Astonishing pusillanimity


This has to be seen to believed. John Conyers asks John Yoo a simple question: “Is there anything the president could not order be done to a suspect?” He can’t give a straight answer. So Conyers reduces it to a simple hypothetical: “Could the president order a suspect to be buried alive?” He still can’t answer! It’s a yes or no question!

What can be done in the face of such a disgusting evasion of simple decency from the Bush administration? Not much, but laugh.

Gary Farber has invented a game, “Stump the Yoo”. Go ahead, think of some outrage you would propose as a hypothetical to John You, just to see him squirm.

Gary suggests, “Can the president order the arms of a suspect eaten by wolves while still attached?

How about, “Can the president order a suspect to be impaled for his lunchtime entertainment?

Or perhaps, “Can the president order a suspect to be repeatedly drowned to the point of suffocation?

Your turn. Can you think of a question that would get John Yoo to say simply, “No, the president cannot order that”?

Comments

  1. Nix says

    Could the president order a president to be buried alive? That depends which other country this other president was the president of. If he was the president of, say, a country the US had just invaded, then sure.

    (Going by past history, anyway.)

  2. Crudely Wrott says

    Can a president order a person to never get a straight, thoughtful and honest answer that goes to the very hearts of all questions that person might ever ask?

  3. says

    PZ is that your example: “Can a president order a president buried alive?” Himself, or his Dad, or maybe Clinton or Carter?
    Oh the imagery.
    Can a president order a suspect’s knees raked with a cheese-grater, then have him dragged around the shark tank at Sea World?

  4. Patricia says

    Can the President order me to get pregnant, and not have an abortion?
    Can the President throw me in prison and torture me if I won’t believe in his god?
    Don’t get me started PZ I can turn grown men into piddling puppies with my haraden behavior over the prez…grrr!

  5. Pablo says

    Recall that Yoo got put on the spot sometime back by a constitutional scholar from Notre Dame who asked him if the president could order that an enemy’s son have his testicals crushed, and Yoo said he could.

    The reason Yoo is hedging here is because he knows he will be skewered if he gives what he thinks the answer is, because it is YES to all of the above.

  6. Randomfactor says

    The real question is whether Yoo believes the President could do all these things not to a hypothetical “enemy combatant,” but to a citizen of the United States.

    I’ll bet the answer to that is “yes,” but we won’t get it.

  7. says

    Can the president order that an immovable object be made?

    Can the president order the sun to stop shining?

    Well really, why not ask those questions? Yoo seems to model the president on the same thing the Bible models its god upon, the eastern despot who is responsible for inanimate nature, as well as humanity.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  8. Ichthyic says

    Gary suggests, “Can the president order the arms of a suspect eaten by wolves while still attached?”

    of course!

    didn’t SCOTUS just state that all citizens have the right to bare arms?

    The president has as much right as any citizen to bare arms, regardless of the circumstances of their, uh, “liberation”…

    (you may now smack me with a rolled-up newspaper)

  9. Longtime Lurker says

    Yoo would be more at home with a Mugabe-style strongman than a democratically elected Presnit. It is truly terrifying to see exactly what sort of individuals were given positions in the Bush regime (the Liberty University grads in the DoJ come to mind).

    And to think, we’re not out of the soup yet!

  10. Corey says

    Just what we need more of in politics- grandstanding in Congress and serious questions boiled down to simple “yes” or “no” answers.

    Woo’s evasion of the question isn’t commendable, but Mr. Conyers doesn’t exactly acquit himself well either.

  11. Duvenoy says

    Could the president order you, Mr. Yoo, to be renditioned to Saudi Arabia to be interrogated, then decapitated? And if not, why not?

    doov

  12. says

    Can the president order John Yoo to declare that the “enhanced interrogation techiques” were indeed torture?

    (From someone whose first name is Yoo, not John Yoo.)

  13. BMatthews says

    George W playing along:
    “Can the President order a thin crust pizza? no seriously….i’m hungerly. he he he”

  14. co says

    Note that the second question Conyers asks is “Can the President order a *suspect* to be buried alive,” not “[…] a president to be buried alive.”

  15. JoJo says

    Just what we need more of in politics- grandstanding in Congress and serious questions boiled down to simple “yes” or “no” answers.

