Oh, come on now


In a fluff story about George Takei (Sulu!) getting married to his partner of 21 years, WNBC takes the tacky step of including a poll asking, “Should same-sex couples be allowed to marry?” Please. How ridiculous. When the cheesy news was full of Britney Spears or Angeline Jolie or the movie star of the moment planning their nuptials, did these sites run polls asking if these people should be married? When did it become legitimate “news” to question people’s personal decisions about partnerships?

Comments

  1. Toddahhhh says

    I’m still using the “set phaser to …stunning” joke, it totally kills!

  2. says

    Now that the California Supreme Court has refused to stay its decision allowing same-sex marriages (a stay that several state attorneys general begged for), some county clerks in the state are trying to figure out how to evade their responsibilities. Ann Barnett in Kern County (where Bakersfield is) has decided she won’t perform any civil ceremony marriages rather than allow gay couples to get married at her office. The Los Angeles Times is on the story:

    http://tinyurl.com/5vkbt4

  3. Barklikeadog says

    The poll when I visited it:

    Should same-sex couples be allowed to marry?
    Choice Votes Percentage of 20441 Votes
    Yes. 8318 41%
    They should be allowed to have civil unions. 2012 10%
    No, they should not have formal partnerships. 10111 49%

    I voted Yes, what business of mine is it that prevents making what already existed in fact, legal?

  4. Sili says

    Rude, yes.

    But the more stories about long-term, happy, ordinary, boring couple we get in – what I assume is – the mainstream press, the better.

  5. Barklikeadog says

    Maybe I should say, what business of anyones, other than the people doing it, is it to make it legal or illegal? These folks can no more change who they are than a leopard can change his spots. Thank goodness we don’t use squids or octupus (octupi?) for that statement.

    A free and open society? It’s what we should have but it appears we live in a free society for the socially acceptable. All the rest can stuff it. At least the 2 letting either marriage or civil unions exists outnumbers the nays.

  6. Stephen says

    Should anyone feel like voting in these polls, the “constitutional definition” and “amendment’s importance” polls immediately underneath are also worth a prod (and are currently closer-run).

  7. Mooser, Bummertown says

    Heterosexual marriage leads to divorce, spousal abuse, and child abuse, child abuse and more child abuse. It should be banned, or rigidly controlled by the proper authorities.

  8. bigjohn756 says

    Has anyone noticed that all religion based Constitutional amendments or proposed amendments remove individual rights rather than protecting them? Only one has been passed so far, let’s keep it that way.

  9. says

    I thought the alternative that the US constitution should outlaw partnerships and anything like marriage, obviously including marriage itself, was interesting. So, then only the outlaws would have inlaws, eh?

  10. Mooser, Bummertown says

    As far as heterosexual co-habitation and reproduction without any legal or religious sanctioning, the harm done is of such a magnitude that imprisonment may be the only solution which can protect society from its more determined perpetrators. What kind of a person produces children without even bothering to erect a financial and familial and legal framework in which they can be raised?
    Not a nice one, that’s for sure.

  11. Matt Penfold says

    To be honest I have always found the “constitutional” arguments on matters like this to rather miss the point. A constitution is there to serve the people, not there for the people to serve, and any constitution that gets in the way of same sex marriages is flawed. This is an issue I have with some Americans. They seem so keen on their constitution they fail to stop and ask if it is doing the job it should. It failed to stop slavery after all. Doing what is “constitutional” is not always the same thing as doing what is right.

  12. says

    Here we go.

    Yes: 8523 (41%)
    They should be allowed to have civil unions: 2015 (10%)
    No, they should not have formal partnerships: 10113 (49%)

  13. Walton says

    I voted for option #2: they should be allowed to have civil unions.

    Unsurprisingly, though, this option doesn’t seem popular. When I looked, it was 41% for Yes, 49% for no formal partnerships, and 10% for civil unions.

    The problem is that so few people are willing to accept this middle-of-the-road compromise. Gay rights activists insist “no, it has to be called marriage, anything else is depriving us of our basic rights”; while religious fundamentalists get all hysterical and rant “civil unions will sneak gay marriage in through the back door, legitimise immoral behaviour, destroy the family etc.” (I’ve seen all the latter arguments made on a Conservapedia debate page.)

    Ultimately, I don’t see why both camps – apart from a few extremists on both sides – can’t get behind the principle of civil unions. Whether anyone likes it or not, homosexual relationships are perfectly legal and legitimate; so IMO cohabiting same-sex partners should be entitled to obtain the same practical rights, in terms of inheritance, benefits etc., as their married counterparts. I would extend it further and also allow cohabiting siblings, and other people in non-sexual relationships, to have civil unions. Why should any two people who live together be denied the practical legal benefits that attach to that status?

    Ultimately, the whole root of the problem is that marriage has a dual meaning in American (and British) society. It’s a secular civil contract conferring certain legal rights and status; and it’s also, for many people, a religious sacrament. What we need to do is separate out the civil and religious concepts of “marriage”. Gay couples ought to be entitled to all the practical benefits of a marriage under civil law, and so I am in favour of secular civil unions, conferring all the practical rights of a marriage, to be recognised under law.

  14. Stephen says

    One really has to wonder what the mindset is of the people who are voting that it is of critical importance to have same-sex marriage prohibited in the constitution. I can, with difficulty, place myself in the position of people opposed to same-sex marriage. For many of them the idea is rather new, and a bit threatening. But that prevention is critically important? How warped does one’s mind have to be to think that?

  15. Martin says

    I remember some newspaper asking politicians whether heterosexuals should be allowed to marry (or was it about adopting kids? not sure). The question asked was simply so far from their mind that lots of conservatives misheard and said “no”.

  16. j.t.delaney says

    “…Yes, and it should ban civil unions or anything like marriage. 10244 46%… “

    A constitutional ammendment to ban “anything like marriage”? I mean, I thought I was broad minded, but a ban on marriage seems a little radical — talk about a scorched Earth approach to social engineering!

  17. Hank Fox says

    Walton #14: Ultimately, I don’t see why both camps – apart from a few extremists on both sides – can’t get behind the principle of civil unions.

    Walton, I’d say it’s because such an approach singles out same-sex couples as “different.” Yes, they are different, but that difference is their own business a lot more than it is the business of the law, or of society.

    Ultimately, this middle approach might be the one most likely to work. But I still don’t think same-sex marriage advocates should AIM for it. I think they should go for full equal rights.

    Once you let people label you as less than equal, and once that label gets nailed into law, all sorts of nasty things follow. We have plenty of historical precedent.

  18. Divalent says

    Kind of a dumb poll, not least because you can vote as many times as you want.

  19. Ignorant Atheist says

    If same sex partnerships were legalized, I would seriously consider becoming the legal partner of my “brother from another mother.” The legal benefits of such a partnership might be advantageous. I don’t want to marry him (1] We’re straight, 2] Even if I weren’t, he’s ugly, 3] He feels the same way about me). I just want the financial benefits of living with a man I love in a platonic nature. If any of that made sense, wow, cause I’m drunk.

  20. Divalent says

    correction: you can vote as much as you want, but apparently it doesn’t count those extra votes.

  21. tomh says

    Walton wrote: …marriage has a dual meaning in American (and British) society. It’s a secular civil contract conferring certain legal rights and status; and it’s also, for many people, a religious sacrament.

