Just what we need — another evangelical Christian theme park, this one in the planning stages in Tennessee. This one has one particular instance of blinkered blindness, though, that I thought was rather funny.
The Park is planned as an “edutainment” experience, combining education and entertainment. The Park is without a particular religious ideology or theology and does not promote specific religious beliefs of any kind; instead, it is designed to bring to life history of Biblical times and stories from the Holy Bible.
If you read the rest, you’ll learn that this thing is taking fundamentalist, literalist reading of the Christian bible entirely for granted…how this translates into an absence of theology or specific religious beliefs is hard to understand, unless these people are so oblivious to the narrow theological domain of their beliefs that they are unable to imagine its grossly sectarian nature. Or unless they’re really stupid.
Where I come from that’s called “irritainment.”
A little from column “A” and a little from column “B”.
It’s just their way of putting Catholics down.
So it’s kinda like an Aesop’s Fables theme park?
175 million Dollar investment? I think this place is in praise of the God Mammon
Disingenuous to boot.
It’s easy; the fundamentalist viewpoint:
a)Isn’t a religion; it’s a personal relationship with god
b)Isn’t a sect; it never split off from anything, it’s derived directly from the bible
c)Isn’t an ideology; it’s the way things really are, and you just can’t see that because of your liberal bias
Of course, it’s a relationship with god that involves a lot of superstitions and pointless rituals, most of the people in it came to it from other sects and it was set up by people unhappy with the more conventional kinds of religion, and it’s derived directly from the bible the way Answers In Genesis is derived directly from The Origin of the Species… but that all works. You just can’t see how because of your liberal bias.
Surely not?
It’s for Evangelical Southern Baptists AND Fundamentalist Southern Baptists.
I’ll go with oblivious *and* stupid!
They took one lie from Ken Ham’s creation museum:
Like they said in the Blues Brothers, “We have both kinds of music; country AND western!”
Doublethink, anyone?
It’s for people who have yet to grow a brain.
That website is hysterical!! OMFNEG!! This place is being marketed to people with a 2nd grader’s grasp of things. Wow. They should just name it “Bible-Land, where the mysteries of the Bible come to Life!”. Morons.
“unless these people are so oblivious to the narrow theological domain of their beliefs that they are unable to imagine its grossly sectarian nature. Or unless they’re really stupid.”
I think you just repeated yourself there PZ.
Wazza has it right — they’re using a definition of “religion” which doesn’t include their own views.
Religion is man’s way of trying to bring God down to his level. It’s about rules and buildings and people.
This contrasts with THEIR understanding, which is emphatically not a religion. It’s either:
1.) A personal relationship
2.) God as God really is, and not the way man wants Him to be.
3.) “Spirituality”
This, by the way, is the definition of ‘religion’ they’ll sometimes use when they start talking politics. You meet someone who agrees with you that we need to keep religion out of government. Separation of Church and State, you bet.
“But, of course, one cannot and must not separate GOD and State.”
And then they smile and think they’ve said something very deep, very profound, and gained all sorts of respect points for having the sensitivity to refuse to “interpret” God, but just allow God to BE God. And you stand there thinking they’re being disingenuous, and pulling a fast one that shouldn’t fool a baby.
Check out this section of their site:
http://www.bibleparkusa.com/news.html
They’re getting some sort of government kickback for building this thing.
Alas, none of MY questions appear on the FAQ page. Also note that they elected a FOR-profit status because they “learned that some Bible-based projects around the country were struggling because their not-for-profit nature limits what experiences they can offer due to inadequate funds.” I’ll BET they did.
I love it that there’s a tab labeled “Facts”. They wish!
Oh, boy! I get first dibs on the jesus-pony ride!
I thought there already was an evangelical Christian theme park. In Kentucky. Yes, yes, I know they call it a “museum,” but I always thought a museum was a place where items of scientific, historical, or cultural importance are displayed. The abomination in Kentucky certainly doesn’t fit that bill. Thus, it’s a theme park.
And one evangelical Christian theme park is already one too many.
I bet Ken Ham is kicking himself and beating up his collection of straw men right now.
The creation museum settled for a lousy 17 million. They should have gone for a creation theme park. Rides, robots, bars, restaurants, fireworks at night, sound and light show, the whole Disneyworld thing but slanted towards fundies. The dinosaurs alone would have put them near the top.
I wonder if they’ll have larger-than-life “biblical” mascots roaming the park, posing for photos. They could have the Big-J, Moses, Mary, the other Mary, Big-J’s crew….that would be cool – in a holy kind of way.
Yup, I think they’re trying to be ecumenical and magnanimous in that they will entertain people of all (xtian) faiths. (See aiabx’s “It’s for Evangelical Southern Baptists AND Fundamentalist Southern Baptists” post above.) It’ the Blues Brothers’ all kinds of music, country AND western writ large.
That, and yes they’re stupid.
But a theme park is less sciency.
I want to go see the crucifixion ride! Then right after that – the witch burning show (they use REAL witches!!).
It looks like pure “Tard,” but it has been cut to the bone by an even more dangerous, cheaper, and easy-to-manufacture “product” of fundie pushers the world over – “Dishonesty.”
There’s a ride called “Rapture”, it’s kind of like a slingshot.
I’ll call your bet and raise you. They need to jazz up the biblical thing. Restaurants, bars, waterpark, “exotic” dancers, shooting gallery, etc.
They need to rip off Disneyland, Las Vegas, and every carnival ever to hit the road and combine them with 1 part fundie religion. Got to have a casino. A wedding chapel.
Of course they’ll have the Hell ride – with lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth.
