This is going to be pure velveeta, undiluted fake cheese…but I still want to see it.
The octopus had better win, or I’ll be deeply offended, and will have to picket the theater.
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Wait.
What?
Debbie Gibson?
I WILL ABSOLUTELY SEE THAT MOVIE.
Giant Squilla will come out of nowhere to defeat both Shark and Octopus.
um. yeah, i agree. Debbie Gibson? took her a while to cross over from singing to movie stardom. snicker.
i thought it was a joke, but it is on imdb.com. go figure.
The octopus swatting the plane out of the air was pretty epic. Is this a Sci Fi channel ‘original’?
I think they’re gonna need a bigger boat.
The octopus? Also the shark leaping out of the water to take out an airliner. It takes real chutzpah to turn marine animals into a threat to air transport.
Maybe there’ll be a scene where they fight over Minnesota, too. One can only hope.
Sod the movie, what about the merchandise?
The best part of that was finding out that yes, that is the actual title. They obviously don’t want to leave the potential viewer in any doubt about what they’re getting.
Terrors of the Deep? No, that could mean a lot of things. “It Rises?” Even more ambiguous. What’s it about?
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Ok, then. Now you know all you need to know.
All that is missing is…
OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!!
There had better be a lot of clever homageage.
(it rises)
ice
it’s a joke, right? can’t be anything serious — I wouldn’t picket the theater — just wouldn’t pay the $3 to see it at the dollar show.
If it were the Sharks vs. the Maple Leafs, I’d bet on the Sharks. Sad comment, that, coming from a Leafs fan, but then the MLSE owners right now don’t seem to care about winning on the ice as long as they’re winning financially.
But as it’s against a Giant Octopus, I’m rooting for the big squishy thing with the brains over the mindless killing machine.
PZ wrote:
But…but…maybe they have quantum wings with iridescent feathers of many hues.
What does Eagletosh have to say about this?
If either one devours Debbie Gibson, that’ll be good enough for me.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
I haven’t laughed so hard since McCain’s concession speech.
Oh my, that looks soooo bad. Maybe I could watch it at home with a blender full of icy beverage and some bacon, yeah that’s what it needs… bacon. And tequila. Any movie could look good with tequila. And I could get all maudlin if one of the creatures dies. And oooh, what if there were snakes on that plane? Yeah, I bet they never thought of that.
You know what’s going to happen, right? It’ll be like “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”: the shark and octopus will nearly kill each other, then end up having hot, hot sex before teaming up against the humans.
*buys his ticket today*
I agree that the title tells us all we need to know. But no title could be more to the point than “Snakes on a Plane.”
From a biological point of view: A shark has to swim all the time, or it will sink. Thus, it constantly expends energy. What does a shark big enough to swallow half a battleship eat? Wy isn’t “waiting till the shark dies of malnutrition” a viable strategy? Well, there’s still the giant octopus, but we all look forward to the rule of our new tentacled master, don’t we?
You know would put the cheese factor right over the top? A music video tied in the with movie!
I was just thinking (I know, dangerous habit, that): The octopus is an intelligent creature. Would an intelligent creature even WANT to be in a B-picture like this?
Before they start filming his roles, I bet the octopus has a leeeetle word with his agent about what kind of roles he’s willing to accept.
It’s been done:
http://www.jsonline.com/comics/?feature_id=Shermans_Lagoon&feature_date=2009-05-10
DVD comes out a week from today (May 19th).
For your own edification
Forget Startrek, this is this year’s “if you only see one movie…”
How quickly we forget the helicopter from Jaws II.
You could also count the giant croc from Lake Placid in the aerial assault, too.
I was noticing all the shots of guys grasping joysticks, and was attributing that to the presence of Debbi Gibson (hey, I was a twisted teen when she was popular). Then I saw Debbi Gibson herself with her fingers wrapped lovingly around a stiff vertical knob . . . was there a shark in there somewhere?
Oh yeah?