    Many people have marriages without any religious involvement. Is anyone talking about forcing religions to perform same sex marriages? Why do you have a problem with secular same sex marriage?

  22. CalGeorge says

    “Should same-sex couples be allowed to marry?”

    Hmmm, good question. How about a compromise:

    Yes, but only on odd or even days of months beginning with the letters J, F, M, A, S, O, N or D.

  23. says

    j.t.delaney (#18):

    A constitutional ammendment to ban “anything like marriage”? I mean, I thought I was broad minded, but a ban on marriage seems a little radical — talk about a scorched Earth approach to social engineering!

    I had the same thought.

    Now, if you want my personal opinion — and this is the Internet, so I’ll assume you do — I’d like to see government out of the marriage business. Anybody who wants to get coupled, be they gay, straight, in love, in lust or seeking convenience, gets their certificate from the clerk. Everybody gets a “civil union”. Solemnizing by the community of your choice, religious or otherwise, is a separate event with no legal weight.

    Some people go further, at least in contemplating what the ideal state of affairs would be, if not in considering what the current goal of activism should be.

  24. Ferrous Patella says

    What kind of a person produces children without even bothering to erect a financial and familial and legal framework in which they can be raised?

    Me.

    My spouse and I do not think it was the government’s, churches’ or anyone else’s business what our relationship is. So we did not bother with any of the niceties you seem to think are so important. The results? A kid who:

    • is being graduated with a 3.85 GPA.
    • is an honors graduate for performing arts.
    • scores around the 90 percentile on standardize tests.
    • volunteers hundreds of hours of community service.
    • is a two-time All-American athlete.

    So what kind of parent do you think I turned out to be?

  25. Matt Penfold says

    Blake,

    I understand your point, but given that for many marriage/civil partnerships are an important moment in their lives I think there should be some way of giving it a bit more recognition than just getting a bit of paper. For some a religious ceremony may do it, but for those who are not religious, or those who the religious choose to discriminate against there may not be that option.

  26. Elf Eye says

    Civil unions for all. Let the government get out of the business of marriage in its incarnation as ‘holy matrimony’.

  27. Alex says

    Ferrous Patella, I don’t think the parents are everything. Even if you happened to be a bad parent, that doesn’t mean your kids will be bad. For example, no matter who I had for parents, I would still be a bad child because I’m stupid.

  28. Sengkelat says

    The article’s photos and initial-paragraph highlighting make it look like Takei is marrying Shatner. Yikes.

    I have to agree with all those disagreeing with Walton. Granting civil unions but not marriage smacks of “separate but equal”, which we all (ought to) know is not at all equal.

  29. Longtime Lurker says

    Here’s wishing nothing but happiness for Mr Takei and his spouse. He has always been a class act and a humane man, even though he faced internment as a child and anti-Asian and anti-gay bigotry. Although his role as Sulu was iconic, I personally think this is the best work of his career.

  30. says

    Walton,

    Ultimately, I don’t see why both camps – apart from a few extremists on both sides – can’t get behind the principle of civil unions.

    Because I want to visit my wife in hospital, to be recognised as her next of kin, to list her on my tax forms, and to adopt her children; and to be able to access those and all other ‘legal rights’ without having to jump through special hoops to deal with people over and over again who don’t want to view my civil union as the same as a marriage.

    Because legal rights aren’t always accessable on the ground floor and I don’t want to have to argue and prove each time that I have rights that would be assumed under a different title.

    Separate is not equal, and if what I have walks and quacks like a marriage, I’m damn well going to call it one.

  31. says

    I personally think this is the best work of his career.

    That is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

    This news has made my morning. I didn’t know that George Takei grew up in a Japanese American internment camp, and I knew only a bit about his work on a public transportation board, and his later activism for gay rights. What a great man!

  32. says

    Oh, God, please no.

    At the time of writing, the frivolous poll has ‘No’ in the lead at 48%, with “Yes” at 42% and “civil partnerships only” at 10%.

    Is the US really that full of crackpot fundamentalists?

  33. BMurray says

    I note that this poll does not track IP addresses or cookies — you can vote as often as you like.

  34. Stephen says

    Oh, and in case there’s anyone out there who still doesn’t think that the Roman Catholic church is a barbaric organisation, try this article (in Italian, I couldn’t find an English version). If I read it correctly (and I found a Dutch page which confirms my reading) the church is refusing to allow a man to marry who had an accident which left him impotent.

  35. BaldApe says

    If I read it correctly (and I found a Dutch page which confirms my reading) the church is refusing to allow a man to marry who had an accident which left him impotent.

    Obviously I don’t agree with that position, but at least it is consistent with their argument that the purpose of marriage is procreation.

    The stunning lack of consistency in these arguments is what bothers me the most. I have had a vasectomy. If my wife were to die, would I be ineligible for marriage? Is a post-menopausal woman ineligible for marriage? Most anti-gay marriage people would not go that far, which just shows they are not thinking.

    And the word “sanctity” keeps coming up. Do they really want the legislature deciding what to “sanctify?” Would they like a court to order a conservative Catholic priest to perform a marriage for a divorced couple?

    The best solution is to let the legal and civil parts of marriage be governed by the law, and the imaginary- er, spiritual, parts be governed by the various churches. If your witch doctor won’t perform the ceremony, find another shaman.

  36. Ian H Spedding FCD says

    I agree with Walton on this one. The sooner we get behind the principle if civil unions or partnerships the better. Of course it’s going to take time to change attitudes but look at it this way: if religions no longer have sole authority to sanction such partnerships, it’s one way to help prise loose the grip they have on society.

    By all means let couples get married if they want and if the church agrees but it should be in addition to, not a replacement for, a civil union.

  37. Rey Fox says

    “No, they should not have formal partnerships. 10111 49%”

    Well of course not, because then we wouldn’t be able to sneer at them for being “promiscuous”.

  38. Ferrous Patella says

    I don’t think the parents are everything.

    Good, since every claim with a absolute is false.

    Even if you happened to be a bad parent, that doesn’t mean your kids will be bad.

    So, what would you say is the number one factor in how kids turn out?

  39. uknesvuinng says

    “Civil unions” are just segregation for gay people. It’s the back entrance to marriage with a little sign by it that says “homosexuals only.”

    Contrary to what various religions claim, marriage has never been a primarily religious thing. It’s always been a legal, political, and economic arrangement. The “authority” of religion over marriage is no more legitimate than any other authority they claim based on their imaginary friend(s). They made it up just like they make up everything else. Giving them “marriage” in favor of calling everything “civil unions” is giving them something they do not deserve and a false appearance of legitimacy. I’d rather we call all the contracts marriage and roll our eyes when churches start whining “it’s not fair” like little children. You don’t get to have a say in things just cause you say you do.

  40. Jim Flannery says

    Walton, you are aware that there are gay people who (a) are Christian and (b) attend Christian churches, aren’t you?

    Why should pastors who are willing to perform marriages between same-sex partners, in denominations which do not rule out such marriages, be prohibited from doing so by the government?

    Even people who think (ignoring specific statements to the contrary) that the founding fathers did not include jews, muslims, and atheists in “religious freedom” understand that the first amendment was supposed to prohibit government from enshrining doctrinal differences among churches in secular law.

    How is this not a doctrinal difference among churches?

  41. themadlolscientist says

    I personally think this is the best work of his career.