From their FAQ:
1. Bible Land Fly-Through indoor ride that boasts the newest generation of IMAX-like technology with surround imagery
Newest generation IMAX-like technology? Hooray for science!
2. Exodus Experience, an indoor experience featuring the parting of the Red Sea with high-tech standing 25-foot waves and image projection
High-tech standing waves and image projection? Hooray for science!
3. Entire Teen area with an enclosed ride, coffee house, sports arcade and retail shops;
State-of-the-art recording studio where teen choirs and church choirs will be invited to record;
State-of-the-art recording studio? Hooray for science!
4. Recreation of Noah’s Ark and a play where animals from the Ark will act and
Animals? Hooray for evolution!
5. Places for youth groups and Bible study groups where they will be surrounded by the full text of the New Testament inscribed on a stone wall.
Stone wall? Hooray for… Well, okay. That sounds context-appropriate.
The guy behind all this is a former Penthouse photographer. I bet he forgot to mention that in his “literature.”
. . . and you’re all visualizing this dead wrong. Stop thinking Biblical Disneyland, start thinking bronze-age Palestinian Renaissance faire-analog, staffed by the kinds of people who run Hell Houses and happy to serve you scantily clad belly dancers as long as you know they’re damned.
From the website:
…and I’m sure that will be authentic!
that’s right: authentic biblical foods. Maybe a nice shawarma?
No Lot’s wife turned to salt? Jonah puked up by a whale? Job’s daughters etc.? Women being stoned to death?
I like the idea of larger-than-life biblical characters wandering around and yucking it up for kids, but we’ll need some really good characters. The four horsemen of the apocalypse? Goliath? Creepy ol’ man Methuselah?
I’m sure you guys can do better…
I like raven’s mention of a casino. That’s got to be the most fundy/prayer oriented industry in America (and many other countries).
It will both attract and indoctrinate their type of audience.
these people are trying to force my grandmother off the land she has lived on for the vast majority of her life… its rather sad, actually…
“…Job’s daughters etc.?”
I want to go on THAT ride….with his daughter’s, not …well. You know.
Hey PZ!
Let’s have a poll and see.
Do you believe Fundamentalist Monotheists are:
(A) – So oblivious to the narrow theological domain of their beliefs that they are unable to imagine its grossly sectarian nature.
(B) – Really Stupid.
(C) – Practitioners of the only True Religion.
(D) – Both A & B.
(E) – Don’t Know.
They have a version of whack-a-mole called smite-the-Amalekite.
Do you thing they’ll have an exhibit of Christians stoning adulterers? I’ve always wanted to see that!
“I wonder if they’ll have larger-than-life “biblical” mascots roaming the park, posing for photos. They could have the Big-J, Moses, Mary, the other Mary, Big-J’s crew….that would be cool – in a holy kind of way.
Posted by: Alex”
I WANT LOT! . . . WITH OOOZZING SORES!
.
Will they have different zones a la Disneyland?
I bet the ‘Life of Job’ sector will be sparsely attended.
Here we go again!
“Why Rutherford County, Tennessee?”
[…]
“The Nashville-Davidson-Murfreesboro MSA is one day’s drive from 75% of the U.S. population.“
Hmm… I have a feeling we could get into some constitutionality issues here. Look at FAQ #10. They’re using TIFs (Tax Incremental Financing) to pay for the park.
TIFs are essentially handouts from cities to developers; the cities return (or don’t collect) a portion of property taxes to developers, with the understanding that developers bring in other indirect revenue (more homes = more residents = more spending, etc.)
While I’ve seen TIFs and TIDDs used for residential and commercial ventures, I’m highly suspicious of that strategy being used for a religious-themed development (despite what they say).
Anyone got the Supreme Court on speed dial?
You have to remember: Here in Tennessee, saying “I understand evolution” or “Maybe that Bible passage is metaphorical” means you have a liberal theology and people won’t take you seriously.
“Here we go again!”
LMAO
Maybe the whole world is made up of Christians and apostates. And the only true religions are the various sects of True Christianity.
The Park is without a particular religious ideology or theology and does not promote specific religious beliefs of any kind; instead, it is designed to bring to life history of Biblical times and stories from the Holy Bible.
Aww they’re such open minded people. It’s really nice to see that this day and age!! Nice people.
@#37
OOOOOH! I know this one! It’s C, right?
Wait this isn’t multiple choice? Damnit, I’m still in finals mode…
Maybe the whole world is made up of Christians and apostates.
Anoint the apostates!! Nointy noint noit!! Noooooooooo…
. . . except for biblical literalism. Impartiality–you’re doing it wrong!
This ain’t about religion, it’s about the money, honey.
The guy behind it is an Israeli who ran tours so evangelicals could visit the Holy Land. Obviously he saw the big bucks shelled out by the rubes, and wanted to chash in on the slightly poorer, slightly dumber, stay in the country crop, expecially when the dollar doesn’t buy a fish, much less a chip in Europe anymore. So where else are these people going to take little Jim Bob & Hannah on vacation, Dubai?
As with most things, for the answers, follow the money.
I think it will be a hit with the target demographics. He can cross promote with Dollywood & Ham’s Flintstone Museum
I want to ride through the Tunnel of Sin.
I am really tired of the intolerance on this websight to people that perfer the Bible to Disney hey cinderela is not for everyone.
It is sad all the hate on here. If someone wants to go on BIble rides instead of athiest roller coasters HEY SO WHAT. We all know liberals and atheists hate the kind of parks with holesome Bible sories all they want is Disneyland with Mikie Mouse. typical.