    Torture is illegal under both U.S. and international law. But Yoo wouldn’t commit to that. So Conyers, quite reasonably, was trying find out where Yoo would draw the line. It wasn’t grandstanding, it was trying to stop stonewalling.

    Woo’s evasion of the question isn’t commendable, but Mr. Conyers doesn’t exactly acquit himself well either.

    Yoo has gone on record previously as supporting torture of a suspect’s family members. Such despicable opinions, especially from a senior Justice Department official, should be exposed as widely as possible.

  16. BobbyEarle says

    Can the president order me to burn out my eyes with a soldering iron, then make me take a DMV eye test?

  17. R Hampton says

    Could the President make you, John Yoo, answer my questions with a simple “Yes” or “No” response?

  18. Rahne says

    Could the president order a cattle prod to be shoved into a suspect’s anus and then turned on?

    Could the president order that the suspect explode in a shower of rainbows, polka dots, and Care Bear plushies?

    Could the president order that the suspect must travel in time to save Lincoln?

    Could the president order giant ants to consume the suspect alive while the suspect sings the national anthem?

    Could the president order that the suspect solve pi to infinity?

  19. silentsanta says

    Corey @ 11

    There is a place for direct yes/no questioning; when people repeatedly refuse to address the issue or the obvious consequences of their positions.
    I agree that oversimplifications are juvenile and unhelpful in many circumstances, but do you really believe that is what is happening in this context? John Yoo isn’t defending a complicated, nuanced, considered position that requires education and investigation to understand. He’s simply being a yes-man to an administration that has used fear and misinformation to deprive citizens of their human rights while lining their own pockets with the proceeds of an illegal war.

    My submission: Could the president order a suspect to be grated into a powder and sprinkled on his toast?

  20. Jeph says

    All of these commands make me think of the “Preacher,” comics by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon. Humper-dumper-di-do!

  21. Holbach says

    Can the president bring down the god he is always mentioning to in his speeches?

  22. Helioprogenus says

    Can the President order anybody in congress openly religious to prove the existance of their deity?

    Can he order Congress to reduce their pay to the income level of the average middle class American?

    Can he order the Federal Reserve to be directly accountable to the American people?

    Can he order any of the members of the three branches of government to pass a simple high school science exam?

  23. SiMPel MYnd says

    Q: Can the president order all the books he has read (both of them) in alphabetical order?

    A: No, the president cannot order that.

  24. joeschmo says

    Can the president order the new Batman movie to come out a week early? That would be a good order.

  25. Dave Lockwood says

    I am certain that every Cal student, graduate and faculty are proud to know that a person of this moral character functions at their wonderful school. What a waste of protoplasm!

  26. Holbach says

    Ha! this is getting to be a farce! Should we spend all night with this? We can run through the gamet of all sorts of possibilities! Can the president mutter in his sleep, “Can the president…snore”

  27. Rey Fox says

    Can the president order a suspect to listen to the full Michael Bolton discography?

    Can the president order a suspect to eat a booger sandwich?

    Can the president order a suspect to give a human sexuality class to Rick Santorum?

  28. Amplexus says

    Subcommittee transcript:

    Representative Amplexus (D-MN)

    Could a president legally crack open a suspect’s skull and spoon feed the suspect’s brain tissue to him?

    Could a president fart loudly in a cabinet meeting and blame it on a terrorist plot to release toxic gas?

    Could a president order gay sex on the down-low and still be masculine?

    Could the president order his dog barney to be neutered for soiling a rug in the oval office?

    May a president eat only the marshmellows out of a box of lucky charms?

    Can John Yoo answer a question without replying?

    Thank you chairman it looks like im out of time

  29. ChrisKG says

    Can the president order someone to spend a week with Ken “Wackaloon” Ham?

    I’d sooner kill myself.

  30. Amplexus says

    Can the president order a acetone and pumice enema to prevent a terrorist attack?

    Could the president order a suspect to subsist only on sweetener-free brownies while a 24hour loop of the 2 girls one cup video plays endlessly at full volume to gain human intelligence?

    Could the president force a detainee to wear an asbestos bodysuit while guards pout molten iron right on his testicles?

  31. says

    And this guy is a law professor. It’s kind of like Ken Ham bragging that he used to teach science.

    Yoo has no moral center at all. He is a puppet, mouthing lines that he hopes will protect other amoral people from the consequences of their actions.