    ZOMGZWTFBBQROFL =snort= MAO!11!!!!! =coff= I’m =gasp= dying! Gimme some =choke= oxygen! Call =wheeze= 911! =turns blue, passes out=

    She’s not breathing…I can’t find a pulse…CLEAR! =zap=

    must not…go…towards the…light…

    …still no pulse…crank it up to 300…CLEAR! =zap=

    Oh hi – what’d I miss?

    You’re right – this is the most insanely great, deadly hilarious Takei performance ever. If I could, I would have given it 6 stars.

  42. Lancelot Gobbo says

    The troglodytes are still winning. (BTW, I am in favour of troglodytes being able to marry whomsoever they please.) The poll does allow you to vote often….

  43. Steve LaBonne says

    Civil unions for all. Let the government get out of the business of marriage in its incarnation as ‘holy matrimony’.

    Hear, hear! Right there staring us in the face is the obvious solution to a phony problem.

  44. Longtime Lurker says

    “must not…go…towards the…light…

    …still no pulse…crank it up to 300…CLEAR! =zap=”

    SHE’S DEAD, JIM!

  45. says

    I understand your point, but given that for many marriage/civil partnerships are an important moment in their lives I think there should be some way of giving it a bit more recognition than just getting a bit of paper. For some a religious ceremony may do it, but for those who are not religious, or those who the religious choose to discriminate against there may not be that option.

    I don’t understand how this argues against the point I was trying to make.

    The people against whom the religious have chosen to discriminate have already lost options. In the interests of fairness, then, shouldn’t we ensure that the status which brings secular benefits be granted by a secular institution? “Civil Unions for All” isn’t a battle cry for eliminating whatever marriage ceremonies people want to perform, just the recognition that those ceremonies provide the extra meaning and memories on top of the civil benefits.

    It’s not the government’s business to make every wedding a magical moment. That job belongs to the happy couple, their families, their friends, their DJ and so forth.

  46. NickG says

    Ian H Spedding FCD @ 41 “Of course it’s going to take time to change attitudes… [snip] By all means let couples get married if they want and if the church agrees but it should be in addition to, not a replacement for, a civil union.”

    Its not attitudes that you have to change. Its thousands of laws that use the legal terms marriage and spouse. In nine days I will be getting married. That will give me legal standing that my domestic partnership/civil union has not. (Or our marriage in Canada which does not qualify for protection under ‘full faith and credit’ since contrary to some American’s beliefs, Canada is not the 51st state.)

    The only way possible to make it fair from a laws and rights perspective is to either stop making LGBT people second class citizens or do away with the legal concept and state of marriage. Which will likely happen a week before the heat death of the universe.

  47. Muffin says

    Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see any poll… I’ve tried in 3 different browsers now (Firefox, Opera, Seamonkey), but it’s just not there. o.o

  48. Serena says

    Muffin,

    The poll should be in a list of several polls under Will Shatner’s face. It says: Surveys: Allow gay marriage

    :)

  49. MAJeff, OM says

    Ultimately, I don’t see why both camps – apart from a few extremists on both sides – can’t get behind the principle of civil unions

    Here’s why. Because you’re creating a separate institution specifically to keep gay people out of marriage. You’re maintaining heterosexual supremacy through a privileging of straight relationships over gay ones, and segregating gay people into a separate institution. Of course, though, we should settle for the crumbs that heterosexual supremacists like yourself are willing to throw our way.

  50. says

    I heard about Mr. Takei’s engagement on NPR a couple weeks ago, and it made me very happy. Then, coolest of the cool, I got to show him around my workplace last Tuesday. (I’m the one with bad posture in the back.)

    I got to say “congratulations” right to him! Yay! I’m betting with Ed Brayton: 20 years from now we’ll all look back on this time and wonder what we could have been thinking not allowing same-sex marriage.

  51. AndreasB says

    Jim Flannery:

    Walton, you are aware that there are gay people who (a) are Christian and (b) attend Christian churches, aren’t you?

    Why should pastors who are willing to perform marriages between same-sex partners, in denominations which do not rule out such marriages, be prohibited from doing so by the government?

    I don’t see anybody asking for that, including Walton. I think he proposes civil marriage (and renaming it to civil union) as the only legally recognized process. That wouldn’t prohibit any pastors from performing ceremonies, they are just legally irrelevant. As they should be.

  52. NickG says

    Walton: “Ultimately, I don’t see why both camps – apart from a few extremists on both sides – can’t get behind the principle of civil unions”

    For the same reason that ‘trans-racial-unions’ was not an acceptable substitute for inter-racial marriage. Separate is never equal.

    But then I ask you the converse question: why can’t both camps get behind the principle of equal rights for all. Its not about having buttsecks in your church, honey. Its about my partner being able to visit me in the hospital and being more than the legal equivalent of a stranger to me. Its having society recognize that my love for him is no different and no less valuable than your love for a woman.

  53. woozy says

    Devil’s (or, on this blog, should I say “theist’s”) advocate:

    Well, George Takei is pretty much a very minor celebrity that it seems the who purpose of discuss him at all in celebrity puff pieces is the novelty that he is openly gay. I personally feel that it’s a bit disgusting and disturbingly backwards that in 2008 a celebrity being openly gay is a “novelty”. However, were Takei straight and getting married to some gal we never heard of, I’m pretty sure he is such a minor celebrity the fluffy tabloids wouldn’t bother at all with reporting it. And as gay marriages are somewhat a controversial issue (although, again I find it a bit disgusting and distrubingly backwards that it is a controversial issue) the whole purpose of this fluff piece that a minor celebrity is getting married is solely based on the supposed novelty (yawn) and supposed controversy (who the fuck cares and leave this poor guys alone) of gay marriage. Hence the news value of the article justifies the subject of the poll.

    And of devil’s/theist’s advocate.

    Gad, I’m disgusted that “No” is ahead at 47%!!!! I can take some small comfort that Yes (43%) and Unions (9%) together beat no at a disgustingly slim lead of 52% to 47%. Revoltingly small.

    I actually get tired of the “gay marriage” argument presented as a right to have gay relationships recognized. Maybe I’m a cynic but I figure nobody on the planet need to get married to have their love “recognized” and that marriage in no way makes a relationship “real”. And, call me a grouch, but I’m sick and tired of being expected to jump up and down and piss my pants in exitement when I hear that someone is getting married. Sure, it’s nice and fine and weddings sometimes serve good food but *sheesh*, put it in perspective. It’s not as if the couple just earned a degree or got a new job; it’s just an effin’ wedding.

    To me it’s all about the rights and privaleges of being straight being available to gays. Straight folks have the right/privalege of marrying a person they can have the type of sex they enjoy and by doing so can entitle themselves to owning communal property, declaring each other next of kin, get tax breaks, and several other legal goodies. Those privaleges we take for granted for straight people and the sexual partners with whom they can have the type of sex they enjoy should be available to gay people and the sexual partners with whom they can have the type of sex they enjoy. C’est tout.

    47% No. *sheesh* Homophobes….

  54. Matt Penfold says

    “I don’t understand how this argues against the point I was trying to make.”

    Blake, Well in the UK civil partnerships are carried out by Registrars, who also carry out civil weddings. There is a short ceremony where vows are exchanged, and the guests are asked to witness the declarations. To many people such a ceremony is important, and replacing it with a bit of paper you just go along and sign is not the same.

