A comprehensive plan for the enhancement of sexual morality among the people


The Reverend Peter Mullin doesn’t like those darn pushy homosexuals — they must make him feel uncomfortable and all squirmy deep down inside. He wrote some amazingly stupid things about gays.

The Rev Dr Peter Mullen said in an blog that homosexuality was “clearly unnatural, a perversion and corruption of natural instincts and affections” and “a cause of fatal disease”.

He recommended that homosexual practices be discouraged “after the style of warnings on cigarette packets”.

He wrote: “Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.”

What about the heterosexual women? Everyone forgets the loving ladies in these arguments. Do they also get chin tattoos? That would be a real shame. And then there are those heterosexual couples that engage in all of the same activities that homosexuals do — why do they get a free pass from the Rev. Mullen?

He also didn’t say a thing about cunnilingus, but they never do. Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it’s just not fair. I’m beginning to think they are god’s favored people.

Let’s just simplify everything. At birth, everyone, male and female, gender preference as yet undetermined, gets two tattoos. One on their backside that says “EXIT ONLY”, with big bold pointy arrows, and one on their tongue that says “FOOD ONLY”. Since human beings are naturally obedient and incurious, these injunctions will of course be followed to the letter, and no one will ever be so rebellious as to try and see what else these body parts can do. They especially won’t be tempted by the instructions to the contrary so boldly written on their bodies.

I suppose that if people insist on being obedient, but start getting creative, we can extend the tattooing program to nostrils, armpits, earholes, hair, the bendy elbow bits, the back of the knee, toes, fingers and palms (Of course! Palms are very naughty), that very sexy curve at the nape of the neck, household pets, underwear, soles of the feet, washing machines, noses, eyelashes, feather dusters, shoes, athletic socks, belly buttons, nipples, lips, beards, showerheads, the Bible, pommel horses, horses, my little ponies, anything vaguely phallic, anything with a hole in it, skin, oh heck, everything except Tab A and Slot B. They’re all dangerous, except for the aforementioned Tab A and Slot B, which never get anyone into trouble and never cause any risk or danger when used properly, errm, I mean, naturally. And of course, when everything is labeled, and someone sees a nice silk tie prominently marked “NOT FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES”, no one will get any crazy ideas.

We should also begin a pattern of early childhood education in which the little tykes are instructed in exactly what is “natural”, and informed that they can’t do anything “unnatural”. As a textbook, I recommend Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice to All Creation(amzn/b&n/abe/pwll), which takes a very ecumenical approach to the subject. Remember, kiddies, don’t do anything a sponge louse or a duck or Acarophenax mahunkai wouldn’t do!

Rev. Mullin lacks the courage of his convictions, however; now he plays the “my best friends are gay” and “I was only joking” cards very unconvincingly.

But the rector insisted that he meant to harm: “I wrote some satirical things on my blog and anybody with an ounce of sense of humour or any understanding of the tradition of English satire would immediately assume that they’re light-hearted jokes. I certainly have nothing against homosexuals. Many of my dear friends have been and are of that persuasion. What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.”

Here’s a hint, Rev. Mullin: it’s only satire if you say the cruel things about some people with he intent of mocking the cruelty, not to promote the continued discrimination against the people.


Besides, some of the practices Rev Mullin derides may actually have some health benefits.

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Comments

  1. says

    You don’t want to know what Acarophenax mahunkai does, and as good, obedient, incurious little monkeys, none of you will try looking it up, either.

  2. says

    I once read in an editorial, the location of which eludes me, that you can look around a bachelor’s quarters and be sure that anything a penis can fit into, a penis has been inside, right down to the napkin holders. Or something like that.

  3. says

    But, but, if mouths are “exit only,” does that mean all those poisons that we should induce vomiting for should be left in the stomach of the individual to kill them?