  32. Amplexus says

    @#38 More than that, people like Yoo have given the terrorists a propaganda victory that is in a sense giving aid to the enemies of the United States. Ergo: Yoo is guilty of treason.

  33. Skwee says

    Can the Preesident order a detainee to Goatse himself?*

    *If you don’t know, check Wikipedia & Urbandictionary first. Your eyes, mind, body, & soul will thank you.

  34. Feynmaniac says

    Can the president have a man tied up, doused in barbeque sauce, and thrown on top of an ant hill if that man went on a date with his daughter, said he would call her back, and never ended up doing so?

  35. Sophist FCD says

    Just what we need more of in politics- grandstanding in Congress and serious questions boiled down to simple “yes” or “no” answers.

    Woo’s evasion of the question isn’t commendable, but Mr. Conyers doesn’t exactly acquit himself well either.

    Bullshit. The reason that serious questions have been boiled down thusly is that Yoo and his ilk have dissembled, prevaricated, and in general failed to provide good faith answers when those questions are asked. And even when the question is simplified to the point where a two-year-old ought to be able to provide a satisfactory response, they still won’t give a straight answer. If your looking for someone to blame for the situation, there they fucking are.

    I mean, lets be serious here. If someone representing the president of the United States doesn’t reply to the question of whether the president can have a person buried alive with “of course not, are you insane?” then there is something seriously wrong, and it is not the questioner.

    How the fuck can you not see this?

  36. Charlie Foxtrot says

    Can the President order ALL the citizens of a foreign country to join arms and sing the “We Both Reached for the Gun” number from ‘Chicago’?
    With an encore?

    hmmm….
    Can I watch?

  37. Feynmaniac says

    Can the president have a man’s children ground to beef and make him eat it?

    Can the president have a really long garden hose shoved up a man’s anus, up threw the intestines, come out of his mouth and use that garden house to water the lawn of the White House?

    Can a president have a man’s hands removed and surgically replaced with the tentacles of an octopus just to see what would happen?

    Can the president put the American people and the rest of the world threw 8 excruciating years of nothing but corruption, war, torture, stupidity, and utter incompetence and still be able to look himself in the mirror without drenching himself in gasoline and liting a match?

  38. Jon H says

    Conyers should have framed the questions to be specifically in reference to Yoo himself.

    Could the President lawfully order that John Yoo’s nuts be crushed in a garlic press?

  39. Moses says

    I mean, lets be serious here. If someone representing the president of the United States doesn’t reply to the question of whether the president can have a person buried alive with “of course not, are you insane?” then there is something seriously wrong, and it is not the questioner.

    How the fuck can you not see this?

    Posted by: Sophist FCD | July 1, 2008 9:59 PM

    Well said.

  40. truth machine says

    Just what we need more of in politics- grandstanding in Congress and serious questions boiled down to simple “yes” or “no” answers.

    Woo’s evasion of the question isn’t commendable, but Mr. Conyers doesn’t exactly acquit himself well either.

    It is you who is not acquitting yourself well by absurdly equating asking a yes/no question to “grandstanding”. In the history of this republic, thousands upon thousands of yes/no questions have been asked of witnesses appearing before Congress … were those all examples of “grandstanding”? I’m at a loss as to how a person of any intelligence could make your charge, or expect any intelligent person to think it makes sense. And your notion of “boiling down” is foolish nonsense — Conyers asked many questions trying to determine the shape of this administration’s theory of presidential power; it isn’t Conyers who isolated that question or posted it here for you to make your transparently ridiculous comments about it; nor is it Conyers who trampled the Constitution, making these hearings necessary. The boiling down is that Yoo’s response to this question illustrates well, as Conyers said, the games being played. And that this is so bleeding obvious indicates that you too, are playing a game.

  41. Dick Chaney says

    Can the President order a plausibly deniable fake terrorist attack somewhere in America and then use that as an excuse to invoke martial law and cancel the November election?

    Can the President remain in power indefinitely if martial law is declared and not revoked?

    Can the President appoint the Vice President as Acting President for an indefinite period of time during a period of martial law?

  42. wk says

    Tangentially, reminds me of the immortal FafBlog:

    A Taste:
    Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?

    A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president. If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill, then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law. And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

    Q. See it’s the checks and balances that make all the difference in our democratic system.

    A. It’s true.

  43. arghous says

    Conyers: Can the president order someone to take a required physical examination to avoid being grounded after being detailed to Alabama for a year from the Texas Air National Guard?