  55. MJ says

    Alex – #20:

    Stop posting these stupid polls.

    I don’t know, perhaps we should rephrase that into a polling-type question and take a um…poll?

  56. themadlolscientist says

    Less than 700 votes to pull ahead of the Bad Guys (who appear to be asleep at the wheel – they’ve been stuck at 10,116 for quite a while).

    #50 Longtime Lurker: I guess I should have seen (or maybe smelled) that one coming. :-)

    #52 NickG: Congratulations!

  57. Interrobang says

    InnerBrat and NickG have the right of it. Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend has chronicled numerous ways in which “civil unions” just don’t cut it. For example, this story by guest blogger Dagon:

    My husband and I thought we had all the bases covered. We had wills, living wills, powers of attorney, and we were Domestic Partners. As of July 1, 2003, in California, we had almost all the rights and responsibilities of legally married spouses.

    On a rainy afternoon on January 27, 2008, my beloved husband died in our home in rural northern California. All our legal documents, all the laws of the State of California suddenly counted for nothing, nada, zilch to the Deputy Sheriff / Coroner standing in my living room. According to him, in our county only blood relatives and married spouses counted as next of kin. He intended to pack up all of my husband’s possessions and ship them immediately to my brother-in-law in New York state. …

    “Separate but equal” never is. And, in the words of the last half-decent Canadian Prime-Minister, you can’t cherry-pick rights.

  58. MAJeff, OM says

    “Separate but equal” never is.

    Damn us radical leftist queers for insisting on full equality.

  59. Longtime Lurker says

    “I guess I should have seen (or maybe smelled) that one coming. :-)”

    It had to be said.

  60. Stephen says

    Less than 700 votes to pull ahead of the Bad Guys (who appear to be asleep at the wheel – they’ve been stuck at 10,116 for quite a while).

    To be fair, we were the ones asleep at the wheel for quite a while, as the article dates from June 3.

  61. Carlie says

    “Separate but equal” never is.

    Exactly. I have to admit that I used to think that was a solution to it until I was made to stop and think why. WHY is it any different? Why should there be any separation at all? Please point to One. Single. Thing. that would be different between “civil unions” the way they’re pushed and “marriage”. If it’s supposed to be the same, then why not make it the same? The absolute only reason to have “civil unions” is to pander to people who want to make them mean LESS than a marriage. That’s unconscionable. I also don’t agree with the idea of changing the name of everything to civil unions – again, that’s saying that somehow it is less than marriage, because the only reason to change the legal title is because suddenly gays are involved. Sure, have your own “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious marriage” in the church if you want, but “marriage” as defined by the state already has a meaning and there is no reason to change that meaning just because the country recognizes that the two people involved may have similar body parts.

  62. woozy says

    Matt, Blake;

    I’ve often thought the same thing as Blake. Matt, here in the united states if you file joint returns you are legally married even if you never bothered to have any ceramony. Legally you are not supposed to file a joint return unless you had a legal marriage first but if you get away with it, a joint return is considered proof of marriage and you are in.

    Blakes point is that the legality and slip of paper ought to be the legality of the rights of “coupleship”. A ceremony of marriage may be important and may be the definition of “marriage” to the tradition minded, and a legal marriage cerimony should be automatic qualification of “coupleship permit” but that is in now way in contradiction with the issuing of “coupleship permits”. A gay couple can have whatever ceremony they wish to perform and a bigot or fundimental church can dismiss it as not being a marriage all they wish. However, a “coupleship permit” would allow the gay (or straight) couple whether “married” or not the legalities of “coupleship”.

    I think only the fundamentalist minority (but vocally obnoxious and *very* politically powerful minority) actually think the legalities that come with being married are the institution of marriage and that granting the legalities that come with being married to gay couples affects “the institution of marriage”.
    I figure if the not so fundamentalist but traditionalist want to view the gay couple next door and their exchange of vow cerimony which the fundamentalist church would not recognize as marriage as not being a marriage, that’s fine with me as long as the gay couple can get the “couple permit”. Likewise if the gay couple wish to view the cerimony as indeed a marriage that’s fine to.
    Maybe it is just calling a dog’s tail a leg but think if arguing the social and civil aspects are going to fail to be resolved and/or will whip up an intolerant backlash and/or will stymie and get nowhere, then I say forget about the social and civil aspects; let’s go straight to point which is the legal rights only.

  63. tguy says

    I do not support a constitutional amendment banning further adoptions on the part of Angelina Jolie. I think the states should decide individually whether Britney Spears should be allowed to marry.

  64. woozy says

    Matt,

    I understand your point, but given that for many marriage/civil partnerships are an important moment in their lives I think there should be some way of giving it a bit more recognition than just getting a bit of paper.

    I guess I don’t see why “giving it a bit more recognition” should be a legal *right* for straight people.

    The whole idea of “more recognition” seems to be a pretty arbitrary and vague concept and solely in the social and civil arena rather than the legal.

    Usually I figure semantically seperating the social and civil from the legal to be misleading semantics, but it really seems like the gay marriage oppenents strongest argument is that one can’t/shouldn’t legislate social entities. So I figure let society fight it out about “more recognition”. If the homosexual bigot doesn’t think the gay couples relationship is a marriage, I care no more than I care if churches a century didn’t think civilly married couples were “married in the eyes of god”. As long as they have the same legal rights as the other couple society be damned what it thinks.

    Hmm, my great-grandparents converted to unitarianism simply because it was the only church that would perform an inter-faith marriage. Quaint, wasn’t it?

  65. says

    Matt Penfold (#61):

    Blake, Well in the UK civil partnerships are carried out by Registrars, who also carry out civil weddings. There is a short ceremony where vows are exchanged, and the guests are asked to witness the declarations. To many people such a ceremony is important, and replacing it with a bit of paper you just go along and sign is not the same.

    Well, if a couple wants to exchange their vows at the registrar’s office, I think that’s fine. More power to them! What I don’t like is having a ceremony officiated by a random religious figure giving any extra legal rights. By extension, being obligated to exchange vows at the registrar’s office is a little silly.

  66. says

    I have to agree with everyone disagreeing with Walton. Our Constitution guarantees that *ALL* men are created equal. Not white men. Not straight men. *ALL* men. That means that *ALL* men deserve the same rights under the law. You don’t get to take a right, change the name and pretend it’s something else, that’s not how reality works.

    Whether religion wants to stake a claim on the word “marriage” or not is irrelevant, we live in a SECULAR society where there is a SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE and what religion wants is wholly irrelevant. We happen to have a secular governmental marriage system and under the law, gays must be permitted to be married. The California Supreme Court could figure it out, why are the rest of these morons so closed-minded?

    Oh yeah… they’re got that stupid religious mind virus.

  67. Matt Penfold says

    Woozy,

    Well in the UK everyone is assessed for tax on an individual basis, and it makes no difference wheed or not. In fact the idea of “joint” returns seems rather odd to me, although that is how they used to be done here.

    When I referred to more recognition I was not referring to any form of religious ceremony. I was simply saying that for many, if not most, people involved in a marriage or civil partnership it is an important undertaking, and often one they want to involve more than just signing a bit of paper. That would seem to put on a par with taking out a bank loan or something. Given than many people in the UK are not religious, and that for people who have been divorced, or are in a same-sex relationship, a religious ceremony may well not be possible, it strikes me that it is not unreasonable for the state to offer a ceremony with a degree of solemnity.