  4. firemancarl says

    but start getting creative, we can extend the tattooing program to nostrils, armpits, earholes, hair, the bendy elbow bits, the back of the knee, toes, fingers and palms (Of course! Palms are very naughty), that very sexy curve at the nape of the neck, household pets, underwear, soles of the feet, washing machines, noses, eyelashes, feather dusters, shoes, athletic socks, belly buttons, nipples, lips, beards, showerheads, the Bible, pommel horses, horses, my little ponies, anything vaguely phallic, anything with a hole in it, skin, oh heck, everything except Tab A and Slot B.

    Great, now what will Mrs. FC and I do??

  5. Chris P says

    Aaarrrgghhh – didn’t I suggest in another thread that people should read NEW SCIENTIST!!!!

    There was an article recently on exactly what animals have poked into what and in each other for, presumably, millennia.

    These people are sooo INGNORANT as to what is “natural” it is not funny.

    Natural instinct in the animal kingdom is to do exactly all the stuff we do.

  6. Alex says

    PZ, ehemm….

    “…incurious little monkeys…”

    Don’t you mean:

    incurious little winged monkeys?

  7. Wowbagger says

    I like this mostly because I find the term ‘pommel horse’ inherently hilarious.

    And as for the Rev. Mullin – what an assclown. Falling back on the old ‘oh, if you were offended you just didn’t get the joke’ excuse? Does that work for anyone these days?

  8. says

    Can I get a hint at what Acarophenax mahunkai is before I look it up? Is it anything like any of the other Acarophenax sp.?

  9. says

    Lots of my friends are members of minority groups (some visible; others not) and they love (and immediately recognise as light-hearted) jokes in which they’re singled out as targets for concentration camp-esque policies as in the Rev Mullin’s joke.

    And if they don’t, then they should adopt a better sense of humour. I mean, it’s not like discrimination is still going on today (except by the Politically Correct Thought Police against white people.) Seriously, what’s wrong with gay people today? God, sometimes I think they’re no better than Gypsies.

  10. Cappy says

    On the not-understanding-satire-thing. He sounds like someone who would get the satire of A Modest Proposal only after he’d already acquired a taste for Irish baby.

  11. tsg says

    “I wrote some satirical things on my blog and anybody with an ounce of sense of humour or any understanding of the tradition of English satire would immediately assume that they’re light-hearted jokes. “

    Ah, yes. Ebertire. When nobody gets your satire, blame the audience.

    “I certainly have nothing against homosexuals. Many of my dear friends have been and are of that persuasion. What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.”

    Especially when it wasn’t a joke. Militant preaching of homosexuality? Is he serious? I know a lot of gays. You know what they all have in common (aside from being gay, that is)? The almost conspicuous way they don’t try to convert anyone. Just because you get a stiffy watching two gays hold hands doesn’t make it preaching, Reverend.

  12. Screechy Monkey says

    “militant preaching of homosexuality”

    Ah, I see that militant homosexuality is like militant atheism. The mere failure to apologize for one’s membership in the group makes one “militant.”

  13. says

    but start getting creative, we can extend the tattooing program to nostrils, armpits, earholes, hair, the bendy elbow bits, the back of the knee, toes, fingers and palms (Of course! Palms are very naughty), that very sexy curve at the nape of the neck, household pets, underwear, soles of the feet, washing machines, noses, eyelashes, feather dusters, shoes, athletic socks, belly buttons, nipples, lips, beards, showerheads, the Bible, pommel horses, horses, my little ponies, anything vaguely phallic, anything with a hole in it, skin, oh heck, everything except Tab A and Slot B.

    You forgot SUVs.

  14. David Marjanović, OM says

    Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it’s just not fair. I’m beginning to think they are god’s favored people.

    :-D

  15. says

    Sven @ 16, it is a mite, I’m just not sure if it does the same thing as some of the other species. I know at least one species has prenatal incestuous orgies with the females “birth” actually involving ripping the mother open. The “newborn” females are already knocked up when they are “born.”

  16. says

    What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality

    The militant preaching of homosexuality? Is this just like militant atheist preaching and the war on Christmas?

  17. JimNorth says

    Tab A into Slot B…Oh, Dear…I’ve been putting Tab A into Slot A all of these years. Have I been doing it wrong? Oh well, we still ended up with three offspring. Somehow.

