to know.

    That is all.

  45. Nineveh says

    I suppose the best thing about religion is the infinite amount of ways to profit from its believers.

    But it’s mostly OTHER believers who do that. I guess we non-believers will just have to accept that we have a conscience.

  46. davem says

    PZ said:

    I wonder if you get rid of them with a fully succussed 100C dilution of holy water?

    Ooh, bad science, PZ. That should be a 100C dilution of demons, not holy water.

  47. IaMoL says

    My only evil thoughts about Scarlett Johansson these days are when I hope she’ll quit the acting profession since her thespian skills seem to not have grown with the rest of her – ahem – assets.
    Is it my imagination, or does her head now resemble a Dick Tracy character?

  48. Rincewind'smuse says

    So the exorcists and homeopaths are now at each other’s throats? Excellent…now on to instigate birthers vs. psychics, ufologists vs. snake-handlers and climate change deniers vs. astrologers.

    Ooooh…. kind of like the WWF for the mentally impaired( no, that doesn’t HAVE to be a redundant statement).Dibs on the popcorn concession.

  49. https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawl0c38lu51v5qcPENZXY5uCCIU8_pbKU94 says

    I assure you, none of my thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are wicked.

  50. The effin' bear says

    Don’t forget to take them seriously when some geezer tells you that your wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are the work of the minor demon Booglebegonzapootie.

    What if I point out to the geezer that his thoughts are equally as wicked if not more so.

  51. MS says

    I never imagined that 2010 would be a rationalists’ paradise, but I never imagined this in a European country.

  52. KillJoy says

    Who the heck is Scarlett Johansson?
    Totally sounds like someone I wouldnt have wicked thoughts about.

    What if I’m having wicked thoughts about the sexy 20 something maintenance dude at my apartment complex? Which demon does that fall under?

  53. MadScientist says

    In another country in another time I’d seen numerous babies boiled (well, boiling water was poured over them) by catholic witch doctors trying to cure the baby by driving away the demons which possess it. The survival rate of the babies I’d seen was pretty high at about 1 in 3; I’m guessing I didn’t get to see the ones that didn’t live long enough to be taken to a medical practitioner. How’s that for boiling stupid? Well, I guess if those people developed leeching instead they’d still meet their murdered baby quotas, though probably with much less suffering.

  54. Randomfactor says

    Pity the Catholic Church didn’t perform a little Paedorcism

    /Southern drawl on/

    “What we have HEAH…is a FAILure…to excomMUNIcate…”

    /Southern drawl off/

  55. Shadow says

    Jindal said he’d performed an exorcism. Palin was ‘blessed’ by some witch doctor/minister type.

  56. Qwerty says

    I heard on the radio that the pope is in that other European bastion (or maybe soon to be ex-bastion) of Catholicism – Ireland. He met with the Irish bishops but refused to terminate or dismiss those implicated by the recent Murphy report on child abuse. This has infuriated many of the victims.

    So much for being Christ’s vicar.

  57. raven says

    Didn’t Ms Palin have an exorcism?

    Yes, but if failed. It pays to shop around and check references so you don’t end up going to a quack exorcist. Make sure they are board certified by the American Association of Exorcists.

  58. Pierce R. Butler says

    Qwerty @ # 69: I heard on the radio that the pope is in … Ireland. He met with the Irish bishops…

    You misheard, or the radio mumbled, or something like that.

    Pal Joey summoned the Irish Bishes to the Vatican. (That’s the nice thing about being Pope – you can get high-level professionals to make palace calls.)

    He gave them a very stern talking-to. If wrists were slapped with rulers, no public announcement was made.

  59. Rev. Pyramid Head says

    @ Killjoy: Actress- I dunno that much about her myself…except for the fact that she was hot as hell in “The Spirit” (which is a good movie to laugh at every once and a while- but not for viewing regularly).

  60. God says

    I tried to cut software costs and had the IT archangel switch to Linux, but that was a horrible mistake. All the computers got possessed by several daemons each and had to be exorcised. That cost Me an arm and a leg.