And that’s a really for real honest genuine non altered photomagraph.
lol… how many are checking the page on IMDB.com? The popularity is up 99% this week for this film.
Even IMDB pages are not safe from Pharyngulation.
lol… how many are checking the page on IMDB.com? The popularity is up 99% this week for this film.
Even IMDB pages are not safe from Pharyngulation.
I’ll think we’ll all be okay if don’t look into its eyes. Loved the “I looked into its eyes” line. That guy is so doomed.
The same company making MS v GO also runs Faith Films
“… a new production and distribution company dedicated to creating exciting films that honestly portray subjects, themes, and people of faith. By producing high quality, entertaining, mainstream films with all of the resources, effects, and magic of Hollywood, Faith Films will present our positive message to the largest possible audience.”
Sunday School Musical looks pretty scary!
This show needs a Humongous Space Walrus with Photon Flippers.
Sharks do eat jet skis.
You guys are mistaken; that actress is someone named Deborah Gibson.
Rev BDC at #28: Hate to tell you, but no it’s not.
http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/shark.asp
I agree with Yoritomo @20; the issues regarding supporting a creature that size make it totally unrealistic. I buy the rest of it, though…
Gamera rules!
Ahem. I think I just failed sarcasm detection 101.
Wow. I. Am. In. Awe.
It’s a shame Ray Harryhausen didn’t live to see this.
What’s the tagline for the sequel going to be? “Just when you thought it was safe to get back on the Space Shuttle…”?
Or simply: “Lamas and Gibson… together again!”
Snopes LIES
Watchman #40 wrote:
I’m not dead!
I put it on my Netflix queue two days ago! I’ll be first!
1) That *is* Debbie Gibson. The singer.
2) Did anyone notice just how gigantic that shark is? Check the frame where it attacks the Golden Gate Bridge. The counterintuitive physics alone make this movie worth watching.
Nope, Deborah. They said so.
My sincere apologies to Mr. Harryhausen! I should have checked!
Sven is correct. It’s Deborah, who in no way resembles the child star Debbie.
Okay, now I feel better about being excited for Blood: The Last Vampire.
If any of you watched Adult Swim in the good ol’ days, you may remember Blood +.
But seriously, is this the best monster movie they could think of? I mean, over the top, yes, fine, I like the idea of the battle and of a few subs and ships getting fucked over in the process; but even after that, there’s a point. And that point is just before a shark jumps to a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Or is this a joke?
Btw: Everyone knows there are no giant octopuses. If there’s a 600ft cephalopod, it’s the Kraken.
On second thought, no, there is no “too far”.
Jumping shark is awesome. Cthulhu sized octopus will steal the show, though.
I wouldn’t picket the theater — just wouldn’t pay the $3 to see it at the dollar show.
No, it’s so good that it’s going direct to dvd. That’s some quality right there, baby.
Yes I second Sven.
Snopes LIES!!!
Um, no, because she grew up. Well, actually she does resemble Debbie (or Debbi?), but not so much that you’d just look and say, “that’s Debbie Gibson”.
There was no 80s icon “Deborah Gibson,” other than the girl “Debbie Gibson.”
She just grew up, that’s all, and goes by her given name, Deborah. If you don’t believe it, look her up elsewhere, like on Wikipedia.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson? Where’s David Hasselhoff and Pam Anderson when you need them…?
I’m sure I saw Denyse O’Leary in there, with green light on her.
Woah, that must be some serious battle. The running time listed at Yahoo movies is 90 *hours* !
-Richard
Okay, I’ll never be able to drive over the Golden Gate again! Thanks, sci-fi channel!
And how come when guys are gripping their joysticks so dramatically, people can just stand behind them with arms crossed, casually watching? Is every vehicle remote piloted in this movie?
You’ve obviously never seen Piranha II, the Spawning. It’s the best movie about flying piranhas ever made.
Glen:
Wow, no shit? You mean she’s not 17 anymore?