  18. BMS says

    Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it’s just not fair. I’m beginning to think they are god’s favored people.

    Why yes, yes we are!

    Or would be, were there gods . . .

  19. Snark7 says

    “”EXIT ONLY”, with big bold pointy arrows, and one on their tongue that says “FOOD ONLY”. ”

    But…. this would not work! Because Christians are defecating crap AND talking crap, they couldn’t distinguish both holes!
    They would probably end up with bananas up their asses !#

    Ah well. Isn’t that why teh Lorde (praise be him) shaped the banana as it is ?

  20. Snark7 says

    “”EXIT ONLY”, with big bold pointy arrows, and one on their tongue that says “FOOD ONLY”. ”

    But…. this would not work! Because Christians are defecating crap AND talking crap, they couldn’t distinguish both holes!
    They would probably end up with bananas up their asses !#

    Ah well. Isn’t that why teh Lorde (praise be him) shaped the banana as it is ?

  21. says

    Besides, some of the practices Rev Mullin derides may actually have some health benefits.

    To steal a line from Isaac Asimov, “Do you know what the cheapest form of oral contraceptive is?”

  22. says

    What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.

    Funny, that’s exactly what most of the reality-based community has against Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jenny McCarthy and multi-level marketers.

    So I hope the good Reverend doesn’t take it personally when I tell him to sit down and shut the fuck up!

  23. Snark7 says

    “”EXIT ONLY”, with big bold pointy arrows, and one on their tongue that says “FOOD ONLY”. ”

    But…. this would not work! Because Christians are defecating crap AND talking crap, they couldn’t distinguish both holes!
    They would probably end up with bananas up their asses !#

    Ah well. Isn’t that why teh Lorde (praise be him) shaped the banana as it is ?

  24. says

    To be honest, I hope more and more insane comments like this from the clergy are forthcoming and given wide publicity, as it shows them all up for the idiots they are. They are damaging their own credibility day by day with these absurd proclamations, from humble vicar right up to the poop himself (typing error which I’m not going to correct).

    Let’s give them as much rope as they want to hang themselves with, then sit back and watch their absurd bronze age myths collapse around them. I want to be alive to witness the last stone from the last church as it falls on the last loud-mouth bigoted priest!

  25. Terry says

    I remember in the early days of the AIDS crisis when ministers were talking about AIDS as God’s curse.

    All I could conclude is that God’s chosen people must be Seventh-Day Adventist Lesbians.

    (For the irony and humor impaired — figure out the AIDS transmission routes)

  26. Inky says

    I’ve met militant Christian preachers, but never ever on any college campus, NYC, or anywhere else have I ever, EVER met a preacher of homosexuality, militant or otherwise.

    Where does Rev Muller hang out?

  27. ggab says

    Easy guys. Cut him some slack.
    Didn’t he say something like some of his best friends are god hating cocksucking heathen faggots?
    Well that’s the way it sounded to me anyway.

    At least he’s got the usual title of reverend.
    Makes it easy to identify them when the revolution comes.
    I’d like to line them against the wall and have them all sodomized by Gigantic black drag queens.
    Of course that’s just a “lighthearted joke”.
    Kisses reverend.

  28. says

    ggab@36
    Why gigantic black drag queens? Lesbians have far more parts options, I mean, they have interchangeable parts, you can equip them for any job….

  29. XiangYun says

    According to the Guardian’s article, the good reverend seems to have a bit of form in the “satire” stakes:

    ‘In a previous posting Mullen anticipated an “agreeable carnage” at the start of the annual Hajj, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca.

    “They usually manage to stampede and slaughter quite a few hundred of their co-religionists. Just imagine for a moment what a field day the BBC and the leftwing press in England would have if anything even remotely as bad as that happened in Vatican Square at Christmas or Easter.”‘

    What a pleasant fellow.

  30. Muffin says

    What a disgusting coward. It’s bad enough that he’s a sick, homophobic hate preacher, of course, but he’s not even honest about it – he hasn’t even got the spine to stand up and say “yeah, this is what I am”.