    Blake,

    Well it is possible to get through the civil ceremony pretty quickly, and just requires an official, the couple (or their proxies) and two witnesses. It is not that much different from swearing an oath.

  68. Barklikeadog says

    Here’s why. Because you’re creating a separate institution specifically to keep gay people out of marriage. You’re maintaining heterosexual supremacy through a privileging of straight relationships over gay ones, and segregating gay people into a separate institution. Of course, though, we should settle for the crumbs that heterosexual supremacists like yourself are willing to throw our way.

    Posted by: MAJeff, OM | June 8, 2008 3:08 PM

    MaJeff, I support gay marriage not just civil unions. Everyone has the right. Period. This heterosexual will give you the whole cake. The crumbs are for the birds.

  69. MAJeff, OM says

    thanks, barklikeadog.

    I’m surprised at how the ground has shifted over the past 15 years. However, I also get annoyed as shit that saying, “We should be treated as fully equal citizens” is a controversial statement and makes one a crazed radical. I can be fairly radical at times (for example,I think marriage should be less valuable, and the social benefits privatized through it should be more widely available, which makes me something of a radical in these times.) Simply to say, “I should be treated fully equally” as outside the pale, though? Gimme a break.

  70. plum grenville says

    Well now that the Civil War is over, we have the problem of what to do with the all the slaves. There’s a perfectly sensible compromise that everyone except for a few extremists on both sides ought to agree with. We should free the slaves and give them the same legal rights as white folk, but not call them “citizens.” They should be perfectly happy with the term “rights-bearing resident.”

  71. bgbaysjr says

    Interrobang, my condolences… words chip and shatter under the weight of it…

    I was “lucky.” When my Sweet Heart died in our home in 2003, we had all of the paperwork in order — it took weeks to set up — and it was still luck that, except for the coroner’s office, officials were at least sympathetic to the extent that the law allowed them to be. (Getting the death certificate was another story…) I was “lucky” that his family did not try to turn me out of the home we had built. I know of so many other men and women who were not so lucky…

    We were together only seven years, and had planned to grow old together. We were together for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, loving and cherishing each other, and forsaking all others until death did us part.

    I want someone to explain to me how what we had was anything less than a marriage. I want someone to explain to me *precisely* how ours threatens theirs…

    Before he died, I was perfectly OK with the idea of civil unions, and am old enough to have seen even that as a victory. I thought the “marriage activists” were pushing too far too fast, and was willing to accept being told we were “less.” (Growing up being told one is the worst thing possible can make one doubt one’s self-worth…) Now I know that it is hideous that we should accept less, that we should continue to kiss a hand that would beat us.

    If I may be so bold as to paraphrase Sojourner Truth: “And ain’t we a couple?”

    To our supporters: thanks! To our opponents: get over it…

  72. cicely says

    My opinion:

    Homosexual couples should be allowed to have civil unions.
    Heterosexual couples should be allowed to have civil unions.
    Homosexual couples should be allowed to have marriages.
    Heterosexual couples should be allowed to have marriages.

    Civil unions and marriage should carry exactly the same legal weight, and come with all the same implicit responsibilities and rights.

    Marriage should be, essentially, a civil union with the religious-based “cherry” of your choice on top, and function chiefly as an endogamous sorting-device for people holding compatible religious belief, and who think that that sort of thing matters.

  73. bgbaysjr says

    cicely @ #80:

    In so far as they are exactly equal in the eyes of the law, and, eventually, society: works for me!

    We started out in Hawai’i and ended up in Arizona, and were here for the gay marriage battle in ’98, I think it was… the Governor at the time floated the idea of “the state provides domestic partnerships for all, and the church marries who it will.” Didn’t go over so well at the time, but with familiarity an idea can gain acceptance.

    For what it is worth — and dragging this all back to the original topic — I take great comfort in the fact that we have reached the point where so much of the Big Story about Takei’s marriage is not that he is marrying a *guy*, but who he is and isn’t inviting!

  74. MAJeff, OM says

    For what it is worth — and dragging this all back to the original topic — I take great comfort in the fact that we have reached the point where so much of the Big Story about Takei’s marriage is not that he is marrying a *guy*, but who he is and isn’t inviting!

    I’m teaching a summer class called, “Mass Media and Queer America.” We’re currently working on issues of celebrity, outing, etc. For this paper, I’ve asked them to look at mass media coverage of preparations for a celebrity wedding. Can’t wait to see what they find.

    It’s a pretty fun time to be teaching this class.

  75. David Marjanović, OM says

    Why should pastors who are willing to perform marriages between same-sex partners, in denominations which do not rule out such marriages, be prohibited from doing so by the government?

    See, that’s what’s strange about America. Over here, if you marry in church, that has no legal weight — the other way around: the churches only marry people who have already married in the registrar’s office (traditionally the day before).

  76. Orson Zedd says

    It astounds me… If marriage is, in fact, a religious institution, then why aren’t these people calling for atheists to be unable to marry?

  77. Steve LaBonne says

    Just to be clear, I favor ZERO difference in the way the state treats same-sex and opposite-sex partnerships. Something like what Matt @61 describes as UK practice- for everybody. I agree that some kind of separate, lesser status for same-sex couples is discriminatory and insulting.

    Churches- and let’s face it, churches are what the average Joe Homophobe is thinking of in reference to “marriage”- could continue to do what they please, but without legal significance. And why would any secularist oppose that?

    Getting government into the “marriage” business and churches mixed up with legal contracts was always a very mistaken set of notions. No time like the present to reverse that mistake.

  78. MJ says

    Blake:

    Currently, in that poll, “Yes” is leading “No”, 2386 to 12.

    Wow, that was from May – I must be behind. Still if the poll says that we should continue crashing…It cannot possibly be skewed, can it?

  79. JoJo says

    the Governor at the time floated the idea of “the state provides domestic partnerships for all, and the church marries who it will.”

    I think this is an excellent idea. If some pastor or other religious figure doesn’t want to marry gays, then he doesn’t have to. If some County Clerk or Registrar doesn’t want to marry gays, then he should be looking for a new job.

  80. Nemo says

    Steve LaBonne, I agree with everything you say, except the conclusion. Why should churches get to claim the word “marriage” for themselves?

  81. Jeff Arnold says

    I get the distinct impression that someone is re-crashing all the poles you rightfully crashed! Of all the NERVE!
    =o)

  82. SteveM says

    Our Constitution guarantees that *ALL* men are created equal.

    *sigh*, no it doesn’t. People really need to stop confusing the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. The Constitution defines what kinds of laws the government is allowed (and not allowed, i.e. The Bill of Rights) to make. And while one of the bedrocks of the US is the DOI, it really has no legal force in determining what laws can be made. I think that the government should be consistent with the principles stated in the DOI, but the Constitution does not demand it.

    I think it is profoundly unfair that marriage should only be granted to heterosexual couples. But ultimately, it is a privilege granted by the state (that is, not the federal government) and so until the people want to amend the Constitution to protect the right of a person to legally bond with another person, it remains with the states to define what kinds of marriages to grant.