Truth be told, I was playing off of Sven’s schtick. Wasn’t it obvious? No? Am I really that subtle? Cool! :-D
Oh man…..this looks cheesy as hell, lol
Yeah, but for some reason if it were Sharks vs. Ducks, it’d be the Ducks – CHOKE!!! UGH!! (as a sharks fan)
I’d like to see a move turn farm animals into a threat to air transport!
I wasn’t really sure, truth to tell.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/6mb592
Sharks? Sharks? Can’t someone clone a decent pliosaur at last?
If you want a giant monster, and you don’t want Gamera, why pick a pathetic shark?
I don’t get it.
Glen:
Awesome. I will get more girls now that I am subtle.
Oh, wait. I’m married! Never mind.
Better safe than sorry, eh? I could have been serious, and you would have been doing me a favor by puncturing my delusion. ;-)
There’s also a strong chance that she was ineligible to use the name “Debbie Gibson” because some other member of the SAG was already using it. They only allow one of each name. That’s why you see so many middle initials and suffixes with Hollywood names.
If your name is Joe Blow, and someone else with a SAG membership is using that name, you cannot be credited as Joe Blow in a movie. You can call yourself Jo Blow, or Joe S. Blow, or Joe Blow Jr., etc. — anything that distinguishes you from the other Joe Blow.
some movies are so bad they go straight to dvd. this one should go straight to MST3K.
WE ARE NOT WORTHY.
Really; I am gobsmacked. This is more awesome than 20 squamjillion m*therfucking snakes on 5 thousand m*therfucking planes.
Frogmen to the rescue?
http://www.mcphee.com/items/11699.html
Also causing a commotion:
http://www.mcphee.com/items/11731.html
No no, this Deborah is our Debbie Gibson from the ’80s. It’s the same person. Deborah looks just like a 38 year old Debbie would (my glassy-eyed joke notwithstanding) and a quick glance at Debbie/Deborah’s IMDB confirms this. There really wasn’t any doubt, it was just Sven (and me, playing along) deadpanning.
I wasn’t sure about the movie until the very end of the trailer. The leaping shark to 30,000 feet sold me.
I showed this video to one of my student assistants and I exclaimed over the fact that “Debbie” Gibson is in the movie. She made me feel really old by saying “Who’s Debbie Gibson?” *sigh*
Steve R.:
True! I mistook your comment as arguing that Deborah could well be a different person. However, according to her IMDB filmography, we know that is not the case because she was credited as “Debbie Gibson” in her first screen credit back in 1992. I expect she adopted her full name in more recent years to create a little bit of distance from the teen popstar she once was.
My question is now this: Why didn’t the filmmakers give the shark a laser?
I’d like to see a move turn farm animals into a threat to air transport!
I suppose if it portrayed a poorly placed poultry farm near the end of a runway. Poor containment and adventurous turkeys would make for some interesting scenes.
It seems a crime to waste perfectly good landfill space on this film. I suppose I don’t have to watch it.
“Tongue in cheek, openly bad movie as vehicle for poorly done scary 3d-effects.”
… has already been done to death.
Well, I guess Nascar has already been done to death, too, but people still seem to want to watch cars go in a circle for hours on end.
This is fantastically cheesy. Forget B-movie, we have moved into the C- category. Although it does pain me to see the teen, mall sensation that was Debbie Gibson fall so low. Then again, I always was more of a Tiffany fan.
Will said:
“It seems a crime to waste perfectly good landfill space on this film. I suppose I don’t have to watch it.”
No – it’s your duty to watch it. And laugh, loudly and often.
This movie hasn’t jumped the shark, the shark has jumped the… ah….um….
Hmmm….
Itself?
Didn’t you see the bit where the shark bites into the model of the battleship?
Sharks? Sharks? Can’t someone clone a decent pliosaur at last?
For that, you have to watch Primeval. The Brits do everything better.