  31. says

    All I could conclude is that God’s chosen people must be Seventh-Day Adventist Lesbians.

    (For the irony and humor impaired — figure out the AIDS transmission routes)

    AIDS is spread via shellfish and working on Saturdays?

  32. Escuerd says

    I certainly have nothing against homosexualsWhat I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.”

    Does not compute.

  33. David Marjanović, OM says

    All I could conclude is that God’s chosen people must be Seventh-Day Adventist Lesbians.

    (For the irony and humor impaired — figure out the AIDS transmission routes)

    Not being familiar with Seventh-Day Adventists, I can’t. Please help me out.

  34. ggab says

    Jared
    “Why gigantic black drag queens? Lesbians have far more parts options, I mean, they have interchangeable parts, you can equip them for any job….”

    After the revolution, the lesbians and their “parts” will be otherwise engaged.
    Remember, it’s not important whether or not they find the prostate, as long as the search is… vigorous.

  35. Janine ID AKA The Lone Drinker says

    I have a metal plate and seven screws in my right wrist. Ain’t nothing natural about that.

  36. says

    Conor H. @ #2:

    Great Jabbering Jehosaphat! Now I’ll never get anything done around the house without a blindfold.

    In the fine old Pharyngula tradition of interjecting polls that need godless attention, I just ran across this poll on the accuracy of the bible. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11656508/
    At the moment, “Every detail is literally true,” is ahead.

  37. Qwerty says

    I’ve seen enough tatoos on gay men to make me believe that some would willingly get these tatoos.

    Perhaps heterosexuals should get these tatoos also as they are not immune to sexually transmitted diseases.

    Bleah, enough talk about tatoos. I find most of them to be as repulsive as this idiot, the Rev Dr Peter Mullen. (Is he a real doctor or does he just have a doctorate?) Perhaps someone should tatoo the word “pinhead” on his forehead.

  38. says

    but I suppose, according to him, “militant preaching of christianity” doesn’t exist…

    Of course not, his is the truth; the way; the light. Anyone who says otherwise is being militant because they are trying to diminish the truth…

  39. Matt7895 says

    It’s a bit weird how ‘sodomy’, or as us sane people call it, anal sex, is always interpreted by the religious zealots as being homosexual-only.

  40. says

    My university was very anti-hetero. It had to be, what with the dorm set-up. All guy or all girl rooms. One of my suite-mates actually switched rooms so she could sleep with her girlfriend. I remember being both amused and annoyed by that. No equal rights for the hetero students in the dorms. Shameful. Truly shameful.

  41. woozy says

    He recommended that homosexual practices be discouraged “after the style of warnings on cigarette packets”.

    So, I read this and like the self-important little poster I am I imediately thought up with the most hilarious satirical response! I’m just dying to finish scanning so I can post my scathingly funny statirical idea so everyone will laugh and think how utterly brilliant I am for coming up with the most bizaar and utterly unthinkable suggestion that not even the most insane nutter could come up with.

    Then I read the next sentence.

    He wrote: “Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.”

    Dammit!!!!!

    Um, I know! We can pass a constitutional ammendment defining marriage just so they can’t do it? … oh …. Dammit!

    Friggin’ nutjobs. Satire has always been hard but at least it used to be possible

  42. says

    “Militant preaching of homosexuality”? Really?

    Are they planning on making it compulsory or something?

    Do they go round knocking on doors and handing out leaflets?

    No they don’t, Rev. Mullen, but I know some people with ideas more akin to yours who most certainly do.

  43. woozy says

    Dammit. The preview window uses another style sheet so bolds are indestinguishable. Hence I didn’t catch my runaway bold.
    ====
    Heterosexuals may also like sodomy and fellatio but they don’t have to do it. That makes it okay, you see. So when straight guys hang around and screw each other, and donkeys, and pumpkins, they aren’t perverts because the don’t have to screw other straight guys, donkeys, and pumpkins, they only do it because the want to and that’s okay. But gay guys, they have to screw other guys. Otherwise they wouldn’t be gay guys. They’d just be straight guys who screw other men and we wouldn’t have any perverts to beat up. That makes sense doesn’t it.?

