Cooties, girls’ germs, and your precious bodily fluids


Michael Hanscom gets a very amusing advertisement:

THE PROBLEM IS NOT TESTOSTERONE – The Problem Is That You Are Being Deluged with Female Hormones. You Are Being Feminized and You Don’t Even Know It.

It’s for one of those fake ‘natural male enhancement’ products, but it has an interesting premise: that your impotency problems are not your fault, but a consequence of the flood of estrogen entering our drinking water. You need Estro-Blaster to blast the estrogen out of your system. This product looks like total bunkum, but I had to admire the ad copy — if I were a completely unethical, greedy slime-weasel, I’d want to invest in this company. It does a beautiful job of tapping right into certain male fears.

First of all, it is based on a grain of truth — we are flushing lots of estrogen and compounds that mimic estrogen (like atrazine, a common herbicide out here in rural areas) into our rivers. This does have known feminization effects on some wildlife, and it’s not a good thing. However, no effect on humans has been reported yet. One good reason for our resistance is that we’re mammals. The feminization effects have been found in frogs and fish, egg-layers, and have their influence at the time of differentiation of the sexual organs. We mammalian males are already adapted to develop those organs while bathed in the estrogen-rich environment of our mothers.

The ad claims to have compounds that “blast” estrogen. Such chemicals do exist — there are estrogen antagonists like clomiphene and tamoxifen that work against estrogen, and I’ve heard that some body-builders even take these things out of fear of the softening effects of estrogen on their musculature. It doesn’t sound sensible to me — these compounds do have side effects, and the relative amount of testosterone vs estrogen in these people’s bodies would mean they’d need to take massive amounts to be effective. And seriously, this ad is by a bunch of scam artists; I doubt that there’s anything with any serious potency anywhere in their little pills. That would cost money.

But the real strength of these ads has to be the appeal to macho paranoia. This is the kind of claim that would make Jack D. Ripper wet his pants. It’s a contaminant in the drinking water? Check. It pollutes the precious bodily fluids? Check. It has the possibility of conflicting with one’s hormonal masculinity? Check. Now add that it is spread by the effluvia of women (and agribusiness, but forget that), and harkens back to our childhood tales of “girls’ germs,” and you’ve got a potent source of dread…it just replaces the communist conspiracy with the feminist agenda. And nowadays that seems to drive the right-wing even more wacky than the old fears of reds under the beds.

I bet the Estro-Blaster con artists are making buckets of money on this product. I’m a little envious.

But I’d still never use the stuff.

Comments

  1. Alverant says

    The hummer I see most often is at a parking garage in a city where the worst hill is the ramp to said garage. Those things are just a status symbol to 99% of the population.

  2. W. Kevin Vicklund says

    Or, as I once heard in a comedienne’s schtick (referencing old men driving sports cars):

    “Sorry about your penis!”

  3. Lago says

    I live near the burbs, and as I went into a store down the street one day I saw, a Station-Wagon, a Volvo, a Volvo Minivan, a Range-Rover, and a Hummer all lined up next to one another.

    I suddenly realized I was looking at the evolutionary tree of Soccer-moms

  4. says

    I suddenly realized I was looking at the evolutionary tree of Soccer-moms

    Maybe more like, the increased use of marketing knowledge about how people think to create and foster ridiculous desires?

  5. rootlesscosmo says

    “Have you ever seen a Commie drink water, Mandrake?’

    “Why no, Jack, I can’t say that I have.”

  6. Unstable Isotope says

    I’ve read about a link between phthalates (found in plastics) and male development. Now this is pre-natal not post-natal exposure, so it may be different. I do think the large amount of chemicals we are putting in our environment are an issue. The product they are trying to sell is snake oil, however.

    The Rochester team, who examined 134 boys, found women with higher levels of phthalate-related chemicals in their blood were more likely to give birth to boys with undescended, or small testicles, small penises, or a shorter distance than usual between the genitals and anus.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4585603.stm

  7. Lago says

    Lago said: “I suddenly realized I was looking at the evolutionary tree of Soccer-moms”

    MAJeff said: “Maybe more like, the increased use of marketing knowledge about how people think to create and foster ridiculous desires?”