Debbie’s real name is Deborah. If you look at the credits of all her music it is written as Deborah Gibson. It was Atlantic Records when she was 16 years old that wanted her to use Debbie Gibson for ” reasons. Once Debbie departed from Atlantic Records she created her own record company label and decided to use her own name Deborah. Its not that she disowns her past because she has always said -thats who she was. She said it was kinda weird for family and friends to call her Debbie when her real was Deborah.
Its like my real name is Patricia but I have always used Patty so people would think it was strange to them and too me to change back to Patricia. But they would get use to the change and so would I.
“The octopus? Also the shark leaping out of the water to take out an airliner. It takes real chutzpah to turn marine animals into a threat to air transport.”
You ever read the novel about the giant, flesh-eating, flying manta ray?
“Can’t someone clone a decent pliosaur at last?”
There is the novel with the giant kronosaur genetically engineered (apparently by God) to keep people alive in its stomach while they have a spiritual epiphany.
Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck was with that, I just felt like referencing it…
Good grief people, the Deborah / Debbie thing was a joke
Oh, noes! Someone stole all the cool stuff from the forever-in-production Meg! Giant marine living fossils! Shark attack on aircraft! Evil blonde dudette that’s sooo going to end up in a shark’s belly!
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm175480064/tt0450459
This may look like the worst movie ever. I can’t wait to see it.
Not only can I not believe you made that joke, I can’t believe no one’s taken you to task about it.
‘Course, I thought it was hysterical.
Anyone read the children’s novel The Shark in the Window (a.k.a. The Shark in Charlie’s Window) ? After he feeds it Vitamin E supplements, a kid’s pet shark hatchling is not only able to breathe air, but levitate as well.
I want one of those!
Sweet jack-hammerin’ baby jeebus on a tuna sandwich!!!!
Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas??? That kind of pure awesome can’t be contained in one movie.
@ #33 Elfreda wrote:
Spoiler alert:
OK. Here’s a summary of the climatic scene:
Mega Shark and Giant Octopus have been chomping up atheists for weeks, and they’re now in extremely short supply in both the oceans and in the air. The ravenous Mega Shark and Giant Octopus start to eat agnostics although they’re not nearly as tasty as atheists are.
Our hero (Lorenzo) and heroine (
DebbieDeborah) are worried that the Christians are next as God is really PO’d because Maine is going to let homosexuals get married and have the same rights asnormalheterosexual Mainesters?…Mainezerellas?…Mainiacs?…Mainerites?.So the hero and heroine pray real sincere like to God.
Since it is a slow afternoon, God decides to listen, at least until Jerry Springer comes on.
Because the hero and heroine are the right kinds of Christians and even though He put a lot of Intelligence into the Design of both the Mega Shark and the Giant Octopus, God decides He’s going to answer the prayer of the hero and heroine.
So God [cue special effects here] zaps the Mega Shark with some really kewl laser beams that He shoots from His hands. Then God opens a big drain hole on the ocean floor, and the Giant Octopus gets sucked in, swirling down, down, straight to Hell where he can torment atheists and other sinners.
The hero and heroine thank God with a prayer of thanks and praise.
The credits then roll while
DebbieDeborah sings The Theme from Mega Shark and Giant Octopus: Foolish Eaten Atheists.The shark jumped the Golden Gate Bridge, like a trained dolphin doing the high-jump at Sea World.
(Who’s Debbie Gibson? Ok, I’ve heard of her. Really though, who is Lorenzo Lamas?)
@ Edward Lark,
You’re a Tiffany fan?
I think you’re alone now.
OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!! needs the visual ….
If you want a giant monster, and you don’t want Gamera, why pick a pathetic shark?
sharks sell better.
proven by experiment in the 1970’s.
From a biological point of view: A shark has to swim all the time, or it will sink. Thus, it constantly expends energy.