    What? You mean there are straight guys who involve women and not other guys in that stuff!!! Why that’s horrible getting innocent women involved in such filth! Virtuous women shouldn’t even know these things exist. In fact a truly compassionate straight man shouldn’t even subject a truly decent woman to even straightforward normal sex! A truly compassionate hetero-sexual man should only sleep with other men ’cause only men should actually enjoy it. Except they should never have sex with those disgusting perverted gay men– They enjoy sex. Or they don’t. Or they admit they do it. Whatever the bad thing is, that’s what they do.

  44. Qwerty says

    Matt7895 said “It’s a bit weird how ‘sodomy’, or as us sane people call it, anal sex, is always interpreted by the religious zealots as being homosexual-only. ”

    Perhaps Matel should make a doll called “Backdoor Barbie.”

  45. Anonymous says

    “a nice silk tie prominently marked “NOT FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES””

    … I’d wear that to work.

  46. woodstein312 says

    Hmmm… I can think of at least one other person who wanted to change society with forced tattooing. Can anybody guess who that might be?
    Cheap shot? Well, I don’t think so.

  47. says

    “Natural instinct in the animal kingdom is to do exactly all the stuff we do.”

    Chris P, that’s a bad thing though.

  48. Hypatia says

    Preaching? I don’t preach homosexuality, honey; I practice it.
    (And it takes lots of practice.)

  49. herr doktor bimler says

    Posted by: Jared | October 6, 2008 7:56 PM
    MILITANT HOMOSEXUALS!

    That would be the Return of the Pink Panzer.

  50. Clemens says

    I’m not familiar with the exact legal situation in the US, but if someone would actually found a church that allows same-sex marriages, would it then be religious persecution if the state does not allow it as well? Because… persecution on grounds of your sexuality still seems to be okay, so you better make it persecution on grounds of religion.

  51. Dust says

    PZ opined: Remember, kiddies, don’t do anything a sponge louse or a duck or Acarophenax mahunkai wouldn’t do!

    Hey, I was waling in the pasture once and saw some three way duck action–two drakes on one hen. I run them off though ’cause they had the hen trapped in a ditch and they were so excited they very well might have drowned her.

    Guess that little hen duck needed her own tattoo: One at a time please! ;)

  52. alex says

    look at the magnificently camp photo of The Reverend on the Telegraph page.
    repress much, Reverend?

  53. deang says

    The reverend also doesn’t seem to be aware that there are gay males who don’t engage in anal sex, who find it unappealing and unpleasant.

  54. says

    SDAs definitely do (in their hospitals, for instance) blood transfusions. More close to myself, my SDA dad did blood transfusions. I gave blood at an SDA college, which I went to (family pressure, etc.) despite giving up religion at around age 16.

    The sign is great, but don’t count on it being authentic. There have been signs on that line that were faked (see New Scientist in past issues, second to last page), and I doubt that any such photos have truly been authenticated.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  55. says

    The reverend also doesn’t seem to be aware that there are gay males who don’t engage in anal sex, who find it unappealing and unpleasant.

    He probably knows that but assumes they are the ones that eat babies.

  56. firemancarl says

    Well, i’m straight and I have BDGF ( Back Door Girl Friend ). See, I am so totally not perverted! ;-)

  57. genesgalore says

    the sign is a classic. and anybody got any idea on how to get rid the the warts with hair on my right palm????

  58. genesgalore says

    the sign is a classic. and anybody got any idea on how to get rid the the warts with hair on my right palm????

  59. says

    “Here’s something you’ll never hear a man say…’Stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police!'”

    –George Carlin

    PZ, this might be the finest piece you’ve written since Planet of the Hats.

  60. ggab says

    I like the Idea of tatooed bottoms.
    Can we do a skeeball point system?
    If I’m going to fire my seed missiles at someones hind quarters, it’d be cool to feel like I could win a prize.

  61. Tex says

    He also didn’t say a thing about cunnilingus, but they never do. Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it’s just not fair.