    Yoo: Well, duh, no!

  44. mds says

    Can the President order Snake Pliskin to be coerced into sneaking into Los Angeles, now turned into a penal colony, to retrieve the remote control unit for a set of military satellites, right now in the hands of a terrorist and the President’s daughter?

  45. Ichthyic says

    even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

    O.o

    would he have to cut himself into thirds in order to do so?

    oh wait…

    “Can the president override himself with a two-thirds vote if he partitions himself into three pieces with say, a chainsaw?”

  46. Amplexus says

    Now for your entertainment: John Yoo answers the questions of the ages!

    What happens when an irresistible force collide with a unmovable object?

    I’m sorry but I can’t comment on an ongoing investigation.

    What is the meaning of life?

    I can’t recall from that meeting.

    How many times must the cannon balls fly, before they’re for-ever banned?

    I’ll have to refer you to my colleague Mr.Wind and his report On the blowin’ of answers

    What weights more: an ounce of lead or an ounce of silver?

    Well you see we’re getting into a legal gray area here… Lead is measured in English ounces and Silver in Troy ounces… I’m afraid I don’t know enough to answer that question…

    Have you stopped beating your wife

    Not until she stops deserving it…

    What’s the difference between a duck?

    I’m afraid i’m not qualified to make judgements on the taxonomy of avians..

  47. amk says

    I like Conyers, something I can’t say of many politicians. I’d suggest he could be a VP candidate… but, as unpleasant as it is to ask, would an all black ticket be electable in the US today?

    truth machine, while you’re here, have you considered writing your own blog?

  48. says

    Thanks muchly, P.Z. Good to see this stuff get publicized. Loved your suggestions.

    Minor wordo in your post: “Could the president order a president to be buried alive?”

    That’s “order a suspect to be….”

    Ah, I see the commenters have made lunch of that. :-)

    I’ve just added to my post, as an addendum, YouTube audio of John You agreeing tha the President can order the crushing of the testicles of a suspect’s children, and a transcript, and my comments from last year on this, which I made at Obsidian Wings, so if anyone wants to hear and read that, too, go check it out again. :-)

  49. truth machine says

    Could the President lawfully order that John Yoo’s nuts be crushed in a garlic press?

    Yoo’s (non) answer would be the same … that he can’t envision the President needing to do so, neither confirming nor denying under oath that the Bush administration’s view is that there are no Constitutional limits on the President’s power. Although I’m not clear why he bothers, since the administration is operating under that view, which includes refusing to prosecute contempt of Congress, and Congress refuses execute its own power to have the Sergeant-at-arms seize those who are in contempt.

  50. Ichthyic says

    Although I’m not clear why he bothers, since the administration is operating under that view

    hmm, last year, didn’t Cheney essentially define himself as “above” any label of administration or congressional representative one could apply to him, in refusing to fork over various legal documents?

    do you remember what his exact argument was again?

    I recall it having raised a few eyebrows at the time.

  51. marc buhler says

    Could the president order John Yoo (and everyone else in America – nay – in the world) to accept Evolution and disavow “god”?

  52. Smurch says

    Can the President part his hair behind?
    Can the President dare to eat a peach?
    Can the President wear white flannel trousers, and walk along the beach?

    This is fun.

    Myself, I’d prefer the President, and John Yoo, “etherised upon a table….”

  53. truth machine says

    truth machine, while you’re here, have you considered writing your own blog?

    My view right is now is that I don’t think it is necessary to order me to write my own blog.

  54. truth machine says

    do you remember what his exact argument was again?

    He argued that, as President of the Senate, he was not part of the executive branch.

  55. truth machine says

    because they have both legislative and executive functions

    False dichotomies are the bread and butter of sleazy politicians, but rarely are they employed so brazenly. Even Cheney’s de facto agents in the media had trouble keeping straight faces.

  56. Autumn says

    Q.Could the President read and understand any of the Constitution of the United States?

  57. stogoe says

    Sweet merciful fuck, Conyers, can we get on with the Inherent Contempt already? You can put him in jail for contempt of congress, and you can bypass the infected DoJ to do it.

    What are you waiting for?

    FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!

  58. OctoberMermaid says

    Hey, I’ve got one!

    Can the president spin a man in a desk chair until he vomits enough to fill a small tub, then drown the man in his vomit?