All you do on here is show intolerance and hate. Bible Parks are better that is my OPINION. I know a athiest (Bill) he likes Donald duck but at least he respects my religious feelings and I respect him. Hes not always trying to tell me I am stupid and a moron and a idiot just because I like stories from the hloy Bibble. Everybody knows liberals like Disneyland and hate bible rides. Its sad.
Ha! Has anyone looked at the “3-D site flyover?” I can’t imagine a more incompetently-produced piece of computer animation. It looks like a sixth-grader’s computer class project.
Yeah, they’re trying to build it right down the road from where I live. But in defense of (some) Tennesseans, most of us are fighting it as hard as we can. The builder of it has even been campaigning door to door to get the residents’ support.
What are those things at tourist traps called? YOU know — those boards with a character’s body painted on but with a hole cut where the face would be and you stand there with your own face stuck in the hole for a photo? I’m picturing Jesus on the cross only it’s MY face. That would be awesome!
And instead of a Tunnel of Love, you can take a nice boat ride on a river of fire!
I saw in the news today that the Vatican says it’s okay to believe there’s life on other planets. Now, I know these Fundie parks think all Catholics are Hellbound, but I think if they ran with this idea, that other planets have life (some of it more advanced than what we have on earth, even), they could come up with some really great performances at this park.
You know, Jesus on the Planet Regulah, something like that. Where those other beings are also made in God’s image.
Sort of a Holy Star Wars thing, or “Honey, I Shrunk The Heathens.”
Or, bringing it back to Earth, “Be Swallowed By A Real Whale!” (I think the story of Jonah is one of the most pointless stories contained in the Bible. I don’t care what VeggieTales says. But it’d still make a cool ride. “Daddy, are we in the big fish’s tummy now??”).
my vote is for really stupid
Posted by: Kenny | May 13, 2008 6:50 PM
almost, parody Kenny, almost.
How exciting! I can’t wait to see the diorama where David sleeps with Jonathan like a man with a woman.
Boy, I don’t remember my Bible stories very well. I WANT JOB, NOT LOT.
And I actually have a Job Biblical action figure with the oozing sores.
Why does that sound familiar?
Pretty good faux-Kenny, there, Sven (?) but still detectably satirical.
Seriously, though – this park isn’t necessarily dedicated to biblical literalism. They are stories, after all, and if the park really isn’t pushing religion per se, the maybe it really is just a Storyland kind of park. (Hence my Aesop comparison earlier.) Literalists are the minority, but plenty of people like the stories / parables / fables / whaddevah.
In any case, LOL @ “Tunnel of Sin” :-D
The minute I saw the words “blinkered blindness,” I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funny if Kenny chose this thread as the next one to hop onto?” And he did!
Kenny, it’s your opinion if you think these sorts of theme parks are better than Disneyland, but it’s a fact that they are lying when they claim that “the Park is without a particular religious ideology or theology” and that it “does not promote specific religious beliefs.”
and at night, after the kiddies are asleep in the authentic biblical motel, out in back of the authentic biblical steakhouse and cocktail lounge: the Sodom and Gomorrah Show and Revue!!!!!!
“Through Mr. Paldi’s work as the owner of a travel company taking American Christian pilgrims on trips to the Holy Land”
I kid you not I’ve encountered this lot in Jerusalem. A bunch of wailing, sweating, fat-arsed, pastel polyester pant clad, middle-age losers fighting, and I mean literally bickering and arguing, over who gets to carry to faux wooden eight foot cross for the next ten feet along the Via Delorosa.
My dad and I nearly wet our pants laughing at them and their red, puffing faces and the earnestness that pulling this damn thing up an incline in 25 degree heat with sacks of putrid garbage everwhere(garbos were on strike that week)was going to somehow put them on a higher spiritual plane and make them “more religious” than you.
We followed them with a vid camera for about a mile before we got bored and wandered off for some piss poor Israeli coffee.
Same bloody lot were at Bethlehem to next day and, bugger me if we didn’t also encounter them at Masada all crying and pretending to be in the mind set of the zealots. If we hadn’t already discovered Israel was pretty much a shithole by that stage then it might well have ruined our holiday.
Wait…that wasn’t really Kenny?
My satire-detection is going…maybe I need to get away for a while….
(Etha, you may not be aware of the roots of the running joke that’s (re-)starting here. One of the big selling points for the location of the Creation Museum was that it’s within 12 hours drive of 75% of the population of the USA or some such thing.)
the Sodom and Gomorrah Show and Revue!!!!!!
Also known as the Last Supper.
“This is my body…take…eat…rowr!”
Maybe you should take a break from satire detection and get back to persecuting hapless christians. Everyone knows liberals just want to kill christians and they hate the flag.
(Not that the real Kenny would use the word “hapless.”)
$175 million? Well “Speed Racer” cost almost $300 million to make and promote, so that sounds like a bargain AND people might buy tickets.
This will be good, though. Most Americans don’t witness a goat sacrifice very often, so now they’ll just have to check the show schedule and see one in the park’s central plaza at 11 am, 1 pm, 3 pm, and 4 pm. Remember to take your plastic parkas, sacrifices can be quite messy…
Future memory: {with Randy Quaid accent}
“Hey, Ruby-Sue, ‘member when I pretended to sell little Betty-Jean to that guy for a parka? That was fun. Good times. I just wish them characters would let us take their pitchers, but I guess we hafta respect their beliefs that our cameras steal their souls. Ya never know, right?”