    Sorry, y’all. I didn’t know you had to be a lesbian to do this. I’ll try to stop, now that the rules been explained to me. But it is not really my fault. I guess I am just a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

  62. Jeanette says

    It always creeps me out how much time these preacher types have to think about sex. It reminds me of guys who spend all their nights waiting in line outside porno theaters to get into those little jack-off booths inside.

    Every time I hear the term “militant homosexuals” I think of myriad little queens with AK-47s strapped across their chests, marching down the streets in pumps. Clicky-clicky-clicky.

    Snark7 (#25, 27, &31), I guess that was worth saying more than once. Reminds me of that video explaining how god must have designed the (modern, genetically-engineered-by-humans) banana to suit our needs. Someone should tell those guys that their video would be more convincing if they’d add that on there. Or somebody should do a butt-banana spoof of that video.

  63. nails says

    lesbians only get a pass if they are feminine. the hatred of gay people stems from gender roles being challenged.

  64. Teh Merkin says

    Hmmm… I can think of at least one other person who wanted to change society with forced tattooing. Can anybody guess who that might be?

    You must be thinking of that intellectual and moral giant, Chuck Norris.

  65. Spinoza says

    The upshot of labelling people’s mouth’s at birth “Food Only” would be that idiots (the majority of the human race, unfortunately…) wouldn’t open their mouths and remove all doubt.

  66. ctrlaltdelete religion (not responding) says

    The Rev Dr Peter Mullen, who is rector of St Michael’s Cornhill hole…

    Fixed.

  67. says

    look at the magnificently camp photo of The Reverend on the Telegraph page.
    repress much, Reverend?

    If he does have a secret habit of frequenting gay clubs, he’s probably, ahem, queered it now. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that his picture is even now being circulated at UK gay bars.

  68. scooter says

    The Palin women aren’t unusual, just another Republican political family that loves having sex with men, they just happen to be women.

    So far, their horniness is the only redeeming value I can pick up on, it’s the only thing that doesn’t scare me.

  69. says

    Hey I know – why don’t I write a piece that says all religious people should have to wear a special badge to show they believe in nonsense, nothing too bad, maybe a yellow star on their left breast or something like that. And when people quite rightly takes offense I’ll just claim I was being satirical.

  70. Dahan says

    Man, sometimes I wish I was gay just so I could piss off the far right even more. Oh well, maybe next life… oh yeah, guess that won’t work either.
    OK. Sorry to put all this pressure on ya, but I guess the hard work is left up to you homosexuals again. Go out and get some in the name of us straight folk!

  71. says

    I’m sick of the word ‘militant’. I see it more often used for atheists (and occasionally cyclists), but it’s funny how it always comes from the religious, one of the few groups that actually has militants. Y’know, with guns and stuff.

  72. WhenDanSaysJump says

    Dahan @ 101 : What do you mean, you wish you were gay?

    Are you somehow suggesting that sexuality is inherent rather than a “lifestyle choice”? Pfft, says I! Why, that’s the most ridiculous ridiculuousness I ever did hear! ;-)

  73. Ichthyic says

    but it’s funny how it always comes from the religious, one of the few groups that actually has militants

    Projection is their preferred mode of communicating.

  74. Ichthyic says

    You don’t want to know what Acarophenax mahunkai does, and as good, obedient, incurious little monkeys, none of you will try looking it up, either.

    because then we would discover that these mites have found a version of Islamic paradise?

    one male, and many many virgin females.

    well, so long as you don’t mind that they’re all your sisters, anyway.

  75. says

    @104 – “Please tell me that the pink tank isn’t a photoshop job…”

    The things you learn from Google, apparently it’s not a tank but a self propelled gun (i.e. it doesn’t have the armor and can be driven on tarmacked roads), but to answer your question this is an Abbot self propelled gun and if this is the same one I’m thinking of (how many can there be FFS?) it is/was most definitely pink, it was parked by a complete loon not 10 mins walk from me. He was in constant battle with the local council and used to drive it during rush hour to annoy everyone and then it would conveniently break down…

    He’s been gone for years now though, he also used to have a huge marlin sticking out the roof of his house.