    Difference?

  8. Science Goddess says

    I actually went to Hanscom’s site to check this out. He references http://www.FreeRepublic.com which links the flood of hormones in meat, milk, and chicken to early onset of puberty. Someone else said that bGH doesn’t cross react with primate receptors so there’s no danger. Upon further searching, I found that bGH induces IGF-1 which does cross-react with the human receptor (http://www.jbc.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/2/569). Also an article from Env Health Perspectives (http://www.ehponline.org/members/2005/113-10/spheres.html)references the contamination of environmental water with waste hormones. So the influx of hormones into our diet isn’t entirely smoke and mirrors.

    Great marketing, though.

  9. says

    The Rochester team, who examined 134 boys, found women with higher levels of phthalate-related chemicals in their blood were more likely to give birth to boys with undescended, or small testicles, small penises, or a shorter distance than usual between the genitals and anus.

    Lord knows we can’t have that.

  10. Sili says

    Red under the bed vs. red on the sheets. Commies, feminists – the puns abound. Once upon a time we talked of “Russians in the fun house”.

    Ah well.

  11. says

    That’s why I say there is a grain of truth to what they claim — there really are more estrogens and estrogen agonists floating about in the environment now, and it has very severe consequences for anamniotes. Whether it has direct consequences for us amniotes is an open question.

    Some of their arguments are ludicrous, though. Their point about increasing numbers of surgeries for man-boob reduction, for instance, says more about obesity than feminization.

  12. says

    Their point about increasing numbers of surgeries for man-boob reduction, for instance, says more about obesity than feminization.

    Do they say more about obesity or the rising acceptance of plastic surgery, even among men?

  13. Janine says

    Silly me, I was under the impression that estrogen could be broken down to testosterone. I will state this up front, I do not have a background in any of the sciences. (That is why I really do not comment on the science content, I am assuming that at least 95% of the regulars here know a lot more than I do. And I dislike arguing from ignorance.) Am I mistaken?

  14. says

    Yes, these steroidal hormones are all closely related, and all are synthesized from cholesterol. There is an enzyme, an aromatase, that converts testosterone into estradiol. The reverse reaction, from estradiol to testosterone, is not the dominant one, though; most testosterone is made from androstenediol and androstenedione precursors.

    Males and females are busily making both testosterone and estrogens — we just differ in relative amounts.

  15. Col Bat-Guano says

    You’re going to have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company for that post, Myers. You’re obviously a godless prevert, and you’re leading some kind of conspiracy of godless preverts.

    * * *

    Sort of ironic that we used to say “Better dead than red” about the Commie menace… and now we say it about the Republican menace. Or is it? Is red the color of godless liberalism, or of totalitarianism? Enquiring minds (which obviously excludes almost everyone currently “working” at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) want to know!

  16. says

    There is something in the waters
    That can turn my sons to daughters?
    I’m so happy that this flyer came to tell me of this fact!
    Every smoothie that we’ve blendered
    Means they’re halfway to transgendered!
    Every second now is precious–it is time for us to act!

    Time to panic, and I’m thinking
    That the water I’ve been drinking
    Is a chemical castration, and a feminazi plan!
    I drink water like Niagara
    As I wash down my Viagra;
    Now I see why it’s not working, and I’m still a little man.

    Time to buy some Estro-Blaster
    And to hope the mail comes faster–
    ‘Cos I’m worried that perhaps it may already be too late:
    I’m not thinking with my penis,
    I’ve abandoned Mars for Venus–
    And I find I’m moody, ’bout a week before I menstruate.

    http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2007/11/estro-blaster-help-me.html

  17. madaha says

    Soon my eviiiil plan for total female global domination will be complete! We will simply turn all the men into women! WHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! (diabolical laughter)

  18. darwinfish says

    I’m surprised it wasn’t being argued that the scary estrogens are making kids gay.

    its odd though…estrogens are actually essential to masculinizing the brain. I did a short paper on phytoestrogens, which you can find in plants like soy, and the research I read found that it defeminized female sexual behaviour (in hamsters). That of course could be a huge problem for researchers if the chow they use for their rodents is high in phytoestrogens and they don’t account for the effects.