    Please understand, I am not trying to justify the morality or ehtics of not allowing same sex marriages. I think it is wrong to do so, just that there isn’t anything inherently illegal about it and up to each state’s constitution to define it. I believe that everyone does indeed have a right to bond with an individual of their choosing and hope that that right will eventually be recognized and protected by each state and the federal government. But I think that there is not anything currently in the US Constitution that protects this right.

  83. SteveM says

    re civil union vs marriage.

    “Marriage” is not inherently religious. Religion does have a “special” word for the ceremony, it is “Holy Matrimony”, marriage is a civil union.

  84. CanadianChick says

    why don’t we demand that CHURCHES change what they call it – why should the rest of us change?

    I’m married – you can be “covenanted” or “sacramented” or whatever you want to call it…

    I am married to someone of the opposite sex, but given the objections to same-sex marriage that most of the religious types spout – well, by their standards, I’d be “civil unioned”.

    I don’t get the fuss. As my beloved husband said, “if homosexuals want to be as miserable as heteros, why stop them?”

    I smacked him, then agreed.

  85. BMcP says

    Because wither we like it or not, it is an issue. Same sex-marriage is still being debated and fought over and people’s opinions are still strong and divided, that is what makes it news worthy, and that is why such polls appear. If heterosexual marriage was controversial, it too would receive the same treatment, but it has been established and accepted for so long as the standard, the idea is simply accepted. Perhaps in the future such polls will not appear, for now though, it is just the reality.

  86. SnS says

    What kind of question is “is a definition of marriage in our Constitution important”? That depends on what you’re defining it as. Do I think it’s important that our Constitution guarantees rights to individuals? Hell yeah. Do I think it’s the place to ban rights to individuals? That’s a hell no. So, how am I supposed to answer the question of whether it’s important?

  87. says

    Just to make this a bit more personal, here’s a link to an mp3 of a recent George Takei interview from the Stephanie Miller Show, where George talks about plans for his impending nuptials with Brad, and how such discriminatory laws will eventually be seen as every bit as barbaric as the anti-miscegenation laws that prevented an aunt of his from marrying the man she was in love with in the 40s. Click on my name below for a link to Takei’s website.

    Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations!

  88. Autumn says

    I was married in a courthouse, without any religious language. The “marriage”, however was merely the legal “solemnization” of the already purchased and non-refundable “marriage license”.
    That “marriage lisence” is the legal document which, once properly solemnized by anyone legally able to do so, grants the full rights, privileges, and penalties of civil partnership. I would have no qualms about a “civil union” if the paperwork was identical to that of a heterosexual “marriage”. The reason so many people are not willing to accept the compromise is because the paperwork is not identical.
    The civil unions proposed do not have the same language as any of the states’s marriage licenses, making civil unions a backhanded slap in the face of equality.
    Personally, I think the heterosexuals should be up in arms that gays can get “unionized” without facing the rather severe penalties negotiated by married couples.

  89. noncarborundum says

    Civil unions for all. Let the government get out of the business of marriage in its incarnation as ‘holy matrimony’.

    Hear, hear! Right there staring us in the face is the obvious solution to a phony problem.

    It’s a phony solution. The government is not in the business of “marriage in its incarnation of ‘holy matrimony'” and therefore doesn’t need a way out.

    The obvious solution is “marriage for all, holy matrimony for those who want to add a religious component.”

  90. themadlolscientist says

    The Squid Army rolls on. As of now we’re ahead: 10,545 (46%) Yes, 10,121 (45%) No, and 2034 (9%) for civil unions.

  91. says

    Re: #97

    Agreed. My wife and I were married in a courthouse, no religious language at all (and in fact specifically requested it that way) and I’m married. No civil unions here.

    The simple fact is, marriage hasn’t even been a primarily religious term for decades. You can walk down all the aisles in all the churches you want, you’re not married until you get that piece of paper from the state. The religious can whine and claim they “own” marriage all they want, the fact is they lost control of it many, many, many years ago.

  92. Mena says

    The people who are advocating civil unions need to realize something. Legally a civil union and a marriage aren’t the same thing right now. Civil unions don’t have anywhere near the same number of rights that marriages do and with the number of fundie homophobes out there they probably never will. Besides, civil unions are different from state to state, there needs to be a standard way of dealing with issues such as hospital visitation, child care, social security benefits, etc. If everyone had a civil union it would be one thing but having marriages for heterosexuals and civil unions for gays would be like having black schools and white schools during segregation. Besides, the only people that I see who are for civil unions are the ones who are still uncomfortable about changing the rite of marriage. C’mon, a wedding is just signing the papers, putting on costumes, and performing some theater for your friends and family. All that really matters is the paperwork.

  93. DLC says

    The concept of marriage is outdated, and too heavily tied to the world of the witch-doctors. Legally, marriage is not the ceremony. You still (in most states) have to have a license from the state to marry. Calling it “civil union” is mainly a sop to the witch-doctors and their followers. I think it’s fairly simple. either allow everyone who wants it marriage, or change the language so that everyone who gets married in reality joins a civil union. Let the witch-doctors call it what they will, and officiate if the couple in question wishes. No special category for gays or straights.

  94. Paul W. says

    The simple fact is, marriage hasn’t even been a primarily religious term for decades.

    Marriage hasn’t been a primarily religious term, ever. Since our Bone Age days, apparently, marriage has been a public commitment between two people. Religion tends to co-opt it, and patriarchy tends to distort it, but marriage seems to have been around everywhere, forever, whether people had any particular religious ideas about it or not.

    (For example, I have some anthro friends who work with a recently-contacted “stone age” tribe in the Amazon. Those folks have marriage, and it isn’t a religious sacrament. They just get married, as people do.)

    Up until around 1300, I think it was, most people in Britain weren’t married by priests in churches. They’d just stand up in an inn or something, and make some vows, and everybody’d get plastered.

    Getting married in churches was mainly for aristocrats, who were usually doing some kind of arranged clan alliance thing, and the Church wanted in on that, because it was a power broker.

    Then the Church decided that wasn’t enough power, and started playing up the “sacrament” of marriage and making everybody go through their official officiators, etc. They spread the idea that if it wasn’t sanctified by the priests, it wasn’t a real marriage. Bleah.

    BTW, my understanding is that when Jesus says that marriage is between a man and a woman, he’s saying he’s not a polygamist. (As most Jews weren’t, then, but messianic kooks have often been, since long before Jesus and until after David Koresh. It’s a natural question for a cult leader, since cult leaders have always tended to poke all the women.) Heterosexuality wasn’t the issue.

  95. Nick Gotts says

    Paul W.@103 That’s interesting, particularly the bit about Church marriage coming in only around 1300. Years ago I read a fascinating book by R.I. Moore, The Origins of a Persecuting Society (1987) which traced how, around that time, a whole slew of minority groups (Jews, “heretics”, “witches”, homosexuals, prostitutes, “lepers”) began to be systematically persecuted – that’s not to say they hadn’t had any,/I> trouble before – and argued that this was a key aspect of the rise of a new, literate and hence in large part clerical elite, who gained power and influence at the expense of the illiterate military as western European states became more sophisticated, and a cash-based economy began to get going again after a long gap.

  96. Leigh says

    Bgbaysjr, my sincerest condolences on your loss.

    SteveM, we examined the constitutional issues surrounding gay marriage pretty extensively on an earlier thread:

    http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/05/i_hear_wedding_bells.php

    See #401 for my take on the situation. In sum, I believe that Loving v. Virginia>/i> sets the precedent here. Unfortunately, I doubt Scalia, Thomas, Alito, or Roberts would agree. Ginsberg, Souter, and Breyer probably would. Kennedy would be anybody’s guess.