  76. Ian says

    “and one on their tongue that says “FOOD ONLY”. ”

    Isn’t sperm technically food, PZ?

  77. DiscoveredJoys says

    Shouldn’t that be “FOOD AND JESUS CRACKERS ONLY”, at least for those that believe in such things?

    Or better still dispense with all the tattoos except for “THINK!” on the forehead.

  78. Azkyroth says

    because then we would discover that these mites have found a version of Islamic paradise?

    one male, and many many virgin females.

    well, so long as you don’t mind that they’re all your sisters, anyway.

    Most of the fundy-types shouldn’t; especially since in the environment where this occurs, there’s no room for them to run away.

  79. says

    Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it’s just not fair. I’m beginning to think they are god’s favored people.

    Quote the Virgin Mary from Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, “Oh, God loves them. They get so much done in a day, don’t you think?”

  80. secularguy says

    PZ,
    why do you use the honorific “the Reverend” (which is not a title) when referring to Mullen?
    How is he worthy of reverence?

  81. embertine says

    Of course lesbians get a free pass. Everyone knows that women have no active sexuality, we are just the passive receptacles of man’s incontrollable lust. In the absence of any men, women just hold hands and talk about kittens. Honestly.

    As a little aside, I know someone who has the Elvish for “Speak, friend, and Enter” tattooed on their ass.

  82. Ticktockman says

    I’d be perfectly happy to take the Reverend at his word if he simply tattooed “I have nothing against homosexuals” on his forehead. That way, everyone knows he’s just a kidder.

    -TTm

  83. embertine says

    Of course lesbians get a free pass. Everyone knows that women have no active sexuality, we are just the passive receptacles of man’s uncontrollable lust. In the absence of any men, women just hold hands and talk about kittens. Honestly.

    As a little aside, I know someone who has the Elvish for “Speak, friend, and Enter” tattooed on their ass.

  84. Moggie says

    #116:

    The guy certainly doesn’t deserve reverence, but using the usual form of address when reporting his misdeeds emphasises that this isn’t just some random nutter shouting on a street corner: he’s an Anglican priest, a trained and uniformed representative of a church which claims to provide moral guidance.

  85. Tulse says

    I know someone who has the Elvish for “Speak, friend, and Enter” tattooed on their ass.

    Wow. That is just so…geekily perverse?…perversely geeky?…awesome?…

  86. frog says

    El Herring: Let’s give them as much rope as they want to hang themselves with, then sit back and watch their absurd bronze age myths collapse around them.

    See, this is what y’all just don’t get. These myths work precisely because they are absurd.

    It’s not much of a loyalty oath if it’s rational, is it? But an absurd statement makes a perfect loyalty oath — leading to strong social solidarity, leading to a strong community, leading to lots of little serfs willing to strap bombs to their chests (or jump the ditch and take a bullet, or go to the polls and vote for a candidate who announces he will impoverish them, or willing to press the nuclear button to destroy the earth, ….), leading to “Winning!”

  87. Sili says

    The reverend also doesn’t seem to be aware that there are gay males who don’t engage in anal sex, who find it unappealing and unpleasant.
    Posted by: deang | October 6, 2008 9:19 PM

    Indeed. From what I recall of the two page spread interview with my (distant distant) relation Helmer Fogedgaard, prominent Danish gay-rights activist, coiner of the term “homophile”, he only engaged in mutual masturbation.

    (Okay, so I just wanted to brag. Took me an afternoon to confirm that it wasn’t just a coïncidence of naming.)

  88. Iain says

    I have to wonder: do people who complain about “unnatural acts” do so whilst sitting stark bollock naked in a cave, eating their food raw?

  89. One-Day says

    Another item to tattoo, but this might be difficult: the water jets in swimming pools.

  90. One-Day says

    Another item to tattoo, but this might be difficult: the water jets in swimming pools.

  91. One-Day says

    Another item to tattoo, but this might be difficult: the water jets in swimming pools.