  19. JohnnieCanuck, FCD says

    Cuttlefish, you are precious beyond pearls. That was absolutely marvelous.

    Thanks.

  20. speedwell says

    Hooray for Cuttlefish, O.M.!!

    Don’t be too sure this drug is not hurting anyone, folks. Such drugs often contain actual medicines, though perhaps not the active ingredients you would expect. Additionally, imagine the desperate breast cancer sufferer who can’t afford tamoxifen or whose cancer is not estrogen dependent, but who thinks an estrogen blocker might help because of what they’d heard. Remember men can get breast cancer also, even the estrogen dependent kind, and their needs may be overlooked a bit in the flurry of pink ribbons.

  21. David Marjanović, OM says

    and harkens back to our childhood tales of “girls’ germs”

    Culture shock! Please tell me one of those. I had no idea…

    Upon further searching, I found that bGH induces IGF-1 which does cross-react with the human receptor (http://www.jbc.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/2/569). Also an article from Env Health Perspectives (http://www.ehponline.org/members/2005/113-10/spheres.html)references the contamination of environmental water with waste hormones.

    Maybe that’s why the use of hormones on cattle is forbidden in the EU…

    Is red the color of godless liberalism, or of totalitarianism?

    Hey, hey. Communism is not liberal. It is totalitarian.

    Of course, Socialists tend to use red, too, but have they ever been called a Red Menace?

  22. David Marjanović, OM says

    and harkens back to our childhood tales of “girls’ germs”

    Culture shock! Please tell me one of those. I had no idea…

    Upon further searching, I found that bGH induces IGF-1 which does cross-react with the human receptor (http://www.jbc.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/2/569). Also an article from Env Health Perspectives (http://www.ehponline.org/members/2005/113-10/spheres.html)references the contamination of environmental water with waste hormones.

    Maybe that’s why the use of hormones on cattle is forbidden in the EU…

    Is red the color of godless liberalism, or of totalitarianism?

    Hey, hey. Communism is not liberal. It is totalitarian.

    Of course, Socialists tend to use red, too, but have they ever been called a Red Menace?

  23. David Harmon says

    Bah, Cuttlefish, you’ve mindwormed me with that rhythm! What’s the original template for that, I feel like I ought to know it!

    And yeah, that ad’s total male panic!

  24. Hal says

    When Cuttlefish’s collected works hit the bookstores (which I hope is soon enough to capture their topical genius and make him/her/it a bundle), this one ought to feature prominently.

  25. Natasha Yar-Routh says

    Darwinfish,

    It has been argued that all those estrogens are making men gay. Specifically some religious nut case said that all the soy products were ‘feminizing’ men and turning them gay.

    Is it any wonder that satire is getting so hard to do?

  26. noodlesoup says

    As mentioned by a previous poster, the oversized SUV craze is primarily driven by the suburban mommy types. I would assume that the psychology involved is a combination of “protection” and a desire for “dominance” driven by a fear of the world in general. Much like the “safety moms” discussed in previous elections who simply wanted “daddy” (in this case, Bush) to protect them from their irrational fears at any cost. For suburban daddies, I assume the SUV is the lesser of two evils as they are required to choose between the minivan styled diaper-wagon or the sport-utility styled diaper-wagon. Other than the occasional Rap video featuring an H2 or Caddy-SUV these vehicles are invariably associated with a married suburban lifestyle which also ties into urban flight, safety, and fear.

  27. Janine says

    All of this talk about the nasty estrogens making all if the manly men gay. But I have one question, what about all the bears running around. Not a girly bunch yet they still seem to be evil without the chemical contaminants.
    (A joke. I am queer. Don’t want charges of homophobia.)

  28. Nix says

    madaha@#24, I’m afraid when I see this I’m reminded of the opposite, a tale from the most unreliable of narrators of a last desperate plan to turn all women into men. (I refer, of course, to Cordwainer Smith’s scarily brilliant _The Crime and the Glory of Commander Suzdal_, which is, of course, not true.)