I wonder if this is something that many of the fundamentalist churches do? When I was young, the church my parents brought me to what was called a non-denominational church. The pastor was proud of the fact, and always made a point to say, that our church was not based on any particular ideology…we just read the Bible and do what it says. Funny that they do not see that they do have a specific belief system….they take the Bible as literal truth.
“holesome Bible sories” wins the thread.
Mmm, ‘exotic dancers’. Salome’s dance of the seven veils… yummy. Severed heads served up on platters….
I got a better name for this park: “Snoozeland”. Or perhaps “Six Flags Over Mommy and Daddy Hate Me”.
Damn, “Kenny” actually had me going until the last paragraph there.
It’s all about the $$$. No, they’re not stupid, but they intend to make a fortune of of the really stupid. Business as usual.
No ideology but assumes the veracity of the bible? Must be getting co-sponsored by the History Channel.
@#37 Jaycubed —
Vote here!
You are seeing it in the wrong way. When they say “without a particular religious ideology or theology”, they mean they aren’t going to push any particular thin slice of pentecostal theological thought. Tithing? Speaking in tongues? Dancing? All kinds of weird stuff.
When they say “without a particular religious ideology or theology”, they mean they aren’t going to push any particular thin slice of pentecostal theological thought. Tithing? Speaking in tongues? Dancing? All kinds of weird stuff.
I sure hope they have a snake handling attraction. Maybe a game where you have to throw cottonmouths at each other. The first one to get bit and live wins a big stuffed plush Jesus.
The Park also includes a Bible Study Center where groups can come, meet and study.
That was way too easy.
ice
Oh, I’m sure the Big Bucket O’ Snakes will be a big seller at the self-serve cafeteria, where “The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves!“
Just don’t bring your kids to Lot’s Bar and Grill.
so I drive my 12, arrive at The Park, pay my money, say my verse, and enter with Tonto, my loyal guide dog. In the first restroom I peel off and don my pestilent loincloth, exposing the festering sores, and apply a liberal amount of the violent stench I’ve smuggled in. Dose up the sores with some peanut butter and POOM I’m Lazarus at the Gate, well trained Tonto licking away, wealthy Thumpers stepping over me, holding their noses. now that would be fun.
ice
And don’t look in the back.
or the Hellfire and Brimstone Barbecue Pit
(man, in the unlikely event these guys have a sense of humor, there’s so much that could be done with the concept)
or the Hellfire and Brimstone Barbecue Pit
MMMM…shrimp grilled in prosciutto over crab cakes with a big ol’ bloddy mary for Sunday Brunch?!
Why not a Speaking in Tongues Karaoke Bar?
At all the eateries, the salt shakers should be in the shape of Lot’s wife.
Easy answers to simple questions:
how this translates into an absence of theology or specific religious beliefs is hard to understand, unless these people are so oblivious to the narrow theological domain of their beliefs that they are unable to imagine its grossly sectarian nature. Or unless they’re really stupid.
For the owners, the answer isn’t hard to understand – don’t scare off the sheep before you shear them (ie., PR BS). For the customers, the answer is also simple: as you suggest, they’re just plain stupid. The also think that they don’t have an accent, unlike New Yorkers, the British, and San Francisco Liberals.
My family once almost ended up at the theme park for the Jim & Tammy Fay Bakker swindle, when my parents failed to recognize the names until they saw the billboards – the ad in the AAA guidebook had avoided almost any religious references and just used the BS “family” crap. We stopped, we enjoyed their pamphlets (der Bakker bakery and Jesus flume, if I recall correctly were the highlights), and got the hell out of the there. Should have saved the pamphlet – someday that’ll be a collectible!
We should send them our suggestions.
I like it, but are condiments too sinful? (‘cept for ketchup, of course, and yellow French’s)
I’ll be first in line for the ginormous Betty Bowers statue that’s perched right above that pesky natural gas leak.
Why not a real Crucifixion ride? Real spikes and all. I mean, if these Christians really want to relive the Bible stories and mirror Jesus life – why not just go for it?
“athiest roller coasters” -Kenny
That is the most awesome thing I have ever heard.
Anyway, this “park” is to be built in my backyard- literally. Well, at least where I used to live. I still work in Rutherford county, so I get to see this whole fiasco right up front. Here is a link to articles about the park in the local paper: http://search.dnj.com/sp?aff=101&keywords=Bible+Park
Amen, Suspect.
Oh, and here is the article about the park being “Green”. This story was also on NPR this morning: http://www.dnj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=200880512011
There will be this neat BBQ restaurant in Liberal-Athiest Sinner Land called the Hell’s Rib Joint and they’ll always be out of hot dogs, the cole slaw will have pineapple in it, and they’ll only serve German potato salad.
Thanks for the suggestion link Etha!
I proposed that they include a field for Biblical battle reenactments (Jericho, Gideon vs. the Midianites, etc) complete with loudspeakers to emit the sounds of screaming babies and wailing mothers, as they can’t use real babies…that’s our department :)
If I could just interject here as someone who’s not only from Tennessee but Nashville, close to where this park is proposed (and where I’ve been hopeful on the few occasions I’ve heard it mentioned on the news that it faces an uphill battle) not all of us Tennesseans are idiots. Admittedly no one’s said that so far, that I’ve seen; comments about the location have centered around its convenience rather than the fact that there are some seriously stupid rednecks in Tennessee. Hey, you find stupid rednecks everywhere, right? In fact I’m pleased no one’s made such cheap shots, and, saying this in all seriousness, the next time some moron (not faux-Kenny but a REAL Kenny) accuses you of dishing nothing but hate, many of you have made intelligent, well-informed–and DAMNED FUNNY remarks about this. Anyway on any election map Davidson County is a dot of light blue in a sea of red. That makes us a big fat target for the idiots.