This brings up something most here likely already know, but just in case:
Not all sharks are continual swimmers, only the pelagic (open ocean) ones are. Most species are actually demersal (bottom dwelling) and not only don’t swim constantly, but they can also pump water over their gills just fine, so no worries of asphyxiation either. I’d also point out that it’s not that sharks swim all the time so they won’t sink/asphyxiate; it’s the other way around. Pelagic sharks developed ramjet-style breathing because they swim long distances, and it’s more efficient than having to pump water over gills using muscles. It’s kinda obvious when you think about it for a second that it really couldn’t be the other way around. Similarly, buoyancy issues are regulated in sharks via oil in their livers, but again big livers can be expensive. So, if you’re swimming all the time anyway, you can reduce liver size and energy output by simply adjusting the angle and aspect ratio of your fins.
2. Considering the thing can jump out of the water and attack overflying aircraft, just how long would you want to wait for it to die of starvation?
:P
Now is the appropriate time for “Oh, the Huge Manatee”.
:facepalm:
I’m looking forward to the DVD extras, in which the octopus (obviously the most intelligent person involved in the whole production) gives us the scene-by-scene commentary, disparages the mammalian performers and ends up complaining about the lack of satisfying film roles available to tentacled actors, the inevitable typecasting, and admits to an ambition to direct and star in the first ever Cephalopod production of ‘King Lear’.
I have to admit, Asylum Films seem to have topped themselves. Normally they just release a film to DVD the same week as a movie hits the cinemas
E;G
Snakes on a Plane < -> Snakes on a Train
The Da Vinci Code < -> The Da Vinci Treasure
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem < -> AVH: Alien vs Hunter
The Day the Earth Stood Still < -> The Day the Earth Stopped
Here I was thinking the highlight of this month would be their release of “The Terminators”, and they come up with this jaw-dropping masterpiece.
Surely making films like that is better then marketing to confused Grandparents in the video store.
From a biological point of view: A shark has to swim all the time, or it will sink. Thus, it constantly expends energy. What does a shark big enough to swallow half a battleship eat?
Er… surely the answer’s in the question? It eats battleships. You may have noticed, you don’t see that many of them around any more.
Or, and I’m sorry if I upset anyone with this suggestion, it eats giant octopusses.*
I’d like to see a move turn farm animals into a threat to air transport!
That film has already been made: “Chicken Run”.
*If you disagree with me about the correct plural of “octopus”, I will be most put out.
Jim Dandy has a Link to the entire film on his blog entry on the issue if you’d like to savour it in all its glory
King Lear, Happy Tentacles?
“Contending with the fretful elements;
Bids the wind blow the earth into the sea,
Or swell the curled waters ‘bove the main,
That things might change or cease.
What do I care? I’m an octopus.”
Thank You..
“Chapter 10
Bear v. Shark: The Question
The question is simple, as are most profound questions.
Given a relatively level playing field — i.e., water deep enough so that a Shark could maneuver proficiently, but shallow enough so that a Bear could stand and operate with its characteristic dexterity — who would win in a fight between a Bear and a Shark?”
“Art” imitating “Life” imitating Art…
Apologies for putting you out:
octopuses
I’m wondering if they took their cues from “Megalodon” because the shark looks just like the one used in those movies.
And the physics just do not support a shark that large eating the Golden Gate Bridge or being able to leap tall crests of water in a single bound to feast on the “people on the mother&^%$ plane!”.
However, I will be watching this. If for no other reason than to see Debbieorah Gibson and her sadistic look of “epic win” on her face.
Sorry PZ, I read your Blog everyday, love what you are doing but…. since the age of 10 and after seeing Jaws. I am a big Shark fan. I have been obsessed with sharks so I want the Megalodon to win.
That said, I’m not a scientist, so you probably know better. Still I’m supporting the Shark!
Sorry PZ, I read your Blog everyday, love what you are doing but…. since the age of 10 and after seeing Jaws. I am a big Shark fan. I have been obsessed with sharks so I want the Megalodon to win.
That said, I’m not a scientist, so you probably know better. Still I’m supporting the Shark!