  59. Ichthyic says

    What are you waiting for?

    I keep thinking that our older representatives are recalling Nixon and Clinton, the Iran-Contra affair, and others, and thinking it would be better NOT to open that can of worms again. Moreover, they likely are pressuring other congress critters not to do so as well, in the false belief that avoiding the pursuit of criminal proceedings would somehow be “better for the country” (or at least, themselves).

    If that’s really the reasoning behind things like this, and Pelosi’s tabling of even discussing impeachment, it’s most certainly backfiring on them.

    the only group that has as low a rating as the current administration is Congress itself, last I checked.

    Time for a fire sale.

  60. truth machine says

    From Ichthyic’s link

    It was David Addington.

    In fact, when considering the numerous evils of this administration streaming out of the the VP’s office, that statement almost always applies. Addington is the least visible yet among the most culpable of these villains. Compared to him, Yoo is the model of straightforwardness and respect for Congress: Just a few days ago, Addington explained that he could not answer questions because al Qaeda may be watching C-SPAN:

    http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/06/26/david-addington-i-cant-talk-about-torture-because-al-qaeda-may-be-watching-cspan/

    This may seem amusing, but the facts about Addington are not — torture, Plame, secrecy, unitary executive, you name it and Addington is in the thick of it.

  61. Azkyroth says

    Just what we need more of in politics- grandstanding in Congress and serious questions boiled down to simple “yes” or “no” answers.

    Woo’s evasion of the question isn’t commendable, but Mr. Conyers doesn’t exactly acquit himself well either.

    Can the president order a concern troll spit-roasted alive?

    Also:

    Wait a minute. This can’t be right… ;)

  62. Amplexus says

    hmm, last year, didn’t Cheney essentially define himself as “above” any label of administration or congressional representative one could apply to him, in refusing to fork over various legal documents?

    do you remember what his exact argument was again?

    His argument was that the vice president is not constitutionally a member of the executive branch and instead is a congressional tie breaker.
    ——————-
    The weird thing is that I agree the Vice president is not executive at least as set out in the constitution. Al Gore functioned as sort of a surrogate chief of staff to Bill Clinton which is actually not the role as written in the constitution.

    The problem then is in the view of the VP as a political appointee Cheney is outside of executive privilege( Executive privilege is actually not consititutional itself it was something that nixon pulled out of his ass when watergate was bearing down on him.)

    By all legal standards the only thing keeping Bush in office is how liberals are not the types to lead a legislative overthrow of bush.

  63. truth machine says

    the only group that has as low a rating as the current administration is Congress itself, last I checked.

    However, when you break it down, it turns out that it’s largely the Republicans in Congress who are dragging those numbers down, and the huge losses of Republican seats being predicted for November, as well as their recent loss of three seats in Republican stronghold districts reflects that. And while the Democratic leadership is somewhat spineless, the great majority of Democrats in Congress have repeatedly voted the right way — e.g., 2/3 of Dems in the House voted against the new FISA bill. But far too many people ignore the inherent problem of democratic voting, and attribute the behavior of Republicans and blue dog Democrats to “Congress” or “the Democrats” as a whole.

  64. mikecbraun says

    Can the president teabag a suspect live on Pay-Per-View (with all proceeds going to pay for cocaine) while simultaneously setting fire to the Constitution and drinking absinthe?

  65. truth machine says

    The weird thing is that I agree the Vice president is not executive at least as set out in the constitution.

    This simply isn’t so. The executive powers of the President devolve onto the VP when the President is “unable” to discharge them — one could argue that, in the case of Bush, that’s all the time.

    The problem then is in the view of the VP as a political appointee

    The VP is not a political appointee; he’s an elected officer, as laid out in the 12th amendment.

  66. Ichthyic says

    one could argue that, in the case of Bush, that’s all the time.

    LOL

    Now if only we could get Pelosi to say that…

  67. truth machine says

    His argument was that the vice president is not constitutionally a member of the executive branch and instead is a congressional tie breaker.

    That does make the false dichotomy quite explicit. He is, of course, both. Cheney is certainly no less a part of the executive branch than are the cabinet members and their staffs, whose powers are not detailed in the Constitution. The Cheney dodge was particularly absurd in light of his own “unitary executive” position, but absurdity of a position is no barrier to these people presenting it, and barely any barrier to others swallowing it.