  29. says

    All of this talk about the nasty estrogens making all if the manly men gay. But I have one question, what about all the bears running around. Not a girly bunch yet they still seem to be evil without the chemical contaminants.
    (A joke. I am queer. Don’t want charges of homophobia.)

    Bear-fu is strong.

  30. PipeUp says

    May I also add my praise to Cuttlefish for his/her succinct and delightful summary. I raise my foretentacles in respect.

  31. says

    As others have pointed out, we ARE being exposed to lots of xenoestrogens on a regular basis, and there is research suggesting this is leading to early puberty in girls and infertility in men.

    That said, not knowing what is in the product makes it hard to say if it is crap. There are several supplements on the market, mostly aimed at weight lifters and bodybuilders, that do help the body excrete estrogen or simply prevent it from binding to receptors. Most of these are borderline legal after the recent crackdown on prohormones.

    As far as bodybuilders using aromatase inhibitors (and other anti-estrogens) — you bet they do. Many bodybuilders are using 1,000 to 3,000 miligrams of steroids a week — so they have HIGH test levels. Too much test in the body gets converted to estrodiol, as someone else pointed out. High levels of estrodiol cause gynecomastia (bitch tits, in gym lingo) in men. So they use tamoxifen, aminoglutethimide, and/or anastrozole, as well as clomid (the weakest of the lot).

    Anyway, the marketing ploy is brilliant, but it’s unlikely they are selling anything more than a bunch of herbs that do nothing.

  32. Cat Faber says

    But the real strength of these ads has to be the appeal to macho paranoia.

    Right. Because everybody knows that girls have girl cooties. And you know what happens if you get too many girl cooties? You turn into a girl! I ought to know; that’s what happened to me.

  33. says

    Doesn’t a higher level of fat promote more conversion of testosterone into estrogen (which promotes more fat buildup…)? So if men who were paranoid about this got rid of the beer gut, they’d probably be doing a lot more to “evade the estrogens” than this bunk product would.

    Also, if men were really worried about the onslaught of eeeevil estrogens, it would probably be easier and cheaper to just avoid eating conventionally farmed meat and dairy; I know the jury is still out on that, but would be a more sensible first step than this.

    Marketing like this is almost as unfair as waving breasts in front of men to get them to buy products, simply unsporting.

  34. Azkyroth says

    It does a beautiful job of tapping right into certain male fears.

    Marketing like this is almost as unfair as waving breasts in front of men to get them to buy products, simply unsporting.

    Odd; I’m male, and I can’t relate to either of these sentiments.

  35. Bride of Shrek says

    You know we women won’t rest until you all have vaginas so just submit ok and get it over with. Look at the bright side, you’ll have your own pair of boobs to ogle whenever you like.

  36. Rjaye says

    Girl cooties! So that’s what happened to me!! My testicles just haven’t descended!

    And yes, I loves me some cuttlefish. S/he needs a chapbook with appropriate illos…

  37. Colugo says

    http://www.ourstolenfuture.org/

    Foreword by Al Gore to the 1996 book
    http://www.ourstolenfuture.org/goreforeword.htm

    “Our Stolen Future takes up where Carson left off and reviews a large and growing body of scientific evidence linking synthetic chemicals to aberrant sexual development and behavioral and reproductive problems. Although much of the evidence these scientific studies review is for animal populations and ecological effects, there are important implications for human health as well. …

    Today, reports in leading medical journals point ominously to hormone- disrupting chemicals’ effects on our fertility–on our children. …

    Although scientists are just beginning to explore the implications of this research, initial animal and human studies link these chemicals to myriad effects, including low sperm counts; infertility; genital deformities; hormonally triggered human cancers, such as those of the breast and prostate gland; neurological disorders in children, such as hyperactivity and deficits in attention; and developmental and reproductive problems in wildlife.”

    OK, that was 11 years ago. But I think the jury’s still out on environmental endocrine disruptors. Sure, it’s been overhyped, but I wouldn’t dismiss it as insecure male gynophobia either.