Sorry PZ, I read your Blog everyday, love what you are doing but…. since the age of 10 and after seeing Jaws. I am a big Shark fan. I have been obsessed with sharks so I want the Megalodon to win.
That said, I’m not a scientist, so you probably know better. Still I’m supporting the Shark!
There are swarms of feral hogs moving into parks in Houston. We need to borrow that octopus.
Liopleurodon is the only pliosaur I know of that could take on a Megalodon with fair confidence, so I think the two clades stack up pretty evenly. (Hey, someone should make a movie of THAT!)
As for Sharks vs Maple Leafs, if it was regular season, I’d go with the Sharks, but if it is the playoffs, then all bets are off. (Of course, for fairly straighforward reasons this will never happen)
Spoiler Alert:
Debbie Gibson defeats them with a high voltage attack from the “Electric Youth”
Now running and ducking for cover ;-)
Just watched it. AWESOME. It includes random wearing of unbuttoned lab coats, mixing of fluorescent chemicals (including at least one pH indicator)in various shapes and sizes of beakers, and the crappiest old microscopes ever to be pulled out of a 1940s high school lab.
Great another reason to hate flying sharks on a Mudder F*@King plane. First it’s Jaws and I am in constant fear in the ocean, now this. What’s next? Land Shark. Oh wait the door bell is ringing, oh a candy-gram!
This is being made by the Asylum? The same people who made “100 Million BC” (which was so bad it literally almost put me to sleep)?
Sorry, not optimistic about this one.
Looks like a fun film. But far too much screen time seems to be taken up with unnecessary shots of hysterical monkeys.
What’s next? Land Shark. Oh wait the door bell is ringing, oh a candy-gram!
At one point in the movie there was a doorbell ring at a crucial moment, and the protagonists looked at each other pensively, and I immediately turned to Mr.C and said “Candygram”. I would not have been surprised if it had played out that way.
Holy, freakin’, spitfoamin’ mother Peter on a crutch with tuna and whole freakin’ wheat and a pogo-stick on the side!@
I have had any subtlety burned right the freak out of me by this one. …… Y’know, I have seen some real a@# biter excuses for what MIGHT-could be put on film and called cinematic expression in my long and sordid life, but THIS load of….(I have literally been sputtering looking for descriptive), this load of, possibly the most AMAZING collection physical and biological ABSURDITIES (and, no, I’m not just talkin about Gibson and Lamas) has GOT to take the all time Yougottabekiddinme-whosatinthefreakin CAKE right out of the mouths of Gods.
I’m an old fart who has seen some of the most god-awful films ever made (you think old Japanese sci-fi is bad? Try old ARABIC sci-fi. You’ll understand why Elvis shot his TV), stuff most of you has never heard of and will never see. Some of them actually had… wait for it… Lorenzo Lamas in them so it shouldn’t be a surprise that this one sucks dirty pig toes, but GEEZ O’PETE already!! I’m sitting here alternating between laughing till tears pour from my eyes and enraged screaming through clenched teeth. I am astounded, dumbfounded, amazed and screeching at the sky: “WHO COMES UP WITH THIS CRAP?!?!?!?!” Who has so much money they can throw it away on a “production” like this? Who thinks people are so moronically dull witted they’d actually spend THEATER PRICES MONEY to see this HONKER?
You know and I know ain’t none of us here gonna’ spend a dime to see this, we’ll just download it and file it with the “Killer Tomatoes” and haul it out for those late night drunk film fests… but somebody, somewhere actually thought this was a commercially viable film. Gods help us.
I thought udders on animated bulls was about as bad as it could get, but THIS? Holy jeepedup f…………
Debbi/orah: cute kid, I’d give her a squeeze, but damn, girl: Didn’t anybody teach you to read the script FIRST?
Lorenzo: Dude, you should know better by now.
Have you all seen the hulu comercials yet? Well, even THEY couldn’t have seen this snarker coming!
Amazing…..