Comments

  1. Bride of Shrek OM says

    Oh please,

    If it was a FEMALE mad scientists she’d be able to do both… whilst looking after the evil minions (ie children) and always making sure Mr Mad Scientists had freshly pressed lab coats.

  2. Bride of Shrek OM says

    I have no idea where the extra “s” is coming from at the end of Scientist. In my next life I’m not going to have a keyboard so I won’t have typos, I’m just going to have the computer wired directly into my brain.

    You all be in for some mad arsed stream of consciousness ramblings then.

  6. terrylong says

    “I’m just going to have the computer wired directly into my brain.”

    And of course you’ll have no brain farts. :)

  7. says

    Yup, one project at a time. Otherwise you may go ga-ga. That’s the way we mathematicians do it. Witness the plan of Andre Bloch:

    1. Eliminate outside sources of stress.
    2. Get to a peaceful research environment.
    3. Do research.

    Opinions on just how well he executed this may vary.

  8. says

    Well, of course, at a time, research must be focused. However, it is a good point to combine “finality aspectes” (like killing people or, event, saving them) with “technical aspects” (like reanimating dead tissue or simply keeping alive fresh tissue along all your physiological experiment). Then it’s easier to publish. Of course, truly mad scientists is not concerned on publications or reviewers. Happy them!!!

  9. Nibien says

    Oh please,

    If it was a FEMALE mad scientists she’d be able to do both… whilst looking after the evil minions (ie children) and always making sure Mr Mad Scientists had freshly pressed lab coats.

    Sexist pig.

  11. Mike Huben says

    Look, it’s a cycle.

    Killer robot.

    Reanimate the dead.

    Killer robot again.

    Repeat.

    Any systems engineer could tell you that if you don’t make a closed cycle, you’re going to have to file environmental impact statements on the sources of the inputs or the handling of the waste products.

  13. says

    Uh, wait. “Stick to either reanimating dead tissue or creating a killer robot”?

    Imagine a Christianity where the second alternative was taken and not the first.

  14. alex says

    if you’re a truly mad scientist, surely it should always be “and/or” – otherwise you’re merely an eccentric scientist.

  15. says

    “Uh, wait. “Stick to either reanimating dead tissue or creating a killer robot”?

    Imagine a Christianity where the second alternative was taken and not the first.”

    Reanimating dead tissue is for Christians only. Creating killer robots (i.e., golems) is a Jewish thing.

  16. Chris Davis says

    Amateurs…

    1) Reanimate dead tissue
    2) Create slave organism
    3) Breed slave race
    4) Get them to build killer robot
    5) Profit!

    CD

  17. gunofsod says

    Couldn’t find the quote I was after, so here’s this one:

    “Well, once again my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences. . . but the other head of science is bad! Oh beware the other head of science, Arthur, it bites!” – The Tick

    and another cuz I like it:

    “When evil’s afoot, and you don’t have any arms, you’ve got to do a little leg work. And when evil’s ahead, and you’re a little behind, you’ve got to stay hip. You’ve got to keep on your toes! You’ve got to kick a little butt” – The Tick

  18. SEF says

    That particular cyborg appears also to be in combination with a money-box or prepayment meter. Or perhaps the slot in the top of the head is the card-reader for taking new instructions. Or should that be more of a suggestion-box, because everyone’s opinions are equally valid – including those of killer zombie-robots.

  19. says

    At #18 — A vending machine cyborg?

    FOR RAMPAGE INSERT $3
    FOR MAYHEM INSERT $5
    IN CASE OF ZOMBIES INSERT BRAINS AND STRAIGHTEN ARMS, THEN CALL MAINTENANCE
    DO NOT ABUSE OR DESTROY

  20. Disciple of "Bob" says

    Duh. Killer cyborgs are orders of magnitude cooler than mere killer robots. Just ask Sarah Connor.

  24. tsg says

    Clearly he need more help. At least a couple of grant application writers. And henchmen. Lots of henchmen[1].

    [1] Okay, okay, “henchpeople”.

  25. tsg says

    You all be in for some mad arsed stream of consciousness ramblings then.

    You say that like something would be different.

  26. Epikt says

    Build the killer robot first. Then you can use it to terrorize the NSF into funding the reanimation work.

  30. Nerd of Redhead says

    Killer Robot Pirate Ninjas – the perfect henchandriods.

    Sounds like a Mythbusters episode. Grant would have a field day.

  31. Tim H says

    The obvious answer is…build a Time Machine. That would lance the boil at the root of the whole problem. You would never have to prioritize anything ever again. You could do it all. Make sure you clean up the root pus first, though.