  38. says

    The hummer I see most often is at a parking garage in a city…

    Posted by: Alverant

    Man… You’ve really got to make sure to capitalize correctly in a sentence like that.

  39. Susan says

    I expect that the product is snake-oil, but estrogen does have effects on humans, particularly during foetal development. In the past, the synthetic estrogen diethylstibestrol was prescribed in pregnancy. This is now known to have been a really bad idea. In adult males, regular doses of Premarin will typically cause reduction of sex drive.

    It’s another matter whether there’s enough in the water supply to make a difference, of course. Even if you eat U.S. farmed meat, your hormone intake is likely a lot less than taking .625mg Premarin daily. (Actually, it would be interesting to know what the ratio is).

  40. says

    Dan(#48)

    I had found a link to a YouTube video for a song “Can We Get Hummers in Heaven.” I clicked on the link and called the kids over to watch it with me on my computer. I thought it was an environmentalist spoof.

    Within a few minutes I had some ‘splaining to do.

  41. David Marjanović, OM says

    So if men who were paranoid about this got rid of the beer gut, they’d probably be doing a lot more to “evade the estrogens” than this bunk product would.

    There is an estrogen analog in hop… it’s said to contribute to the beer gut.

    100 years ago hop tea was recommended against male masturbation.

  42. David Marjanović, OM says

    So if men who were paranoid about this got rid of the beer gut, they’d probably be doing a lot more to “evade the estrogens” than this bunk product would.

    There is an estrogen analog in hop… it’s said to contribute to the beer gut.

    100 years ago hop tea was recommended against male masturbation.

  43. jeff says

    all men and women have estrogen and testosterone. men have more testosterone and women have more estrogen. silly ads.

  44. rb says

    Earlier today while listening to my favorite gangster rap playlist on the internet I noticed that most of the songs were from the 90’s, even hardcore rappers have gone soft they went from using phrases like “bitches ain’t shit” to “wifey”, how fukin’ gay is that using cute nicknames or endearing terms.

  45. says

    We are jealous of alpha males because they have much more satisfying sex lives then us. Admit it! They drive nice cars, go get drunk, pick up random hot girls, have their way, then us loser end up dating those girls.

  46. says

    We are jealous of alpha males because they have much more satisfying sex lives then us. Admit it! They drive nice cars, go get drunk, pick up random hot girls, have their way, then us loser end up dating those girls.

    Please, I end up sleeping with the alpha males. You can keep the girls.

    But, I’m also enough of a size queen to know to avoid the alpha males with Hummers.

  47. says

    Not endorsing the product, but sperm counts have declined by over 50% in recent decades. and the frogs have gone funny.

    pthalates and estromimics aren’t to be laughed off, unless you are HUGE EPENIS GUY FROM THE INTERNET.

  48. Azkyroth says

    Will someone pretty please explain to me why declining sperm counts are a bad thing when it comes to a massively overpopulated species?

  49. says

    Will someone pretty please explain to me why declining sperm counts are a bad thing when it comes to a massively overpopulated species?

    Because, uh…look, Bigfoot!

  50. Lurchgs says

    Damn –

    FedEx said they can’t return the check I sent to these guys.. but with these new huge muscles, maybe I can beat it out of them.

  51. says

    Aren’t these hormones coming from the gazillions of ocean choking plastic bottles that contain our overpriced water? There was an interesting interview with Mark Shapiro (author of “Exposed”) on NPR yesterday. Shapiro is an investigative reporter who looked at all the wicked carcinogens and other compounds in all the plastic products that inundate our society, that are turning up in our blood. He points out that the EU is better at keeping these compounds in check because they don’t allow campaign contributions and their health care system is a government entity and they don’t want to pay for the health care costs 10 years down the road.

  52. KarenV says

    < >

    Yep, phytoestrogens from hops in beer are fairly high, so the beer gut gets them two ways, the estrogens and the fat. So much for macho bars full of guys with beer bellies and man tits.

    Mix the phytoestrogens and the xenoestrogens in plastic bottles, microwave containers and pesticides, and no wonder we have declining sperm counts.