    I believe in the near future it would take a Supreme Court ruling in favor of gay marriage to set this to rest; perhaps one will arise from failure to recognize a California marriage in another state.

    In twenty or thirty years, this will be a non-issue, judging by polls showing the younger generation to be far more in favor of human rights for gay people. In fifty years, no civilized person will admit they opposed it.

    (Fellow grammar nazis, notice the use of “their” as the third-person neuter singular.)

  97. Leigh says

    Whoops, typo in the italics tag. And this after I previewed, too. Time for some sleep.

  98. Kitty says

    There’s an interesting piece at

    http://www.medievalscotland.org/history/handfasting.shtml

    about the history of ‘handfasting’. Not the modern pagan construct but the historical practice of marriage by consent.

    It shows the increasing control exerted over marriage by the churches, both Catholic and Protestant, in late medieval Europe. It’s all about controlling sex, of course, those who married in the old way, without a priest, being labelled ‘fornicators’.

    Nothing’s changed there then.

  99. negentropyeater says

    This discussion over the word “marriage” is ridiculous.
    We had exactly the same problem in Spain 5 years ago.

    The real problem is that a majority of people just can’t get over the idea that homosexuals be allowed to form unions that have exactly the same legal rights as heterosexual unions. It doesn’t matter how you call it, they are scared shit at this idea, because they have been endoctrinated by their churches with the notion that if you do this, homosexuality is going to spread like wildfire and is going to somehow take over all their children. That is the mental blockage that these people have.

    That’s why you have to force the issue, and not give up on the term, “marriage”, this is a false problem, a diversion invented by the churches.

    Ounce homosexuals are allowed to marry, people realize after a few years that the nightmare scenarios invented by their churches don’t happen, as usual the lies become more apparent, not only do they accept homosexual marriage very well (which is now evident in Spain after 5 years, nobody wants to change it), but it spells even more disenchantment for the churches. It’s the same story over and over again, as it has been with women’s rights in the past.

  100. Carlie says

    Stephanie Coontz wrote a book called “Marriage, a History” that does a nice job of going through what marriage has and hasn’t been through time. Quite an eye-opener.

    (She also wrote “The Way We Never Were”, about family life, also a good read)

  101. MAJeff, OM says

    Stephanie Coontz wrote a book called “Marriage, a History” that does a nice job of going through what marriage has and hasn’t been through time. Quite an eye-opener.

    Two other very good ones:

    Public Vows, by Nancy Cott
    Beyond Straight and Gay Marriage, by Nancy Polikoff

  102. negentropyeater says

    Some people here need to stop thinking that it is the concept of homosexual marriage that a majority of Americans oppose. It is not. It is the very concept of homosexuality they cannot tolerate.

    Some people here need to stop thinking that the churches have only used the verses of the bible to condemn homosexuality.
    They have done much worse. They have spread lies and engaged in massive financial efforts to endoctrinate people into believing that somehow homosexuality can be cured. They have institutions, foundations, websites, dedicated to this. Some people have lost their lives and commited suicide because of them.

    Their discourse seems almost all too logical, one can by taking the right measures, reduce the impact of homosexuality, therefore, allowing legal unions, however they are called, goes in the opposite direction, “the homosexual agenda” will catalyse many more homosexuals. The Bible just confirms it. Parents beware !

    The only problem is that all studies show that they are dead wrong. And real implementation in countries that pass laws favouring homosexuals show that they are wrong.

    We need to repeat, repeat, repeat, that the churches are spreading lies and disinformation. That’s where the real problem is, not about arguing whether the government should be in the business of marrying or not. That’s very, very, secondary.

  103. negentropyeater says

    One of my best friends who is gay, spent four years ago a year with his brother, an evangelical pastor in the twin cities.
    During that time, his brother managed to convince him to try one of those fabulous gay cure programmes. Oh it worked, not only he came back completely rejecting his homosexuality, but also he was “born again”. So here he was, being puppeted around the various churches, as an example, convincing parents that homosexuality could be cured, and that they should do everything they can to oppose the “gay agenda”.
    Now he’s back in the UK, suffering a severe depression, hasn’t had sex for 4 years, neither heterosexual nor homosexual, rejects everything apart from his medication.

    His case is not unique, there are tens of thousands more, those are the puppets used by the churches to endoctrinate tens of millions of Americans.

    So you see, for me, I’m gay, and that’s the most important thing of all, I just want people to accept ounce and for all that that’s the way I am. I’m not going to be cured. Nobody is going to change me. It’s nobody’s fault. Even my parents who are the most tolerant and intelligent I could imagine, went through a phase of culpability.
    Ounce they understand this, the rest is easy, really. It follows naturally that we shall all have equal rights.

    As long as people believe that we can be cured, as long as parents believe that their education or the environment has anything to do with bringing out homosexuality, people will be fighting homosexuality.

  104. Carlie says

    Some people here need to stop thinking that it is the concept of homosexual marriage that a majority of Americans oppose. It is not. It is the very concept of homosexuality they cannot tolerate.

    Partly true, but I think partly not. I think there are a lot of people who go along with the line they’ve been told by the die-hards, but haven’t honestly thought about it. They are the kind who might be swayed by legality. They’re listening to the people saying it’s wrong, and they don’t really ‘see’ the other arguments. Picture rural Illinois, for instance. People there mostly aren’t going to see out gays, they aren’t exposed to anything about them or how normal they are, and on top of it it’s illegal, so there must be something wrong with it, right? By making gay marriage legal and normal, that takes away a huge stigma and might make those people think twice since hm, the country hasn’t fallen apart the way the pastor said it would.

  105. dinkum says

    The wife and I got married by our friendly neighborhood Justice of the Peace. Nothing religious about it. Nobody even fucken asked (of course, we’re a plain-vanilla he/she set). And this was in Kansas, for cripes sake. It’s a legal recognition thing. Can we please dispense with the “marriage is a religious institution” horseshit?

  106. negentropyeater says

    Carlie,

    don’t get me wrong, legalizing gay marriage goes a long way to making homosexuality more acceptable.
    I’m just reacting to those who think that it’d be easier to pass civil unions than marriage, because this is a false discussion when those who oppose it can’t accept homosexuality as such, however you call the union.

    As I explain, the main mental blockage that people have, whether in rural Illinois, or rural Spain or anywhere, and highly manipulated by the churches, is that homosexuality is something that can be acted upon, that parents have some degree of responsibility, that it can be cured, and that passing laws favouring it is going to cause it to spread like wildfire.

    As long as parents maintain this idea of culpability, that somehow they have done something wrong in their education that has caused the child to become homosexual, even in the absence of a concrete example, this is their defacto assumption : “I have done something wrong”. This is manipulation by the churches, and is phenomenally efficient. This is what we are fighting against.

  107. Michelle says

    It’s a saying around here that nowadays the only people who still wants to get married are gay. <_< Hey, if they absolutely wanna lose half their stuff in divorce! Be my guest, buddies! (Yea, they can do whatever they want. Quite frankly it's an old empty debate. Marriage is just a bureaucracy with a false sense of commitment and religiousness and mindbinding... Get over it.)