  32. says

    Time machine? Pah! If I had one of those, I’d just use that in the kitchen!

    By cooking my steak until it was charcoal and then rewinding time by five minutes, I could get my steak exactly “five to burnt” !

  33. tsg says

    By cooking my steak until it was charcoal and then rewinding time by five minutes, I could get my steak exactly “five to burnt” !

    Oh, no. “Best way to eat steak” flame war in 3…2…1….

  36. says

    @ # 24: Henchpeople sounds kludgy. That’s why I prefer minions. As in, “The Rovian Minions supporting McCain’s campaign have. . . .” Much better than henchpeople.

  38. tsg says

    Henchpeople sounds kludgy. That’s why I prefer minions.

    Nah. “Minions” has too much of a connotation of blind servility and doesn’t convey the menace of a henchman.

  39. stogoe says

    Oh, come on. Henchpeople aren’t menacing at all – they’re the janitors of evildom. If you want to inspire dread, you have to be a miniboss at least.

    Here’s the list:

    Minions: unruly mob of fanatics.
    Henchmen: Janitors, Stockboys.
    Guards: Idiots and/or Morons.
    Miniboss: Like a Sidekick, except more beatings.

  40. tsg says

    Oh, come on. Henchpeople aren’t menacing at all – they’re the janitors of evildom.

    Right, they do the dirty work. Often because they like getting dirty.

    If you want to inspire dread, you have to be a miniboss at least.

    Ay, oh, as long as we’re throwing money around, why not just go for a couple of Grand Viziers? I just need someone to carry out my evil plans, not plot a hostile takeover as well.

  41. Donnie B. says

    SEF #18 said:

    Or perhaps the slot in the top of the head is the card-reader for taking new instructions.

    USB slot. It’s a very small killer robot. But quick.

  42. stogoe says

    A Henchman will just call the guards when your nemeses attack the base. Why not just hire all guards, then?

    Oh, yeah: they never hit their target, never call for backup, and fall for every stupid diversion in the book.

    Who can you trust these days?

  43. tsg says

    A Henchman will just call the guards when your nemeses attack the base. Why not just hire all guards, then?

    Oh, yeah: they never hit their target, never call for backup, and fall for every stupid diversion in the book.

    That’s true, of course, but nothing beats henchmen for capturing and tormenting the heroine. Those leers require a lot of practice. And they shout really well.

    Who can you trust these days?

    A necessary trait of willingness to do evil is being untrustworthy. I mean, you’re not a proper mad scientist / evil overlord unless you’re surrounded by incompetents in high positions.

  44. says

    Keep in mind that henchmen also fall down dead when you wave at them. You don’t even need to actually hit them. Minions, though, will keep coming back again and again and again. Proof? Think of Karl Rove and all of his minions (I know, unfair to take an example from reality, but I am a realist, so . . .).

    I mean, you’re not a proper mad scientist / evil overlord unless you’re surrounded by incompetents in high positions.

    So would that make George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain, and the rest of the conservative leadership of the Republican party “evil overlords” or “mad scientist?”

    I’m going with evil overlords because of the anti-science bent of modern Republicanism. After all, we’ve been following neoconservatism for almost thirty years, and we still have no killer robots or reanimated dead tissue. Well, there is McCain, but . . . .

  45. tsg says

    Keep in mind that henchmen also fall down dead when you wave at them. You don’t even need to actually hit them. Minions, though, will keep coming back again and again and again.

    I never said minions weren’t useful, just that henchmen fill a role minions can’t. Minions have to believe the Evil Plan is a Good ThingTM. Henchmen don’t and will do the Things That Must Be DoneTM.

    So would that make George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain, and the rest of the conservative leadership of the Republican party “evil overlords” or “mad scientist?”

    Oh, definitely Evil Overlords (although I would put Bush firmly at “puppet figurehead”).

  46. says

    You have a point, tsg. Minions have to be In On The Plan! while henchmen can be kept in the dark. I don’t know if minions have to believe in the plan, but they would, since they are In On The Plan! have to believe that the plan (if successful) would actually help the minion.

    I do think, however (to reinforce my previous post), that the current version of Republicanism seems to have cornered the market on your ‘incompentents in high positions.’ Heckuva Job, Brownie!

  48. SASnSA says

    I’ll need you guys to have your kids fill out this application for minionhood. Gotta get ’em when they’re young, I say.

    You’re gonna have to fight the Catholic church for priority on those child minions. They like to get them nearly at birth.