Oh, hell yeah!
“Joshia fit de battle ob Jericho” would be E-ticket for sure.
Thank you Etha for the poll. (#78)
@#94 Suspect Device —
Surely you’ve heard of passion reenactments?
MMMM…shrimp grilled in prosciutto over crab cakes with a big ol’ bloddy mary for Sunday Brunch?!
why wait ’till Sunday?
That’s it. I gotta go get something to eat.
Falafel…?
…and at random points a couple of she-bears leap out of the bushes and eat your children! Up to 42 a day!
All good biblical fun!
I want a petting zoo/science exhibit where kids can use hands-on biblical science to breed striped animals.
I just have to say, even though I wouldn’t dream of spending a dime on a ticket to see Expelled, the Big Lie , I’d actually get a big kick out of seeing this theme park. OMg!!!! It could be the laugh riot of the year!
glad you found that reference useful, Etha. Much more useful than of bothering to re-read the whole horrid thing again.
;)
I suggested that they have a reenactment of Numbers 31, especially the return of the Israelites to Moses with their Midianite captives.
Interesting how an “all loving” god has no problems with murdering POW’s and taking sex slaves.
Isn’t DollyWood enough for them? What ingrates!
Isn’t DollyWood enough for them?
Dolly’s to comfortable with Teh Gays.
If I were to hazard a guess at what they mean by this, I’d say that they aren’t picking a specific, Protestant Christian, denomination to exclusively promote. All Protestant Christian sects are welcome.
Hey! They timed that well! Now they can have UFO rides and photo booths with the sinless-aliens as well!
“Mum! I wanna ride on the holy yufo, Mum!”
Middle Tennessee is a wondrous place. Where else can you find Bible Park USA, a relatively prestigious learning institution (Vanderbilt), a full-scale replica of the Parthenon, and the (self-described) World’s Largest Adult Bookstore?
With the growth of Middle Tennessee State University in Rutherford, the significant differences between many of the students and the locals can be quite striking. I absolutely adored it when I lived there.
More on topic, this area isn’t friendly to theme parks. We turned the famed Opryland into an outlet mall, after all, and it played to the town’s long history with country music.
Granted we’re now just as famous for inflicting the atrocity that is Christian Rock on the poor people of this earth, but I don’t see Bible Park having any greater success.
from above: [….”exotic” dancers,]
“Ladies and gentleman, this evening we have the Harlots and painted Jezebels show, followed by a public stoning of said dancers (with beanbag rocks and over-the-top Troma-esque fake blood spurting)….”
“In 5 minutes we’ll be starting the ‘Moses says Sabbath’ game, anyone caught doing verboten stuff during imaginary Sabbath gets the biblically mandated punishment; think of Simon says, only more Godly…”
“This weekend is Mormon recognition day, come see our ‘Jesus in America’ and ‘Joseph Smith’ shows on the main stage, running back to back all day today..”
“in honor of Christian Science recognition day, the entire park clinic medical staff have been given the day off; too all non-Christian Science guests, the nearest hospital in town is about 1.5 miles; feel free to hail a cab or call 911 from a courtesy phone–we’ll pray for you”
“In honor of Pentacostal day sopecimw dewoiwuncep soeucoe sueowuec oeuspoacw oeuucsoepauecp sueoawpeuawopeuc ouespoau!!! Thank you for your attention.”
Some humor on the BiblePark from a local columnist.
“We turned the famed Opryland into an outlet mall…”- Stan.
I’m still bitter over that one. So many childhood memories. Oh well, at least I still have http://www.thrillhunter.com/indexop.html
I’m going with really stupid, but oblivious is closing fast.
I have begun to call my fundamentalist students the “Stepford Children.” They really reveal themselves to be intellectual zombies.
Man, a park like this really needs some of the more…fantastical biblical tales as attractions.
Okay, who gets to give all the people of Dan hemorrhoids? Well, maybe you get that from the 12 hour drive over. I was tempted to make some crude remarks about rides involving Aaron’s rod or blowing whoever the f it was with the horn, but I refrained.
The games have real potential at this place:
Navigate an obstacle course of brats insulting you. If you make it through, when you kneel to pray to the Lord after clearing the final course, you engage a switch that has a bear comes out and eat your tormentors.
The David slingshot game–fell the giant, get 200 foreskins to buy your first wife (Okay, so it’s combining two different David sagas–so what?).
I can’t believe nobody has gone into the Passover saga! Paint as many doors as you can with blood in X number of seconds, get a one of those weird Passover toys PZ linked to a while back.
I don’t think Solomon’s temple will work, since nobody would find 700 fundie women decked out in their polyester believable as wives of a decadent king, and never mind as concubines.
Speaking of Solomon… One thing you’ll never see at Bible Land: Song of Solomon, the Musical. I don’t think they’ll really get what finding fruit sweet to the taste is all about.
Ah, food. The all you can eat salad bar (every fundie loves all you can eat anything) needs to be the Garden of Eden.
But you know what this place will have more of than anything: GIFT SHOPS. Tons of them. This is actually a much better idea than a Christian outlet mall. The investors can charge them to park and to walk inside–guaranteed income! You couldn’t do that at an outlet mall. You also make the fundies feel like they’re in someplace “exclusive.” After all, non-fundies are unlikely to go to this place. Remember, these people (and even moreso their pastors) like the idea of living in an impenetrable cocoon of fundalunacy. They only read the bible and some limited Christian magazines or advice/inspiration books, listen only to Christian radio, watch only Christian TV, send their kids to Christian schools (and may have only attended one themselves), only do business with Church-approved places. I don’t think some folks realize how insulated these people are from reality–they can go years without interacting with we the infidels. The less they have to do with all of us who threaten to burst their carefully erected bubble, the happier they are. And this is one more protective layer. No more having to go to Disneyland, where the fundie might actually have to interact with teh gayz! Jews! Atheists! Immodest, mouthy feminists! Horrors!