  108. tony (not a vegan) says

    My wife & I got married at our local Registrar’s office in the UK, prior to coming to the US, for one reason only: It made sure she was entitled to accompany me (my son would have been allowed, but not her!)

    We had cohabited for nine years prior to our US move. I got an H1 visa – she would have gotten nothing! She could ‘visit’ me, as a UK citizen – but unless she got a visa herself, she would not have been allowed any more permanent entry. At that time, even as the mother of our son, she would have had no rights other than to ‘visit’.

    We found it extremely annoying (and strange) that ‘marriage’ is such a big deal here stateside. We were perfectly happy as cohabitants – husband and wife in a personal sense, and no business of the government or anyone else. We were (and are) partners.

    What are American’s afraid of? Twelve years later, I’m no closer to an answer!

  109. windy says

    Contrary to what various religions claim, marriage has never been a primarily religious thing. It’s always been a legal, political, and economic arrangement. The “authority” of religion over marriage is no more legitimate than any other authority they claim based on their imaginary friend(s). They made it up just like they make up everything else. Giving them “marriage” in favor of calling everything “civil unions” is giving them something they do not deserve and a false appearance of legitimacy.

    Exactly right. “Marriage” is not a registered trademark of any religion. We don’t need to give them that.

    That’s interesting, particularly the bit about Church marriage coming in only around 1300.

    It wasn’t until the 1600s in Sweden and Finland, and IIRC it wasn’t a legal requirement until 1734, so all in all the church had a pretty short run as the “owner” of marriage.

  110. says

    Interesting that Walton was so quick to jump in with his ‘separate but equal’ bullshit, but when confronted with all the real reasons for it being a bad idea, never returned….

    Let’s hope it’s because he’s seriously rethinking his prejudice. *turns blue holding breath*

    Cheers.

  111. Carlie says

    negentropyeater – I see what you’re saying. I’m just suggesting that the fact that gay marriage is illegal is part of the justification for believing it’s wrong, so if that were removed there wouldn’t be much more than the word of a pastor, rather than the word of a pastor and of the whole governmental powers of the state. Plus, the negative evidence that if it were legal everyone would not suddenly turn gay would call into question the scare tactics – it reveals the emperor wearing no clothes. Not to the hard-core fundamentalists, but to some of the mushy middle, perhaps.

  112. says

    Civil unions for all. Let the government get out of the business of marriage in its incarnation as ‘holy matrimony’

    It already is. The government only cares about civil marriage. If you get married in a religious ceremony but don’t sign a marriage certificate, the government will not recognize you as married but neither will it have any basis to charge you with a crime.

    The conflation of civil and religious marriage exists in some people’s minds, not in the law.

  113. says

    The best solution is to let the legal and civil parts of marriage be governed by the law, and the imaginary- er, spiritual, parts be governed by the various churches. If your witch doctor won’t perform the ceremony, find another shaman.

    That’s the way it is in the US. Is it different in Italy?

    I agree with Walton on this one. The sooner we get behind the principle if civil unions or partnerships the better. Of course it’s going to take time to change attitudes but look at it this way: if religions no longer have sole authority to sanction such partnerships, it’s one way to help prise loose the grip they have on society.

    I don’t know where you live, but in the USA, religions do not have sole authority to sanction such partnerships.

  114. says

    uknesvuinng wrote:

    Contrary to what various religions claim, marriage has never been a primarily religious thing. It’s always been a legal, political, and economic arrangement. The “authority” of religion over marriage is no more legitimate than any other authority they claim based on their imaginary friend(s). They made it up just like they make up everything else. Giving them “marriage” in favor of calling everything “civil unions” is giving them something they do not deserve and a false appearance of legitimacy. I’d rather we call all the contracts marriage and roll our eyes when churches start whining “it’s not fair” like little children. You don’t get to have a say in things just cause you say you do.

    I agree 100%.

  115. 300baud says

    I just don’t ask the state who I’m allowed to live with. What’s next, fucking licenses? Forget you! The state has no business here.

  116. Dana says

    “My husband and I thought we had all the bases covered. We had wills, living wills, powers of attorney, and we were Domestic Partners. As of July 1, 2003, in California, we had almost all the rights and responsibilities of legally married spouses.

    On a rainy afternoon on January 27, 2008, my beloved husband died in our home in rural northern California. All our legal documents, all the laws of the State of California suddenly counted for nothing, nada, zilch to the Deputy Sheriff / Coroner standing in my living room. According to him, in our county only blood relatives and married spouses counted as next of kin. He intended to pack up all of my husband’s possessions and ship them immediately to my brother-in-law in New York state. …”

    I’m a lawyer, and I really don’t understand this. Maybe CA’s laws are that different from NC’s but 1) in NC, having a legally valid will trumps anything else; if you want to and are mentally competent to do so, you can make a will leaving everything you’ve got to your mailman, and your family can’t do anything about it. The only exception to that, at least in NC, is your spouse; you can’t totally disinherit a spouse. 2) what does the deputy sheriff/coroner have to do with where his possessions go? In NC, distributing a deceased person’s assets, including his tangible possessions, is the job of the legally appointed personal representative of the estate, either the executor named in the will or an administrator appointed by the court (normally a family member) if there isn’t a will. If a law enforcement officer who was at the home to investigate the death took so much as one book out of the house, except as evidence in the investigation, it would be theft.

  117. Dana says

    “I’ve often thought the same thing as Blake. Matt, here in the united states if you file joint returns you are legally married even if you never bothered to have any ceramony. Legally you are not supposed to file a joint return unless you had a legal marriage first but if you get away with it, a joint return is considered proof of marriage and you are in.”

    Actually, not true. Marriage is determined on a state-by-state basis. If a couple who lives in a state where common-law marriage is allowed files a joint federal tax return, that action could be used as evidence of them holding themselves out as married to support finding that they are common-law married, but a couple who lives in a state where common-law marriage is not recognized can file ten joint tax returns and it won’t make them any more married if they haven’t stood in front of a legal or religious figure with the authority to marry them and filled out a marriage license.

  118. Dana says

    “I think it is profoundly unfair that marriage should only be granted to heterosexual couples. But ultimately, it is a privilege granted by the state (that is, not the federal government) and so until the people want to amend the Constitution to protect the right of a person to legally bond with another person, it remains with the states to define what kinds of marriages to grant.

    Please understand, I am not trying to justify the morality or ehtics of not allowing same sex marriages. I think it is wrong to do so, just that there isn’t anything inherently illegal about it and up to each state’s constitution to define it. I believe that everyone does indeed have a right to bond with an individual of their choosing and hope that that right will eventually be recognized and protected by each state and the federal government. But I think that there is not anything currently in the US Constitution that protects this right.”

    What about the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment? I tend to agree with your basic premise that there may not be any absolute right to marry per se in the Constitution, but there certainly are many federal and state laws that grant preferences and benefits to couples who are married. Once the government has decided to grant those benefits and condition them on being married, then I think there is a very good argument that granting access to the civil, legal status necessary to claim those benefits only to heterosexual couples and not to homosexual couples violates equal protection because there is no rational justification for making the distinction.

  119. David D.G. says

    I agree completely with your sentiments, PZ.

    However, is it just my mind being in the gutter today, or was it intentional that you titled this post “Oh, ome on now” and referred to the WNBC story as “fluff” — when it’s about a homosexual celebrity wedding?

    ~David D.G.