  68. truth machine says

    The weird thing is that I agree the Vice president is not executive at least as set out in the constitution.

    I would note that this “weird thing” would lead to the conclusion that a pinch hitter isn’t a hitter, an understudy isn’t an actor, a backup disk isn’t a disk …

  69. Ian says

    I guess I’ll go against the tide here and say that Mr. Conyers was being a bit of a dick.

    Yoo was attempting to answer and Conyers just kept interrupting. Yoo didn’t even get to complete a _single_ remark before Conyers started in on demanding answers.

    After the second interruption, it’s certainly clear that Yoo was intending to provide a very weasely, toady kind of answer to a very simple and direct question whose answer is equally simple and direct, but give the guy a fucking chance to say a single sentence before you pillory him for it. That way at least you don’t look like you never intended to let the guy talk at all.

  70. says

    The single sentence he was supposed to say was “yes” or “no”. I think Conyers gave him more than enough time to do that.

  71. Ichthyic says

    Addington ought to be held in contempt of Congress for just plain contemptuousness.

    fuck that.

    THE ENTIRE ADMINISTRATION ought to be held in contempt for the same reason.

    *grrrrrrr*

    gotta stop thinking about it before I blow a gasket.

  72. notthedroids says

    Ian: “Mr. Conyers was being a bit of a dick.”

    No shit. That’s the whole point. You don’t take it easy on a mealy-mouthed weasel who is trying to justify torture. You make it hard on him, and you take matters to their logical conclusion and ask if they are just.

    Bravo Rep. Conyers.

  73. says

    For all X, where X is an interrogation technique: if X is not torture, would you mind if The President ordered it applied to you?

  74. says

    What would he have to answer “no” to?

    “Could the president order a suspect to be forced to declare that Jesus Christ is not his Lord and Savior?”

  75. says

    Can The President get AT&T and other phone companies to illegally spy on US citizens domestically, without wiretap court orders, and then retroactively make it legal so that they’re protected against a lawsuit in progress?

    He can answer that one “yes”

  76. scooter says

    Could the president order a president to be buried alive?

    Could the President dig up a President that had buried himself alive then hang him?

    oh

    wait a minute

    never mind

  77. says

    Ha! this is getting to be a farce! Should we spend all night with this?

    Fuck yeah, Keep it going, I’m already editting these down, I’m going to use this stuff on the radio tomorrow, no shit, got me LOL!!

    noon o’clock Central
    stream at http://kpft.org
    or 90.1 fm if you’re within 50 miles of Houston
    Texus that isssss

  78. Ian says

    notthedroids: “No shit. That’s the whole point. You don’t take it easy on a mealy-mouthed weasel who is trying to justify torture. You make it hard on him, and you take matters to their logical conclusion and ask if they are just.

    Bravo Rep. Conyers.”

    There’s a difference between being tough on somebody and being a fucktard. Asking straightforward questions with straightforward answers and being tough on them when they try to weasel out of answering it? Fine.

    Asking straightforward questions with straightforward answers and start pitching the guy shit before he can even articulate a single thought? Now you’re just announcing to the world “Hey! I’m an asshole and wasn’t asking that question in good faith!”

  79. uncle frogy says

    I have been told by friends that the reason that “shrub” is still president is who it would be that would replace him/ would you really want a president Chaney?
    actually they said that was why no one has tried to kill him. though most of the killings have been of more liberal leaders than conservative ones.

    I will be amazed if the election comes off free & open at all let alone honest and fare.

    uncle frogy

    I heard part of that exchange on the radio almost sounded like a mafia hearing.

  80. Ragutis says

    Could the President order the Justice Department to act with extreme partisanship and without conscience while ignoring the Constitution?

    Oh wait… we know the answer to that one.

    If there’s justice in this world, things will be busy at The Hague come Jan. 21, 2009.

  81. Ichthyic says

    actually they said that was why no one has tried to kill him. though most of the killings have been of more liberal leaders than conservative ones.

    well, apparently the conservatives get shot too.

    they just

    won’t

    die!

  82. Ichthyic says

    Asking straightforward questions with straightforward answers and start pitching the guy shit before he can even articulate a single thought? Now you’re just announcing to the world “Hey! I’m an asshole and wasn’t asking that question in good faith!”

    you need to actually watch the whole proceeding to get an idea why he is reacting like that.

    you should watch CSPAN more, evidently. You’d see this kind of thing a lot more, and realize it’s the END result created by previous evasions on the part of who it is directed at.