  61. Coran says

    Homeopathy is causing demon possession?
    It always amuses me when sectarian woo blames things secular woo.

  62. Cowcakes says

    Absolutely hilarious on first glance. But then I started thinking about the enormous physiological damage these charlatans are doing to people. By convincing them that they have mythological demons rather than addressing the real cause of there mental traumas they a sentencing them to a lifetime of misery and or putting other members of the public at risk.

    Oh hang on, this approach would appear to fit perfectly with Catholic dogma. Unfortunately this lunacy appears to be widespread within religious groups even her in Australia:
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/exorcism-on-teenager-policeman-stood-down-20090707-daof.html

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/17/2191256.htm

  63. Arkady says

    You don’t need exorcists to get rid of demons, all you need is this site:

    http://www.demonbuster.com/

    I’d advise people to turn their speakers down when visiting that site. Apparently disliking the autoplaying music means you are possessed. Be sure to check out the article on the squid-type demon that causes diabetes…

    As far as I can tell this is not a Poe. I really hope i’m wrong on this…

  64. Nick says

    ‘Didn’t Mrs Palin have an exorcism?’

    Mrs Palin didn’t have an exorcism. She is the result of an exorcism.

    By the way, didn’t God make demons?

  65. KillJoy says

    Years and years and years ago when I was a young pup, I was part of a talkin’ in tongues, praise jesus, can I get an amen kind of church. Demon exorcism was a favorite pass time of our pastor. We exorcised all KINDS of demons. There was the demon of alcoholism, the demon of masturbation, the demon of liberalism (I kid you not). Financial demons, sexual demons, intellectual demons. If there was something that didn’t agree with what Pastor Dan said, well, then there was a demon for it. And he was down right passionate about gettin’ them buggers out of you too.

    Did you know, apparently, demons get in your kids
    and make them misbehave? I witnessed a number of these ‘exorcisms’. Poor terrified kids with these whackjob adults around them laying on hands and praying and shouting to jeebus to cast those demons out.Babbling nonsense.

    Hell, at one point I even had one performed on ME.
    to cast out a demon of ‘impure’ and ‘homosexual thoughts’. It just left me feeling even more guilt ridden and tortured when the feelings didn’t go away. Because OBVIOUSLY I wasn’t pure enough, or didn’t pray hard enough or some crap.

    Exorcism definitely is alive and well here in the good ole US of A. And ESPECIALLY having been part of it once, the very idea scares the living fuck out of me.

    KJ

  66. Darreth says

    I find it telling that demon possession only occurs in populations that believe in such things.

    Hindu demons don’t possess Christians. Ancient Roman underworld creatures don’t possess Muslims. Hindu demons never possess indigenous populations in the middle of Brazil. Etc. Etc.

  67. Onias says

    In other words, “demons” are beliefs in unorthodox theories, philosophies and religions. They should really zip up their flies, their fascism is showing.

  68. raven says

    Just reading the news and there is a new way to exorcize demons.

    Police: Suspect admits killing Iowa football coach
    AP – 1 hr 17 mins ago
    ALLISON, Iowa – A tearful former football player told Iowa police that he repeatedly shot his high school coach because he believed him to be a devil who turned students “into dead people,” according to an interview with the murder suspect recorded just hours after Ed Thomas’ death. Full Story »

    I believe people are supposed to use silver bullets. And put a wooden stake through their heart afterwards.

    My mainline Protestant sunday school was sadly deficient. We never learned about any of that.

  69. DominEditrix says

    I dimly remember having learnt how to cast out demons in maths class when I was young.

    Oh, no, that was casting out nines.

    I’d love to become a professional exorcist, perform a lot of ’em, write a book, get endorsements from those freed of their devils, appear on religious TV – and then declare publicly [preferably on the Craig Ferguson show] that it had all been an exercise in Sham! Wow!!

    I shall call myself Sister Salvation and wear a pretty white robe.

  70. F says

    I wonder if you get rid of them with a fully succussed 100C dilution of holy water?

    Actually, this cures a number of ailments suffered by our demonic friends, including horn-rot, and, rather strangely, hemorrhoids.