“…over-the-top Troma-esque fake blood spurting)….”
That’s sorta triple redundant, don’t you think?
Any ways….you people crack me up. I read this blog for the comments.
I don’t know, it just doesn’t have the same attraction for me – if I’m going to come all the way from Australia I’d rather go to the place where it shows dinosaurs in the garden of Eden and that the T-Rex had big sharp teeth because they ate coconuts. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did when I first read that – I honestly thought it was a parody until I saw the comments section.
Seriously, how do you people living in the US cope with this sort of nutbaggery?
Wowbagger:
You’re looking at how we deal with it: mercilessly ridiculing it!
Aquaria #125: I guess, if it helps – it’s certainly entertaining for me, because I get all the positives (laughing at the insanity of it all) without too many of the negatives (fundies on my doorstep).
Though you don’t often have to put in too much effort – these clowns do most of the work for you.
But I can’t help feeling a flicker of unease about whether it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Some parts of the world seem to be getting more secular while others are going in the opposite direction. That sort of polarisation is frightening – take India and Pakistan, Israel and Palestine, or the African countries caught between different sects or different religions.
If only the crazy was limited to building ghastly theme parks.
But I can’t help feeling a flicker of unease about whether it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
IMO, all the indicators suggest it will get MUCH worse before it gets better.
think: “cornered cat”
If only the crazy was limited to building ghastly theme parks.
for now.
Ichthyic, I think you brought this rather a propos quote to my attention:
“Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them.” – Thomas Jefferson
…and someone else brought it to my attention.
IIRC, I first saw it here:
http://www.rationalresponders.com/vox_chapter_2
but it just fit so well, it’s like it should be everyone’s sig. who spends time tearing apart the nonsense espoused by creationists.
It’s the sort of thinking – and I use the term loosely – that you’d expect education to weed out. But between the homeschooling by the ‘faithful’, the private ‘faith-oriented’ schools, and the hijacking of public schools’ curricula their little darlings are going to remain protected against anything resembling a conflicting viewpoint.
By the time they get somewhere (a secular university or college) where their ideas are challenged they’re probably going to be too set in their ways to change. And so the cycle repeats.
Sven DIMilo @ #33
Elisha and the she-bears, of course!
This reminds me of Tom Holt’s Faust Among Equals, which features a management buy-out of hell and conversion into a theme park (EuroBosch), complete with rides where you’re tortured, pools of boiling shite to relax in, assorted Hieronymous Bosch critters who wander around and after posing with you for a picture bite your head off, et al.
Isn’t that kind of like those ‘Hell Houses’ that Dawkins talked about? Where the fundies give kids nightmares about what’s going to happen to them if they sin?
The all-time best comedic representation of Hell is the Rowan Atkinson sketch where he’s the devil welcoming all the new inmates. Depending on which version you see/hear he skewers atheists, Xians (‘yes, I’m afraid the Jews were right’), fornicators, lawyers, the French and the Germans – amongst others.
I’ve always thought a theme park ride inspired by Dante’s Inferno would be cool…the line could be in a forest environment, then you get into a theme park car next to a projection of Virgil (similar to the atheistic Disneyland Haunted House ride) and you go in a spiraling downward fashion through all the different circles of hell. Part roller-coaster, part edutainment, part gratuitous excess…it could be great!
…especially the gratuitous excess part.
wait, did I say that out loud?
I’ve never made the mistake of actually reading 2 Kings before. Here’s the bit w/ Elisha and the kids:
2 Kings
I find it incredibly disturbing that Elisha’s fucking itinerary deserves mention the verse after he caused the dismemberment and death of 42 children. “What did I do this weekend? Well, Friday night I pushed some old lady in front of a bus, and then on Saturday Jen and I went to that new mexican restaurant…”
@#136 pcarini —
Reminds me of the moral priorities of the Left Behind novels.
Yeah, and it could have impersonators playing all of the cool and interesting people that should, according to most Xian interpretation, be in Hell: Bill Hicks, Douglas Adams, Kurt Vonnegut – oh, and just about anyone with any musical talent whatsoever.
And waterslides. It’s got to have waterslides – call it The River Styx.
Um…both? I mean, seriously, this takes “cognitive dissonance” to new heights.
@#139 Ryan Egesdahl —
That seems to be the majority opinion based on the poll I created in comment #78.
Results so far:
Oblivious: 2
Stupid: 3
Practitioners of the only True Religion: 2
Oblivious and stupid: 34
Don’t know: 0
Cognitive dissonance has to be part and parcel of standard Xianity as far as I can tell – with this lot you’ve got to throw in a hefty dose of egocentrism as well.
Etha Williams
Ick. Just… ick. I’d heard about them, of course, but that’s the first I’ve seen how horrible the writing is. A perfect match for the concept, I guess. They must get some sort of spiritual S&M hardon by writing that glibly about most everybody’s death.
And seriously, “Rayford Steele” and “Buck Williams”? Too bad they didn’t choose “Ray Follocks” instead.. then I could at least make juvenile “Buck & Follocks” jokes.