    He’s acting entirely appropriately in attacking Yoo in this fashion.

    as to the term “fucktard”…

    I’m sorry, but that is entirely reserved for one Kent Hovind.

  83. Doug S. says

    Obviously, a President can order whatever he darn well pleases. I, too, can order that a suspect be buried alive. The important question is not if he can give such orders, but rather whether those orders have to be followed. ;)

  84. HomerJ says

    Can the president microwave a buritto so hot that he himself cant eat it?

    MMmmm, buritto…

  85. Sean says

    Can the President order his own grandparents killed before they give birth to his mother?

  86. says

    As I found out while writing this article, Yoo’s hesitancy about that “hypothetical” question about whether it was OK for the President to order someone buried alive may have actually been because they threatened to bury someone alive.

    So, in contrast to the question about whether the President could order a child’s testicles crushed, this appears to have been too close to actual events for Yoo’s comfort.

    One of the many astounding things about this is that Yoo is now on the faculty at Stanford, one of the most prestigious law schools in the country.

  87. Stuart Weinstein says

    Dear Mr. Yoo

    Can the President make a rock so big that even he can’t lift it?

    Sincerely,

    Stuart Weinstein

  88. alex says

    could the president order a tornado simply by flapping his wings on the other side of the world?

    (i suspect this’d get a “yes”).

  89. truth machine says

    Asking straightforward questions with straightforward answers and start pitching the guy shit before he can even articulate a single thought? Now you’re just announcing to the world “Hey! I’m an asshole and wasn’t asking that question in good faith!”

    Given the actual facts, those words apply to you, not Conyers.

    As I found out while writing this article, Yoo’s hesitancy about that “hypothetical” question about whether it was OK for the President to order someone buried alive may have actually been because they threatened to bury someone alive.

    Something known to John Conyers. Ian’s judgment lacks perspective.

  90. Donovan says

    Could the president order a Happy Meal with McNuggets?

    I mean, seriously… Our president is the one we’re talking about? Bush? This man thinks we’re waterboarding Destro to give up the location of Cobra.

  91. says

    Ragutis, thanks for the tip at #104. Worth reading for most. I have been waterboarded as part of training. Reading this brought back choking and suffocating as real as the day it happened. It is torture, saying anything else is a lie.

    Ciao

  92. jimmiraybob says

    Can the president order that insufficiently patriotic peasants be flung through the sky to be used as target practice for the amusement of the Cheney Fourth Branch of government?

    It’s good to be the president.

  93. Sioux Laris says

    Can the pResident order a rock made so big that he can’t order it lifted to drop on a prime selection of first-born male children?

  94. bunnycatch3r says

    Can the president order a suspect to slide down a greased razor sharp banister?

  95. says

    This reminds me of a game we’d occasionally play in talk.origins, of asking “what would your God have to do for you to think he was evil.” It’s amazing how willing some people are to defend things like the massacre of the Amalekites, the sacrifice of Jephthah’s daughter, or roasting people forever in Hell.

  96. Christophe Thill says

    Can the President order his bodyguards to shoot him as a matter of national safety ?

  97. kryptonic says

    Can the president order a suspect to give John Yoo a hummer in a Hummer?

    Can the president order a suspect to adopt the 8-Track tape format?

    John Conyers is an American Hero.

    Sophist FCD
    #44 nailed it!!

  98. ropty says

    Can the president order that Mike Dukakkas’s wife, Kitty, be raped and murdered?

  99. Bill Dauphin says

    Smurch (@63):

    Wrong poem! When it’s the Bushies we’re talking about, the only Eliot to quote is “The Hollow Men”!

  100. Dagor says

    People like him are the same kind of people who did the dirty work for Hitler. Jews in the gas chambers ? Well if its for the best of our nation then let’s get over with it.

  101. Doc Bill says

    Could the President order a suspect to watch the ENTIRE SET of Kent Hovind tapes?

    (Sorry, that was probably over the line.)

  102. j.t.delaney says

    Will future Presidents be allowed to torture John Yoo’s family members for his crimes against the American people?

  103. says

    Is not every presidential signing statement another authorization for everybody in the Executive Branch to go to Fourth Branch for jars of warm spit to lob at Congress?