  71. F says

    God @ 74:

    I tried to cut software costs and had the IT archangel switch to Linux, but that was a horrible mistake. All the computers got possessed by several daemons each and had to be exorcised. That cost Me an arm and a leg.

    Can I assume then that these computers are now completely non-functional?

  72. Legion says

    PROTIP from demonbuster.com:

    BOYCE and BOICE are two demons that interfere with any electronic equipment, i.e., phone, computer, printer, automobile. If something malfunctions, command these two demons to leave your equipment, in the name of Jesus. We get many emails saying this worked.

    LOL2

  73. hobbitjeff22369 says

    @Arkady (Comment #76)–the best part about the DemonBusters site is the plug for beauty products at the bottom of their homepage.

    DO YOU WANT SKIN CARE OR MAKEUP PRODUCTS?
    Want to start your own home business?
    Out of work? Consider being a Beauty Consultant!
    Men’s products are available too.

  74. https://me.yahoo.com/a/ZKuoh_EKr8DKldiDVwdQOnXaqkf2#1c033 says

    I believe people are supposed to use silver bullets. And put a wooden stake through their heart afterwards.

    See, that’s what happens when the fundies don’t let their kids watch horror movies. If he’d had a broader media education he would have known that normal bullets won’t kill a demon.

    Meanwhile, how does one get something sensible to appear instead of that dreadful yahoo id link thingy?

  75. Armand K. says

    Oh, but that is absolutely mean, Prof. Myers! The only fault of the poor demonologists is that they take seriously the teachings of their religion.

    Exorcism is one of the sacraments of the HolyTM InfallibleTM UniversalTM Catholic© Church® of Rome, as stated in art. 1673 of the Catechism of the CC, and reinforced in art. 550 of the aforementioned document.

    Moreover, in a document dating back to year 2000, Pope B-16 (at the time “only” cardinal Ratzinger, Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, a.k.a. The Inquisition), in a document called Instructions on Prayers for Healing, explicitly named some rules about exorcism (art. 8 of title II – Disciplinary Norms). Of course, he cited Rituale romanum, along with a document issued by the same Inquisition Congregation in 1985.

    Really, so little respect for people’s religion! After all, the 100 exorcists are only practicing the art of being good Catholics.

    Oooh, demonology lessons. Those should be good. Don’t forget to take them seriously when some geezer tells you that your wicked thoughts about Scarlett Johansson are the work of the minor demon Booglebegonzapootie.

    Uhm… I wonder which is the demon that causes wicked thoughts about, say, Matt Damon…

  76. llewelly says

    Actually, this cures a number of ailments suffered by our demonic friends, including horn-rot, and, rather strangely, hemorrhoids.

    Actually, both horn-rot and hemorrhoids in demons are caused by the same bacterium, infecting different parts of the body. So-called “homeopathic holy water” products are often secretly adulterated with antibiotics, just as herbal sexual potency products are often adulterated with sildenafil.

  77. atomjack says

    Ahem, nigelTheBold @2:

    May you be endowed with a tankard of Double Bastard ale . Now, that’s the ticket. Twice as many demons…yeeesssss.

  78. Nick says

    Where do demons go when they aren’t possessing people? Do they work as waiters in cafes in Hell waiting for the call? Are there awards for noteworthy possesions? Do they progress in demonicness? Maybe they start out with small stuff, like stealing biscuits out of the jar, and move on to masturbation, sexual deviancy etc? If so, how far up the chain is causing someone to lust after somone else?
    By the way, on the matter of lust, if the Krazy Kristians ever managed to stamp it out, wouldn’t that be sort of self defeating?

  79. Brownian, OM says

    Where do demons go when they aren’t possessing people? Do they work as waiters in cafes in Hell waiting for the call?

    “Oh my G-I mean, wow. You’re Satan, right? Look, I know I shouldn’t be doing this but, wow, you’re Satan. The devil of devils. I know you’re a very busy, uh, soulless, uh, so I’ll make this quick: I’m not really a waiter but a screenwriter, and I’m just doing this until I can make it in Hollywood. I understand you’re a close personal friend of Mr. Lucas, and I’ve written a treatment I’d like him to just look at. It’s a prequel to Star Wars called The Phantom Menace…”

  80. Rev. Pyramid Head says

    Crap, forgot to finish.