Cognitive dissonance has to be part and parcel of standard Xianity as far as I can tell
yes, but it’s symptomatic IMO.
this is all opinion based on observation over the last 5 years or so:
the underlying issue is the need to compartmentalize the beliefs of protestant xianity (in it’s various and many sects) from actual reality.
that RESULTS in cognitive dissonance, which can get very bad if:
1. the disparity between opposing worldviews is really great
and
2. one has a poor ability to compartmentalize to begin with.
It’s a grand sliding scale, however.
I see both Ken Miller and Francis Collins using their own writing to deal with varying levels of dissonance.
both are human exceptionalists to a greater or lesser degree (especially Collins), and both work hard to reconcile that with observable reality.
However, they still more or less subjugate their xian worldview to that of observable reality. Miller better than Collins, as he has modified his xian worldview to ease the dissonance. Collins is trying the opposite: ignoring parts of reality (like what we know about altruism from animal behavior, and what we have learned about the human mind and cognition) to ease his xian worldview.
the creobots, OTOH, have basically abandoned trying to compartmentalize, and have essentially allowed their xian worldview to trump observable reality completely.
how to tell just how bad it is?
easy:
look at the amount of denial and projection employed as psychological defense mechanisms.
the more fragile the mind itself perceives the “structural integrity” of the rationalizations maintaining a workable dissonance, the more stringent and regular the defense mechanisms become.
I’m sure you’ve seen posters around these parts that appear to basically do nothing but project.
that’s a bad sign.
That said, the atheist has only one worldview on this scale.
makes life much easier.
conclusion:
Atheism is healthy for your mind.
on a totally off topic rant…
my brain appears to really hate that I can’t use “it’s” as possessive.
I mean, if i can say: “cat’s cradle”, why for fuck’s sake when I substitute the pronoun, can I not maintain the possessive:
“it’s cradle”
?
infuriating rule.
…and don’t tell me it’s because of the use of “it’s” as a contraction, because as with most things in language, context matters.
DAMNIT! that’s my undergrad university town…middle TN state university…largest uni in the state. and a pretty good one.
but we did have our share of crazies…posting the 10 commandments in the courthouse in murfreesboro, campus crusade for christ nutjobs bringing in all sorts of freaks, a publication house called ‘sword of the lord’, and even our very own ID advocate in the form of a physics professor named Eric Klumpe!(who, of course, just had to ask questions about the irreducible complexity of the eye when people like Massimo Pigliucci gave seminars…as well as recently participating in debates post-expelled)
btw, I actually do know why its doesn’t need an apostrophe (as a possessive pronoun).
I still felt it was worthy of a rant, simply because I mistype it so often.
:P
Why Rutherford County? Because it’s close to the buckle of the bleeping Bible Belt, and the whackballs who are building this abomination know their demographic, that’s why……..
If you read the rest, you’ll learn that this thing is taking fundamentalist, literalist reading of the Christian bible entirely for granted…how this translates into an absence of theology or specific religious beliefs is hard to understand …
It is something of a puzzler, but my (ex) fundy background can help. Basically accepting Jesus as your saviour is not a religious undertaking, its a way of life. Nonsense of course, but it reads well and is superfically profound. Basically it’s a marketing ploy to differentiate brand X lunacy from everything else.
It’s also far from original, it’s cross pollination from Islam, they started this whole business of “it’s not a religion, it’s a way of life” way back in the 7th century, and you have to admit, it is catchy.
Nope! That wasn’t me.
I love this idea. This rocks!
The only thing I would change is the money made
from this should go to poor people and charities.
I think I will drop a note in the comments on there
about doing that.
I just wish I could visit it. I am a long ways away in Cali and prices as they are a going to get steep.
I got tired of Magic Mountain and Disney Land.
It was cool at first when I moved from New York City
to Los Angeles.
I think I will drop a note in the comments on there
about doing that.
yes do that.
….and STAY THERE.
I once got into an argument with a born-again type who strenuously maintained that his church was the only one who didn’t “interpret” the Bible in any way. Trying to point out to him that it’s actually impossible to read a written text of any kind without interpreting it was like talking to a wall.
I blame poor literacy. Their reading comprehension is so poor that they haven’t actually noticed that there’s always more that one way to interpret something.
okay, dropped in my comments about helping the poor.
We shall see what I get back (if anything).
I also told them that we need one on the West Coast.
I really hope that once that one grows we can have one out here somewhere. That would be great!
People so stupid that they do not know that the Bible is a particular religious ideology… or so cynical that they hope the paying public will be too dumb to notice.
I can’t decide which these folk are.
Most likely stupid.
Yes! Me too! Especially if it had real flames!
Kenny manages to find gainful employment at the park.
P.A. system: “There is a wet spill at the Onan-a-Whirl”
Kenny, lugging a mop and a squirt bottle of 409: “Aw, shit”
[cross-post from the clown car thread]
Kenny:
Kenny, the one who cannot read is YOU.
Opinions are not facts.
You made an erroneous statement, have been corrected, yet cannot adjust your thinking accordingly – and worse, cannot even admit it, and instead resort to attacking those patient enough to bring these oversights to your attention.
This behavior of yours has become a theme.
You lack the two ingredients essential to the makeup of a man of integrity: courage and honesty. And yet you have the gall to criticize other people here – without any evidence upon which to base your criticism, of course – for selfishness, lack of morals, lack of compassion, lack of literacy, lack of education, and lack of sense.
Oh yes, and for propagation of hatred. All this from you, who unhesitatingly propagate negative sterotypes of atheists and would happily keep them in boxes, you who would deny homosexuals their civil rights, all while whining about how everybody here wants to kill people like you – again, with no evidence to suggest this might be even remotely true.