  104. ThePetey says

    Can the president order a suspect dressed in ONLY Tutu’s, a leash and canola oil be paraded through a leather bar during high tea with a sign on his ass reading “No deposit, No Return”?

  105. says

    Can the president order his sky fairy to turn down the temperature here in Phoenix? It’s hot as hell (if that sort of thing existed)!

  106. Mik says

    Can the president order the creation of a transcontinental road race in which points are awarded for running over pedestrians?

  107. Mik says

    And if the president does order the creation of an actual Death Race 2000 style venture can he order Laura Bush to compete in it?

  108. Hugh says

    Can the President designate certain groups as “illegal enemy populations?”

    Can the President order the “evacuation” and “resettlement” of entire groups of people?

    Can the President designate Barack Obama for “special handling?”

    Can the President ever run out of euphemisms to clothe the shocking and the unconscionable in the language of the bureaucratic and the banal?

  109. Jon says

    Off topic considering the other comments but is anyone else seeing shades of Alberto ‘I don’t recall’ Gonzales in Mr. Yoo?

  110. phantomreader42 says

    Can the president personally cut a living, consious suspect into pieces and eat them, washed down with the blood of children?

    Can the president declare himself King for life, and have anyone who questions him murdered?

    Perhaps the best question to ask Yoo would be a classic:

    Have you no sense of decency sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

  111. phantomreader42 says

    Wording on that classic question found here after a quick search, though there are surely plenty of sites.

  112. Juuso Alasuutari says

    Could the president order a suspect to shoot a loaded gun at his (the president’s) head?

  113. Todd says

    If you’re stuck in the Whitehouse with nothing to do
    And think perhaps torture might be something new,
    Then pick up the phone and call Mr. Yoo.

    He’ll be quick to inform you how easy it’d be
    (It’s the perfect deception, as you’ll all soon see)
    “If queried by Congress,” says Yoo, “repeat after me:

    ‘Mr. Chairman, you ask me to give you a clue
    Whether the POTUS can order a torture or two,
    When clearly the answer came straight from Yoo.’

    The Chairman will think your barking up the wrong tree
    And quick respond, ‘What the hell do you mean me?’
    At that point you’ll know that you got off scot free.

    You see, I won’t answer as to whether it’s true
    Your nuts can be squeezed until they turn blue
    If so says the POTUS, then so say we too.”

  114. Nick Gotts says

    Can the President order someone to have sex with Ann Coulter?

    Sex with Ann Coulter? Logically impossible, surely?

  115. says

    Re #81

    Conyers wasn’t being a dick, he was sick of Yoo dodging every question put to him which is why it eventually got down to the “buried alive” question. These weren’t questions requiring long, involved answers, they were simple yes or no questions and Yoo refused to give any sort of answer.

    What Conyers should have said is:

    I’m going to ask you a question and if any word other than “yes” or “no” comes out of your mouth, you’ll be held in contempt…

  116. Kenny P says

    Can a homophobic president order an appointee to give a straight answer to Congress?

  117. says

    As a few others have pointed out, the president can issue an order of that sort. So can I, albeit I have absolutely no authority and would not expect anyone to even consider following my “order”.

    But, just because the president can say the words and may have relevant authority, that does not mean the order is lawful, moral, or sensible. The only rationale reply to such an order is “No, are you fecking insane?” And, perhaps especially if those sort of nonsensical, immoral, or unlawful orders don’t stop, the 25th Amendment may apply–except that would mean Cheney becoming acting (formal) president instead of de facto president.

  118. Arnosium Upinarum says

    “COULD the president order the national prohibition of religion? Yes or no?”

    It would be lovely to see him try to squirm out of that one.

  119. Paul Murray says

    Can the president, if he suspects your wife or daughter of being a terrorist, rape her right there in front of you, Mr Yoo?

  120. says

    Can the president choose to repeatedly sodomize his legal advisor with a broken Coca-Cola bottle in order to extract useful information and answers vital to the legal enforcement of national security?

    T

  121. Chris says

    Can the president have people thrown into an arena, to fight
    wild animals, for his own entertainment?

    The most telling moment is near the end – where Yoo answers
    “I don’t think the President would have to order that.”

    Let me repeat with emphasis: “would _have_to_ order that”

    Does that mean that it would just be a wink and a nod?