    DEMONS DID IT to replace the classic saying “God did it” :)

  81. F says

    Actually, both horn-rot and hemorrhoids in demons are caused by the same bacterium, infecting different parts of the body. So-called “homeopathic holy water” products are often secretly adulterated with antibiotics, just as herbal sexual potency products are often adulterated with sildenafil.

    Actually, the germ theory of disease is just and only that- a theory. It has been proven time and again that illnesses are caused by an imbalance in your chakras and bodily humours.

    You seem to have no respect for homeopathy, a well-known method for producing cures for these imbalances. I bet you are just a sock puppet for big pharma, trolling the internet to hide the truth.

  82. Nick says

    Brownian #97
    ‘and I’ve written a treatment I’d like him to just look at.’

    Actually, that would explain quite a few movies. Like ‘2012’ for instance.

  83. Suck Poppet says

    After reading some of the comments ^^ I visited the Demonbuster.com website.

    All I can say is “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh – my eyes, they burn”

    You bastards owe me a double retina scraping.

    Was this website designed by the same idjits that publish that freakishly bizarre rapture website?
    I forget the name and www.
    Probably as a result of having my brains fried by looking at the shocking pink monstrosity.

  84. allport says

    If you want to know about Demons then read Eric (Faust) by Terry Pratchett, I am told that it is the real deal.

    Does anyone know when the Demon Top Trumps are coming out? My neice is bored with the Dr Who ones.

  85. Maddy says

    I always feel uncomfortable, when such things about my country spread out. Like I live in some 3rd world country, not in the middle of Europe.

    But there is growing movement of rationalists going in Poland (euphemism, yes, but “atheist” still sounds too harsh here).

    Just give us some time…

  86. Moveable Type says

    In the early 70’s I was a police officer in the UK.

    One Easter Sunday we received a report of a man running naked through the streets of a nearby town, but covered from head to foot in what was described as red paint. He was found at the side of the road crouching in a foetal position, but it wasn’t paint that he was covered in, it was blood.

    When I got to the house the local Police Inspector was already present and told me that they had found the body of a woman.

    It transpired that he was an ordinary man, married with two young children living in a quiet residential cul-de-sac in a modest house. He and his wife attended a Methodist/Baptist church some miles away. Unfortunately he had had a few emotional/psychological problems but was being treated quite adequately by his Dr, however his Pastor recognised that he wasn’t ill but possessed, by some demon or other.

    The Pastor knew of a nearby Catholic Priest who ‘had some skill’ in matters concerned exorcism and after the Pastor had convinced the man that he wasn’t ill, and therefore did not require medication, they could exorcise the demon and he would be all right.

    So, one day over a 12 hour period, the Pastor and wife wife, assisted the Roman Catholic priest, carried out a 12 hour exorcism.

    Over the following days he had started to act strangely, making his wife very anxious, to such an extent that on Easter Saturday she had taken the children to her mothers.

    On Easter Sunday morning he murdered his wife.

    The job I was given was to search the surrounding gardens looking for the murder weapon(s): an axe or an a large knife. In fact he had used his bare hands!

    At the inquest the Pastor and the Priest were ‘criticised’ by the Coroner but all they did was state, quite forcefully, that they were only doing ‘the Lord’s work’.

    At trial the husband was found unfit to plead and sent to a secure hospital where he stayed for 2 years.

    Nothing was done about the Pastor or the Priest, except I was told at a later date that his particular church group had broken up, apparently the other members of his flock recognised him for what he was.

    It was this incident that shook me out of my agnosticism. And for those who might just think the exorcism is a bad joke please think again, there is nothing funny about murder.

  87. Moveable Type says

    A few months ago I came across a report sent to the Vatican concerning this incident and the conclusion was something along the lines of :

    ‘During the exorcism all demons were removed except the demon of murder’.

    Kooks they may be but bloody dangerous ones.