Attend to your own house, you gabbling limpet. You have quite a bit of cleaning to do.
Kenny @ #152
You need a place in CA for a twin park?
How about Death Valley…
Kenny @ #149:
So, did you not notice the blatant lying about the park’s religious nature? Or do you not see anything wrong with Lying For Jesus™?
And do you not see any problem with stealing tax money to finance the construction?
First, before I begin – Poe’s is possibly in effect in your post. Also, because I can’t fucking stand it when people don’t have the decency to respect others’ time when writing and proofing their posts, I’ve highlighted you numerous errors below. They give an insight into the care you take in presenting your argument, and likely the care with which you internally formulated them. Afterwards, I’ll go ahead and critique your post because I am filled with intolerance for your type of person – the non-persecuted with a persecution complex.
Now:
Cinderella is not for everyone, certainly. No one, however, is claiming that the story of Cinderella is literally true. Thus, the two parks have different focus – one attempts to entertain, the other intends to indoctrinate.
Yes, it is typical that atheists/rationalists can see through the bias and propaganda of the planners of this ‘park’. Disneyland does not attempt to promote a false view of the world, debunked for over a century, to impressionable children as reality.
You expect respect, yet have nothing respectable to say. We are under no obligation to respect you and frankly that your atheist friend “respects” your opinion is likely similar to the way he agrees, (to paraphrase a famous rationalist whose name I forget) that your “wife is pretty and your children, smart”.
Why should I respect you or your opinions? You didn’t take the time to present your argument well, and even looking past that your argument fails to demand respect. Thusly, I do not respect your opinion. I don’t respect it any more than I respect the opinions of those who think we didn’t go to the moon or that they are the reincarnation of an Egyptian queen.
Do you have a right to hold those opinions? In principle, yes you do. You also – by holding an unfounded opinion in spite of the evidence – will be called on it anytime you bring it up.
Now, if your post was a “Poe’s Law” example, I can only say Bravo on a convincing portrayal of someone “stupid,moronic, and idiotic”.
As bad as this is, can it really compare to Golgotha Fun Park, the #1 shaded Biblical Mini-Golf in the United States?
http://world-o-crap.com/blog/?m=20070610
I stumbled on this place while visiting nearby Mammoth Cave National Park. Pity was closed down a few months before my visit.
I wonder if they’ll play both kinds of music at the park, country and western, to satisfy everyones taste in music.
Kenny,
Your writing and spelling skills called. They still stand by the break up and would like you to return their belongings.
Ummm…. Since when did bringing stories from the Holy Bible not indicate promotion of a specific religious belief, namely Christianity? True, it might not be promoting a single sect of Christianity, but by focusing on stories from the Holy Bible, it automatically disregards Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, shamanism, Shinto, Taoism, Confucianism, and a plethora of other religions not found in the “Holy Lands.” It might also not focus on other religions in the Eastern Mediterranean, except on how these other civilizations (and their religions) happened to impinge upon a particular peoples that had carved out a small kingdom for themselves on the far eastern shore of the aforementioned area.
No, OF COURSE the museum is being non-religious. RIGHT. And I’m the Pope.
@#158 phantomreader42 —
Maybe he saw it as the park’s OPINION.
This is the funniest thread I’ve seen since PZ got booted from Expelled!
Oh, hells yeah! Just think how much bigger California is than Tenessee (or Kentucky for that matter.) Yes, I’m a Californian.
Thank you; thankyouverymuch.
That’s Our Kenny!
Why don’t you see? The park takes no position on the distinction between homoiousis and homoousis. How much more religiously tolerant can you get? :)
I think that would be obvious. Its one day’s drive from the 75% of the US they are not going to stuff into train cars and take to newly built versions of Gitmo, once they manage to replace the 50 stars on the flag with 50 crosses, print “god” on everything, replace the constitution with a copy of the ten commandments, which they won’t follow, and declare a, “national day of book burnin.”, to go with their national day of sticking their heads up their asses, and hoping for things to happen.
A study here some years ago found that believers are on average fatter than the irreligious. The scientists behind it suggested that since believers tend not to dance, drink, etc overeating is their fallback vice.
(Personally, I’m inclined to think the true explanation is indirect – think, frex, of the well known negative correlations between religiosity and education and between obesity and education. But that’s not half as funny.)
All they need to do for their R&D is watch the Simpsons episode called “I’m Goin’ to Praiseland”.
http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/gallery/image.php?image=promo/cabf15.gif
Hey may I point something out? This park is in the very very early planning stages, not in Tennessee but in New York. Tennesseans have nothing to do with this park except for fighting about whether they want it, the resulting future tax revenue and tourist dollars or not. If it were not for the future tax revenue it would be a non-starter.
From a similar theme park called ‘The Holy Land Experience’, check out this picture of a blood soaked Jesus being paraded through the streets.
http://www.theholylandexperience.com/images/A2004.jpg
Just what the kiddies need to top off their vacation memories. Are these people sick or what?
Here’s another idea for a roaming bible character/mascot .
How about a guy (or 2) in a donkey suit wandering around chatting to the punters, pretending to be Baalim’s ass?
Or how about a real donkey with a cassette player strapped to it’s head blasting out bible verses?
Another idea for a roaming mascot.
How about a guy wandering around naked and barefoot, pretending to be the prophet Isaiah? (Isaiah 20:2-4)
How about a Sodom and Gomorrah obstacle course where they rain down fire and brimstone on you.
If you make it to the end, you get to watch some old guy dressed up as Lot, having sex with two girls who are young enough to be his daughters.
(For adults only. Proof of age may be required.)